A
male
age
30-35,
*aichouNoChiizu
writes:I've never really been comfortable about sex before. It's always been something I've felt extremely awkward and embarrassed about. I mean, I don't have any problem talking about it with people online, nor do I have any problem watching porn or even masturbating because I do ...But if I get into any sort of sexual situation, not sex but even just something like dirty jokes and flirting, with someone else -- in person, I get so uncomfortable and embarrassed just hearing it.I feel like such an outcast because I'm freakin' 19 already but I still feel weird about it. Could it have been the way I was raised? There was always a lot of tension about sexuality and my parents never even gave me any sort of "talk." To be honest, I've never had a full sexual encounter -- let alone even gone out with a girl, which I'm sure at my age classes me as a "loser" but I have my reasons...I don't really know how to ask a girl out in the first place, I'm so clueless.Could it be a confidence issue? I'm not the most attractive guy in the world, see: chubby asian guy type. I don't think poorly of myself, but I don't think of myself in high regard...I'm just ehhh. I'm not very social, I guess.My penis being only 4 inches hard didn't help either. Gym was full of mean and nasty guys who teased me about it, who then spread it to mean and nasty girls who teased me about it. The most common insult I heard was "My kid brother is bigger than you." I've got an insecurty complex 'cause of it now. I wish I could have told them "Stop teasing me, it's hurtful." but I didn't have the balls to say anything. Is it true that bigger is better? ;PIt has been my decision to hold off sex until I'm in something meaningful, but I feel like I'm missing out at the same time. I'm even worried that a lot of girls at my university will be weirded out because I'm still a virgin at this age. You hear a lot it being the "norm" for people to lose their virginity at like 13 or 14 now, which, IMO, is way too young. A part of me -wants- to just let free and have sex, another part wants to just wait. I'm confused about what I want to do.Am I stupid for waiting for sex? Do girls think it's stupid/weird/awkward if a guy "waits" to have sex? Is there something wrong with me if I'm still feeling timid and awkward about sex at my age? How can I feel more comfortable and about sexuality?Help?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (7 September 2010):
 Meh, you need to stop caring what other people think so much. Don't base your sense of self-worth on what you think others think of you, you are the way you are and to hell with what anyone else thinks? I lost my virginity at 21 and the girl who took it absolutely loved the fact that she was my first. Being comfortable with sex is ultimately going to come once you've actually got some sexual experience but its pretty easy to "fake it till you make it".
Having your virginity at 19 only makes you a loser if you let yourself think it does.
A
male
reader, Odds +, writes (7 September 2010):
 "I don't really know how to ask a girl out in the first place, I'm so clueless."The answer to that is to be prepared to fail. You know what happens when you ask a girl out and she says no? Nothing. So, just keep trying. Go into it with the attitude of "Whatever happens, happens." If you can find a good wingman to give you tips and push you into it, that would be beneficial."I'm not the most attractive guy in the world, see: chubby asian guy type."So hit the gym. Eat right. Lose the chub and put on some muscle. It takes dedication, but you will be amazed at the boost in confidence."My penis being only 4 inches hard didn't help either. Gym was full of mean and nasty guys who teased me about it, who then spread it to mean and nasty girls who teased me about it."You have a tongue and ten good fingers. You *can* rock any woman's world, and they will be thankful. The key is to be proud of what you got no matter what it is, or what anyone says."I'm even worried that a lot of girls at my university will be weirded out because I'm still a virgin at this age."19 is not a weird age to be a virgin. I know a lot of guys who were that way, by choice or otherwise. It's just one state of being. Avoiding the hookup scene is better for you in the long run. The single most popular man I've ever known with the girls was a devout Christian who waited until he was married (which he is now, happily. Broke a lot of hearts). I don't advise marriage, but waiting for something meaningful is a good decision."How can I feel more comfortable and about sexuality?"By being more confident in general. Fake it until it feels real. One of the most satisfying qualities of life (and a requirement for any sort of leadership) is the ability to believe in your own infallibility while still learning from mistakes.Knowledge helps too. The internet can tell you anything you want to know about sex. Porn sites and professional advice columns won't help - sex tips, biology texts, and similar sites are the way to go. We fear the unknown, so go learn.So go out there, get embarrassed, learn from your mistakes, and grow thicker skin. Keep your friends close and learn to be happy single; romance is much easier when you are content without it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2010): I think when the time is right, you will know and it wont be so uncomfortable. When you really care about someone, you work your way into a deeper relationship and it all kinda evolves naturally. Dont dwell so much on sex, and more on finding someone you really are attracted to and who is attracted back.
As for the size of your penis...4 is on the smallish side, but if you learn to use it as well as your fingers and tongue, you can make a woman very happy. :) mal
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A
female
reader, WhateverMovesThee +, writes (7 September 2010):
 First off, don't go by whats "normal" for other people. I agree that sex at 14 is wrong, it's too young. But hon, if you want to wait that's not a bad thing. You have my respect for that. IMO if you have sex with any1 and everyone whose eager to have sex with you, then it's meaningless. You slake your lust but then what? Theres nothing behind it. I'm sorry to hear you were teased..but those people are ignorant and pathetic-so insecure they pick on others to feel good. A "huge" penis means nothing, some women like them and some don't. For some, it's quite painful anyway so in some cases, your size will be preffered. Also, NOTHING is wrong with ur timidity. In time, it will fade. Its easier to talk to girls if you befriend them first, make friends in classes, university clubs. Luv is friendship on fire after all :) If you want to feel attractive, don't down yourself. Working out really helped me with upping my confidence and I my guy friends made it so I wasn't so shy around men anymore. I'm not rushing though!
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