A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My wife recently went for a weekend girls trip to Atlantic City. Her girlfriend is recently divorced and is on sort of a sexual rampage, where she has had sex with lots of men in what I would consider immoral circumstances (married guys, MMF, meeting a guy in a chartroom and then going to his office for sex the same day!). Prior to her divorce we heard a lot from her re how bad her spouse was. Turns out she had been cheating on him with various guys (married) in her company. She says she prefers married guys cause then there is no strings attached.Obviously I was not too happy about my wife going with her on the girls trip, or to be honest, even being friends with such a person. My wife says, "what am I supposed to do, throw out a 20+ year friendship cause she has been acting weird in the last few years due to divorce. Besides, you should trust ME and know that I would never do anything.". Well, I don't want to be a controlling jealous jerk off, and want to trust my wife, so I assented, even though I was really uncomfortable.My wife said they partied late into the night both nights (3-5am), which is really not out of the norm for us. When I was chatting with my wife's friend about the trip, she looked really nervous and lied and said they were in by 2 or so each night.Anyway, now the main issue. My wife left her bags open upon her return and she had taken a very skimpy G string. Really just strings with the smallest of triangles in front, and a rhinestone heart thing in back. Definitely underwear worn to be seen I would think. In fact she rarely if ever wears this for me as she says it's really uncomfortable. I asked her why she would take these panties on a trip w/o me. She says that's what girls do. They like to show off in front of their girl friends. I guess to make the point to her now single party friend that she isnt all frumpy, but is still sexy even tho married for so long?Can any of you girls help me understand this. I really don't want to be the jealous controlling guy. She has not given me reason to think she everncheated on me. We are not conservative people, but like to go out and party with friends. Am I just being naive, or is she right, I should trust her? Please help me to understand what women r thinking. After all these years, I feel I actually understand you all less than when I was younger! Thanks
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (18 August 2010):
 lol.. see how much fun we are having, just thinking about the endless possibilities of what you and your naughty girlfriend-wife could be doing to stay happy...
That's all that's need husband-man, of course you can't do the wild stuff yet, kids at home cramp your style, tie you down and keep you legal.. :)
My suggestions won't work, I don't know what she likes or what she's capable off... however, a little spice here and there always keeps people smiling.
Remind her off them old wild times you two had, keep her laughing and keep her memory of lust and love fired up. Pretend your son is a jail warden and keep trying to seduce her without him finding out. Kitchens are a lot of fun, plenty of kisses and groping can be had as you prepare meals and try to do the dishes.
There are two distinct roles to this. First you are husband and wife, that is about respect and romance. Like your texts that say, "your a wonderful wife"... then there is sex and attraction, your boyfriend and girlfriend and your free to touch and flirt, that's like them texts where you say she's still "your sexy girl"...
Use your imagination, walks in the park for the wife, picnic's with lots of kissing for the girlfriend. Take her to look at motorbikes and threaten to buy her one and drive her around in a short skirt and her sexy underwear that brought you here to dear cupid.
Massage is good, everyone likes massage with oils. Buy her some new sexy stuff, but make her promise that it's only for your eyes alone. That should remove the memory of the bad times you shared this year.
Really it's you she loves, our suggestions are not as magical as what a loving husband who knows his wife could bring home to make her smile....
ah... one last thing, most women don't care about money, but presents, even cheap ones for under a £1 are always nice to receive.. just knowing our man thinks about us all the time, and also finds us sexy..... that's the greatest aphrodisiac and keeps us happy and young.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAt the risk of going to the well once too often...
Mia, or anyone else who'd care to answer, do you have any suggestions regarding the exciting, crazy things I could initiate or arrange. I don't think she, or anyone, would want to see me answer the door naked, whether or not in heels! HA!
Caring displays of affection, flirty texts, making an effort to laugh and have fun - these are all things that I now how to do (even if I wasn't doing them as much as I should - until recently). Crazy exciting sexual stuff that would inspire a 40 year old woman? Well, I am not too sure what that would be.
