| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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My boyfriend wakes me up and wants sex, then falls back asleep. Does this mean he is cheating on me?
Q. For the past week or so my boyfriend of 2 years will wake up and then start kissing my neck telling me how much he wants sex.then he turns around and falls back asleep ..i don't understand why ....is it he is cheating on me and thinking i am that ...
A. 14 September 2012: Guys must just see the world differently. I wouldn't miss such an opportunity. I certainly wouldn't wait until morning to ask.
So from my point of view, great opportunity. From her point of view, he's cheating.
I hope I'm not making light... (read in full...)
After a year of trying we still haven't conceived. Are there any tests doctors can do to find if I am ovulating?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been trying fir a baby for a year now. I am worrying im not ovulating. Because i know you can still have periods and not actually ovulate. My periods are pretty much like clockwork and i am monitoring my mucus. Does havi...
A. 14 September 2012: Daarling,
Yes there are tests. His fertility can also be tested. Back in the old days we just used basil body temperature to predict ovulation. That system is pretty reliable.
Bottom line, it's been a year, you should both go see a doctor.... (read in full...)
My birthday is coming up but I can never find something fun to do in December. Any ideas?
Q. im birthday is in two months im turning 19, and i have no idea what im going it do. i hate that my birthdays in december because its cold but i really want to do something fun! maybe like go somewhere for the weekend but i dont know where does ...
A. 14 September 2012: My birthday is in December too. I hate the cold outdoors and I'm not a basketball fan. But there are still great things to do in December.
Concerts. Schools and local performing groups pull out the stops during the holiday season. So chora... (read in full...)
My fiancee's ex called her out of the blue and it has left me feeling worried, am I being irrational?
Q. Okay, a few nights ago my fiance's ex boyfriend called her out of the blue crying that his dad left his mom and everything. She talked for about 30 minutes trying to comfort him. This really bothered me. I've been known to have trust issues ...
A. 14 September 2012: Looks like she is handling very well. She is not hiding any of the conversations from you. She is following her better instincts to nurture and support her former friend.
You are cautious and you should be aware of all communication between ... (read in full...)
My husband waits until I've gone to bed to talk to a female co-worker, should I be worried?
Q. I know that my husband talks to a female co-worker. But he always waits till I go to bed to talk with her. She works mightnight shift. I don't think this is normal. Should I be worried?...
A. 14 September 2012: Co-workers are dangerous territory, but we don't have the whole story here. Why are they on different shifts if they are co-workers? Are they both management? Do they need to coordinate information? In other words are they talking personal or ... (read in full...)
My teen son is using my lingerie items when he masturbates. How should I handle this delicate situaiton?
Q. I am a single mom and my 13yr old is using my unwashed lingerie items to "help himself" while he masturbates. I found of my personal lingerie items under his bed and it is clear what he is doing with them. We have alwways been open with one ano...
A. 13 September 2012: So you are concerned, and you feel that there should be some boundaries. Yes many parents have dealt with this. The way to make sure the right message is sent is to have a frank discussion with him. He needs to know what is o k and what is not.
... (read in full...)
I found my boyfriend has been masturbating on webcam to four other girls
Q. Hi everyone. So, I've been dating this guy for 6 months - but I found out he had been masturbating on webcam to four other girls, including two girls who I know personally, one of whom used to be one of my best friends a few years back. He also ha...
A. 11 September 2012: Chiisainiji,
It doesn't change the loss. It doesn't change the breaking of trust. It doesn't restore the trust. It doesn't change the pain you are feeling when you are close to him. It doesn't change your need for help to overcome this.
... (read in full...)
I am having a serious clash with my boyfriend and I'm looking for some advice please.
Q. I am having a serious clash with my boyfriend and I'm looking for some advice please. I was raped about 7 years ago. It was very brutal (the guy was on a lot of drugs and had a knife) and it took me a long time to get myself back on track and ...
A. 11 September 2012: Drug users never see it as a "big thing". Sooner or later a drug user will lose everything in their life, because nothing is more important than the next high. Your Boyfriend is going to lose you first.
You can't be with him. Every meeting ... (read in full...)
