| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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I found out accidentally that my friend is transgender. How can I help her?
Q. This is more of a question on friendships rather than relationships, but I didn't know where else to go to for advice. Basically tonight I done something I shouldn't have, I went on to my friends email account- totally innocently to resend an email...
A. 13 February 2013: lm9hi,
So far you are doing the right thing. Learning and not rejecting her. That is the important part. You probably shouldn't try to get her to open up to you. She will when she is ready. Living with a big secret is hard. Living wonderin... (read in full...)
How important is a mans height in society
Q. I have an acquaintance who is a few centimeters from being 6 feet tall and he believes he is short and worthless because of it. He brought up a lot of articles and facts about how being short is the worst thing a guy can be and that being 6 feet ...
A. 13 February 2013: Being a short man is very similar to being an overweight woman. There is a certain percentage of the population that will not find you attractive. Too bad there isn't a diet / exercise that can make you taller.
I think that women tend to be mo... (read in full...)
How will I ever find a nice guy to date with all this crap that people are led to believe from advertising?
Q. Sorry if this seems like a rant, but honestly, I'm just so upset/angry. I'm not exactly the biggest fan of men, just because I'm friends with men, so I hear all of the "Oh, my girlfriend is hot.. OMG that girl over there would so get it!" constan...
A. 12 February 2013: "but how the hell will I find a guy I actually like"
Yes it seems a lot like a rant. I think the question deserves an answer. You talk a lot about leagues and standards, whilst at the same time describing your friends as absolute dogs.
If y... (read in full...)
Should I postpone our wedding? Things are so tense at the moment with his kids and I don't want to move into that kind of environment....
Q. Hi there. I'm engaged, my boyfriend is a bit older with sons of 14 and 12 who live with their mom and visit at weekends. Everything was fine over past 2 years, but recently he has huge rows with kids, I guess their age etc. Things get so tense it's ...
A. 11 February 2013: I flatter myself to think that I know boys it this age range pretty well. My children are 3 daughters followed by one son, so my great store of experience comes from other peoples children. I've never lived in a blended family myself, just been ... (read in full...)
What do men like to hear from their women during sex?
Q. Hi everyone, I'm just looking for a few personal opinions on what men would like most from their women during sex, i.e. what do you like to hear, what do you want her to do, etc. Any tips are appreciated! Thank you!...
A. 11 February 2013: I'll have to disagree with Garcia De Luise, Anything verbal would be wonderful.
I guess it just varies from person to person. Some women are vocal and some are not. Some men like vocal, like me, and some men prefer body language.
As far ... (read in full...)
Are relationships that exist with absolutely NO violence towards one another?
Q. Aunts and Uncles... Have any of you (honest answers please) had a physical fight with your current spouse? I just want to know if there are relationships that exist with absolutely NO violence towards one another. Again, please be honest. Th...
A. 3 February 2013: Jade,
We have had a 25 year marriage with no direct physical violence. Before our marriage she slapped my back quite hard to get me to stop tickling her feet.
FA... (read in full...)
29-year-old man in loving relationship but attracted to older women....
Q. I am a 29-year-old male, in a loving relationship with a 27-year-old female. We've been together for about 5 years. We live together, and have a wonderful time. We never argue (**really**) and we haven't lost any intimacy or closeness. My p...
A. 2 February 2013: To answer your question, Which really is what should you do about this, I'm going to offer clarification and advice.
You don't want to jeopardize your relationship. So having an affair, or even a one night fling with an older woman is somethin... (read in full...)
Boyfriend can't keep it up and I'm ready to walk!
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. We came across a sex problem after about 6 mths. The problem was, he couldn't stay hard and we got into an about that aftet it happened several times cuz I was left hanging. Now, it...
A. 30 January 2013: One additional bit of advice, about the pills not working any more. Increasing the blood flow to the pelvic area will help that a lot. Especially in guys with a big belly. Any exercise that uses the large muscles in the legs will help. I use ... (read in full...)