Your post made me think about the things I did when we were just dating, crazy places we had sex, ( like on the top of a skyscraper),adventurous times going into the hills on my motorcycle, sneaking into the dorm pool at 3am to skinny dip, a face painting party that turned into body painting that turned into crazy sex in the bathroom. These were all things that excited my 22 year old girlfriend and helped make her my wife. I don't really have the ability to do a lot of this kind of stuff (no motorcycle, can't really risk being seen having sex in public lest our 14 year old would kill himself, and I just don't know anyone who throws crazy parties like that anymore.
I think I am on my way to rejuvenating her loving thoughts toward me, now how to reignite that spark? Mia?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (18 August 2010):
 THAT is great news! Sometimes the simplest little things can make a big difference I guess that is why :
Do onto others.... Or Karma.. have been around for so long :)
Marriage is not a give & take - it's a share and receive ;)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2010): My advice to you is to keep doing what you are doing now. Seems to me your wife was probably having a little midlife crisis. Because you have been married for a while now you guys might have forgot about your relationship. Although I’m only 19, I see my parents, (who are 40-42) they still act like a young couple. My father also does little things for her every now and then, things like run her bath in the morning before she wakes up, and he always tells her how young she looks ( witch my mom love by the way). Seems to me your wife wanted to feel young and sexy like when you guys just started out. Let her know she still is that sexy women you fell in love with. Anyways hope this helps. =)
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (18 August 2010):
Don't know about small displays... sex in the back of the cinema always helps the older woman feel like a teenager again.. lol...
We get into bad habits.. I managed to stay with a guy for 18years and keep him happy, because I never allowed us to come off the honeymoon stage. He never got to relax or get bored and neither did I. He'd send flowers to me at work by the hour, I'd meet him at the door totally nude in some high heeled shoes....
Falling in love is easy, but keeping yourself and your partner happy, young and hopeful takes consideration, imagination and ton's and tons of flirting. Your doing damn well, and yes, of course she's responding to it. Why go find a strange man, when you have an exciting boyfriend at home that used to be a boring husband....
Flowers aint it, that's the stereotype...actually they are very boring, unless your getting tons of them, or a single rose on your pillow in the morning... Far better sexy foot rubs, and passionate kisses to say hello...
Don't make this just a one of thing, promise yourself that this is how your marriage will be from now on. Now if she can get on the same page and stay flirting with you and making you feel good, I can only see lots of passion, happiness and laughs from you both from now on.
You have done very well indeed, thanks for listening to us, actually trying to change your situation and coming back to tell us the good news. All us aunts are smiling from ear to ear and wishing you and your wife well.. lol
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male
reader, dirtball +, writes (18 August 2010):
 That's awesome to hear, and thank you for the follow up. I'm very glad for you. I often think that the little things mean more than big displays like flowers and stuff. I'm glad they're working for you. I hope that you can keep it up and things keep going well for you both. Congratulations for getting your marriage back on track!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just wanted to provide a quick update, because I promised to, and because you were all so nice to take the time to give me advice.
Well, I have been making an attempt to make my wife feel both sexy and appreciated, and it has yielded good results! She in turn has been more loving then usual back. I tried to make this a subtle change, but have been surprised of the effect taking these small steps has had. No flowers as of yet, but sending the random texts, "just wanted to say hi to my beautiful wife" or "good morning you sexy girl.". Also, giving her a foot rub while watching tv in the evening. Or just giving her a hug and kiss, a real kiss, when I got home from work. Judging by her reaction, I guess I may have been on autopilot for a while.
We have only really been to one social gathering since my last post, and her behavior was so different! It was an all day into the night party with a rented bus, lots of drinks, and about a dozen or so other couples. She was hugging and kissing ME off and on, always making sure she sat next to me...I felt really happy.
So, I don't want to get too far ahead of myself and assume everything is fine. Afterall, its only been a month, and the original shift in her outlook that i described in my original post has been over a year in the making. But, I was shocked at the difference some attention, caring, and fun my part has had on her. It's funny, I had this image of myself as being sort of the perfect partner. However, when I saw how much effect some small changes on my part have had on her, I realize that perhaps I have not been giving her all she wants on a day to day basis.
