A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Please help me on this.... How can you get your family back on track when a lie so big destroyed it. It started on 7/7/09. I've been with this man since I was 18 at that time I had 2 kids and later found out I was pregnant but not from him with my 3 but we raised them as ours. later had a child from him and we, so I thought was on the right track to becoming a happy family.Years go by kids get older decided to say I do, went thru ups and downs as any relationship but we got past them with no problem but now I don't know what to do. It started out a good day and ended up into a terrible night my husband and daughter now 13 got into a huge fight over her talking back in front of her friends and it went on for about 30 minutes, after all that he got on the road to go out of town and about an hour later the kids are upstairs arguing.My youngest comes down and said "Mommy she (child 2) said Daddy had sex with her. Mommy what's sex... You know like hearing something like that coming out of your 8 year olds mouth I broke down asked her to come here so we can talk it thru. She said clearly "HE raped me." First thing I did was take her to the hospital then I called him and argued about that, contacted the police because its protocol, went to physician where they did her first papsmear then to a child advocacy place the same morning where they examined her and both stated the same that there was NO signs of sexual assault. So I asked her to be clear did he just touch on you such molesting or did he physically hold you down and had sex(rape) you .. she said he raped me and it only happened one time.. 5 months prior to her telling me, mind now me and my kids have weekly family discussions where we talk about everything and I do mean everything and after all that i pull them to the side and ask them if they had anything else to tell me hat they did not want to say in front of their brother or sister and write it down in my journal and it has been NO all this time and all of a sudden it's yes... okay well we got thru all the therapy sessions for her and take lie detector test twice for the both of them and yet he passed both times but it wasn't going to be right with him at home and these accussations hanging over his head so he moved out and he feel though I wasn't there for him the way he needed me to be, but I kept asking myself how can I. How can I chose to be on your side or my daughter's side and I was stuck in the middle and things, never recovered so we split up about 6 months ago, now about 2 months ago she admitted to lying about it all.She stated she was just mad at him for embarrassing her in front of her friends, my question if its possible for us working things out how can he/we be sure it won't happen again. And is there a possible way to work thru all this pain and hurt?
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female
reader, babybutton  +, writes (19 July 2010):
 Poor bloody man let him be happy he shouldn't feel uneasy time is a healer let it be for now
A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (16 July 2010):
 Counselling for the kid, and marriage counselling for you and your husband if he will agree..
Of course you had to believe your daughter, child abuse is so difficult to spot, you have to believe her just in case, you never know....
If someone had accused another man of abusing her, would he have doubted her...
Your kid needs mental help, she dosen't have any moral boundaries. Maybe if he sees her changing and discipline involved more, he might consider coming back.. But at the moment, your daughter is too dangerous for anyone (man, woman or dog) to be arround.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 July 2010): get mental help for your daughter! fast! the man is not coming back... forget him! u blew it!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (16 July 2010):
 Sorry I miss-read the story.
First off, I think as a mother you did the right thing. You BELIEVED your child, you took her to the hospital, you files a report. Any good parent would do that.
Yes, I feel bad, horrible for your husband. To be accused of something that heinous must be devastating. Life as you knew it will never be the same. Can you all work though it? I don't know. I can see your side of the issue and I can certainly see his.
Your daughter on the other hand. At 13 she is (or should be) well enough aware of right and wrong. Would she know what could happen of she accused him of rape? I don't know. I'm not sure. But it is something that needs to be dealt with right away. She needs serious mental health help. She needs a punishment. She needs to make amends. How? I don't know. That I think would be something you, your husband, her therapist, the police may have to work out.
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A
female
reader, Tasty +, writes (15 July 2010):
omg sorry but i think your man should stay away from your family because none of your children are his nd your daughter told that terible lie sorry but as a victim of rape lying about it is unforgiveable and i feel sorry for your man because after an accusation like that you are never able to live it down even if it does come out as a lie still its a sick lie....
i wid be very surprised if he takes you back.
sorry if that seams harsh but its the truth x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2010): None of the children are his? Even the one you had after you were together? One of your children falsely accuses him of a horrendous crime? Sounds like he is better off if he doesn't come back.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2010): My boyfriend had pretty much the same thing happen while he was separated from his wife. He ended up in jail. 15 years ago. He is still on parole and under the thumb of Parole Officers who's goal is to get thier "cases" locked back up. Had his xwife gone to the DOC and told them that the daughter lied, tried to work on getting the charges dropped, etc., my BF would not be living in a roach infested dive, fighting the urge to scr* it all and dive into a bottle of JackDaniels, and be unable to pass a background check so he can get a decent job. His daughter is to this day a compulsive liar/loser who has never paid for her actions.