Is my Bf bi-sexual or gay? He says he's shared oral sex with guys. Do I seem to have a closed mind?
Q. My boyfriend of 3 months recently told me that has fooled around with men before. He hasn't had sex with them, just oral. I wasn't ok with this when he told me and I am having a really hard time with it. A lot of people tell me that if a guys e...
A. 29 January 2013: I think that the trouble is that we don't frequently use the right names for things. Homosexual means that he has or does have sexual relationships with people who have the same gender as he has. Same sex attraction means he is sexually ... (read in full...)
What would be good things to talk about to get to know this foreign student while still helping him with his English?
Q. Lol _ I just started meeting with this foreign student in my college to help him with his English (part of this “conversation/language partners” program, or something like that). Basically, I meet with him once a week for an hour just to converse in ...
A. 28 January 2013: I saw this earlier and thought that there would be more answers by now.
The first bit of advice I have is to talk only in English. It is too easy for him to slip back in to thinking in his native tongue if you constantly translate for him. Tr... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has been nothing but a model b/f but I want to breakup with him
Q. I have been in a sort of long distance relationship with a someone for over 2 years now. (It's sort of long distance because we're near each other in the holidays but we go to different unis). Anyway he's this great guy, and my best friend, and ...
A. 28 January 2013: There are a lot of questions in there. I'm sorry but I don't feel qualified to answer your Big question, which I see as "How do I break up with him nicely?"
I do think that many of your smaller questions are important, and I have some advice f... (read in full...)
Why is it online men in their 50's only want young women?
Q. I have been online dating + looking at online personals and I cannot believe how much most men online suck about age. I will be 25 in a couple of months + was shocked to see that there are tons of men in their 50s who specify they want women 18-25! ...
A. 28 January 2013: Well, that was a bit of brutal man bashing.
I'm over 45 and can't imagine dating someone under 35. There is a television character that is attractive to me who is 45-55. But, I know that I am not the norm. Men like women are influenc... (read in full...)
What can our recurring dreams mean?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 10 months and both us have been having reacquiring nightmares. His is that i leave him for someone else and mine is that i fall in a hole and he sees me fall and says he is going ot help me get out but ...
A. 27 January 2013: Reoccurring dreams often do have meanings. Some psychologists believe that They are attempts by your subconscious mind to communicate with you. Usually when I have a vivid or reoccurring dream I look up as many symbold from the dream as i can ... (read in full...)
Why does my husband watch one particular part of my body during sex?
Q. Hi, I am really embarrassed but here it goes: sex with my husband is over the top. I mean, since I've been with him I finally understood what "to make love" means: he's caring and sentimental in the bedroom and outside the bedroom too. When he is ...
A. 24 January 2013: Sage,
Snort! That's too true to be funny and I have some interesting memories along that line.
CMMP,
When I saw the title I opened this post just to see what he was looking at. I was thinking neck, navel, ribs, something unusual.
Or... (read in full...)
Some of my husband's actions are making me uncomfortable. He says there's nothing to it. What do I do?
Q. I'm four months pregnant with my first child. Overall, things have been going well in my relationship with my husband. My sex life isn't quite what it used to be, but it's not like we don't have sex at all. (And not because I don't want to!) Over...
A. 24 January 2013: I haven't done a dream analysis in a very long time. This one seem to fit quite nicely. Blankets in dreams usually stand for Warmth, Love, Security, and Protection, but some times they are a warning that you are covering something up. This is a ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has no endurance to be on top during sex
Q. My boyfriend can't be on top during sex. He's about 220 lbs and he's around 6 feet tall, so he's a little overweight but not obese or anything, anyways he gets tired really easily and can't last on top at all. Like 5 to 10 minutes and he either has ...
A. 23 January 2013: Speaking as a man twice your age, diabetic, and with a BMI over 30, He needs exercise. Anything that gets blood flowing to the large muscles in his legs. Cardiovascular endurance is the other thing. Quite frankly 15-30 minutes is not that ... (read in full...)