In any case, instead of being worried and suspicious, i am very hopeful now and optimistic. Thanks for all your help!!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2010): Well man I am not a girl, BUT I would have to say. There is NO WAY I would ever put up with such a "girls weekend out". I wouldn't even put up with a girls NIGHT out to be honest. I just don't believe in such things. I feel if my wife ever did something like that, it wouldn't matter about trust. Because I look at it like I trust my wife NOT to leave me for some girls night out or anything like that. I give my wife the same respect and don't go out for boy's night out or anything like that either. I spend most my time with my family, I don't stay out late I don't go out to the bars and she in return doesn't either. I would say honestly if you have a gut feeling that she has done something then you might be right. I have learned to listen to what my gut says because it's then obvious there is something NOT right about it. I mean I feel bad because from a person on the outside looking in I can honestly say from my perspective it does look like she might have done something wrong. I mean it is never a good mix when you have a recently divorced women go hang out with anyone. She is going to encourage bad behavior, she will try and talk her into letting go for the weekend and pretend she isn't married. I am telling you from experience and also because I know YOU don't want to believe something like that is possible. But it may be time for you to start reconsidering your relationship. Even if she DIDN'T do anything wrong that weekend. Personally I would say to her, "you know what, I don't like the girl's night out thing and I am not going to be around if that is the type of thing that is going to be happening". I don't know the type of relationship you and your wife have, but I am sorry to say this to ya man, but those girl's night outs and girl's weekends out. Well they can NEVER turn out good. I mean what GOOD could possible come out of it. Plus if her friend is acting nervous when you question her and lies to you, then that is also a sure sign. I know you probably care about your wife but I would honestly hit the road. That is what I would do. Plus I would tell her if she isn't going to be honest with you, to not worry about ever talkin to you again cause you are outta there. Trust me man, she wants you just as bad as you want her. So if you take off and teach her a lesson then it will show her she doesn't like it either when you take off like she did. If she doesn't care that you take off then it's not worth it anyway to stay together. If she tries to say you don't trust her. Tell her yeah your absolutely right because in those circumstances/situations that she actively put herself into by going out for a girl's weekend out, that is the type of thing that creates mistrust. See I don't fall for that "oh you don't trust me crap", because if she is going to go out and take off for the weekend YOU are only human to think something is happening. Besides what would be the purpose of those panties getting taken along on the trip. Also what is the purpose of a married women out partying till 5 in the morning. A married women's place is at home with her family, just as it is the married man's place. If you don't go out and run around with your friends and stay out all night or weekend then I would say she needs to return the same respect. Also if she tries to pull the "you don't trust me card" then you need to say well you don't respect me, for the obvious reasons of course.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (18 July 2010):
If she don't want him, can I have him, he looks the right age.. lol..
Good luck, it's worth a try and it's always good to have romance in a marriage.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2010): its mostly her, but its you also. you can make a difference if she still loves you. dont be obvious, and dont spy on her...but do court your wife. i think it will make a big difference. and if it doesnt, you wont regret that you have tried. hugs, hang in there, you sound like one of the good guys... and you are welcome, thats what we are here for. mia and q would agree, prolly will in fact. good luck buddy, mal
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOK. You guys have all been so nice to spend part of ur weekends helping with my issues, Especially married lady, Mia & Q. I am going to take ur advice, flowers, hot date, compliments, etc. A little here and there, so nothings obvious. I promise to check back in in a month8/17. And give u all an update. Not sure if I will see a change by then, as her behavior is so situational, but we shall see. Thanks again.
By the way, it's so funny and true when women say, "you will never understand us, half the time we don't understand ourselves". So different from men!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMariedlady and miamine, I wonder, can I really charm/seduce her out of this, or is it something she has to resolve for herself? Meaning, I wonder if it really has much of anything to do with me, and has everything to do with her...
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2010): yes gush away, we all came here for some reason or another...its much easier to talk to someone you dont have to face in the office on monday....we all know the feeling. hugs, mal
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (18 July 2010):
Oh and gush away, we all done it, that's why we came here and stayed... :)
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (18 July 2010):
Yep.. got no problems with the knickers or the naughty girlfriend..
