| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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How do I get my friend to stop liking me?
Q. Hello dear aunts and uncles :) I go to college and I have a best guy friend there, we understand each other really well, he's nice and one of the best friends in general I've ever had. I suspected he might be into me and recently he confirmed he ...
A. 24 August 2013: Dear Anon,
You asked "I really want him to stop this so we can be friends again (without the awkwardness), but I don't know how!"
Sorry you can't have that. He is a man and not homosexual. You will just have to learn how to get by without h... (read in full...)
How to tell your boyfriend he's starting to look unattractive?!?
Q. My long term boyfriend (29) has really changed his appearance. He used to have gorgeous hair, wear good clothes and look his age. Recently however, he's started to look older and older! He now cuts his hair so short he's nearly bald looking and says ...
A. 24 August 2013: Dear dieing libido,
Sounds like he is feeling his age. He may also be dressing more conservatively for his work. There are questions here that would help us advise you better. I'm willing to try to help you understand and will give you some adv... (read in full...)
I don't want to get married even though I am engaged!
Q. Hi aunts and uncles. I really dont know how to word this, so bare with me. Im 24, my fiance is 26. Weve been together 5 years and have two children ages 2 and 3. We are engaged to be married in april, 2015. We are paying for the wedding ourselves, ...
A. 24 August 2013: Very interesting question. I have a question in return. What is the difference between your current relationship, and your expected married relationship?
You mention two things in your post that are my only clues. He didn't propose to you in a... (read in full...)
He is pushing me away and here I am, crying my eyes out!
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. He's 35 and I'm 31. My boyfriend has basically been neglecting me. He's always been the initiator in the relationship when it comes to texting/contact and anymore he doesn't even try. We don't live together ...
A. 24 August 2013:
I disagree, at least to some extent. I agree that you are unhappy and that the relationship is dieing. I disagree about the causes.
I'm really having trouble being sympathetic with you Original poster. You seen to be wanting to blame him fo... (read in full...)
What does it mean when your husband doesn't get hard anymore?
Q. Hi I'm a married woman, mother of 2 and 1 on the way. My husband and I just recently relocated for a better life for the family. We don't know anyone here so we just rely on each other to get to know the area more. So as most parents know, its ...
A. 22 August 2013: Well Neon,
You asked a direct question and I think it is the best way to address your problem. "what does it mean when your husband doesn't get hard anymore?"
It could mean a lot of things. If you were older there are a number of health... (read in full...)
Am I getting subconsciously turned on by his jealousy and total devotion?
Q. As I wrote on a separate page on here, a few days ago I was unfaithful to my boyfriend. I cheated on him with colleague after spending the whole night having superamazing sex at his. Now, something incredible happened. I've been with my boyfrien...
A. 8 August 2013: Miss Newbern,
Sometimes after reading a lot of posts from the same person, I start to wonder what is really going on. I've been reading for a few days and have read the replies you have received. This time you asked a very interesting question... (read in full...)
What are some of the good things that can come from having sex with my boyfriend?
Q. I hear a lot about the negative side of sex and bad things that could happen from having sex. What are some of the benefits of having sex? What are some of the positive outcomes that would/could result in having sex with my boyfriend?...
A. 5 August 2013: I think this is a very good question, and deserves an honest response. Generally I believe in sex only within long term committed relationships. So I wouldn't advise you to be jumping in too soon, but often sex gets such a bad rap that I think ... (read in full...)
I want this to be the best date she's ever had! Help!
Q. So I'm currently on the cusp of something big with a girl I've had a crush on for years. We met when we were 8 and grew up together and all that cliche crap. Fast forward to me actually doing something about it because frankly, I was sick of her ...
A. 31 July 2013: Wow this is some dangerous territory. For over a decade she has known you and dismissed you as not dating material. You level of expectation / hope seems very high considering that. The best advice you have received so far was "not overboard", ... (read in full...)
I want his girlfriend to know he's been cheating on her with me!
Q. So I've been talking/hooking up with this guy and he has a girlfriend of a few years... I don't want to change my situation with him yet but I do want her to know what he's doing. She seems like a really good (virginal) girl... How could I do this ...
