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Is it out of line for me to ask to see the engagement rings he gave to his ex's?

Tagged as: Big Questions, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 July 2010) 11 Answers - (Newest, 14 July 2010)
A female United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

He's been engaged before and he still has the rings, is it ok for me to ask to see the rings or is that out of line?

View related questions: engaged, his ex

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2010):

#Why is he keeping the rings and why do you want to see them? Sounds like he is holding on to something from his past and can't let go. Ask him about it. Then maybe he can move on.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2010):

Sometimes guys complain "my girlfriend won't do XXX with me in the bedroom. She says she doesn't like it but she did it all the time with her exes! If she really likes me so much better like she claims, then why does she do less for me than she did for them?"

I think the ring is the same kind of question. If you find out he spent more on someone else's ring than he might spend on yours then you will feel second best.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (14 July 2010):

Honeypie agony auntYes, I think it's out of line to ask to see the ex's engagement ring. If he volunteer showing it, that is HIS choice. However, I am wondering WHY he still has it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2010):

Why does he still have the rings anyway? Shouldn't he have sold them by now? he shouldn't want them, like you shouldn't want to see them. I can understand your curiosity however, but I just think it will make you feel horrible.

I agree with raiders, I'd sooner ask him to pawn them than asking to see them.

I think the more important question you should ask your partner is, why do you still have them?

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A female reader, happy24birthday United States +, writes (14 July 2010):

happy24birthday agony auntYes, that's out of line.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you all for your great advice!

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A female reader, raiders United States +, writes (14 July 2010):

raiders agony auntI wouldn't ask him to show it to me. I would ask him to pawn it and to buy me something nice for me with money he get for it.

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States +, writes (14 July 2010):

Fatherly Advice agony auntIt's kind of like asking if this dress makes you look fat. Absolutely no good can come from you seeing the rings. All it gives you is false expectations, and an unfair comparison model. How much he loves you can only be measured by the way he treats you, not by how he treated another person.

Remember things didn't go so well with the other person. It could be that the rings were part of the problem. We all hope that he has learned and grown since then and will do better with you. Better doesn't necessarily mean more carats.

FA

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2010):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Just curious to see it.

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A male reader, Odds United States +, writes (14 July 2010):

Odds agony auntAre you trying to compare size? The guy may be uncomfortable about that. But if you really want to see them, you'll have to convince your man that you won't get angry or judgmental. The success of that will depend on your relationship history.

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A male reader, CaringGuy United Kingdom +, writes (14 July 2010):

I wouldn't go in there and demand it. I'd just be calm about and make it seem as if you're asking out of interest. I think if you demand or threaten, you might not get what you want. Is there any specific reason you want to see them? It might help to know.

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