But she's already pulling away and making you redunant as she becomes more independant..
Knew you wouldn't go for the change of image and pretending to love flirting thing...
Maybe just a friendly talk about missing her and missing the kids and wondering if she's getting bored of you and drifting away might help..
Doubt she's unfaithfull, but like Q and MM say, she might be getting funny thoughts in her head and may be led to deal with them inappropriately.
Buy flowers, take her on second honeymoon, and go and make out and neck in the back of the car and risk being arrested by the police.. that might put her attention back on the right things.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2010): you can order them from amazon, or you can go to womens infidelity click on the right one, and you can download it as an ebook for a small fee. i know you can get the paperback for about $5.oo. And in my opinion it would be money well spent. good luck poster, i hope we have helped, and we are here anytime...mal
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2010): well Q, he coooould pm you and see if you could exchange them that way who knows that might work if you dont get caught...
i found it but i know you have the ability to email it to him. Poster, it is Women's Infidelity~Living in Limbo~ Author is Michelle Langley
Even if your wife is not cheating, i really think she is ramping up to it. i hope im wrong. i just see a lot of signs that look way too familiar. Whether she is or isnt, i think this book would help you understand the mysteries of middle aged women. i found it to be really really eye~opening...i found some help there. you will never ever understand us, hey we dont even understand ourselves most of the time, but it will help with this issue i believe. get in touch with q~man he is better at this stuff than i am. mal
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2010): in my experience, i felt taken for granted. I wanted to feel sexy, tell your wife that she is. Often. I wanted him to text me, to flirt with me, i knew he loved me but i was bored. I dont know what your wifes needs are, but at this age she has more than she ever did. I dont recall the name of it but i think q postf it once...help me out q? There is an article/book you should read. I will check my other computer and see if i have it if q doesnt. Mal
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis is all very interesting and helpful. Thanks again for taking the time to post.
So, if my wife is at a station in life where marriedladys near affair is a possibility, or if she is just more interested in finding herself again after all these years, what can or should I do to make sure that I am still central to that new "self portrait"? She is definitely looking more outside our relationship, in small ways, for interaction - more than she has done in years.
I guess I would really prefer not to play some game where I make her nervous of what I am doing. I have plenty of opportunity (I am a successful attractive person and women do make it clear to me that they are interested from time to time - particularly when I travel for work ). But, I really have no interest in anyone other than her. It's not that she's perfect, I guess I am just basically monogomous, and love my wife, so flirting w others just sound unappealing
One last issue about her friend. I say I find her conduct immoral, primarily because she targets married men. She is very pretty and sleeps with a lot of so/so guys. It just seems so unfair to their u suspecting spouses. I was not so much uncomfortable with her making my wife cheat. We all have a crazy friend here or there. Rather, I just knew they would just be approached, and definitely interact, with many, many guys...
Ok. Sorry for gushing all this private info. I' m just unaccustomed to being able to "talk" to anyone about this stuff...
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (17 July 2010):
mmm... taking your advice into consideration Q, it's not often that you see signs that feel similar to you.. and misogyny definately isn't a word I'd attach to you.. but that's my opinion.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2010): thanks mia, i just want to say again, guys, no matter if your wife is a saint....she is capable. dont accuse her if there isnt anything there...but if there is smoke, check it out. it IS possible that there is fire. mal
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (17 July 2010):
Ppfff.. married lady.. your story wasn't exciting enough to thrill a five year old, you is a faithfull married woman, you always was and you always will be...
But the thoughts in your mind... wonder if they were ex-rated.. lol :) All ended up for the best, you have nothing to feel ashamed about.
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female
reader, Miamine +, writes (17 July 2010):
Snopping never works, if you feel like that then your on the way to a divorce..
Yes, as every woman on this page has said, if we are on holiday or are going out with the girls we wear our sexiest underwear to give us confidence..