A. 23 July 2013: All of the answers so far have been asking "Why?" So I put this on the back burner and let it simmer for a while. There are two things that have surfaced so far.
First our Original Poster shows that she equates the Girlfriend's virginal status a... (read in full...)
If you have cheated before, are you not worthy of any future relationships? Are cheaters really 'red flags'?
Q. I have read so many questions and responses on DC. The most common response or feedback is IF HE OR SHE HAS CHEATED ON HIS/HER GIRLFRIEND/BOYFRIEND OR WIFE/HUSBAND BEFORE, YOU SHOULD NOT BE WITH HIM/HER BECAUSE HE/SHE WOULD DO THE SAME TO YOU! ...
A. 23 July 2013: I agree with you lumping the cheaters in with the addicts. I'm somewhat skeptical of the worthy of love theory. Current theory says that cheating is addictive. I've seen enough evidence to agree with that.
Now to the worthy of love / christia... (read in full...)
What does no love lost between two people mean?
Q. Someone told me that there is no love lost between me and my son's mother-in-law. what does she mean? Has the mother-in-law badmouthed me?...
A. 17 July 2013: Directly it means that neither of you is wasting any loving emotion on the other. So no love is used unprofitably. For more practical definitions see the other replies.
For a bit of advice on the side of your question. In laws frequent... (read in full...)
Is he interested in me, and if so what can I do to stop it?
Q. I have a real dilemma and I am in need of advice. I am a single 30-something year old mum and have been single for 9 years. My daughter rides at a local riding school and isn't of the age I can leave her on her own. She has become friends with ...
A. 16 July 2013: Broken Crown,
No you are not reading this wrong. Last time I had a problem of this nature I just showed the girl in question a picture of my girlfriend. Sadly that isn't the right option for you. You have told him that you are not interest... (read in full...)
Why am I dreaming of my ex? I'm happily married!
Q. For last few weeks I have been dreaming about my ex boyfriend and it's starting to upset me. I'm happily married and have been with my husband for 3 years. We got together about 3 months after my relationship with my ex ended. My ex was a complete...
A. 11 July 2013: There are two things to consider here.
Most people misinterpret dreams about their ex as being a hidden desire to get back with the ex. Dreams about your ex are usually warnings that something about your current relationship reminds you of y... (read in full...)
Is an awkward first kiss a bad sign?
Q. I just had my first, very first, kiss with my, again, first boy-I-like-and-he-likes-me. And I got to say, it was...awkward. Don't get me wrong, I really like this guy! But we are both going off to different colleges (same state though) this fall and ...
A. 27 June 2013: Let me tell you what is a sign. You are looking for a sign. That tells me that you are insecure in the relationship. You are afraid of either it not working out or of it working out. You are worried about how the long distance thing is going to ... (read in full...)
I can talk to her and try to establish a friendship, which I imagine would make me happier, OR continue living my life imagining different ways this could turn out. Which?
Q. It's been a year and three months since my ex-girlfriend broke up with me, ending a two year relationship. It was a complete shock to me at the time(unexpected), especially since she started seeing another guy within the same week. When she ended...
A. 27 June 2013: Ptchn,
What should you do? What you have been doing, grieving for the lost friend and relationship. Getting over it. Recovering from the loss and moving on.
You still love her and respect her, and that is O K. She has not had those feelin... (read in full...)
He's the only one I'll ever love. How can I find a way for us to be together?
Q. My heart is broken. I'm so afraid that I've lost hope of winding up with the person I know in my heart is for me. I love one of my closest friends, and I know in my heart that I'll NEVER love anyone else like I love him. I'm afraid that he's...
A. 18 June 2013: I'm not quite twice your age. In all my life I have met one person who carried his love for his first and only love to his grave. I still like and admire the guy. He turned out to be a very good person. The point is that it is very rare. You ... (read in full...)
Do girls have relationships so young? I'm only 14
Q. HI, my name's Olivia and recently, I went for this competition where I met this boy who I talked to. And afterwards, we talked on facebook for a couple of weeks and we met once after that for a movie with some of our mutual friends. He confessed ...
A. 18 June 2013: Hi,
What a serious contemplation you have had over this matter. You are unusual for your age. Actually in my experience 14 is a pretty average age for a serious crush. That is not the important part of your question. What you are really a... (read in full...)
