A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have a really HUGE problem.This really sweet guy friend of mine asked me on a date. I said yes, and at the time I thought it would be a nice experience for me. It will be my first date (and I've been holding off on this for a while). Soon after I accepted his offer, I realized that I like being single (go *bleeping* figure!) and am not interested in a log-term relationship.I would like to go on dates and have fun, but am not interested in being anyone's girlfriend right now. I don't know how to make this clear to him that I just want to have fun. I mean, it's not like I want to be a tease, and he's not a bad guy! I just want to go on a few dates and that's all. Help, please! How can I make this clear without coming off like I felt bad for him or was leading him on??? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (8 September 2010):
 Just enjoy the date. Who knows maybe he isn't looking for "happily ever after" either.
You can date without wanting a long term relationship, a house with a white picket fence, 2.5 kids.... :)
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (8 September 2010):
 Guys are used to going out on a few dates and having nothing happen. The first few dates are just to see if you're compatible anyway.
Just two points to keep your conscience clear: first, pay for your half of everything. It would be wrong to take advantage of his wallet when you've already decided you will not be his girlfriend.
Second, consider the opportunity you are missing. Do you want to be single just so you can date/sleep with multiple guys at once, or so you don't have to do either one at all? Are you just hoping that a higher-status guy will ask you out? In any case except refusing to be anyone's girlfriend, you are developing a bad habit by doing this. Plus, if word gets around, people may think you lead guys on.
Just think carefully about it, and don't take advantage of the guy's feelings or wallet.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 September 2010):
 You are leading every guy on if you accept dates when you are not interested in a relationship at all. Don't accept dates unless you are actually interested.
But, heres what you need to do. Go to the date as planned. The "rules" of dates is that you meet to learn more about each other and possibly develop romantic feelings. After one or two dates you are fully allowed to say "thanks, but no thanks". Just do NOT kiss the guy or lead him on. Go to the date, and then say thanks for the date, but reject any future dates. This part Im not that good at, but how things usually end up is that I show with body language that I am not that interested in more, and then don't contact them again.
Personally though I don't understand the whole dating thing. Why would you want to go on dates with men when you are not interested in them? If you want some fun why don't you just go out with friends? Guys WILL think you are leading them on if you accept several dates without ever being interested in the guy. Accepting dates= I like you too and Im interested to get to know you better.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2010): First of all i think you should tell him that you like him but your just not ready to be in a committed relationship. If he is a nice guy then you'll probably still be able to hang out and be friends. Its totally understandable that you want to be able to go on dates but not be in a relationship. If this happens again i think you should tell him straight away that you don't want to be in a relationship then see what happens.....
I hope this helped and good luck!
...............................
A
male
reader, dirtball +, writes (8 September 2010):
 In the early stages of a relationship, you're just dating anyway. This is the time that you're supposed to decide if you like being around eachother enough to take it to a new level. Honestly, I'd just enjoy it for now. If you notice him calling all the time or starting to act more possessive, then tell him that you don't see it working out that way. Who knows, you may find that what you think you want isn't what you actually want.
...............................
|