Shame on the woman above for not getting her butt to a lawyer to try and clear up the lies her daughter has told.
And for not getting the daughter to a shrink or in the clink before she hurts more people.
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female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (15 July 2010):
 It's child #2, not a 2-year old child. Pay attention, folks! :)
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2010): First of all: If you peple read it correctly it said the 8 year old (she called child 2 to remain annonomys) went down stairs to tell her mom what her other daughter (that is 13 now) Said...She claimed the dad raped the one that is 13 NOW!!!!!!! 2 year olds can barely understand mom and dad at that age gosh! Okay next I cant believe the daughter would do such a thing!! where would she hear that and was she dicaplined??
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (15 July 2010):
 Here are some suggestions...
1-get your daughter into some therapy. Now. And this goes for all your kids. Blended families are hard enough, but I do not think the lot of you will be a family again after this.
2-since you called the police, there is now a file somewhere on your ex husband. That will haunt him forever, and he will be labeled a sex offender where ever he goes. Do whatever you have to do to clear his name.
3-It sounds like the 4th child is his, and given the chaos in your family household, I think he should get custody of the 4th child to separate that kid from the potential harm your other children will do.
4-Lastly, stay out of relationships for a while. You need to spend time ALONE and sort out this mess with your kids. Based on your post, you went from one relationship right into another, and so many kids, so young, they are not getting the attention they need which in part lead to this situation. Spend less time looking for romance, and more time being a mother for a while. Your kids really need you right now.
-Frank
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (15 July 2010):
A two year old said her Daddy raped her? Where did she get those words from? My kids were pretty well-spoken from an early age, but NONE of them would have words like RAPE or SEX in their vocabulary age age 2.
Something is totally OFF here.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (15 July 2010):
 False rape accusations are actually quite common. Some people are willing to ruin another person's life over even little things.
The fact that your husband chose to stay beside you even after you cuckolded him, and then willingly submitted to a lie detector test when he was later falsely accused of rape, shows his incredible devotion. He feels betrayed all over again, since you refused to accept that he was innocent.
In his shoes, I would never come back. He might (he did when you had your third child), but his relationship with your second daughter is ruined forever now.
As for you daughter, she needs to be shown that a demonstrably false accusation will not only be disbelieved, but punished. Supporting your daughter, and forgiving her, is the last thing she needs. Do you want her to grow up thinking she can get away with this sort of behavior? Explain to her what would have happened to him if the charges had been believed, then punish her.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 July 2010): What a horrible thing of your daughter to do. Naturally as a mother no one can blame you for trying to protect your child and taking her side but you've also got to realise that rape is probably the worst thing a loving father (figure) can be accused off. Your daughter is not very old but she is old enough to realise that what she did was wrong. If you do want this man back is there anyplace you can send this daughter, at least for a year or two until things calm down? Perhaps a relative or boarding school?You should also make her apologise sincerely for what she has done and make it very clear to her that this is unacceptable behaviour.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (15 July 2010):
You may be able to repair your relationship with your husband, but both of your relationship with this daughter are surely beyond help (and God knows she deserves it). Tell him you're sorry, apologize to him and ask him if he can come back. If you still love him it might be worth a shot.
The bigger question is how do you plan to deal with your daughter???
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (15 July 2010):
I think your daughter, frankly, has been a disgrace and has made a mockery of women who have been raped. To be honest, from my point of view, there would be no way that I'd go back. And I don't think he will either. The kindest thing you can do with this man is to let him go and never bother with him again. There is no way that he could ever come back. He would just hate your daughter, and it would be worse for all concerned. Your daughter has played a dreadful trick on him and you. There is so much pain and hurt here, and so much danger for him, that this can't be fixed. It just can't. The tension would be unbearable. He has proved himself totally innocent, and has been accused of something truly terrible. You can never be sure that it won't happen again. Your daughter will always be a liar with a record now. Please, for this poor man's sake, don't go back to him. Let him go and fix his life up again.
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