| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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My ex who tried to ruin my relationship has contacted me. I don't want to hurt her, but I don't want to hurt my partner. What should I do?
Q. Me and my ex broke up back in June after being together for a year and a half. We tried being friends but this proved impossible after I started seeing someone four months later. This lead to something of a bitter parting for us. She and her family ...
A. 2 June 2014: Thanks for the update. It does worry me some that you feel it is safer to reply than to ignore. You are right to continue to block whatever avenue she uses to contact you. It won't stop her from finding new pats but it sends the only message she ... (read in full...)
Four children, a husband who lost my trust, why am I never in the mood?
Q. Hello Everyone, I have been with my husband for 8 years. I have four kids and my youngest is ours together. She is six now. In the last year my husband has done some shady things to me to lose my trust. Not physicslly cheating but other things. ...
A. 23 April 2014: Oh,
I forgot to mention certain medications. Some antidepressants ans birth control meds can have this side effect.
FA... (read in full...)
Four children, a husband who lost my trust, why am I never in the mood?
Q. Hello Everyone, I have been with my husband for 8 years. I have four kids and my youngest is ours together. She is six now. In the last year my husband has done some shady things to me to lose my trust. Not physicslly cheating but other things. ...
A. 23 April 2014: Hi Funsize,
You listed three good reasons not to be in the mood.
- incompatible schedules
- loss of trust
- children stress
Let me add a few more possibilities.
- stuck at home and not getting social interaction with adults.
- Peri-menopau... (read in full...)
Lunch? Date? What to wear? Help!
Q. So this guy I like (im 17 and he's 19) asked me to go to lunch with him tomorrow and I'm so nervous. Is this considered a date even though he's told me in the past that he doesn't like me? also since its just lunch should I dress nice? He hasnt told ...
A. 17 April 2014: He needs to talk to you. The mystery will unfold at lunch. Be prepared for anything. Lunch is a non intimate date. Think of it as business. Dress as if for an interview. Yes, be prepared to pay. 17 and 19 is ticklish int the U.S.
FA... (read in full...)
Recently single and want to take it slow
Q. Dear Aunts, I recently ended a very serious long-term relationship with my girlfriend of many years. This was a woman I felt I might marry and the breakup was difficult for me. It made me question a lot about my judgement and indeed whether p...
A. 17 April 2014: the depth and complexity of this question are more than is usual for Dear Cupid. The problem isn't so much that you are incompatible personalities, but that your situations are incompatible. Also, interestingly your approaches to life are opposed ... (read in full...)
Loud sex noises at boyfriend's house and now I'm afraid to leave the bedroom!
Q. Cringe!!!!! Went out with my boyfriend last night for my birthday and had a few too many drinks. Were staying at his parents for awhile. Came home and had two lengthy sex sessions that involved a little bit of (amateur) BDSM (rope leather and LOUD ...
A. 12 April 2014: I've always wondered how people who live with their par4ents manage. One way to look at is now that the secret is out, you have nothing to hide. As a parent I wouldn't expect a 30 plus year old couple to be celibate. At least you don't need to ... (read in full...)
Where is the line between dating someone and being in a relationship with them?
Q. I feel dumb asking this, as if the answer should be obvious, but where exactly is the line between dating someone and being in a relationship with them? I've been seeing a guy for about a month now, though we met at the end of last year and yo...
A. 2 April 2014: The word Relationship is frequently misused in current usage.
To clarify, what you are asking is, "Where is the line between dating and an exclusive committed relationship." You see how those two words really answer the question. You are in a re... (read in full...)
My Gf finds flatulence disgusting. I am afraid to share a bed with her because of it. What can I do?
Q. i cant sleep at night with my gf, we have been together for two years now but we are LD, we have reach a very acceptable level of comfort with each other, but i cant still pass gas in front of her, not yet. she finds it disgusting. Every nigh...
A. 25 March 2014: See, http://www.dearcupid.org/question/what-can-i-do-about-my-bfs-extreme.html
I guess there are people everywhere who have problems with normal bodily things. I would say such an extreme reaction to gas would pretty much preclude any intimate rela... (read in full...)
He stopped talking about this female coworker, what does this mean?
