A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am at a total loss as to where to meet decent, single men in their 30's (or even meet women of my age that I could be friends with, preferably who are able to go out once in a while!). Any ideas? I have tried almost everywhere I can possibly think of to meet men of my age.Most of my friends have settled down now and rarely go out, so for ages I went out on my own even though I hated it.I have done voluntary work every week for years but the only man I met of my age through that had significant problems that I could not have dealt with. I have been out on own to all manner of events but those of my age seem to be in relationships.I recently joined a hobby-related group only to find that in the words of the person that I went with 'you are the youngest here by at least 25 years, if not 30 years!')I am a member of a gym. I joined only to find that again I was the youngest there by 25 years! In fact, the gym instructors (mainly female!) pounced on me as soon as I walked in the door saying it was so nice to meet a younger person for a change!I live close to an area which is full of old people, but the amount seems to have increased substantially in the last few years. I have got absolutely nothing against the older generation (some of my friends are from the older generation), but I want to meet people of my own age! It's great that the older generations are so active these days, but even so can someone please tell me where I can find the 30 somethings!I met my ex-boyfriend through a very good dating agency, which was the only one covering the local area, only to find that when I went to use them this time they had closed down as there were 3 times as many women going as men (so that tells me there aren't many single eligible men around!).The only place where I hear there are alot of men are golf courses. I know though that most of them are married, but there are some single men that go. I would like to learn golf but I don't want to end up in a relationship where my partner is on the golf course all the time (like my ex-boyfriend was, although ironically I didn't meet him on the golf course!)I have asked my friends to keep a look out for an eligible man, but even they say there are very few around. One friend said that she wouldn't recommend any of her husband's single friends to me because they were all single for a reason, i.e. players.I have tried on-line dating, but that didn't work at all. All I met on there was men who kept mucking me about.Work is a no-go, as I work in an office entirely of women! I spoke to one of my work-mates who was looking for friends of our age too. She joined a hobby-related club only to find that every single one there was retired!!! I have so many hobbies/clubs that I belong to (I haven't listed all of them) that you'd think there would be some eligible men around/people of my age!!!!Do single men (and women) of my age (mid 30's) never go out!?!?!I have even considered moving away to meet younger people, but my wage is so low I couldn't afford to. I have now run out of ideas!
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male
reader, Yos  +, writes (12 September 2010):
 It's tough as a thirty-something. I've been there. Still am, though fortunately got over the difficult single patch.
Ironically I know plenty of nice single guys. Not 'players' but rather people who have come out of long relationships in their thirties and realized that dating at this age is trickier. So I know they exist!
I would mainly recommend doing what I did, which is to be really social. It's a pain for sure, but I spent extra effort going out a great deal. Stuff like going to bars with friends, going to parties, and just about any event I could get to that wouldn't be too boring. Then I would work hard to find the single girls there, decide if I liked any, and then contact them after to go on a date. It meant lots of tentative first dates: where one-on-one you can work out if you actually might like the person, and go on further dates. Plus avoiding just jumping straight into bed with them; which doesn't usually lead to relationships, or leads to short relationships with people you don't really like that much but sort of fit the bill temporarily. Patience, in other words.
It's a lot of work, but it does pay off in the end.
Since I sympathize with your predicament, I'll give you another off-the wall suggestion. A LOT of perfectly nice and intelligent thirty something guys play social online computer games. Not World of Warcraft, which has a younger demographic and is too addictive, but similar better games that are more mature and less time consuming. These games tend to have a small number of female players, so women who do play can be very popular!
I play some of these games from time to time, and have met many of the other players offline and had a great time. I've even hired someone I met playing online! Despite the stereotype, many players are thirty+ guys with good jobs and balanced lifestyles, they just tend to be a bit geeky. Which can be great as long as you don't mind someone reading New Scientist or getting excited about a feature on their mobile phone from time to time.
Rather than recommend any specific game here, send me a message if you think you might even consider this type of thing, and I'll be able to make some recommendations. I guess it does qualify as yet another hobby, but if you're looking for high concentrations of nice, single, thirty-something guys, it's the best I can think of.
A
male
reader, mrvhappy +, writes (12 September 2010):
Hi,
Depending on where you live....try City Socialising. I live in London and its great. Mainly for professional (nice ) people
Good luck..who knows I might see you there!!
Cheers
Ben
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A
male
reader, Odds  +, writes (12 September 2010):
 The dating scene is absolutely brutal to women in their 30's. Most of the advice that will actually be effective will also hurt a little. Now, whether it's true or not, every single man you meet is going to assume you have the baby rabies and will take any man, only to later lambast them for not being good enough. You will have to fight this perception at every turn.
Around one in five women in the America and Britain today will *never* be married. So, you're going to have to compromise, as competition is fierce, and even the mediocre ones will be snapped up quickly. Most guys in their 30's are looking for women in their mid-to-late 20's. So, shoot for guys in their early 40's. Additionally, this sent up red flags for me: "I don't want to end up in a relationship where my partner is on the golf course all the time."
You've found a pool of eligible men with the qualities you seek, but are turning them down because of their hobby. This attitude will only reinforce the perception mentioned in the first paragraph, even if they do play too much.
Another red flag: "All I met on [online] was men who kept mucking me about."
I'll assume "mucking about" means trying to sleep with you without committing. In that case, you made the right decision to leave them, but stay with the online dating. It takes time for results to appear. Some of these guys may actually be good dating material, and simply trying to see if you're the type to put out too soon. Give them another chance if they try.
At the same time, if a guy is slow to commit, he is completely normal. These guys have options, and many of them never had those options when they were younger. You will have to make yourself the best option, and part of that means being willing to take some time. Marriage is dangerous for men, and men in their 30's and 40's have seen very possible warning sign of a pain-in-the-neck girlfriend. You must strive to avoid even the appearance of a bad girlfriend, even for a moment. That means tolerating some less-than-perfect behaviors from men.
Keep your gym membership, staying fit is going to put you above the rest of the dating pool your age.
Let me reiterate: the dating scene will be brutal, perhaps undeservedly so. A single woman in her mid-30's is like a male anime-nerd in college; you have to work your ass off to compete. Develop the most pleasant, feminine persona you can, and above all, be patient with guys. If they have 75% of what you're looking for in a man, count yourself lucky. Best of luck to you.
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A
female
reader, bethany95 +, writes (12 September 2010):
well, this is a common thing once your friends settle down! it does get irritating after a while. i would advise against meeting people on facebook if you ever thought of that? but you could try going on different dating websites. also a great way to meet new people is to learn something new, whether it be a group class of salsa dancing, or learning a new subject! this is a great way of meeting new people, or if that still doesn't work you can always move to somewhere new? i know that is a bit far fetch but it's not out of the question, i hope this helped a little bit!
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