A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm almost 17 (although apparently I seem older...) and I have a weird kind of situation... I'm friends with this girl and we're really close and compatible (we think, talk, act, laugh, even walk the same way and we have similar/ complimentary goals for our lives). I know we'd be really great as a couple but the thing is that she's already going out with this guy. Except, she knows he's not the one for her because, even though they love each other (they've been going out for 3 years since she was 14 you see, so, compatible or not, feelings are still involved), they're sooo incompatible it's unreal. IE. He's stupid and she's intelligent, he plays and talks about video games all day and she's really industrious, he's fat and unhealthy and she's very health conscious etc. etc. etc. She's thinking of breaking up with him now, so what should I do? If I encourage it and then ask her out I'll look like a real b*stard. I'm fairly sure they'll not last anyway, but even so how long should I wait to ask her out and how should I go about it? We already have a great friendship and I'd be fine to keep it as that if she was in a happy relationship, but in asking her out after her breakup would I hurt her feelings and damage our friendship? I'd like to point out that I'm not just after sex but rather a long term relationship with property, marriage, kids etc. so it's not something I could have with just anyone and considering how great we'd be I wouldn't want to miss the opportunity to be with such a wonderful person. Please help!! J.T.R.
View related questions:
video games Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2010): Hi Odds, well the thing is that I met her current bf first a few years back and he introduced me to her about 2 years after. There was no actual relationship/friendship between me and her until last December when we started chatting/ texting and generally getting on like a house on fire, by which time her and him were a UNIT and not suffering any real troubles at that point, so it's not so much a case of her having bad taste as it is of her taking the best thing at hand. She got with her bf when she was 14 and he was 16 and they were totally infatuated at first and talked about marriage from day one. (I should probably add that he's her first bf and she's invested a LOT of time, emotion and money in trying to help him to grow up as well because, rather than end what amounts to an engagement she'd sooner repair it and be happy with him, which I think is understandable. I just think it's a shame that her loyalty, which is essentially a good trait, is causing her so much grief) Now though, 3 years down the line, he hasn't matured at all and she's realising how childish and underdeveloped he is emotionally and she's basically given him a month to start making some serious adjustments or else bye byes. Also, she doesn't have any single friends other than me. She's not sad or lonely, she's just really self-sufficient and independant and has been too busy trying to encourage her bf and help him every spare minute to have a social life of her own, beyond myself and some other pen-pals. I know it sounds like we're a really pathetic bunch of hermits, but just trust me when I say we're outgoing and friendly people who are just a bit eccentric (let's just say we think "outside the box"...) Thanks for answering, and if you have anything else to add after the things I've just explained please do! :-)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2010): I agree with odds! Sorry but women who are always falling for losers always fall for losers and she'll use your friendship to keep you at bay. She'll just say I don't want to ruin what we already have.
...............................
A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (18 July 2010):
 Find another girl. She has poor taste, and encouraging a breakup is usually (as you said) a bastard thing to do. You sound like a nice guy, which tends to make guys see girls through rose-colored glasses (or is it "coloured" on your side of the pond...).
I suspect after the breakup, she will not go rushing into your arms. She will more likely go on a bender with her single friends, telling you she "just needs time" while she drinks too much and sleeps with random guys. Assuming your depiction of the way you two get along is accurate, she's already demonstrated poor taste in the face of objectively better options. She will, in all likelihood, find another guy just like the one she left, and you will still be "just friends".
You can continue to be friends, but you ought to find another, unattached girl. If you can't make yourself do that, at least wait a while after the breakup to assess her newly-single conduct. If, by some miracle, it works out, great for you. Otherwise, consider it time saved.
...............................
|
