A
female
age
36-40,
*littlebroken
writes:I am feeling really distraught at the moment. I broke up with my ex a year ago now, and I still can't get over him. I even went to see a psychiatrist for 4 months after the break up because I was a complete mess. I feel like I still get upset about him every single day. How can I move on and forget about him? I get very angry at myself for still getting upset about him.I feel like he has taken everything good away from me. When we met I was confident, chatty, loved meeting new people, going out, etc. I felt beautiful and happy. During the time we were together, he would put me down, call me ugly, worthless. He slowly made me feel so unconfident that I was scared to go out or make new friends, and soon enough I just didn't want to and lost motivation altogether.He manipulated me all the time, one day he would say he loved me more than anything, the next he hated my guts. He would be nice to me when he wanted sex, then the next day he would leave and I would get ignored until he wanted sex again.On top of all this, he was overly jealous, and would call me a slut if another guy even looked at me. And other guys did look at me, so he made sure to put me down all the time on my looks, my clothes, everything, so that I wouldn't leave him for someone else (which I wouldn't have done anyway).During this time, my mum had cancer, and I had a miscarriage, and he did not support me in anyway. He was totally selfish and did not care or help me at all. He was always depressed and moody. In the end I had enough and broke it off.I just can't stop thinking about all this stuff. I sound tragic, don't I? I finally got rid of him and I'm still letting him affect me a year later. What do I do? The whole time we were together I thought he was the one, and that we were meant to be, two halves of one whole. I always hoped he'd change, but he never did. How the hell do I move on?
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female
reader, moonlighttreasure  +, writes (12 September 2010):
I no how u feel. I lived with a Narcissist person for 3 years, he caused so much devistation to my life. I lost my job because of him. the mental abuse was so intense. i don't no if i ever will get over this. I lost my entire life to him. I lost a 45 grand a year job from the mental abuse, he would come to my work, call me, tex me.I lost my job a year ago i have never been fired in my life! i now sleep on my daughters couch with 3 bags of clothes left to my name and so broken, mentally washed out,. one minute he loved me the next minute he hates me. we have been apart for 2 months now, i still hear from him, i get some of the worst hateful texs and then i get the most loving caring ones. it confuses me. he can be so charming, so loving, i still love him, i miss him, i have seen him a few days ago we rode our motorcycles together then went out for breakfast..we had been at the casino all night, he has a bad gambling problem ontop of everything else he is also bipolar. it was a great evening like ole times when i first met him. he has been seeing someone new and it hurts because she is experiecing the charming side of him like i did when it was first new for us then everything changed why couldn't he stayed like that? That is the man i am still in love with. my head is so messed up over the hell this man has brought to my life and my friends and family ask how could i possible love this man and miss him after all i have been through? well unless u walk in my shoes and research what Narcissist people do to u and the way they suck u in and twist and turn till u think it is really all ur fault, u are the crazy one and the guilt u feel for bad for the things u may have said in defense of there hurting words.no one can judge until u have actually lived it. He doesn't want to loose me, he wants us to remain friends but how can i? he is with someone else but yet he still wants me there for him, to ride out bikes together, hang out a pals once in awhile. I can't do it. There is another man interested in me and he is a really nice guy, and i am just blowing him off because for one my heart still belongs to this Bipolar Marine and i love him and i have a lot of baggage to sort though and it wouldn't be fair to anyone new if my heart still belongs to another. as i said i am very lost, heartbroken and see no light at the tunnel. i have been searching for a job with no luck so that doesn't help the situation either because i have way to much time on my hands to just think of him and all that went wrong and think of all that i lost and ask myself over and over how i could ever let a man take my life from me. The affects are ever lasting.
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (6 September 2010):
 It sounds like he had the Dark Triad of attractive traits - narcissism, manipulative/deceitful sociopathy, and risk-taking behavior. These traits attract women on a primal level, which is why so many women stay in abusive relationships.
Read about it here: http://www.bradley.edu/academics/las/psy/facstaff/schmitt/documents/Jonason-Schmitt-2009-DarkTriad-STM.pdf
You were attracted to his confidence, his power to hurt others, and his complete disregard for other people. He has made a very powerful impression on your mind. This is where the "two halves to a whole" feeling comes from.
To move on, you need to reconnect with old friends. Nice guy-type male friends would probably be best, though most straight nice guys will resent hearing about the bad boy. Try to be comfortable being single for a while, just you and your platonic friends, until you have yoru confidence back. This might still take a while, but it's better to start now.
It would also help to find a hobby, like softball, scrapbooking, or competitve Halo (whatever floats your boat). The point of the hobby and friends is to re-train your brain to entertain itself with thoughts other than him.
Once you've got your confidence back, then you can start dating again. Just keep in mind the lessons you've learned here. Best of luck.
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