A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This is a little longwinded but here I go. Here is the background,I have had a g/f for 3 1/2 years and so far a year and a half of being apart. She studies overseas we spent our first year together and then she went on to school we decided to keep our relationship "serious" and not see other people at all. I visited for a couple weeks during her first year overseas and she came back between 1st year and second year. I decided to get a working holiday to be with her for her second year and i moved there shortly after she went back to study. We lived together for the ten months I was there and I moved back home. She came back as well for a break between her second and third year. She went back to school and I visited for a few weeks once again. Once I got back me and some buddies planned a week long trip. So I went away with a bunch of my buddies to have a good week and it was definitely one of the best weeks of my life. I considered the trip a little bit of a failure considering my other friends are single or in open relationships and no one got laid. They kept pressuring me to try and hook up with girls and I made it clear I wasn't going to. So on the last night we were there we went to a nightclub which had a very promising ratio of girls to guys. Any ways my friends are trying pretty hard to hookup with girls trying to talk to them and dance we move around doing this for a little bit. My friend then finds a group of girls from the country I've lived in and visited with my g/f. So I chatted them up with one of my other buddies. Eventually both me and my buddy are making out with the girls, soon after which we lead them back to our hotel because their friends have already gone up to their room. When we got back to the room we started getting to our separate beds when our friends walk in. They are totally smashed and start turning on the tv and everything else. This was the last night we were there and the girl that was with me as well. So I walked her back to her hotel room and she invited me in but her friends were passed out on either bed and said sorry I guess neither one of us is getting laid this trip. So talking with my buddies the only thing I felt bad about is not getting to hook up with this girl not the fact that Im in a "serious" relationship and just had her tongue down my throat for half the night.I got back home and skyped with my g/f full well happy with myself for what I did and no remorse. The first thing that happens is she starts bitching at me for absolutely no reason because I didn't go on Facebook to chat with her on the thursday. When she said I love you I automatically said it back and we finished our conversation. I started asking myself do I really love her or am I just used to how things are and don't know any differently. Now I don't know if this is the girl I want to be with for the rest of my life or if I should end it soon. She's the first partner I've been Sexually active with as well as me for her. I know she is really attached to me but I don't want to hurt her. She likes talking a lot about getting married to me and complains whenever one of her friends gets engaged. I feel very confused and don't know what to do.
View related questions:
a break, engaged, facebook, I love you Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (18 July 2010):
 You made a mistake and should own up to it. Before you do anything else, you ought to tell her about the other girl in a private setting, and let her vent her anger over it.
The lack of emotional reaction about the new girl means that you have been physically apart from your girlfriend for so long that your brain chemistry is no longer responding to her the same way; you've lost the "addicted" feelings that make relationships so great.
If you want to fall for her again, get back into the same location and spend some time with her. Touch, cuddle, and copulate as often as possible, then see how you feel. Admittedly, that may be difficult after telling her about the vacation girl. But without the effort to rebuild the pair-bond, the relationship will continue to lose its emotional impact.
If you stay with her, I would strongly advise against marriage. You can be in love, live together, have kids together, and share bank accounts without getting married. She can even change her last name to yours without getting married. In today's legal environment, marriage offers you no benefits, but you risk losing everything in a divorce, even with a prenup. You should research the issue, then discuss it with her, if she continues to complain.
|
