A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a 24 year old woman, and I have no luck with guys. They rarely approach me, and I am kinda shy and afraid of rejection so I dont want to approach them. I have had one real boyfriend, but that relationship did not last long and was disastrous. Some people, usually other women, tell me I'm pretty, but I really don't know if I am. I try to be nice and respectful to everyone as well. Is there something I'm doing that's keeping the guys away?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2010): Hey, it's me, the original poster again. Guess I should just make an account, lol. Anyway, thanks to everyone who responded, I will definitely take the advice. I do know that I need to try to look more pleasant, because people tell me I look serious, even though I'm not all of the time (I'm very playful/goofy). And I usually meet the few guys I do at work or when out shopping or whatever, but I guess if I did more things I would meet more guys. To give more info, 9 times out of 10 I am dressed in a presentable way, usually with pants or jeans with a nice top and nice shoes, and my hair is usually nice as well. So I will def try to keep this up. And I know I do need to come out of my shell more, so thanks 4 that :) Lastly, I do notice that older guys, like in their 40s or older, will be cordial or even flirtatious with me, but I rarely get that from younger guys. I am petite and in shape, and I look young for my age...But anyway, thanks 4 the advice, I am still open 4 more answers :)
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (21 July 2010):
Where are you meeting guys? You might not be meeting them in the right places.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (21 July 2010):
 From this post, it's difficult to say if anything is keeping them away. That said, you *can* take proactive steps to meet guys.
I would avoid taking other women's opinions on your appearance, since they have a difficult time seperating fashion sense and social status from physical appearance. Good news, as long as your face is half-decent and you are not fat, your appearance is probably just fine.
If you want a boyfriend, rather than just generalized male attention, you'd best be served by ignoring your own shyness and fear of rejection, going out, and introducing yourself to guys. Same advice I give to guys: go out with some supportive friends and deliberately get rejected until it doesn't hurt anymore. Pity the poor man who lost the golden opportunity to get to know you.
You should pick a location that will ahve the sort of guy you want to meet. Bookstores have smarter guys than bars (and fewer players), classes and clubs have people with common interests, and so on.
Once you're talking to a guy, you may be tempted to talk to a guy about himself. A lot of guys will happily talk about themselves for hours, but many have learned not to do so and will instead ask you a bunch of questions like a job interviewer. This is a learned behavior; years of experience have taught them that chicks don't care what they have to say. In that case, feel free to open up and talk about yourself (but try to pass the conversation back once in a while).
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, mozartfan1756 +, writes (21 July 2010):
Don't want to be superficial but what do you wear when you are out? Where do you go, are you being at the right places?
I understand being shy and don't want rejection. But when you see guys, do you at least smile and maybe say hello? Move a few feet closer to the guy in the room so he gets the idea. Do you even make eye contact? I don't know about other guys but I would go up to the girl who smiles at me :)
I wouldn't say it's something you are doing making guys not approach you, it maybe something you are not doing.
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A
male
reader, innerfire +, writes (21 July 2010):
You have not really provided us enough detail. But here's my generic advice. I wouldn't worry about approaching guys, for better or worse society has put that onus on us. However, put yourself in the position of a nervous guy who wants to approach you. Consider your fear of rejection, and that he probably feels some of that.1. Are you giving yourself an opportunity to meet guys? As in, actually going out into social situations where guys you haven't met before could approach you? Bars/clubs are the default option, although probably inferior to any club/volunteer work/activity centering around a common interest. 2. If you are overweight, do your best to get in better shape. If you are overweight, this will probably help more than anything. In general, try to improve your attractiveness (hair, flattering clothes).3. SMILE. This is the universal symbol of approachability. Yes, if you are a dork like me, you will feel awkward doing it, and feel like it's weird. But try to think about how you felt when someone else smiled at you. You didn't think they were awkward, you probably thought that they were friendly and nice. Smile in the mirror and make sure that yours doesn't look too fake. Also, exchanging glances with guys is the #2 sign you want them to approach you.4. As noted above, when you're in social situations, do you look like if a guy comes and talks to you, you'll be friendly and outgoing, or will coldly brush him aside? Don't look too involved in conversation or a book. Look a little bored. Again, smile at strangers. Worst of all, don't cluster in large groups of your friends. Bring along the least amount of other people, and position yourself so that there is an opening for more people to join your circle. Nobody wants to but into a tight crowd, and nobody guy to be rejected in front of 5 girls. 1 girlfriend is ideal because a guy can bring his buddy.Other less important things to consider:Dress more feminine.Meet lots of other people in general.Stay in the center of crowds.Laugh at guy's jokes.If a guy you don't like approaches you, give him 5 minutes of pleasant conversation so other guys see that you are approachable.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2010): Don't want to be superficial but do you wear something nice? Where do you go? Are you going to the right places?
I understand that you fear rejection so you don't approach them, but do you at least smile and say hi? I can't speak for other guys but for me, I would approach a girl who smiles at me. If you are not the smile and hi type, do you at least make eye contact with them in the room? Or just being closer in their area?
Wouldn't say you are doing something but is perhaps what you are not doing. Make yourself approachable by smiling and say hello, they will not lead to rejection.
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