A
female
age
30-35,
*acey1881
writes:I'm in hard situation I've been best friends with this guy for a long while now and he's made attempts in the past to ask me out but I denied him. But I've developed feeling for him. So I told him this in march. He makes me feel happy. He's the best guy I know. I've known him for a almost 2 years now. I havent yet gone on even a date with him cause I cant get past one thing. It sounds really shallow he's not the greatest looking guy. I mean I'm not physically attracted to him at all. But I'm very emotionally attracted to him. I guess my question is will I ever get past that. And why is this how am I so attracted to only somones personality not their looks. I've been siting here for 2 months confused at what I feel.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2010): Find a kind and considerate way to make him improve his looks as best as he can. You may be surprised by the results.
You can improve looks far more easily than you can change someone's personality for the better: if you found someone with a great personality, do not let him go.
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (21 August 2010):
 What girls want to date and what they want to sleep with are two different sets of traits. Fortunately, the traits are not mutually exclusive, but a lot of guys only fulfill one. Seems like this guy is the "want to date" kind of guy.
Good news: this kind of guy will make you feel good about yourself, improve your self-esteem, and is unlikely to betray you.
Bad news: he will not, as he is, ever fulfill your desires for drama and steamy passion.
Good news: Appearance in guys actually means very little, compared to girls' appearance anyway. You can encourage him to be more confident, more assertive, and more outgoing (all of which are easier to do for guys in relationships than out of them) and, if it works, you will actually be more physically attracted to him as a result.
There's no guarantee he will be willing to become more outgoing or assertive, but confidence is easy. Encourage him by being the best girlfriend you can be; make yourself worth the self-improvement. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, tennisstar88 +, writes (21 August 2010):
 You know the hottest guy with the worst personality could ask me out and I wont dare give him the time of day. I know growing up we were often told "Looks don't matter it's on the inside that counts." Now there is some truth to that, but come on looks matter just a lil. What is the main points u look for in a guy? Mine is awesome personality, if there's a lot of chemistry, whereas looks dont matter too much but I have to be physically attracted to them. I gotta connect with a guy emotionally, mentally, and physically. It's very hard to find a person that u connect with in all those levels. I have dated guys that werent that great looking but had a kick-ass personalities, however the relationships didnt last for other reasons. Bottom line, I would give him a chance to see if there's chemistry there to add to the personality attraction...Will u ever get past his looks? Sure, there will come a time in ur life where u will realize looks arent everything. Looks change over time, some of the hottest guys I knew in high school are not fat and balding. Also, I believe what he lacks in one dept he can make up for in the rest.
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A
male
reader, Blix  +, writes (21 August 2010):
I think I am having the same problem, from the other side. If that spark of physical attraction is not there, then it just isn't there.
And it is odd, because within a few years of being together, most couples lose that "I gotta have you feeling" anyhow. Personalities becomes the main thing.
I guess it is just one of the necessary steps. Passionate feelings are what sparks the love, and then the personal connections take over in importance.
I am suddenly feeling like ending my relationship because she just doesn't see me that way, I don't turn her on even though I would be the best of companions in the long run, she will never really be in love with me.
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A
female
reader, krunkqueen  +, writes (21 August 2010):
well yo do need to be physically attracted to someone to get into a relationship .. but if he makes you happy why does it matter so much? remember in time looks fade and eventually you too will be looking at something in the mirror you dont like. its called aging.. why not age with somone who will make you happy rather then someone who is attractive for the first 40 years of there life!
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