A
female
age
26-29,
*weetLipsX0
writes:(It would be nice to have guys and girls opinion) Well me and my boyfriend have been together for 5 months now..and like yesterday and Saturday he was acting all weird with me. I asked him what was up? he said nothing at 1st..but he eventually told me that he didn't like the way i wouldn't call him babe, baby, my love,etc as much as he did. During the whole time he was bothered with me, he didn't even ask me how i was doing? Or what i was doing? and he stopped calling me any names(babe,baby, etc). I hated that feeling, i felt as if i had done something wrong and it felt as though he wanted to break up with me. I promised him i was going to change that aspect of myself and say it more often. I told some of my friends about it and they said hes messed up because that's a stupid reason to get bothered about. I don't know what to think. I'm scared to know that if i accidentally mess up again hes going to break up with me. We've been through soo much over this time and its been the best 5 months of my life..minus the last 2 days.(Question)#1 Can our relationship become stronger if i just do what he wants me 2 do?(not sexually just in general)#2 Is him being 3 years older then me, the reason hes like that? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, SweetLipsX0 +, writes (30 August 2010):
SweetLipsX0 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well thanks for all of ur comments and advice..I talked to him today and well he apologized. He apologized for being such a jerk and acting all weird with me. He wrote me a 2 1/2 page of how hes happy to be with me ad how he wants our relationship to keep going the way its been going.. I'm glad we worked things out..oh and he also said he didnt want me to change..that he likes me the way i am.. =)
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (30 August 2010):
I think this is the first signs of a controlling guy, to be honest. I find it a bit hypocrite of him to say that you're not doing things right, while he doesn't do it himself. And whilst the age gap in a normal sense wouldn't matter, he's basically an adult going out with a child (whether you're 13/14/15).
By doing what he wants you to, you become his doormat. You can speak together about this and suggest ways that you BOTH compromise, such as him telling you the same things. But for one of you to change and not the other is a bad sign. He needs to change if you do.
...............................
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (30 August 2010):
 It's not the precise behavior of calling him pet names, it's the underlying need to know you care about him and are invested in the relationship. He is looking for strong signs that you will not cheat or leave him for someone else. "Babe" is just one way that he imagines faithful couples talk to each other.
So, find a way to express your commitment that is comfortable to you, *and* recognizable to him.
In answer to your questons more generally...
1) The only pitfall worse than "I'll do whatever you want" is "I'm independent and you'd better like me just the way I am!" Relationships depend on people adding value to each others' lives. As long as both of you are comfortable in what you are doing, and as long as *both* of you are doing things for one another and are thankful for it, there's nothing wrong with responding to each others' requests.
2) The age difference is meaningless on an emotional and moral level. Just be careful about the age of consent; last thing the relationship needs is his ass getting thrown in prison.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2010): I do think that is a bit of a trivial thing for him to get so upset over. I am not sure why it would bother him so much.
In answer to your first question, in general I don't think any relationship can become stronger if you just do what your partner wants you to do. What if it is something you don't want to do or don't agree with? What if it makes you unhappy? Should you do it to make your partner happy? I don't think so. However, it is okay to compromise, and if you have no problems doing what you are asked then that is okay.
So in your case, your boyfriend is unhappy that you don't call him things like "babe" and "baby". You know that upsets him, so if you don't mind calling him those things, then I think it is fine to start doing so. If you know it will make him feel better and you have no problem with it, that is okay. But please don't start thinking you have to do everything he says in order to make him happy. We can panic when we realise our partner is upset, and want to do anything to make things okay. In your case, his request is small. But if it is ever something you are not sure about, then don't ever feel pressured to go along with what he wants. Your needs are important too.
In answer to your second question, I don't think the age difference will necessarily have any effect on this.
I know you may be scared that he will break up with you if you do anything that bothers him, but in any relationship we will all sometimes do things which upset the person we are with. We are only human, we make mistakes. And we are not mind-readers. You had no way of knowing your boyfriend was bothered by this issue. The only way things can be sorted out is if you talk to each other. Now that you know what has been bothering him, it can improve.
You don't mention in your question that he ever said he would break up with you, so are you panicking a little bit? He might not have been thinking like that at all. But either way, you can only do your best. Try not to get to stressed out. Relationships should be enjoyable experiences, not stressful ones where you constantly worry about making mistakes. If he is worth your time, he will be willing to work on problems if and when they arise.
...............................
A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (30 August 2010):
 None of the reasons you wrote at the bottom of your post are correct. Doing whatever he wants you to do will make your relationship weaker. Eventually, you'll feel like he's taking advantage of you or that it's a one-sided relationship because you'll have stopped being who YOU are. So change things like calling him babe/baby etc... but don't let him control who you actually are.
Him being 3 years older doesn't have anything to do with...anything really.
He's probably bothered because you not calling him stuff might have made him feel like he wasn't as important to you as you are to him. That's just my theory. I wouldn't say he's strange or crazed simply because of this...
I hope that helps.
...............................
|