So she is feeling young again... yes I can see the worry.. I think competition is fine when people may be getting mentally lazy. She is changing her image, regaining her self after years of motherhood. She's enjoying having a name again that isn't mother or wife, but a name that is based on her and nothing else..
Strange thoughts come with that type of freedom.
It does no good to lock her up and keep her as a prisioner and throw away the key. However reminding her that you also have a name now that your responsibilities are less, and you are more than just husband and father may make her be more carefull about her assumptions she has built up about you.
Your married but free, think it's time for you to go and have fun now (the same fun she's having) and make her think twice about ignoring or forgetting you...
Goose for gander, jealousy bringing romance and all of that.. :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2010): thank you for you update and the additional information. everything you said to me, raised huge red flags, and that coupled with your wifes age...really worries me. im going to be really really honest here...you think your wife would never cheat. hah, thats a classic man point of view. i am here to say that she would. and the reason i say that is this...one year ago i was in your wifes shoes. i wanted to feel sexy and hot after 26 years of marriage and giving birth to 7 children. i had a husband who loved me, but ...i felt more like a tired mother than a sexy woman. and so when someone came along who told me that i was a sexy woman, i was very very very tempted...i teetered on the brink of infidelity for 8 weeks, and i chose to be faithful to the man i love in the end. but was it easy, was i tempted and did i come closer than i wouldve ever thought possible...yes. and i was the woman you would have never suspected. the one everyone trusts, the one who has always had eyes only for her husband...but it was an ego rush, and i so very nearly fell. it has taken a year of hard work to get past that 8 weeks of stupidity. a few texts, a single meeting where nothing happened, but in my mind, i couldnt get past the disappointment in myself.
and the most ironic part? my husband never one time suspected a thing. i was hiding my texts, you know the whole routine, lost weight, dressed nicer, bought new underwear, and more...and he never suspected that i was capable of what was in my mind.
i would like to tell you that your wife would never cheat, and that the years of marriage would be enough to stop her, but in the end i dont know. im not in your wifes head...but do not underestimate the needs of a woman. she needs to feel sexy, loved etc. do your best to make her feel those things. do not snoop unless you are really really worried, because if you are caught it can cause her to leave even if she wasnt really wanting to go that far.
and even though i had a struggle, i am not saying that your wife is...only that she is most definitely capable. i look back and i cant believe i was so stupid, but at the time...i was. good luck honey, keep us posted, and to the rest of you, please dont judge me too harshly. ive paid my dues, and i had the guts to sign my name to my post. cheers, mal
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (17 July 2010):
 Don't snoop. Even if you find something, it's unethical and would reduce the discussion afterwards to a stupid argument.
*DO* get competitive. Think back to when you were single, to the way you acted when you convinced her to marry you. If she has the newfround freedom to act like she did when she was single, so do you. Go out and woo her all over again. If you have old photos, journal entries, home videos, that sort of thing, look at them to get into the proper mindset.
She sounds like she really wants the attention. As guys, we are rightfully upset when wives/girlfriends pay more attention to other men at parties than to us. It has the appearance of disloyalty (whether or not anything is *actually* happening is less important than the perception).
Remember, she married you because she loves you. Sometimes, marriage means being the equal partner and helpmeet. Other times, it means you need to be the man, take the lead, and seduce her all over again, to remind her of what she's always seen.