Q. Ever since my husband had learned his younger female coworker was getting a divorce, it was non-stop talk about her for a good year and a half. I would hear she is attractive, why would someone divorce a beautiful woman like her. I would hear ...
A. 21 March 2014: I can think of three other likely reasons to explain his change of behavior. One, he finally figured out how stupid it is to have an emotional affair with someone that young. Two he made a pass and got major rejection. Or three he is suffering ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend got rough and said I made him do it! Am I being used?
Q. Help!!! Boyfriend got a little violet i make him do it. Will men please answer did i? Ok this day was bad i messed up so much. First good sex n blow job so i was thinking we gonna have great day. But right he texted a friend saying he board. Hurt my ...
A. 17 March 2014: Thanks for the follow up.
It appears that you have never thought of yourself as an abused person. You call this latest event a little violent. You say he has done similar things before and he also calls you bad names. You have become used to t... (read in full...)
My boyfriend stalks his male friends!
Q. What does it mean my boyfriend is obessed with his guy friends. He even stalks them guy friends and paces when they go somewhere without him. It is creepy is he gay? Does he not like me? he need to be cool. Wth is wrong with him. He does think ofof ...
A. 17 March 2014: not gay, yes needy. As honey asked I also suspect that his needy behavior is reflected in your relationship with him.
In the end what he needs desperately is to feel confident in a relationship. There needs to be a place where he can expect love... (read in full...)
Boyfriend got rough and said I made him do it! Am I being used?
Q. Help!!! Boyfriend got a little violet i make him do it. Will men please answer did i? Ok this day was bad i messed up so much. First good sex n blow job so i was thinking we gonna have great day. But right he texted a friend saying he board. Hurt my ...
A. 17 March 2014: Yes indeed your relationship is a mess. 11 years in it is weird for him to make such a change. He is under stress he calls it cabin fever. He is bored at being cooped up in the same place. You take his desire or need to get out and do something ... (read in full...)
Said that she loves me but isn't in love with me -- could this change?
Q. I feel in a strange place at the moment. My girlfriend left me and I honestly thought she was the one. She said she loves me but is not in love with me? DO you think this could change over time? I have agreed to give her time and space to think bu...
A. 11 March 2014: Sometimes especially among women "I love you but I'm not 'in love' with you" means the butterflies and rush of new love has faded and that is what I really want. Sadly it will fade in her next (several) relationships until she realizes that being ... (read in full...)
The man I'm dating says he's not ready for a relationship
Q. I've been dating this man for over a month and I must say, it has been great. We got on really well and there is chemistry. But the problem is, last year he got out of a long term relationship and told me he's not ready to date (despite him tel...
A. 11 March 2014: should you decide that you really want to land this man, the only way would be to leave him for six to twelve months until he does get over the ex. Then reconnect with him. anythig now will just get you in the wrong category with the wrong ... (read in full...)
His contact list has a photo of his ex wife but not one for me
Q. I'm hurt and confused, would you feel the same if you noticed your husband has a contact photo attached to his ex wife, his ex crush and even a platonic female friend but none for you. Does this mean I'm not pretty enough or not as special?...
A. 11 March 2014: Her picture is still in his contact list so when she calls he doesn't have to think before he clicks ignore. If you are so jealous of her picture, you can quickly remedy the situation. You obviously have permission to snoop around and mess with ... (read in full...)
What can I do about my Bf's extreme aversion towards contact with me when I have my period? His actions are hurtful.
Q. my boyfriend is good to talk to, not a great listener, but he is very passionate when he cares, is helpful, understanding and not egotistic and is generous. but when it comes to me been on my period, it is a whole different box of cookies, i cannot...
A. 4 March 2014: I'm glad that he sees that this is important. sorry my last post got a bit jumbled and I didn't check it before posting. As long as he is willing to keep working at it you have the possibility of a livable situation.
FA... (read in full...)
I like him but he's seven years older and I'm worried my family will freak out
Q. So lately I've been talking to a guy I really like. The only thing is that I'm 20 and he's 27. I'm worried that my family will freak over the age difference if we do ever become boyfriend and girlfriend. Is the age difference too far apart? What ...