I want him to be my first, but I don't want to be too pushy about it. Any suggestions?
Q. Ok, so I've been spending the night with this guy for almost a month now, but we've never had sex. Everything was a very slow process (other than starting to spend the night, which was done just for innocent cuddling). I hadn't even given him head ...
A. 11 September 2012: Dance,
Until he is willing to commit to a long term relationship with you you are at an impasse. He is right to stop you at the point he has. Finally a young person who understands limiting intimacy to a level that is correct for the relation... (read in full...)
I found my boyfriend has been masturbating on webcam to four other girls
Q. Hi everyone. So, I've been dating this guy for 6 months - but I found out he had been masturbating on webcam to four other girls, including two girls who I know personally, one of whom used to be one of my best friends a few years back. He also ha...
A. 11 September 2012: Chiisainiji,
Have you learned the important lessons from this? There are two.
Don't go putting your body online, sooner or later it is going to show up where you don't want it. I know you are innocent of that but the lesson needs to be rein... (read in full...)
Do men get intimidated by beautiful women?
Q. Do men get intimidated by beautiful women? What are your thoughts on this? I've seen this question elsewhere and thought I'd ask the users here....
A. 10 September 2012: Men get intimidated by all kinds of things. And different men get intimidated by different things. Some men are intimidated by beautiful women. Most men like beautiful women. Whether they are intimidated by then or not. The intimidation has ... (read in full...)
Is he cheating or is it all in my head?
Q. Ok so my boyfriend of one year got caught talking and seeing his ex girlfriend about a month ago I talked to Both I them and their just friends nothing happen, I told him that's fine but no more spending time with her. I should come first! But sense ...
A. 7 September 2012: Dear Amy,
Let me clue you in on something. You don't have a boyfriend. You have a bad hobby.
You don't trust him, He doesn't have sex with you. He hides things from you. He does things that displease you. This is not a relationship.
... (read in full...)
How do I talk to my daughter without pushing her away?
Q. Dear Cupid My daughter of 15 years is acting weird lately. I know she is sexually active, found used condom in her room. I want to make sure she is not pregnant. How do I bring up this subject without pushing her away from me. Already she hates me...
A. 7 September 2012: SVC has a very good point your youth does put you at a disadvantage here. Many teens don't believe that they can learn from the mistakes that their parents made. They feel they have a right to make all of their own mistakes. In a way they are ... (read in full...)
I'm from a broken home and find myself attracted to older men but I don't want to be!
Q. I am a person with a very mature mind tho I act my age sometimes but my reasoning is very well above my age. I feel older I do not know why like I have been in some past life and I am a reincarnation of my self. Even people who meet me for the first ...
A. 7 September 2012: Anonema,
On the other hand many girls feel that they are more mature than their peers. I would say that your prioritizing home, marriage and a solid future, is more of a symptom of your past family life. You yearn for something you have missed. ... (read in full...)
Why do I always end up in abusive relationships?
Q. hi everyone, why do i always end up in abusive relationships? im a bubbly, sexy, supportive girl and i always try hard in everything. I know i have flaws too, im no angel but no matter what i do i end up with guys who are perfect at first, t...
A. 4 September 2012: Because, you are supportive, you try hard to help the other person, and when things go bad you tend to blame yourself. That is what a user is looking for. They want someone who will cover for them. They want someone who will accept whatever they ... (read in full...)
What does a guy mean when you tell him you like him and he say's "cool"?
Q. OK so I like this guy and he is one of my friends , I have heard rumours that he might like me, I have tried testing it. I was walking with him and another guy and asked if they thought I was pretty, the guy I liked said yes straight away, the othe...
A. 4 September 2012: Let me get this straight. I'm going to write out your conversation, just to make sure I understood your question properly.
You: Do you think I'm pretty?
Guy you like: Yes!
. . . awkward silence . . .
Other guy: I told him you still like h... (read in full...)
Relationship is going down hill, after boyfriends comment about my weight!!
Q. Good day! Well what I am asking is down to this situation here me and my boyfriend of 8 month have decided to take a break after a long argument that blew the holiday to pieces. About a month ago we had wonderful holidays together. whiles watchi...