I counted his viagra pills and of course I thought the inevitable
Q. I had to attend a conference that was out of state that lasted over a week. I got a nagging feeling and before I left I counted my husband's Viagra pills. When I got back I counted them again and 1/4 of a tablet was gone. He halves them and ...
A. 14 June 2013: Ahh, the sixth sense. It is frequently your mind summing up a bunch of little things. But whether you had reason to suspect or not, you now have s missing half dose. As a guy in a similar situation to your husband let me give you my take. I've ... (read in full...)
My husband looks at other women in front of me. Is this normal?
Q. I just have a quick question. Am i wrong for feeling a certain way that my husband looks at other women in front of me, he says he dont but I look right at his face and catch his wondering eyes, i take that as disrespect cause i know that men look ...
A. 14 June 2013: It isn't whether or not he is looking, it is whether or not you trust him. Also there is looking and then there is looking again.
So if he is looking and looking twice, there is trouble in the relationship. If he is lying about looking,... (read in full...)
Dreaming about "another" guy. Any advice?
Q. I have been dating my amazing boyfriend for almost 3 years. However, for more then a year I have been dreaming about this "other" guy a lot, and no matter what this "other" guy always happens to be brought up in conversations and seen in places I ...
A. 14 June 2013: Mars,
The fact that the dream keeps coming back is an indicator that your subconscious mind is trying to tell you something. One of the things it is probably trying to tell you is that you miss the emotional intimacy that your relation... (read in full...)
Is it wrong that I'm a chubby chaser? I don't want them to get thin!
Q. please help i want alot of opinions hopefully professional opinions, heres my question- i love dating plus size women over 300lbs but heres the thing, if a plus size woman wants to lose weight all the attraction is over and the relationship is ...
A. 13 June 2013: A person who is unhappy with their body is harder to get along with. If you love their form and they hate it, then you are at odds. Many women, not just obese women, are unhappy with some aspect of their body. That obsession can become a negative ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid I'm not dating material because I'm an introvert and like being alone
Q. I am an introvert and enjoy being alone. I am insecure about it because my behavior is out of the norm. I think girls will find me boring because I don't drink or like going out to parties and I am very reserved. A few girls have liked me but I ...
A. 12 June 2013: I have come to the conclusion that i must either change myself to a more outgoing and charismatic person or give up on dating because I don't hate my personality? What is the best course of action? or am I irrational?
Changing your personal... (read in full...)
Is it normal that I'm worried about my boyfriend being in the air force?
Q. Hey y'all. My boyfriend is in the air force, doing special ops. And this requires field training where he goes in the woods and try to basically survive. Well, when we started dating, he was already in, so I couldn't change his mind if I wanted to. ...
A. 11 June 2013: Interesting that you should ask this question. It really has to do with the biological model. Girls want the strongest most exciting male possible. They seem to be the best protectors. Then reality hits, What you really want is stability. A ... (read in full...)
Have I ruined a wonderful relationship by putting pressure on him to commit?
Q. I would like some advice about my relationship with my boyfriend. Apologies in advance as it's quite complicated. We met 3 years ago at university and dated for a year. But he was an exchange student and had to go back to his country after th...
A. 11 June 2013: You will know when he answers. If he is everything you think he is he will be ready. If he says he is still finding himself then he is not going to settle. My take on your story is that he has a lot of resentment built up. He wants you tied down ... (read in full...)
Should I do something for my b/f of 6 months on father's day?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 6 months and he has a young son. Should I do something special for him for Fathers Day? I'm pretty sure his ex wife will get some something for him from their son but should I do something too?...
A. 11 June 2013: If it was mothers day the answer would be a big yes. If you like to show your love by giving presents, then this is a good opportunity. I'm the kind of guy who can't be bothered with fathers day, so I tend to think all guys feel the way I do. ... (read in full...)
Am I wasting my time? She's a bit younger so she might be shy or I'm getting the wrong end of the stick.
Q. Heya if you could please advise.. I met a girl I like who works next door to me, I've liked her for a while but I'm naff at asking girls out, and I like to make sure shes interested.anyway about 2 weeks ago I asked if she wanted to go for a drink ...