A. 3 March 2014: Woe,
Every time someone asks a age gap question, someone will quip "age is just a number". Now if you were to ask, this guy I like has three 6's in his phone number, should I date him? Then just a number would make sense, because that number was ... (read in full...)
I am waiting for the text that will ruin my weekend ...
Q. Hello. I will probably get the answer to this question either later on today or tomorrow from the source, but I was just curious to find out other people's opinions and whether or not other girls or guys out there have had a similar experience. I...
A. 1 March 2014: I had a relationship that was something like that once. I'd tell you how it ended but I don't want to prejudice you. She is playing it safe. Don't push too hard.
FA... (read in full...)
What can I do about my Bf's extreme aversion towards contact with me when I have my period? His actions are hurtful.
Q. my boyfriend is good to talk to, not a great listener, but he is very passionate when he cares, is helpful, understanding and not egotistic and is generous. but when it comes to me been on my period, it is a whole different box of cookies, i cannot...
A. 1 March 2014: So the humming is anew defense. That is not a good sign. It probably means that he is becoming more fearful or more adverse to the situation. So to your questions.
Should I give him time?
No, time is working against you right now. If he is addin... (read in full...)
Do men find it difficult to cope with a very independent woman? And how can an independent woman prevent a partner from being needy?
Q. Hi aunts and uncles. I wonder if someone can help? I have a mixture of two problems in one. Firstly, do men find it difficult to cope with a very independent woman? Secondly, how can an independent woman prevent a partner from being, for want ...
A. 28 February 2014: An now for something completely different.
I'm not going to estimate your age or make generalizations about legals or builders. I going to cut through everything and go right to the core of the question which I see now was very well phrased in t... (read in full...)
What can I do about my Bf's extreme aversion towards contact with me when I have my period? His actions are hurtful.
Q. my boyfriend is good to talk to, not a great listener, but he is very passionate when he cares, is helpful, understanding and not egotistic and is generous. but when it comes to me been on my period, it is a whole different box of cookies, i cannot...
A. 28 February 2014: We seem to have wandered from the point. The point is not how to deal with a period. The point is how to deal with a phobia. The therapy method I am aware of (only one I know) is desensitization.
To use spiders as an example. First we would try ... (read in full...)
My fab new BF ticks all my boxes but won't give oral
Q. Dear all Please advise. I ve been dating this fabulous guy for around a monthnow. He is kind, intelligent, reliable, handsome and has loads of otger great qualities. We get on very well and I could not ask for more except he doesn' t do oral whi...
A. 28 February 2014: Looks like while I was typing the whole question changed. Good choice!
FA... (read in full...)
I want my ex back but he's not interested. What can I do?
Q. I still like my ex but he does not want to get back with me. We are both in our thirties, and our relationship was very complicated. He had kids, I have a child, ex-partners etc etc ......it was very difficult at times for us to be happy. We live in ...
A. 28 February 2014: OP,
I'm worried about your situation. At this point it is relatively safe. But it could turn into some thing ugly like this- http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-ex-who-tried-to-ruin-my-relationship.html
I'm not saying you are a psycho stalker,... (read in full...)
My fab new BF ticks all my boxes but won't give oral
Q. Dear all Please advise. I ve been dating this fabulous guy for around a monthnow. He is kind, intelligent, reliable, handsome and has loads of otger great qualities. We get on very well and I could not ask for more except he doesn' t do oral whi...
A. 28 February 2014: I'm trying to figure out what it is you are struggling with. It seems to me you have already decided. You know what makes a full sexual experience for you and this guy refuses to provide it. Perhaps you are feeling guilty because you know it is ... (read in full...)
What can I do about my Bf's extreme aversion towards contact with me when I have my period? His actions are hurtful.
Q. my boyfriend is good to talk to, not a great listener, but he is very passionate when he cares, is helpful, understanding and not egotistic and is generous. but when it comes to me been on my period, it is a whole different box of cookies, i cannot...
A. 28 February 2014: Thank you for the updates. I would add the advice that the concept of you being punished is your reaction to his behavior and not his feelings about it. What I am saying is that no matter how valid your feelings are, they are not helping.
I... (read in full...)
What can I do about my Bf's extreme aversion towards contact with me when I have my period? His actions are hurtful.