A. 31 August 2012: I'm pretty sure it has all been said by now. I must admit that followups always add something. I still want to stick to my advice about communication and trust. I want to add that your body told him a much different story than your words did. ... (read in full...)
I have made conflicting plans with two different friends, what do I do?
Q. So me and my friend (friend A) were talking about going on holiday next year as we will be 18 and we can finally go away without parents, However one of my other friends (friend B) has asked me to go away with her and 9 others next year too, and i ...
A. 31 August 2012: I'm giving you this advice in the full knowledge that at 17 you may not be able to understand or follow it.
You need to think not about which words ti use but about the message you are really sending. What you are in effect saying to friend A... (read in full...)
Relationship is going down hill, after boyfriends comment about my weight!!
Q. Good day! Well what I am asking is down to this situation here me and my boyfriend of 8 month have decided to take a break after a long argument that blew the holiday to pieces. About a month ago we had wonderful holidays together. whiles watchi...
A. 30 August 2012: Oh the agony!
I don't know if he is playing pancake games. I do know that you played a game. And you got bit.
I thought this was about weight but I see it is about games. So, let's talk about games. Every magazine on the rack is full of ... (read in full...)
How do I get closure and stop the wrestling of unanswered questions in my mind
Q. my bf of almost two years has been cheating on me and i just recently found out. i only give one strike and he blew it out the park.. I'm confused. i don't know if i should be sad or angry. i just need closure .. i doubt he'll tell the truth when i ...
A. 30 August 2012: just a little to add.
Cheating is not easy to get over. Many longer relationships are unable to recover form cheating. This will probably take some time. Like any other loss in life this will have to be properly mourned.
You don't need the t... (read in full...)
Some days I am very attracted to him, other days I find I don’t want to look at him.
Q. Been seeing a lovely guy for one month. Friends for two months prior Before I went out with him I worked with him briefly and was attracted to him on and off. some days I really had a crush on him, other days I found him not very attractive at al...
A. 30 August 2012: "Some of my friends are horrified that I could be attracted to him."
That's the only thing about this that can't be fixed.
How are the non physical areas of your relationship?
FA... (read in full...)
I want to call off the engagement! I'm freaking out!
Q. I am freaking out! I am getting married next month and... I don't want to!! I want to call this engagement off! It's not that I don't love my bf, it's just that this whole marriage thing is scaring the hell out of me. So many things can go wrong in...
A. 30 August 2012: If It helps I had cold feet in the last month or engagement. I agree with the great advice you have so far. Divorce is not that hard these days. The marriage is no more likely to break up than the relationship. There is still a fair percentage ... (read in full...)
I have made conflicting plans with two different friends, what do I do?
Q. So me and my friend (friend A) were talking about going on holiday next year as we will be 18 and we can finally go away without parents, However one of my other friends (friend B) has asked me to go away with her and 9 others next year too, and i ...
A. 30 August 2012: Wow, I'm impressed with your integrity. It is admirable that you honor your commitments. Now you are double committed. Etiquette would say that you honor the older commitment first. That is not the only factor to consider. There is also the ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's future stepmom complains all the time. And seems to dress inappropriately for her age. Is she after my boyfriend?
Q. I need advice! So, my boyfriend's stepmom just came here recently from another country about two days ago and she's already complaining about america (She will also be getting citizenship through this marriage, so I still don't know why she comp...
A. 29 August 2012: Really there is nothing unusual here. There is a new woman in your life and you are suspicious, and resisting the change. A most common and natural reaction. The Step mom to be is in a new place with new customs and mew people. She is going to ... (read in full...)
How do I prevent myself from being used in class?
Q. From elementary to high school, I was always a "nerd" so girls I thought were friends with me because they thought I was cool/nice/etc, actually used me by copying my homework/cheating off me....This is why I didn't make too many friends, because I ...
A. 29 August 2012: You are who you are, Pretending to be someone else will not make you feel better. You are smart, and you enjoy helping others. I've seen your problem handled in many ways some work, some do not. You are opposed to cheating, and you feel used. ... (read in full...)
