A
female
age
41-50,
*roken_Crown
writes:I have a real dilemma and I am in need of advice. I am a single 30-something year old mum and have been single for 9 years. My daughter rides at a local riding school and isn't of the age I can leave her on her own. She has become friends with another little girl whose dad brings her. Her dad and I have always chatted (I chat with everyone)and that was fine daughter s a nice girl. One afternoon after riding hs daughter asked if my child could go to the park with her and I agreed and met up with her and her dad at the park. There is a cafe at the park and her dad kept buying us all drinks and refused to allow me to pay... which embarrassed me and I told him it wasn't fair. Anyway since then I have felt very awkward as overtime we are alone (the other parents don't always stay as their kids are older) he has started to tell me I am beautiful. At first laughed and said I know and joked and said what would your wife say if she heard you saying stuff like that... and I don't recall what he said as it wasn't significant then. But he keeps saying it and I feel really awkward. He asked ky daughter when my birthday is and said he wants to take me to a restaurant -I told him my tastes are expensive and his wife would love him to take her. He said he'll have to buy me a gift. Ignored that and outer things he slipped into conversation like I am beautiful and talked about other things like theggirls riding lesson. As I have sad he is married, he is much older and I dont feel attracted to him at all. I feel really awkward being around him now. The volunteers at th riding school I have noticed are giving another looks as if to say 'look at those two!'. Am I reading his messages wrong or does he 'like' me and what do I do to stop it.... please help Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (18 July 2013):
 Yes, indeed, that poor woman. Well, it sounds as though you will set him straight in no time! Don't let him drive you away from your daughter's riding school. Idiots like that should not be allowed to dictate your choices.
Best wishes. Let us know when you've told him off!
A
female
reader, Broken_Crown +, writes (17 July 2013):
Broken_Crown is verified as being by the original poster of the question Tisha1 I do, I am happy to talk to him about the girls their week how school is, what horses they love and their hobbies. But as soon as he randomly says 'you are the only beautiful woman here', 'your beautiful' I don't laugh it off like I used to I just go poker faced and look unimpressed (possibly why I am single I am very good at that apparently) & then I talk about other things or say nothing. What a pr!ck, I have been scared to go to the riding school, hoped his child is sick, now my blood boils -how dare he think I am some cheap slut who would be interested in him! I have never given him that impression, I have talked to him on the same manner I speak to everyone! I had hoped people would come on here telling me I have misread the signals and having been 'off the dating scene' so long (not that I am on it) I had just forgotten. Makes you wonder who else he is like that with and his wife my god poor woman!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 July 2013):
 oh you are reading him right... what a CREEP....
I like honeypie's suggestion of something to read... and make it an actual BOOK not an e-reader that has other things on it that he may try to engage you in.
I would not say anything to him either... you have dropped enough hints with the wife comments (good for you) and at this point I would go wearing dark glasses and when he comes over to talk to you put your hand to your head and say in a very soft voice "I have a terrible headache I really just NEED to be left alone"
UNLESS he ASKS a DIRECT question I would ignore him. NO eye contact... find a staff member to hang around with if you have to.
COMMENTS do not need to be acknowledged.
ONLY answer yes and no questions.
anything that seeks an opinion (what do you think, how do you feel etc) is given the "I don't care" or "i don't know"
You know how to deal with this... you just needed the validation that it's ok to be what is nowadays considered rude. It's not rude. It's called BOUNDARIES.
I sometimes think I would have loved that time in the world when men always referred to ladies as Miss.... and they replied to them as Mr. Even if they were FRIENDLY on a regular basis....
familiarity is casual and common and expected in this open society. YOU do not have to comply.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (17 July 2013):
He definitely likes you... At the very least he would like to have a fling.
For future reference, in a situation like this if you're not sure that you're reading the signs correctly you can say it in a way that gives you both an "out". Tell him, "I'm sorry if I'm reading the signals wrong, but I'm not looking to date anyone right now. I'm just focused on raising my child."
That way if you're wrong it's not a big deal, and if he is embarrassed he can just say he was only trying to be nice.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 July 2013):
Step one: stop smiling at all around him or to him. Neutral face, no reaction.
Step two: keep your distance. Do not hang around and if he comes near you, move away.
Step three: if he does start to say that you are beautiful, take a deep breath, summon up your courage (a single mum has LOADS of courage, she just needs to remember that) and say, out loud, "Robert, those compliments about my looks are making me really uncomfortable. I have to do a very awkward thing and request that you stop saying anything about my looks."
Do not smile to ease the blow of your words. Do not look sheepish. Do not look apologetic.
Look calm, focused and composed, with NO facial expression beyond polite disinterest.
Step four: do not stick around to discuss, chat or otherwise prolong the contact. Just remember that you want him to leave you alone. Stick to that.
Put on headphones and have phone conversations or listen to a book.
If he approaches you, move away.
No more smiling at him.
Be brave and TELL him that you are uncomfortable with the inappropriate things he says. Don't laugh and smile and joke about it any more. Okay?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 July 2013):
 Sorry, kitten hot my key board before I got done writing my answer lol.
Nest time bring a book and start reading, if he starts his "swarmy charmy stuff" tell him you rather read then be hit on by a married man.
It's hard since the girls are friends but I would avoid being alone with the dude from now on. Because guess what? YOU are the one who they all gossip about.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (17 July 2013):
He knows you are not interested but he also knows that you are too well mannered to tell him to stophitting on you and Fuck off.
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A
female
reader, Broken_Crown +, writes (16 July 2013):
Broken_Crown is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCmmp - not hard bit I don't know if I am reading him right or whether it's my muddled head.
Fatherly advice - thank you I was worried my senses were right I have never felt so awkward (I had such a scarey dream last night and he was in it woke me up in a panic- I think it was in response to my post), I think you are right. I will refuse his gift and suggest meeting up with the girls and his wife. That's not a bad idea. Thanks
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A
female
reader, Broken_Crown +, writes (16 July 2013):
Broken_Crown is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh not that hard but I don't want to embarrass myself if I have it wrong and have misunderstood friendliness for he likes me.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (16 July 2013):
 Broken Crown,
No you are not reading this wrong. Last time I had a problem of this nature I just showed the girl in question a picture of my girlfriend. Sadly that isn't the right option for you. You have told him that you are not interested in a married man. Your comments about his wife should be sufficient.
There are two things you should do. First refuse the gift he is planing to give you. Tell him upfront that it is inappropriate for your level of friendship. Second arrange for a girls outing for you, your daughter, his daughter, and his wife. When he knows you are friendly with his wife the flirting should stop if he is really trying to advance your relationship to a further level. In other words if he knows you are going to call her and chat about all the things he has been saying then he will only say things he wouldn't mind her hearing.
FA
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (16 July 2013):
How hard could it be to tell him you're not interested in dating a married man?
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