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age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: I am having a problem with maintaining the right thoughts during sex. Sometimes, I get so preoccupied with other thoughts, I actually lose my erection or dont orgasm. I look at porn online often, and find that it stimulates me mentally and helps me in bed, but I don't like to be thinking of extreme sex acts of other people when I should be enjoying mine. I literally have to visualize a girl getting gangbanged and taking it hard just to stay aroused. I've even wondered if I may just not be that into my partner. She doesn't always give me that horny, tickle in my loins-feeling I get from some women. However, she is beautiful, very sexual and experimental, and very supportive.I've tried to lay off the porn, and while it seems to help in the initial stages of sex, I invariably lose that sexual focus with my thoughts later on in the act.I've had my blood checked and my testosterone is normal (about 520). I take "male" vitamins that have zinc, vitamin E and the stuff to supposedly keep you at peak "drive".I've been under a lot of stress lately, and I know that has a lot to do with it, but my stresses will be here for a while till my life situation settles, and I cant afford to put my sex life on hold until then. I went to hypnotherapy for a while, and it helped, but was expensive and I am now unemployed and cannot afford it.Any suggestions?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2010): encouraging your woman to get in shape is one sure way not to get any sex. if the problem is how she looks remember that you have aged to and can you say youu have aged well? if one or both of you needs to get in shape make it something you do together.
you sound like you are putting too much pressure on yourself to be turned on and have conditioned yourself to only respond to porn. my best advice is go cold turkey from everything to reset your body and mind. take time with foreplay and not actual sex.
the fact that you are turned on by the aggressive act of gangbanging may well feflect the frustrations you feel within your own life. every bodys sex life takes a hit when things are going crap.
lastly remember that your wife is supporting you through this, this isnt her fault and the fact that you can only get turned on by porn is going to be a massive blow to her. how bout you try fanasising about her as a woman instead of watching some woman getting pounded by a load of men. you dont realise how lucky you are to have your partner and if you dont make the effort to remove the porn from your life you may well lose her and would be fully deserving of it.
A
female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (30 August 2010):
 I think you need to lay off the pornography. It's interfering with your sex life very, very badly. Stop all pornography and masturbation. When you get horny, you will find out your brain starts to think properly when you have only your woman to satisfy you.
You have been abusing pornography and masturbation, that along with the stress is why your having these problems.
Stop pornography, have more sex with your partner. Without pornography I think you will find you desire her more and you two get closer.
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A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (30 August 2010):
 How old is your wife? How much does she weigh? Has she aged well?
You may very well love your wife with all your heart, and your body might just refuse to cooperate because it wants the same thing every man wants, 18-25 year old hotties. Some men's bodies just respond more readily to anything that moves, others' are more picky, but you can force its cooperation.
The best thing you can do for this is 1) encourage her to get in shape (or stay that way, if she is, and make sure to compliment her on it!), and 2) Slow down. Get really into the foreplay, let her wear something sexy, take some time to make yourself so horny you can't stand it. Try some kinkier, better sex after the long foreplay.
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