I'm terrified to be alone in the dark!
Q. this isnt really a relationship question or what ever but im scared of the dark and want help with it please im litrally terrofide to be alone in the dark or even at night for a 15 year old thats not right. what can i do !!...
A. 29 August 2012: HelpMoi,
Fear of the Dark is usually fear of the unknown. Fear of what might be there. Sometimes it helps to understand your fears better. I camp with kids that are a little younger than you. I always have some light sticks in my pack in case ... (read in full...)
Tips on having sexual intercourse? It will be the first time for both of us.
Q. hi, i'm an 18 year old girl. I was just wondering if you guys could give me any tips and suggestions for my first time having sexual intercourse! It will be both his and mine firt time. Thank you! (:...
A. 28 August 2012: Olga94,
No pressure is the #1 thing. #2 is expect things to go wrong. #3 don't tell everyone what and when you are going to do. And over it all trust.
FA... (read in full...)
Tattoos of each other's names. Now we've split up, should I get mine covered?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have recently split up we both have tattoos of each others names I booked to have mine covered over but they can't do it til after Christmas my ex is having a tattoo done Christmas time when I asked him is he having my tattoo ...
A. 28 August 2012: Tattoo etiquette.
Being the resident flatulent fossil, I'm mostly here to add to the popularity of this post so more people will read it before they invest in ink.
I have no Idea what the proper etiquette is for names after breakup. I woul... (read in full...)
Does he even know I'm here?
Q. MEN OR TEENAGE BOYS GIVE INPUT: Ok well theres this boy i like i mean really like and i thought he might like me a little too.well i mean what can i do i have no classes with him and if i wanna talk to him its hard to because hes always around hi...
A. 28 August 2012: Dear Ms. Help,
To verify your question, He used to pay attention to you, now he doesn't. He hangs around with his friends and your friends but not you. You really like him and you think he might like you just a little.
If he is obviously exc... (read in full...)
I'm attracted to women, but don't "like" women - anyone else like that?
Q. I am a straight, single, social, male, 24-years of age. I've been single for a long time now (last 'relationship', if you can call it that, was back in high school, which wasn't really anything) and it's got me thinking and others frequently asking, ...
A. 27 August 2012: Well it is an advice website So why shouldn't I pitch in some guidance. One thing is certain women are different than men. I usually argue that the differences are part and parcel of what makes us attracted to each other. Not just the physical ... (read in full...)
How can we break the habit of having sex so much?
Q. Okay, so I've been with this guy for a 1.5 years, and we lost our virginities to each other about 4 months into our relationship. We're both Christians, and have often said we need to stop having sex - it can be up to 3 times in one day, and eve...
A. 27 August 2012: So the genie is out of the bottle. Kind of hard to put it back in now.
Like you I'm a believer in premarital abstinence, So I'm probably able to give you an answer fitting to your needs. You believe that you are sinning, therefore in order to... (read in full...)
Is this the end for me and my BF?
Q. Dear all, Your opinions would be welcome. Things have not been too good with me and my BF of late, and we had a bit of a bad evening about two and a half weeks ago, and I told him that I am not really getting anything out of the relationship etc...
A. 27 August 2012: Perhaps I need a rethink. The situation has now devolved into a running battle. Some people seem to prefer a relationship with fights and making up. I'm starting to wonder if that is what we are seeing.
FA... (read in full...)
Dad does not know if we are sexually active. But if Dad turns him in, will there be consequences if we were sexually active? My mom does not mind.
Q. I am currently 15 years old and I'm dating a 21 year old I've known for 3 and a half years, we've been together for 6 months and my mom approves but my father doesnt. if my dad tries to turn him in will it work since Mom approves and he doesnt know...
A. 27 August 2012: CindyMae,
What on earth makes you think Dad doesn't know?
You've known him since he was 17 and you were 11.
You have been dating since you were 14 and he was 20.
There is only one reason a boy that old dates a girl that young. He isn't man... (read in full...)
Husband's comments about my breasts have left me feeling self-conscious. Am I being too sensitive?
