A
male
age
30-35,
*ini
writes:I'm in love with a girl in college. We're both in our freshmen years and same class.Anyway, I was trying to come closer her but it looks like she can't see me as anything other than a possible friend...Either way, this is not the main thing, I discovered she hung out with one of the boys of our course, in a senior year, they went to the cinema last Weekend (I did really discovered it by joining the dots over real people conversation, twitter, facebook, etc.), It's not open to everyone they're going out, but I KNOW they're and it's not a friend relationship cause they don't tell anyone they went to the movies together.Should I just give up her and remain lonely? After all the guy she's going out with is on his senior year, is taller than me, more beautiful than me, stronger than me (physically I mean, like he's hot and I'm not)...HELP?!
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (9 September 2010):
 I guess the thing to think about is that since you can't have her as a girlfriend at this time, that you take this time now to start to develop friendships with girls, so you have some help if she is ever free to date. In other words, practice. Practice talking, learn to overcome that shyness. If you are too shy, too reticent, you will find that people will think you are snobby or aloof, which of course isn't the case. So you don't have to become the life of the party, just start talking to people. Try to learn one thing about them in each conversation. Where do they live? What's their favorite song? Which teacher do they think is the most interesting? Just talk.
This will be helpful not only with this girl, who is dating an older self-assured man, but will help you in life as well.
I'm telling you, get to know the girls. Get them to think you are a great guy, and they will talk about you, even if they have boyfriends. Show some interest in their lives and thoughts, you don't have to show off or impress them by being macho. Just pretend they are a long-lost relative, and you are catching up on the news.
Your world is very narrow right now, as you cannot see beyond your classroom, that's normal but trust me, when you get out into the world, you will see that there are all kinds of people and girls and a whole world of experience out there for you to enjoy and grow from.
A
male
reader, Vini +, writes (9 September 2010):
Vini is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTisha-1, not the only girl in the university, however, the only girl in my class date-worthy, there are others, but mostly have already boyfriends, and overall I'm kinda shy for these things, so it would be a lot harder to get to start talking to girls I don't have classes with...
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (9 September 2010):
Is she the only girl in the entire school? The only girl you will ever know for the rest of your life? If she is, then don't give up.
However, my guess is that there are many girls out there that you are overlooking. My other observation of girls at this age is that once the guy is relegated to the 'friend zone' or is considered not dating material, it's really hard to get that back.
The only way to do it is to remain friendly with her, don't cling, don't hang around and make goo-goo eyes at her, don't stalk her, don't be a pest. You have to change how she perceives you and the way to do this is to appear attractive to her friends. Get her friends to think you are hot and date-worthy, and she'll take a second look. You have to show your excellence, whatever that is. (I do hope it's not video games, that's not considered particularly sexy or hot by girls.) If you are an athlete, be sure they see that. If you are good with the spoken word, make sure they hear you speaking or reading. If you are artistic--this one is a bit tricky--let them see your work, as long as it isn't voluptuous cartoon girl things.
You must also always smell good, masculine with no foul body odor. Clean hands and nails. Watch what girls look at. They check out the whole guy, his entire body and so you have to look good from head to toe.
What is the handsome dude wearing? Find the clothes that enhance your body. Flat stomach? Show it off. Broad shoulders? Ditto.
Carry yourself well. Don't slouch, whatever you do, don't look defeated. Shoulder blades together, head held high, abs tucked in, solid body stance. Don't fidget. Look self-assured and calm. Even if you do not feel it.
Become a bit mysterious. Flirt with other girls, better still, in front of her. Take your focus and gaze and attention from this girl for a bit and give her a chance to miss you.
Good luck, let us know how you manage.
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A
male
reader, skates89us +, writes (9 September 2010):
Hi
well for one the statement should I just give up on her and remain lonely has to be examined to some extent. Who said you have to be lonely? You have the option to date others also. This is how it is in loving relationships. We win some and lose many. Dont give up its a dating game at your age a numbers game. That is how Id be looking at it
Also did you ever ask her out formerly? Does she know of your interest in her? How do you know she wont see it as anything other than a dating thing? That is what Im wondering about ?
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A
female
reader, gypsytracks  +, writes (9 September 2010):
there are a lot of pretty girls out there... so forget this girl and go out met other girls and you'll find someone.
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A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (9 September 2010):
 "Should I just give up her and remain lonely?"
Yes, you should give up on her. No, you should not remain lonely.
There are thousands of girls out there, any one of whom would make a fine girlfriend. This one does not return your affections - therefore, she is not special, and not good girlfriend material.
It hurts to get past that feeling, but getting put in the friend zone is a part of life. In the future, when you meet girls, try to immediately build attraction and ask them out quickly, rather than being friends first. It's easy to shift from flirting to platonic friendship, but much more difficult to do the reverse.
Best of luck to you in the future.
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