Even if doing so does not stop her from going out alone (and she's entitled to that, so long as the friends aren't ALL setting a bad example), it will put your own mind at ease.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2010): q1605, I'm sorry for what you went through. Quite obviously, what your wife did to you was horrible. You say you have unresolved anger at yourself, but maybe it's time to let it go if you are now happily married to a woman you trust, if that is the case. It's hurting you, not your ex, unfortunately.Actually, I am right on board with you about the cheating. It is a hair trigger topic for me also due to something that happened in my past. Fortunately I am long married to a wonderful man who has taught me what real, true, unconditional love is.Anyway, the OP wants to know if he should trust her, and I was simply trying to say that he has to look hard at her past behavior, the solidity of their relationship, and he has to make sure she understands that he is upset. If he feels strongly about her not hanging out with this woman she should respect that because her marriage should be more important than the friendship.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo answer mariedlady, it's a bit of both. She does not hide her phone or email. But, I have noticed that since the kids are a little Oder she does seem to be gravitating ever so slightly back to how we used to be in our 20's. She has no problem going to parties without me (if I can't go for whatever reason). When we do go out in groups or to a party, I would say if you just met us you would have no idea we were married. She is not disrespectful, but has no qualms about getti g in in-depth convos with other men, joking with them, etc (and she is very funny). I guess I am somewhat threatened by all this. Not because it is obviously wrong or cheating behavior, but because it has been a gradual change over the last year or so. For example, if I left a party or club one night when we were out w a group, she probably would not notice for an hour or more. The panties came in the midst of all this.Thus, nothing is blatant or bad. I don't really think she would be cheating on me. But I notice a gradual shift to a more single outlook. I guess she is entitled to that, after 10 years of having kids. It just makes me a bit uneasyAnd yes, I think it probably was exciting for her to have a weekend of acting single with a girlfriend, even if there was no cheating. I know the second they walked into a bar guys would be buying them drinks as they are both very attractive.So do I just tell myself to chill out? Go into competitive mode where I try to show her it's still exciting to be with me. Or start snooping as the one angry poster suggests?
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2010): well you all have valid points...and im late for the party. but i dont think the panties are the issue. Poster are you suspicious of other things in your marriage?
there are times when i go with the girls, i wear my sexiest panties, i like them to know that i still have them. lol it gives me confidence, and makes me feel sexy for myself. when we stay in a motel, they may get a glimpse of what i have, but i dont parade around in my undies. so yes we wear them for ourselves and to show off a bit to our girlfriends...the same way we brag about how good last night was with you.
there are times i go out with my hubby and i wear them, or less, and i feel sooo sexy, and he loves it too. and when i do, i do have a plan for when we get home. lol
but.... there has been a time also when i wore them, flirting with trouble...wasnt sure what would happen, and well you know the feeling..half hoping something would happen and half knowing i shouldnt.IF i had been with someone who was doing the same im not sure what i would have done. as it was, i came home to my hubby and made it work.
i think you can go out with sexy panties on and not have a thing in mind, or you can go out thinking you might...
its all about her actions...her walk, her eyes, her treatment of you...does she seem to be hiding something? is she all about you?
how does she act with her phone? her emails or ims?
there are a lot of things that are involved. i think if this is the only issue, drop it. dont bring it back up. but if there are other things that have raised red flags, then dont be naive and trusting to the point that she makes a fool of you. i would like more information...mal
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2010): q1605, it sounds like my answer brought your sarcasm bubbling to the surface. No need for that, or to be unpleasant. I've read all your posts on this thread and maybe you have some unresolved anger about what has happened to you? I'm sorry for that, but the OP asked for opinionS and I shared mine.Communication is HUGE in a relationship, like it or not. Read the stories about cheating and cheaters. Nine out of ten say, "We stopped communicating."Perhaps one thing I was unclear about was the "ask her." No, of course most cheaters are not going to confess when asked, unless presented with undeniable evidence and trapped, but a LOT can be observed by reaction and body language, as I believe you yourself say? That's why I said, "ask her."You say you're all for women, ect, ect, but you refer to a woman putting on sexy panties as "tarting up." Why?But hey, I'm a mere woman. I can't figure us out either.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2010): This is a funny thread.
As a general rule, let's get one thing straight. Most women's under clothing and sleepwear purchases/selections are only for them, and not anyone else.
I have a massive stockpile of very sexy thongs and lingerie, and frankly, I never once thought of my boyfriend during any of these purchases. The only thing on my mind was did it make me look and feel nice; it did, so I threw it into the collection.
Last, when I pack, I choose the best because we all put our best clothes in the suitcase for vacays and business, and that's just the way it is.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2010): OK, here goes, from a woman's perspective...I think your wife is disrespecting you. I say that because you have made it clear to your wife that you disapprove of her friend's immoral behavior, and she is dismissing your feelings by hanging out with her anyway. The woman is her friend, yes, but you are her husband, and your feelings and concerns should be her number one priority. Period. If she is choosing to still hang out with this woman despite your clear preference that she doesn't, she is choosing her friend's feelings and friendship over your marriage.