Q. My husband has on occasion said some things without thinking them through. Years ago, he told me the space between my breasts was too big and that a cosmetic surgery could fix it. Never thinking there was anything wrong, I became self conscious ...
A. 27 August 2012: I've got to agree with Sage, Any man who thinks you can improve on a 34 D needs his head adjusted.
I'm trying to think of a reasonable suggestion for you. I suppose You could tell him you feel insecure about your breasts so you will be keeping ... (read in full...)
"This song is not about you" ?!
Q. Ive been dating this guy for about three years last night he turned on some music. He was particulalry playing songs from a personal play list. After hearing several songs. he search for a particular one and before the song came on he said, now ...
A. 27 August 2012: Dating for three years, overnight visits, and he wants to wait until his daughter is 20 before he has a relationship?
I can't believe he can keep a straight face when he says that. He has no intention of ever committing to you. Stop allowing... (read in full...)
Can this relationship be saved? I'm scared I've lost him for good
Q. This guy and I have quite a strong bond, and started going out in July. It started off great. 2 weeks later was the school ball. I did an incredibly stupid thing and didn't want to dance with him, because I'm a shy and I don't like to dance in front ...
A. 24 August 2012: XDazzling,
I wonder if after 10 days you will appreciate an answer. I was just looking for a good question today . . . .
Any way your question is interesting to me because of the logical vs. romantic nature of the problem. Your guy is maki... (read in full...)
He wants my panties
Q. So me and my boyfriend of two years were just snuggling in his bed when he suddenly asked me if I could give him a pair of my panties. He asked me with this big smile on his face like he was a bit nervous and at the same time excited. We haven't had ...
A. 22 August 2012: Clean, used lightly, preferably you wore them with him and he saw them (if you have gone that far). Feel free to spray your perfume on them.
Here is my interpretation. He is into panties, one way or another. Your relationship includes cuddling... (read in full...)
Is this the end for me and my BF?
Q. Dear all, Your opinions would be welcome. Things have not been too good with me and my BF of late, and we had a bit of a bad evening about two and a half weeks ago, and I told him that I am not really getting anything out of the relationship etc...
A. 22 August 2012: Ummm, I don't see this as a spoiled child trying to get something. I do agree it is rude. On the other hand he is under no obligation to talk to you.
Here is how I see it. You told him you were getting nothing out of the relationship, along wi... (read in full...)
Should I ask to join him at his friend's birthday party?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for nearly a year, and I love him a lot and I trust him. However, the other day he got invited to a guy friends birthday event in a bar and it came up on my newsfeed. I don't know the guy or anyone else on the invite list ...
A. 21 August 2012: "Fatherly Advice~ What makes you think that i wouldn't have fun?"
Your description of the last party led me to believe that.
"Last time he went out on an event like this, I couldn't relax and he ended up talking to a girl most of the time... (read in full...)
Does he need time or just being nice?
Q. He broke up with me in a nice way. I still feel a little confused though. He said he isn't ready for a commitment so thats why he ended things so okay with that but @ the end of the break up email he wrote and I quote- "Hope someone gives you ...
A. 21 August 2012: It means he lacks confidence. He still likes you. Possibly loves you.
He needs more than time. I'm not sure what.
FA... (read in full...)
Feeling single in this relationship
Q. Ok, here's my problem. My girlfriend and I started dating back in November of 2011, and we were great. She was always happy around me, any time we had together she seemed to love, and always wanted to spend more time always told me she missed me. B...
A. 21 August 2012: This relationship is way too young for this problem. I believe there is something more. Her statement that she just feels numb is a strong indicator of a health issue. She may be depressed.
The #1 thing that you don't do with depressed people i... (read in full...)
Should I ask to join him at his friend's birthday party?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for nearly a year, and I love him a lot and I trust him. However, the other day he got invited to a guy friends birthday event in a bar and it came up on my newsfeed. I don't know the guy or anyone else on the invite list ...
A. 21 August 2012: I trust him, but I'm jealous.
Why not use this as an opportunity to strengthen your trust. Let him go, alone, you stay home. He can promise to be good and tell you everything that happens.
I have two reasons for this suggestion. Fir... (read in full...)
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