A
male
age
51-59,
*onfusedDad?
writes:I got married about 11 years ago to the woman of my dreams. In this dream was a 6 day old little girl whom I raised for 8 years. I loved this little girl like she was my own and to this day and she still doesn't know that she's not mine. Over the years my wife wouldn't discipline her so therefore I had to be the disciplinarian in the family. This put a wall between us and ended up breaking up our family. Me and my wife have been split up for the past 3 years now and still love each other very much. The problem is that my daughter by marriage hates me and has kept us apart. Now she is trying to wreck my relationship with my 6 year old son. I only get my son every other weekend... Now I feel like there is a wall going up between me and my him and we have always had a great relationship. My grandmother has recently started watching the children for my soon to be exwife and she told me that my daughter is constantly talking bad about me. Nothing specific other than she doesn't like me. My grandmother doesn't know what to say to her other than I have always been a good father to my them and that she love's me very much. I don't understand why she is doing this or why she feels the way that she does about me... When I do see her it's Daddy, Daddy, Daddy, Can I have some money! I know that I'm not a bad father, but I need to know what can I do to try and make things better? I have alrady lost my wife and daughter. I can't lose my son too!
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ex-wife, grandmother, money, split up Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE +, writes (22 July 2010):
 I think you should fight for your maraqge and your kds and the girl needs to kno the truth
A
female
reader, chickapea123 +, writes (22 July 2010):
well your daughter most love you alot. she just doesnt understand why you discipline her and you need to talk to her about it bring her a gift she wants and say i will give you the gift if we can talk without you getting mad. ask her why are you mad at me and find out whats wrong with your relationship i know she is a little girl but she may of felt that you had not paid enough attention or too much.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (22 July 2010):
 The best solution would be increased time with your son (for that matter, it's the best way to repair relations with the daughter). Time with your son will allow him to form his own judgments, and little boys tend to latch on to the most prevalent older male figure in their lives as a role model. In American courts, that will be extremely difficult. Even in amicable divorces like the one you describe, the courts will be generally hostile to you as a man. Be ready and willing to assert yourself. Ask your lawyer how you can get 50% or even full custody of your son.
Unfortunately, successfully getting more time with your son will probably not happen. The system is stacked against you. Be especially careful around the daughter, as even a completely baseless accusation of any bad behavior on your part (even just smoking) could turn the family court against you. This is one reason I always advise against marriage, and to single mothers in particular.
If you can't get custody, you need to avoid turning into a "playdate dad" (wish I could remember where I heard that term). What will your son grow up to expect if, every time he sees you, you give him money, go to an amusement park, and eat ice cream? You'll be acting like a rich friend, not a father. Do activities that are more down-to-earth, like playing catch or showing him how to fix a car. Talk to him about the big milestones in a boy's life. And try to make it to as may baseball games, talent shows, or whatever the kid gets into.
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A
male
reader, jp21 +, writes (22 July 2010):
 I think in a relationship it needs both parents to discipline there kids or there will be friction between the husband and wife. I would stop giving your daughter money and tell her to stop talking bad about you, and stop being 2/face. She is rebelling and she wants freedom from being told what to do. theripy might help a lil for you and your wife. She is munipulating your wife and your son. So why not talk to your wife about it.
And why cant your son live with you? Or why cant you try and get a court order for more time to spend with your son?
She needs some type of boundries or she will do what ever she wants.
like whats the latest she be at a friends.
how many times she can go to a friends house
in a week.
how late she can stay up at night.
a limit on her phone and internet use,
a limit on anything she uses a lot.
per day/week. and if she is bad take it
away from her. also tv.
expectations of chorse around the house,
or even at her grandma's house, wash dishes,
help with laundry,sweep/mop/vacume,dust,polish
the wood,wipe table tops,pull weeds,plant flowers.
clean her room, take out the trash.
and when she follows through then take her out
to the movies,and shopping.
rein-force rules.
maybe even have her go to a boot camp for kids,
some thing i seen on tv, on mtv, where a kid thats
doing bad in the home goes to a familys home where
there stricks and give them boundries. idk go on line
and look at that maybe. www.mtv2.com
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