If you are wondering if your wife cheated on you, ask her. But a lot has to do with how solid your marriage is, has she always been faithful, do you have GREAT communication, ect...
Is it possible that she took the panties to "compete," so to speak, with her friend? Yes. We women are competitive that way and it's possible that she likes the way the lifestyle of her friend is making HER feel...maybe she's a little bit jealous that her friend is getting to re-live the wild 20's age-decade routine. Might be exciting to her, somewhat. Just make sure you are clearly communicating with your wife about love and commitment and boundries, and you should be ok. Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2010): I am so sick of married men thinking that their wife's single, or divorced friends are somehow going to convert her to a cult of freedom and debauchery.
Women like wearing "special" panties for themselves, women dress in front of eachother when staying together, like sisters, they also don't want to be wearing granny panties in front of their girlfriends, or at least some women dress to impress women, too.
Get over it, trust her or don't but this is just rude to her and her friends to be thinking this way, you have nothing real to base your suspicions on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all your responses. It's interesting that more men responded than women. Anyway, one clarification: she DOES wear sexy panties for me on occasion if we are going out for a special romantic night or whatever. That's what made me concerned. Those are special panties that she would only usually wear if we were going to have a wild night out together that was going to end in sex. It's not that she wears grannies on all the other days, just that particular pair is about as sexy as they come.
Again, I really appreciate the outside perspective. Man, women are just a mystery to me. Even after all these years...
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2010): with a past like her's
what do you expect she was doing with th G string ??
try to get clues or get a private investigator
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reader, TimmD +, writes (16 July 2010):
 I'd tend to believe that it's just one of the many things women like to do when they get dressed up to party with the gals. Partly could be competitive, partly could be just wanting to "feel" sexy while out. Yes, I'd be just as alarmed as you are about her even hanging out with this other woman. She cannot be a good influence in the least. However, I don't think it's any reason not to trust your wife yet.
And as for the anonymous woman who posted about "preparing for action"..... WOW. Can you give us anymore insight as to why? I'm not saying I don't believe you, I just would like to hear some info to back up your opinion. Also, does anybody else think the same thing?
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2010): I'm not married. BUT, I've been with my boyfriend a while now and I'm that comfortable with him, I only wear my normal underwear around him, or nicer ones on special occasions.
However, when I'm out with my girl friends, I always wear the best underwear I have. NOT because I'm planning on cheating, or showing my underwear to anybody (lol). But just for the simple fact it makes me feel sexier about myself when I'm out. It just doesn't make sense going on a fun night out, looking your best and wearing granny knickers/normal pants.
She probably thinks the same. That's how it is for me anyway AND for my best friend.
Your wife just wanted to enjoy herself for the night/feel sexy about herself. Doesn't mean she cheated. In fact, she'd probably be offended if she knew how you felt.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2010): Well many women wear sexy undies to feel more confident and sexy even if they wont be seen by anyone else. The red flag here is if she usually wears plain undies. If she usualy wears plain cotton undies but brought these ones for the trip then thats something to think about. Also if her friend acts the way you explained, what do you think your wife was doing while her friend was off with other men... If it was a group of them who went then i wouldnt be as worried. The thing is so far you cant prove anything but there is a lot of suspision to what you just explained about their trip.
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reader, Moonserenade +, writes (16 July 2010):
 It's nothing. Women like to feel sexy on occasion. She took a trip to somewhere new and fun, she just wanted to feel sexy. Just because she doesnt wear them around you, but will wear them on the trip, doesnt mean she's going to mess around with anyone. Perhaps she doesnt feel the need to wear them around you because she has no reason to believe you do not find her sexy. It's like if you were going out with the guys, would you make yourself look extra nice, maybe spritz on some of that expensive cologne, to get some attention from the ladies?
It means nothing. So don't look into it too much, otherwise she'll probably get really annoyed.