Is theater or musical theater a good way to prepare to be like a performing artist even if you don't solely want to act?
Q. I have a question that is not really related to relationships but a lot of the people on this site seem to have very good insight. You see, in the long run, I wish to be an artist. I want to be a great performing artist and writer. I want to write ...
A. 22 January 2013: Wow it is really rare for a question to sit this many months here without a reply. I'm surprised that I haven't seen it before today. It is almost pointless to answer a question this old as the original poster has probably forgotten it.
The q... (read in full...)
How do I deal with my husband's fantasies and learn how to dominate him?
Q. My husband confessed to me last night that he wants to wear panties and be dominated by me. I am a submissive person by nature and was kinda sick by his fantasy. I like a manly man! I know he has talked about this and has acted on it with another ...
A. 14 January 2013: Savanna,
This book comes highly recommended. http://www.amazon.com/The-Mistress-Manual-Female-Dominance/dp/1890159190/ref=pd_sim_b_1
Also If he is at about your age looking into his testosterone level could be helpful. Especially if th... (read in full...)
Can short guys have success with women? And if so how? I need advice on how to cope better with my height.
Q. I am a 5'4" male and i am very insecure about my height. I know that women love tall guys and that most of them turn their noses at the thought of dating a guy as short as me. However, I also know that some guys my height and shorter do have suc...
A. 11 January 2013: Oops hit the wrong button and posted a half answer.
I see that you are getting the right advice. Manliness, confidence, humor, and a sense of mystery are the keys you are looking for.
FA... (read in full...)
Is change possible? What can I do to persuade my abusive husband to change?
Q. My husband is very controlling and abusive. I don't deserve to be treated this way. I left, thinking he would miss me and stop the abuse but he is just as bad if not worse. He still calls me names and degrades me. He accuses me of cheating on hi...
A. 11 January 2013: Hi Jammie,
You have already done what I would suggest. I have posted the three rules for abusive relationships.
1 Protect the children,
2 Protect your physical self.
3 Get out.
You said you left him. I do hope you have not ret... (read in full...)
Can short guys have success with women? And if so how? I need advice on how to cope better with my height.
Q. I am a 5'4" male and i am very insecure about my height. I know that women love tall guys and that most of them turn their noses at the thought of dating a guy as short as me. However, I also know that some guys my height and shorter do have suc...
A. 11 January 2013: So I'm short, balding, and overweight. Good thing I'm happily married right?
Your question is worthy of discussion, so let's look at it. Many women have a stated preference for tall guys. It really is nothing more than a media imposed body ima... (read in full...)
Does being "up front" about wanting a FWB relationship means you are now a "decent" human being?
Q. Why is it that men (and women) think that just because, they are being "honest" about wanting a FWB type of relationship in the beginning, that they are somehow a "decent" and upstanding human being? For instance, if someone who was going to rob...
A. 9 January 2013: I think it is very interesting that you use burglary as your comparison. It is good that you know what you want, and are not deluded by the trends of the day.
FA... (read in full...)
He's disparaging about others.Am I being too insensitive here or would anyone feel hurt?
Q. Hi there, everyone So i just wanted to hear objective thoughts on something that hurt me. I don't know if i'm being sensitive about it or what. Here's the story. I recently told my friend that i'm into him because my feelings were bigger ...
A. 9 January 2013: He sounds very conceited. He rejects others because they are not worthy of him. The line about valuing you as a friend means you are one of the guys at best. Which means that he has never seen you as a possible girlfriend. Or it could be just a ... (read in full...)
Serious Anger issues. Does she really love me? Or is she just playing games?
Q. Need some serious help from you cupid experts so i hope i can try make this short. recent behavior from my gf is worrying me, or maybe its 'affirming' my intuition about what women really want and what there true agenda is. Basically me gf's...