A. 7 June 2013: I see, she is being cautious with letting out her number. getting her number should be a major goal of the first small date.
FA... (read in full...)
Am I wasting my time? She's a bit younger so she might be shy or I'm getting the wrong end of the stick.
Q. Heya if you could please advise.. I met a girl I like who works next door to me, I've liked her for a while but I'm naff at asking girls out, and I like to make sure shes interested.anyway about 2 weeks ago I asked if she wanted to go for a drink ...
A. 6 June 2013: So aside from major failure to communicate everything is going fine.
You asked her out for drinks at a non specific time. Gave her a phone number and waited for her to call. She was waiting for you to call. It's your job as the guy, or as th... (read in full...)
To forgive or not to forgive?
Q. Hiya guys, i really hope someone out there can give me a good perspective on my situation. Im not going to go into detail but my dilemma is really the whole 'forgive or not forgive' scenario. I became friends with a guy and we decided to see e...
A. 5 June 2013: Skeez,
I'm pretty sure Tisha covered it. You don't forget. Your memory is what protects you from making the same mistake twice. Forgiving is as much for you as it is for him. Forgiving never condones the hurtful behavior. If the offender... (read in full...)
I have a friend I'm in love with. Do I just leave her alone? She still loves her ex!
Q. Okay,so recently I reconnented with a former best friend who stop talking to me because of her then boyfriend. Anyway we started back talking april 15th and we were dating that same day. We been together before she broke up with me Thursday, because ...
A. 31 May 2013: Thanks fro writing back. It's the only way we know that you have read us. I think there is something you have misunderstood. Probably because I didn't state it clearly. What you have to do now that you have sent the messages, is wait. You met ... (read in full...)
I have a friend I'm in love with. Do I just leave her alone? She still loves her ex!
Q. Okay,so recently I reconnented with a former best friend who stop talking to me because of her then boyfriend. Anyway we started back talking april 15th and we were dating that same day. We been together before she broke up with me Thursday, because ...
A. 27 May 2013: Here is how I see it. You are in love. She is not ready.
There are two important things to think about. One is she didn't chose you as a boyfriend in the first place. Two she is in no condition to be in a relationship right now.
In orde... (read in full...)
Help! My boyfriend is putting me in awful moods!
Q. Hi everyone. So I've been with my boyfriend for 2 and a half years. No, our relationship isn't perfect as I've been struggling with depression and its killed my sex drive but he understands and is really nice about it. However, it really doe...
A. 26 May 2013: Sleeping 13 hours sounds like he has depression. That's pretty excessive without a medical / psychological reason.
I checked into this topic because of the title. Many people blame their moods on the actions of others. Without in any way excu... (read in full...)
My boyfriend pointed out a larger girl to me and said if I ever got that fat he would dump me!
Q. I am 27 and have been with my boyfriend for just under 4 years. At the weekend we were on a night out and he pointed out a woman on the dancefloor who was probably a UK size 14/16 and he told me if I ever get as fat as that he will dump me! Now this ...
A. 23 May 2013: And, on the other hand, he represented himself as not caring about weight for over 3 years. Now suddenly he is rudely issuing dire warnings. Is that not a change of personality? So my question remains, Why the change?
I believe that somethin... (read in full...)
Struggling to trust my girlfriend after she kissed another man....
Q. My situation is that my long term girlfriend of 9 years kissed another man at work. She came clean about it all and turns out that this dick has been pursuing her for about 6 years! She said she got curious and kissed him and that she immedia...
A. 23 May 2013: I had a problem with a delivery guy harassing my secretary years ago. A little talk with his home office and we got his route changed.
Set ups frequently backfire, I wouldn't go there.
FA... (read in full...)
Do you think he has started having different feelings? If so I might as well end this relationship.
Q. So for the past 5 months I have been in a fwb relatioinship with a friend I met thru a friend. The thing is I'm married and he's not married but is already in a relationship himself. So we work on eachothers schedule. Now the sex isn't always the...
A. 23 May 2013: Feelings are a big danger in FWB relationships. Intimacy of one kind (physical) invites intimacy of another (emotional). You also have the intimacy of the shared secret. He may have a better understanding of your schedule than your husband ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend pointed out a larger girl to me and said if I ever got that fat he would dump me!
