A
female
age
30-35,
*oll_facesweetie
writes:I'm 120 pounds and 5 4. I feel horrible about my body :( yes I talk to a counsler bit I'm too embarressed to talk about it. I hate talking to my boyfriend about it because he doesn't understand. I don't want comments saying thy I'm the right size please because that doesn't make me feel any better. I need advice on what can help me please Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Odds +, writes (27 August 2010):
 Your boyfriend might understand and simply be refusing to say you are fat - men are trained from birth not to be honest about that sort of thing. Or he may genuinely be attracted to your body shape.
Good news is you have a BMI of about 20, which ain't half bad unless the weight's in all the wrong places. So, first thgin to do is identify all of your best features and learn to emphasize them. Buy a pushup bra, learn to use makeup if you don't already know, grow your hair out long.
The catch is that you need the right mindset for this to improve your self esteem. Your goal is not to reach some objective apeparance - you will always convince yourself that you have failed, and eventually end up bulemic and depressed. Instead, your goal is to take joy in every improvement. Start jogging every morning, then six weeks from now start admiring your calves and ass. Admire your hair as it grows out, or after you dye it to a color you like.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2010): I think it is good that you talk to a counsellor, even though it must be difficult. Keep trying to talk to them, I know it is not easy, but they are really there to help you.
I wonder if you could do with a self-esteem boost? How do you feel about yourself? Apart from your body, I mean. Do you like yourself? Do you think you are a good person? Or do you define yourself by what you look like? Because you feel horrible about your body, does that make you feel horrible about yourself in general? Can you separate your body from your personality? Or is that not possible to do?
I know words may not be of much help to you right now, but no matter what our bodies are like, it doesn't change who we are inside. If you like who you are, that is great. If not, it is time to try and change that. I guess I am wondering if the way you feel about your body is a cover up for something else. I have problems with how I see myself, and I am very uncomfortable with my body. But it really all comes down to how I feel about myself as a person. If I like my body, I can like myself. If I don't, then I hate myself. Is it something like that for you?
Try and think of all the good things about yourself which have nothing to do with your body. Do things which make you happy, things you enjoy. Sometimes we get our identity and our sense of self-worth tied in with how we look, when really it shouldn't be that important. But it is very difficult, I know.
Keep trying to talk to the counsellor. Or could you write it down? Would that be any easier? Even if you could let them know you find it difficult to talk about, that would help them to understand, and to find ways of gently bringing the subject up without it being embarrassing or too upsetting. But I do definitely think your self-esteem may be low, so that could be a goal for you too - to try and feel better about yourself in general. It is difficult, and there are no quick fixes or easy answers. I know that from my own experiences. But keep going, don't give up. And remember that no matter what your body is like, it does not change the fact that you are a worthwhile person with a lot to offer to the world. Take care.
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A
female
reader, _Katy_Did_ +, writes (27 August 2010):
 Well for starters, if you're fat, then I am too. I'm about that exact height and weight. And honestly, I'd say I'm pretty skinny. I know you didn't want to hear it, but you're not fat and you don't need some magical diet plan to fix you. Talk to that counselor again. There's more going on here than your weight.
Your boyfriend doesn't understand because he doesn't see what the problem is. Because there is to outward problem. It's all in your head and the sooner you let it go, the much happier you'll be.
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