A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriends sibling got married not too long ago. I wasn't able to make it to the wedding due to being away, but my boyfriend was the best man. He asked me if I wanted to go in on a wedding gift for his sibling. My question is, is my boyfriend using me just to be able to get a nice gift without spending tons of money, or does he genuinely want the gift to be from both of us?My boyfriend and I have been together a year, he hasn't told me he loves me, we dont live together, and yes I have met his family and know the sibling getting married.
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female
reader, Caring Aunty A  +, writes (21 May 2013):
 To be fair you were an invited guest but somehow could not attend, so this actually becomes a question about gift giving to the Married Couple… This has nothing to do with your boyfriend spending more or less money. It’s a matter of (social) wedding etiquette/manners.
Be it that you are no stranger to his family, being accepted as a couple. I would simply say yes, and offer an amount that suits ‘your budget’ and wish the couple all the best for their future. After all it’s about them!?
If you feel you’re boyfriend has another motive it would be best not to take it out on his siblings but to address those issues with him. If his suggests something grand and expensive, that’s okay also, understandably it’s his family so he can pay the greater balance; simple.
Take Care – CAA
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2013): It sounds like you have trust issues that go beyond him asking to buy a gift together...Do you think if it was your sibling or friend or family getting married, he'd buy a gift for them?
I dont know the dynamic of this relationship but yes, it is very possible that he simply wants to include you in this so you can make strides to be a bigger part of his family.
I suppose you mistrust this because he has never told you he loves you and you dont feel like he is putting much effort into your relationship and having a future with you.
You need to communicate this to him. Just say, "I dont mind at all buying a gift for your sibling, and Im very happy for them. The thing is I am not sure how serious you and I are, and I don't want to invest in gifts for your family, which to me is a big deal and a big step forward, when I am not even sure how much investment you have in me. "
If he loves you, he'll listen to your concerns and reassure you. If he doesnt love you and is just using you, he'll get defensive and brush you off.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (20 May 2013):
 This sounds like interpreting Guy to me. He was doing a typical guy thing that probably doesn't mean as much as you think it did. Unfortunately you are confused and because of that confusion you start to doubt his motives.
Before I interpret his actions for you I have to put in my disclaimer. I really don't have all the information here so my interpretation may be off due to something I didn't know. Many guys have trouble buying gifts. They seem to buy the wrong thing or send the wrong message. in asking you to go in on the gift he may be more interested in your input on the gift decision rather than on the financial contribution.
Another possibility. With his sibling getting married, he may be feeling that he is being left behind. He might be feeling the urge to do more things as a couple.
Next, and final possibility. It is after the wedding and he is asking you to contribute. This either means plausibility one is more likely and he really is very bad at gift buying, or his Mom is upset that you didn't send a gift and he covered for you by telling her that the gift was from both of you. That indicates that he is serious about keeping you in good with mom, but that he doesn't understand gal very well. If that is the case then the money isn't important, the relationship is, and that is good news!
FA
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A
female
reader, Tenderlovingcare  +, writes (20 May 2013):
 I don't think you should read to much into this. He probably is trying to get a cheaper present, but then again it doesn't really matter. That's just what most men are like. I bought my partners sister her wedding gift and put his name on the card because I knew he would probably forget.I do apologise if I read what you were saying wrong, feel free to correct me If I have; I didn't intend to be judgemental at all as I understand where your coming from, I just mean the main advice I can give you on relationships is to never read in to something a man does, because i was almost always wrong. x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 May 2013): - you don't trust him since you're questioning his sincerity in including you. Red flags about the relationship?
- he hasn't told you he loves you after a year and presumably doesn't talk about a future together... I'm inclined to think he is with you for now while he's waiting for someone he loves and sees a future with. From what you've said, he might be guilty...
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A
female
reader, Got Issues +, writes (20 May 2013):
 If you had gone to the wedding, would you have bought them a present? In all likelihood you would have, so maybe he just assumed that you were planning to buy a present anyway. It could have been a present that he couldn't afford on his own. Maybe he wants you to feel more a part of the family.
Unless he shows signs of being a cheapskate in other situations, I wouldn't worry about this one.
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