Q. my boyfriend is good to talk to, not a great listener, but he is very passionate when he cares, is helpful, understanding and not egotistic and is generous. but when it comes to me been on my period, it is a whole different box of cookies, i cannot...
A. 28 February 2014: Oops, looks like I left a sentence unfinished.
If you use it as a weapon against him, by nagging him about it or by belittling him over it. should have read If you use it as a weapon against him, by nagging him about it or by belittling him ... (read in full...)
His home smells. Am I being petty. How can I solve this problem ?
Q. I am in an LDR and every other weekend I see my bf. I love him very much but I hate his house. I know it sounds very shallow but it is a very very old house. The bathroom has mould growing in it and green bathtub...toilet etc. The whole house ...
A. 27 February 2014: On the other hand I do think you are pretty. But I agree that you are not being petty about cleanliness and mold. Old homes and poor decor that is petty. Replacing a bathtub is one of the most expensive home improvements that can be done. Doing ... (read in full...)
What can I do about my Bf's extreme aversion towards contact with me when I have my period? His actions are hurtful.
Q. my boyfriend is good to talk to, not a great listener, but he is very passionate when he cares, is helpful, understanding and not egotistic and is generous. but when it comes to me been on my period, it is a whole different box of cookies, i cannot...
A. 27 February 2014: Desensitizing is the right approach. The thing you need to realize is that although the fear may seem silly to you it is very real for him. Even though his fear is real you are right, he needs to be able to handle it better. It is interesting ... (read in full...)
Is he holding back because I walked away?
Q. Hi everybody! Basically I was with my boyfriend for 3 years and 9 months. Most of those years were amazing, but we got to the point where we spent every second together, neither of us went out or kept in touch with friends, if one of us did th...
A. 26 February 2014: It doesn't look good to me.
You asked very specific questions and I will answer them but there is more to this than why he is holding back. Here is what has happened in order and hopefully this will help you understand why he is doing the craz... (read in full...)
Why was my boyfriend more experimental with his ex?
Q. I know from little conversations we've had here and there that my boyfriend had much more experimental sex with his ex. Questions like: have you done this or that before? To which he might say yes.. We have a great sex life anyway, he tells me I'm ...
A. 24 February 2014: Why do you think he isn't as experimental with me?
So often When you sit down and put you questions in writing you stumble upon the answer you already knew. I think your talking openly with him is helping both of you make the separation betw... (read in full...)
My fiancée is having a stroppy moment over something seemingly small, why?
Q. Hi aunts n uncles, I have been with my fiancée for three years now, shes 23 im 26. The other night I told her that I was going to Bath in Somerset to maintain some equipment for a few nights and I said that I would like to be in my own bed when ...
A. 21 February 2014: As per normal, new information brings a reevaluation of the advice previously given.
I have just enough time this morning to revamp my opinion. The fact that she has actively pursued a sexless relationship with you, Or rather, that she has acti... (read in full...)
My ex who tried to ruin my relationship has contacted me. I don't want to hurt her, but I don't want to hurt my partner. What should I do?
Q. Me and my ex broke up back in June after being together for a year and a half. We tried being friends but this proved impossible after I started seeing someone four months later. This lead to something of a bitter parting for us. She and her family ...
A. 21 February 2014: June - Breakup
October - new girlfriend
October or November - bid to break you up including Blackmail
December - Christmas greeting
December or January - you block her number
February - she contacts you on a new number
What makes you thin... (read in full...)
My fiancée is having a stroppy moment over something seemingly small, why?
Q. Hi aunts n uncles, I have been with my fiancée for three years now, shes 23 im 26. The other night I told her that I was going to Bath in Somerset to maintain some equipment for a few nights and I said that I would like to be in my own bed when ...
A. 21 February 2014: Hmmm yep that could cause all that
fa... (read in full...)
My fiancée is having a stroppy moment over something seemingly small, why?
Q. Hi aunts n uncles, I have been with my fiancée for three years now, shes 23 im 26. The other night I told her that I was going to Bath in Somerset to maintain some equipment for a few nights and I said that I would like to be in my own bed when ...
