A
female
age
,
*ilo123
writes:should i stay in my 10 year relationship? I am 47 years old and my partner 3 years older, we have been together for over 10 years with a break of 12 months ,partly due to my 14 year old daughter having some autistic tendancies where it caused constant pressure on the relationship, he is not her real father. we have been back together now for 18 months and i have gradually gained weight - over the past 3 years from being 5ft 2.weighing 8 stone 4 to now being 10 stone 4, and my partner says he loves me but can have sex with me because im fat and it repulses him. i find it difficult to lose weight as its never been a problem , but i dont no wether i should stay in a relationship and grow old with someone who no longer wants an intimate and physicasl relationship with me, i thought real love was or should be unconditional stuff.
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 July 2010):
 Oh really ? And how your 50 years old partner looks like ?
Like George Cloney ? Like a male fashion model ? Has he got no imperfections ? Has he got the same amount of hair he had when he met you, did his face never get any more lines or wrinkles ?... Then you are an exceptionally lucky woman ....
If you want to shed the weight, do it, but do it for yourself- for better health and stamina, for having more choices when you go shopping for clothes, for looking yourself in the mirror and letting out a narcissistic : Wow - I look great.
But please do not do it just for a finicky ,insensitive ,shallow partner.
A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (23 July 2010):
 There is no such thing as unconditional love. Imagine the most deep, abiding love you have ever had for a man. Would you still love him if he beat your daughter? There are *always* conditions. Sorry for the rather nasty example, but it's an important point.
To the people who love us, we owe our very best. His body is simply not able to respond to yours in its current state. I'm sure he still loves you, emotionally, but part of what makes him love you is the physical intimacy. This is true of both parties in every relationship.
Allowing that aspect to slip is analagous to your man picking up a drinking habit, or quitting his job and watching TV all the time. It shows disregard not just for one's own well-being, but for one's partner's perception of the relationship.
You should lose the weight. Cut your food intake and start jogging in the morning. He'll come around for intimacy again, and your relationship wil lbe better for it.
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (23 July 2010):
 I agree love should be unconditional. Have you told him how he makes you feel when he does this to you? Don't let yourself be pressured into losing the weight, only lose it for you because you want to.
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