A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Am I wrong for being angry at my partner for watching female solo masturbation?I am fine with him watching normal porn, as I do too.. BUT I feel watching a solo (gorgeous) girl masturbate and orgasm is a little different.. It has really hurt me and I don't know how to approach the situation.Thanks
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2015): When I saw the title of this question, I thought it would be about extreme forms of porn based on rape, gangbangs, shemales, etc. Lol. I think what your bf is watching is quite "natural" as far as pornos go and could be much worse. Much, much, much worse.
I can see what everyone says about having to just accept it and move on. But if your personal quirk is that solo porn is totally offensive while partnered porn is fine, it doesn't seem like a big sacrifice on his part to switch to something similar like lesbian porn, for example. (Some guys are like me and don't want to see men in porn.) You can see if he's willing to do that.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2015): I know that at times my boyfriend looks at porn. At times that we are away from each other or we are both busy and there is distance between us for whatever reason.While I have noticed that he has looked at porno based on the sex related links showing up on his browser history, I have never actually looked to see specifically what he looks at. Frankly, I don't want to know. And I could care less the content of it. Porno is porno. It's all the same to me. I think the only time it becomes objectionable is if it is of a nefarious nature such as child pornography. But our sex life is good and it is our priority to each other well above pornography. I think when porno becomes a problem is when it starts to interfere with your sex life. I think rather than banning him from watching certain types of porn, you'd be better off allowing him his privacy. I wouldn't want someone I am dating regulating my fantasies and what I choose to look at on the internet when I am alone. That is controlling. I'll admit though if I were at home watching a video of a guy wacking off and getting turned on and my boyfriend found out, he wouldn't like it. It would bother him and I am sure he would feel inadequate. But that is precisely why we don't make porno part of our relationship or talk about it openly. Or spy on each other's private internet activity. I think as long as your sex life is good, you are getting what you want, you feel satisfied and you are happy I don't think you should be spying on his private activities.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2015): His focus is strictly on the solo female, her anatomy, and her self-stimulation to orgasm. No other distractions. He doesn't need a guy in the picture. You see guys in almost 99% of porn. Perhaps "spying" on a girl masturbating is his real turn-on.
Stop projecting, comparing, and associating his pleasure with you, to the obscure and emotionally-detached pleasure derived from a totally objectified image on a video. You are a living and breathing person. That's what makes porn different for men from women. Men do not associate or compare the image with anything. It is simply an image to get-off on. The only connection with the figure on the screen is visual; and to satisfy the voyeuristic appetite.
Once he has ejaculated, the image loses value. She's easily replaceable, and she disappears at the push of button.
That uninhibited "I'll do anything for cash" exhibitionist appearing on the screens of thousands of masturbating people; is not what you wish you had instead of your girlfriend, boyfriend, husband, or wife. In fact, you might even be a bit turned-off (if not disgusted) if your mate did everything sexually that the imagination can conceive. That's what porn is for. Sometimes you can do spicy things for him, but his level of respect for you may not give the same kind of pleasure as someone he cares nothing about.
Part of the guilty-pleasure is the lack of respect for the performer.
Keep things in proper context and perspective; and you'll be okay. He can distinguish fantasy from reality, I hope.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 February 2015):
 You can object til the cows come home, and it won't make a difference.
YOU don't "own" the right to dictate what kind of porn your BF watches. HE doesn't "own" the right to dictate what kind YOU watch. (if you watch)
Maybe consider that your BF likes watching girls solo masturbate because they ACTUALLY orgasm, unlike in "normal porn" (as you call it) where it's NOT really about the woman's pleasure. IT's about show a man "doing " a woman in x amount of position and then ending with HIS orgasm/ejaculation. The female is JUST a prop to highlight that. Could be he is ACTUALLY paying attention to WHAT she DOES to get herself off in order to be a better lover?
HOW the women look in porn is not really the issue here, YOUR insecurities are. The fact that you WANT to control what he can jerk off to, screams insecurities.
