A
female
age
26-29,
*oreverdreaming
writes:I'm bisexual, and I have a girlfriend, and no one really knows. I feel like I want to tell my friends and people, but I'm so scared that they will see me differently after I tell them. Any help on what I should do? I'm so confused. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (13 February 2015):
 Would you feel the need to tell all your family and friends you were purely heterosexual? I don't think so. So why do you feel the need to announce to the world what your private sexual feelings are?
I am bisexual. Of course back when I was your age it was NOT cool to be anything other than heterosexual. NO ONE discussed their sexual orientation and if we did it was gay or straight and it was very very private. MY brother told me at 13 (1976) that he was gay... that was the last we spoke of it till he was 21 and my father was told...
I had experiences with girls but it was what is now called "on the down low" and never considered myself bisexual until my 40's. I still don't always mention it since I am married now and my husband and I have forsaken all others.
I don't see a need for you to announce it to anyone other than your (potential) partner (who you are dating or interested in dating)
Do you feel the need to tell as a way to "validate" your feelings?
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (13 February 2015):
 Once you start using labels, it will affect how people see you. My advice for people like you is to not focus on your label. At your age, your sexuality is like wet cement. It's forming and fluid. Nothing is set in stone, and you're exploring. In fact, there are very few people out there who are ALL straight or ALL gay, especially at a young age.
If you wear a label too young, the label tends to shape you instead of the other way around. It's kind of like when you put a plant into too small of a pot. It restricts growth and can tend to stifle true sexuality because it is limiting.
I think you should focus on the fact that you have a girlfriend, which is a tangible state of being. You never mentioned your family's view on homosexuality, which will play a huge part in how your life will be after coming out.
If your family has a tolerant view, it will take some adjustment, but they'll still love and accept you for you. It's possible they may think you're going through a phase, but your love towards your girlfriend is a universal language, and time is your friend in this case.
However, if your family has a real antipathy, religious or cultural taboo toward homosexuality, then you have a much rougher road, in which case I'd recommend waiting until you've moved out and become independent before coming out to them.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 February 2015): Being your age, they most likely will think you're going through a phase or something. You are pretty young; so it might be a little tough getting them to believe you are sure of your sexual-orientation. Especially if you tell them you're bisexual!
It's best to speak to your parents first. That way, no one else gets to jump the gun and spring it on them before you do. For the time-being, I honestly think you should wait another year. That way they can't attribute your true nature to "confusion." I knew I was gay when I was twelve, but it took me years to come to terms with it myself. I had to learn to deal with those who couldn't handle it. It might be a little tough for you to do at your age.
If you have an easy-going family who isn't very conservative in their values, you should let them know.
Don't go spring it on them in the middle of a wedding or family party. Take your time so they can absorb it and give you a reaction that won't traumatize you. If you're scared, that means you're not quite able to handle a bad reaction.
For the most part, if you're not dating boys; they'll figure something's up.
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