Q. I am 27 and have been with my boyfriend for just under 4 years. At the weekend we were on a night out and he pointed out a woman on the dancefloor who was probably a UK size 14/16 and he told me if I ever get as fat as that he will dump me! Now this ...
A. 23 May 2013: Nope, I don't think you are over reacting. It is weird that he should suddenly take an interest in weight. Something has changed, or he has been hiding something for a very long time. It could be any number of things including a conversation with ... (read in full...)
Struggling to trust my girlfriend after she kissed another man....
Q. My situation is that my long term girlfriend of 9 years kissed another man at work. She came clean about it all and turns out that this dick has been pursuing her for about 6 years! She said she got curious and kissed him and that she immedia...
A. 22 May 2013: Oh that is a messy story. So Your questions are "Would you trust this man?" And, "What would you do about it?"
First no one is asking you to trust this man. The answer is no, no one would trust this guy. What you are really asking is how can ... (read in full...)
Did my boyfriend really want the gift to be from both of us or is he just trying to get off cheap?
Q. My boyfriends sibling got married not too long ago. I wasn't able to make it to the wedding due to being away, but my boyfriend was the best man. He asked me if I wanted to go in on a wedding gift for his sibling. My question is, is my boyfrien...
A. 20 May 2013: This sounds like interpreting Guy to me. He was doing a typical guy thing that probably doesn't mean as much as you think it did. Unfortunately you are confused and because of that confusion you start to doubt his motives.
Before I interpre... (read in full...)
The guy I like is complimenting me and stealing glances at me, what does this mean? I thought he liked someone else!
Q. I really like this guy but I know he likes/liked another girl. Not sure whether he still likes her now though. He shows signs like showing up to where I am at school, stealing glances and complimenting me. What does this mean? ...
A. 14 May 2013: At your age (yes even at 15) you should not expect monogamy. In other words it is ok for him to be attracted to more than one girl. It is also very common for these attractions to fade very quickly. Enjoy your ride on the Friend-ship. There will ... (read in full...)
I'm in love, but I'm not allowed to date and he's moving. Help!
Q. im 13 and desperately in love with this boy. He also loves me, but niether of us are allowed to date. He goes to a different school, so we only see each other when our parents get together. worst of all, in a few months hes moving. what do i do ...
A. 13 May 2013: I remember being in love at about that age. It was, like you, a long distance situation. That was so long ago that we had to use snail mail. I don't regret that relationship nor do I feel it was "just a crush" Generally a crush won't survive a ... (read in full...)
I'm aware I don't love him, but I wonder if I'm being abused
Q. I am 22. My boyfriend is 39. Let's call him J. We've been dating for four months now. We just had our first fight. I slapped J's face as a joke and then he smacked my ass. Yes, I know that sounds funny and I probably shouldn't take it seriously but ...
A. 13 May 2013: Thanks for writing back. I worried that you had stopped reading us. I am glad that you two talked. To me that was the most important thing. With the base of this conversation you two can now build a much more secure relationship.
FA... (read in full...)
Have I messed up any chance of having a friendship with her?
Q. Hi, I'm 16 and I wrote this: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-dont-know-my-feelings-for-her-how.html because I thought I had feelings for this girl I know. I mean I still think I do but this could easily get confusing and too complex so I'll ...
A. 8 May 2013: Wow I read this on Monday and wasn't sure how to answer it. I was very surprised to see it on the unanswered page today.
Dear Living,
Here is my take on the whole situation. You got mixed up in some serious teen drama. But, it is still... (read in full...)
I'm aware I don't love him, but I wonder if I'm being abused
Q. I am 22. My boyfriend is 39. Let's call him J. We've been dating for four months now. We just had our first fight. I slapped J's face as a joke and then he smacked my ass. Yes, I know that sounds funny and I probably shouldn't take it seriously but ...
A. 8 May 2013: This one really has me thinking. I believe that every original poster deserves an honest answer. I don't want to knock anything that anyone has said here. I don't want to throw around labels. I don't want to make accusations.
Here is the d... (read in full...)
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