IF you don't want to KNOW what porn he watches (and hopefully he only watches it when not WITH you) then DO NOT look. Don't search his history or snoop on his phone. Ask him to CLEAR his history, if you share computer.
He will watch porn whether you like it or not.
YOU are making HIS taste in porn ABOUT you. It's not. He isn't sitting looking at these "gorgeous" ladies thinking OH I wish my GF looked like that, had boobs like that or a snatch like that... If ANYTHING he is looking at that thinking DAMNED if my GF would put on a show like THAT for me, I would be a lucky lucky guy.
Personally, I don't watch porn. I'm pretty anti porn industry. I think it objectify women as walking vaginas and sexual props and I find that sad. And I think a LOT of porn out there IS degrading to women, and that is pretty sad too.
My husband watches porn. Pretty tame stuff, but I believe that he can watch whatever porn he likes (as long as we don't go into the illegal, sick, snuff whatever porn) it's NOT for me to DECIDE what he gets turned on by. And when I say as long as it's not illegal .... If he was watching kiddy, animals, snuff crap I'd walk away from him and never look back, because you have to be pretty SICK in the head to watch that. I wouldn't TELL him, you can't watch that. But it would be a DEAL BREAKER for me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2015): Lots of people are going to tell you that men so need porn and will act like it's their god given right to support an industry that degrades women and does in many cases make their wives and gfs feel bad about their bodies
Honestly , if you don't like it tell him! If his orgasm and looking at those 'gorgeous women' is more important that your feelings then that should tell you ALL you need to know about your importance to him, the relationship and him as an individual .
Anything other than that, all our opinions , all the fuss , whether it's right or wrong is all background noise !!!!
Only ONE thing matters
What is more of a priority to him ???? How this makes you feel or him getting to see the bodies of complete strangers ??????
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (5 February 2015):
 Sure, you can oect to anything you want but when did "they" have a determination that solo masturbation porn wasn't "normal"?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2015): Yes, you can object to it. That is your right but keep in mind it is also his right to refuse your objection. My boyfriend watches porn and I'm okay with it. I watch porn and he's fine with it. I think the only people who really object to it are the ones who are insecure about themselves.
He doesn't get angry when I use a vibrator on myself and I don't get angry if he masturbates. We know that we care for eachother so there isn't a need for jealousy.
I think the problem is more with you than him. You have to fix this insecurity or else you'll wind up trying to control other aspects of his life. That's never good for a healthy relationship.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 February 2015):
 "I'm fine with him watching 'normal porn'"
this struck me as funny as I don't think there is "normal porn" but I sort of understand what you are saying..you don't mind him watching vanilla stuff with couples because that might mean he is thinking of you... but to watch a single "gorgeous" woman masturbating bothers you because maybe he's getting her in his head to think of her instead of you?
what if he liked to watch women who you didn't find attractive... for example what if he wanted to watch morbidly obese women masturbate how would you feel about that?
what if he liked watching men? would that bother you?
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (5 February 2015):
 Why does that bother you so badly?? What about that makes that hurtful to you in a way that intercourse does not??
This one needs clarification, indeed because the MPAA tends to rate movies NC-17 that depict specifically a females orgasmic satisfaction.
So, Can you tell me why this stands out as hurtful when other porn does not??
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2015): You can't control your boyfriend. If he wants to get off on watching a beautiful woman masturbate alone online he will. If you don't want your boyfriend watching porn (behind your back even) date someone who doesn't like porn. There are men and women who don't like it.
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A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow  +, writes (5 February 2015):
 That IS normal porn, just not what you like (understandable), so you don't count it as normal (presumably couples?).
You could ask him why he watches it, but I wouldn't get angry - especially if he didn't/doesn't know how you feel about it.
What are you worried about with it? Genuine question. Those in the other porn he watches could be equally "gorgeous" and he could imagine being the guy in the videos with them, if he wanted, so what makes solo women different for you?
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