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reader, Odds +, writes (16 July 2010):
When women dress sexier when they are not with you than they do with you, that's a pretty serious warning sign. Admittedly, women dress up more for each other than thye do for guys, but good wives make their appearance to their husband a priority as well. Maybe she's not cheating, but she is certainly less attracted to you than she should be.
Theg good news is that a certain amount of jealousy and "controlling" behavior is attractive (I'm going to get flamed for that one). So long as it comes from a position of strength and prudence, not of fear or anger, she will appreciate it. Take her out, and ask her to wear something sexy. If she objects, let her know that if the panties are too uncomfortable, she doesn't have to wear any panties at all.
About her friend: women's moral compass is mostly based on fitting in with their friends. If it's just the one friend sleeping with half the town, that's alright. If most of her friends act this way, you have a problem. If your discussion about the trip slowly escalated to the "20 years of friendship" part, then it's alright; if she immediately jumped to that argument, that's a warning sign. You were not asking her to throw away a friendship, you were expressing concern over the friend's influence on this trip. Simply put, while everyone deserves the time to be with their friends without the direct oversight of spouses, they owe their spouses some measure of reassurance in their fidelity, not angry hyperbole.
Weigh the evidence, and determine your bahvior accordingly, but regardless I would adivse you to take your wife out and do something excititing. With her wearing something sexy, or nothing at all, of course.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2010): it means that she is going to be giving it away to anyone and everyone.
seriously it means that she is preparing for some action.
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reader, CaringGuy +, writes (16 July 2010):
I don't think that she cheated on you. In fairness, women are far better than men at hiding affairs and such. She wouldn't have left her underwear out for you two see, I don't think. That would have been too obvious. And she was honest about the time that she and her friend were out, whereas it was her friend who was nervous about it. (It would have been the other way around)
It's more likely she took them along to feel 'apart of the crowd', or to just feel sexy for herself.
That's where you come in. Since you're starting to get a bit nervous, maybe the time has come for you to inject a little passion into the marriage and take her away to a hotel for a weekend or something. That might reassure you a bit. No harm in you two having some fun of your own. But I don't think she cheated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2010): I've been in your wife's situation before and it's deff what she says, but a little more.
It makes sense your wife at least enjoys residual attention her friend attracts. So even though your wife is faithful, it's got to be a fact she at least talks to the guys hitting on her friend - you gotta know that system because you party with dudes.
Yes, she wants to have nice undies around her friend because when you share a hotel room you see everyone's panties/thongs. So she's likely telling the truth she just wants to have approval from her friend. Although, I agree it's suspicious because it is sex undies, as opposed to normal ones. As her buddy is a fuh-reak, perhaps she was just wanting her girlfriend to see how sexy those things are and then leave it at that. I have to travel with my hot girlfriend who loves attention from guys, and it's true I pack the super cute sexy stuff just to keep up with her pointing out what she likes, but my girlfriend would deff think it odd to wear sex undies around her only and would assume I'm trying to look good for a possible encounter.
I'm saying I think your wife was wanting to at least pull a flash for approval from a guy.
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reader, dirtball +, writes (16 July 2010):
Can't give the ladies perspective, but I'd tend to trust her, since she hasn't given you a real reason not to. The sexy panties are a bit of a concern, but really, not that big a deal. Anyway, I hope some of the ladies here can shed some more light on this for you.
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reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 July 2010):
You can wear a sweat suit with sexy panties. It's not always because you want a guy to SEE your panties, wearing them and knowing can be quite a "high".
I don't think your wife would cheat on you, just because her BFF is on a sexual rampage, doesn't mean your wife would be unfaithful. However, maybe she wanted to feel sexy, even if she didn't so anything she shouldn't in Atlantic city.
I know married women who likes to go commando on girls night out. (with wearing a dress...) not because they hope some poor dude will notice, but because it makes THEM feel sexy.
Personally I would want to SHOW up my tiny panties to any of my female friends (certainly not while wearing them) But, I might be alone in that sentiment.
If you have no other reason Not to trust her, I think you should trust her.
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