A
female
age
30-35,
*ars13
writes:I have been dating my amazing boyfriend for almost 3 years. However, for more then a year I have been dreaming about this "other" guy a lot, and no matter what this "other" guy always happens to be brought up in conversations and seen in places I don't want to see him. The worst is when i do dream about the "other" guy the dream will be a bit sexual (no sex - more flirtatious), he ignores me, or we have a deep conversation. I have only dreamt about my boyfriend only about a handful (10) times these past 3 years. It's like he haunts my dreams and reality. Could someone tell me what this all means? Background info:Things I love about my Boyfriend:Blue eyesTrust with my thoughtsLoyal Loving - always wants to cuddle and be together. Love for animals - I'm afarid of animals but I admire his love for them. Smart - common sense and knows many facts about science math ect. Lastly - he is always there for me when I'm sad, dance recitals, happy and ect.Things i dislike about my boyfriend:He doesn't dance with me as much any more - i love to dance(He didn't even go to school dances (3 dances) with me this year other than prom and semi formal)Doesn't like to go out to ice cream especially when we are doing nothing - i love ice creamHe is a disaster - house/room a mess - it is never clean when i come over ... His own parents tell him to clean his mess all the timeI don't think the mother likes me He only tells me he loves me when we make-outThings about the other guy: I've only spoken to him twiceHe just annoys me - like every time i see him - i feel like i've met him before but in another life time Barely friends
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female
reader, Mars13 +, writes (14 June 2013):
Mars13 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you Fatherly Advice for the response that makes more sense. I guess the nerve to talk to my boyfriend of what bothers me with him needs to kick in - I'll let you know how it works out.
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (14 June 2013):
 Mars,
The fact that the dream keeps coming back is an indicator that your subconscious mind is trying to tell you something. One of the things it is probably trying to tell you is that you miss the emotional intimacy that your relationship with your boyfriend had in the beginning. He seems to be ignoring the things you value. As much as you trust him with your thoughts, you are not sure that he loves you.
Your subconscious is not telling you that you like the annoying other guy. It is just using a familiar symbol for your desire for an emotional connection with someone.
More telling than your dreams is your list. I find that girls (guys too) make lists when they are trying to make a decision. The lists serve to focus your mind and help you to weigh the evidence. So the question here is what is the decision that you are trying to make? I don't think it is boyfriend vs. other guy. From your post I gather that you are recently graduated from High School. (Prom and semi formal, 18 - 21 age bracket) So, you are in a transitional stage of life. You are trying to decide whether to aim your life in a way that keeps him close, or whether to aim away from him and towards another.
Ultimately the decision is up to you but you are shaping your list away from him. Long term commitments involve getting along with his mother, and living with his housekeeping skills. Your subconscious agrees, It feels that you are not satisfied with him on an emotional level.
The one thing on your list that throws me off this is that you say he is loyal. That along with the deep trust you have for him makes me wonder if you are making a misjudgement. It may be that he is strongly emotionally attached to you but he doesn't express it well.
It is usually a better idea to discuss with him what you are missing before you decide alone to break up.
FA
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