A. 21 February 2014: CMMP,
Me too. The no sex question is way bigger than getting upset over not getting her way. 3 years together and now engaged but not living together. Both living at parents. I'm having some trouble defining the relationship.
O K, To the OP, ... (read in full...)
I feel lonely if I don't see my new boyfriend for a few days, and I want to spend all my time with him. Is this normal?
Q. I've been with my boyfriend for about 6 weeks now. Trouble is I want to see him every day and spend all my days and nights with him. If I don't see him for more than 2 days I start to feel lonely. Is this normal?...
A. 20 February 2014: Normal is such a misleading word. Let's look at this from another angle. You find your feeling unfamiliar. You say that your reactions are a "trouble". Therefore this is not "normal" for you. But that is not what you want to know, because you ... (read in full...)
Does asking for pictures make him a bad guy?
Q. I can't believe it has come to this again. Last week a met this guy through Uni and instantly started messaging me on Facebook once he tracked me down. And has not stopped since. He was shaping into such a nice guy, even invited me out for ...
A. 19 February 2014: This is a pretty serious question and it leads to all sorts of issues that deserve our attention here. Honey has already covered objectifying and pacing the relationship. What I have to say today is related but different enough to warrant taking ... (read in full...)
Was it wrong to accept an expensive gift from my male gay best friend? I think it's made my boyfriend jealous or uncomfortable.
Q. My gay male best friend whom I have known for a year recently took me out for my birthday. He took me to a restaurant that neither my boyfriend and I can afford, and also gifted me a Burberry scarf ($400 value). I had already known which ...
A. 17 February 2014: My general rule is that When you are in a committed relationship you don't do things that look like you are cheating. For example going on dates, being alone with other men, and so on. In my opinion, yes this whole situation, date dinner gift was ... (read in full...)
I have the most amazing partner in life, can I stop having random dreams about my ex?
Q. I'm 22. To cut a long story short(er), last year I broke up with my ex after having discovered he'd cheated on me numerous times during our 3 year relationship. To make it worse, I had no clue nor did he do anything that raised my suspicions, ...
A. 17 February 2014: Dreams are not as straight forward as most people think. For example almost all dreams involving your ex fall into the same category. They are your subconscious mind seeing patterns in your current relationship that reminds it of your ex ... (read in full...)
I hate to be the first one to reach for his hand or make physical contact!
Q. The guy I've been seeing for about a month isn't great at initiating any physical contact but is happy enough when I do. Like if I slip my hand in his, he'll wrap an arm around my shoulders after a bit but it's just odd cz he's the one who asked me ...
A. 17 February 2014: Minnieg,
In a guy's mind there is a world of difference between Dating and PDA. Public Display of Affection is more risky and at your age has been prohibited to you in many places. Many guys really don't understand how important PDA is to thei... (read in full...)
Should I tell him this hot sexy guy wants to take me out for Valentine's Day to make him stop being so cold?
Q. What should I do, boyfriend is breaking my heart.? My boyfriend and I usually argue about little things but this time I was really hurt and when we argued I was really angry and said he doesn't deserve me. I felt really bad and apologi...
A. 13 February 2014: No that is not the right course. and just going out with the other guy would be just as bad. Why? You are in mid breakup. He is manipulating you. You want to manipulate him. The other guy isn't even on your emotional radar. He's just a pretty ... (read in full...)
Is it strange when a man doesn't have a picture of you in his office at work?
Q. I've been engaged for a couple of years. My fiance is a department head and he works with all women and very few men. The girl he dated before, he had a picture of them together on his office desk and word love was on the picture frame. ...
A. 13 February 2014: OK
I loved this post and I loved the title, and I had all these funny things to say about my desk . . . then I read it all. Here is the deal this is simply a matter of translating Man into something you can understand. I'm going to tell you a st... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wont help clean house!
Q. I need some tips on encouraging my girlfriend be a little more helpful around the house. We have been together 3 years and have lived together in an apartment for the past year. I will be the first to admit that I am not crazy about cleaning, but I ...
A. 13 February 2014: This is a pretty typical problem. You bring people together from divergent backgrounds and you start mixing traditions and habits. Sooner or later one person's habit is going to bother another. Trust me she is as annoyed at you for pestering her ... (read in full...)
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