A. 9 January 2013: Dear confused,
Let me set the record straight for you.
She is abusing you.
She does not respect you.
She is treating you like a girlfriend, not like a boyfriend. Probably because she doesn't know how to treat a boyfriend.
The only w... (read in full...)
I am sick of my B/f sneaking around behind my back to jerk off! Is it normal for men to be like that?
Q. Okay so anybody's advice would be excellent, especially a womans. I'm 18 and have been with my 22 year old boyfriend for 1 and a half years, our sex life is average, and I'm always keen even if I don't finish. He's jerked off to internet porn during ...
A. 9 January 2013: Thanks for writing back. I kind of had the idea that you were trying to save it rather than looking for permission to leave. As has been well pointed out, there are a lot of problems with your relationship. You two are together mostly out of ... (read in full...)
Should I leave my BF of 6 years for someone I've known for 2 months?
Q. Hi all, My boyfriend of 6 years recently asked if it's ok if his sister could stay with us for a few weeks until she finds a place in the city.. His sister is a model, she's a gorgeous woman and is currently working with the top fashion companie...
A. 8 January 2013: Welcome to your first affair. Thrilling, isn't it? You are now officially the wayward partner, and your boyfriend is the betrayed partner. K is the other man. You may as well start viewing your life this way because that is what it is.
You a... (read in full...)
My wife told me she is attracted to her boss! I'm worried, what should I do?
Q. My wife of 14 years out of the blue while we are lying down cuddling turns to me and tells me she is attracted to someone at work. I was kind of stunned by this and didn't know what to say, then she tells me its her boss. She says she doesn't ...
A. 8 January 2013: Slavelove,
I thought I had this answer down until I wrote your Pseudonym down. Now I have a very important question before we can start to discuss this. What is the power balance in your relationship? How much is fantasy play allowed?... (read in full...)
I am sick of my B/f sneaking around behind my back to jerk off! Is it normal for men to be like that?
Q. Okay so anybody's advice would be excellent, especially a womans. I'm 18 and have been with my 22 year old boyfriend for 1 and a half years, our sex life is average, and I'm always keen even if I don't finish. He's jerked off to internet porn during ...
A. 8 January 2013: You ask, "Should I leave him?"
The simple and obvious answer is yes. You aren't interested in him sexually. You have threatened multiple times only to relent. The resentment in you is so huge it is the only thing you see. Stop going back a... (read in full...)
After 3 dates and a kiss he panicked. I don't want to lose him so what should I do?
Q. thank you for taking your time to read this.I am 24 years old and could do with some advice. I came out of a very messy controlling relationship 9 months ago after i left him i took this time to really focus on myself.i am notorious for messed u...
A. 7 January 2013: Warning off topic:
So I finally know that my troubles in life are a result of typographic errors.
All this time I thought I was programed to Conquer, when I was meant to Concur.
FA... (read in full...)
What is the key to happiness? Is it a sum of everything, or something specific (such as love)?
Q. They say you "can't find a home in the arms of a man", I suppose meaning that a man can't provide you happiness or be 'the big thing' of your life. I just wonder, what is the key to happiness if it isn't love (as in a relationship)? I...
A. 7 January 2013: Who says you can't find a home in the arms of a man? All I could find was a quote from Diane Keaton a 66 year old single mom. You are basing your search for happiness on celebrity gossip?
Is the "big thing" what you base your happines... (read in full...)
After 3 dates and a kiss he panicked. I don't want to lose him so what should I do?
Q. thank you for taking your time to read this.I am 24 years old and could do with some advice. I came out of a very messy controlling relationship 9 months ago after i left him i took this time to really focus on myself.i am notorious for messed u...
A. 7 January 2013: Strangely, I think that this is one time when over analyzing would be appropriate. Including checking his references. Personally I think that his kissing ban will not last out the month. He is just messed up in the head and the kinks will unravel ... (read in full...)
Why do guys do this? Hot then cold? Happy to see you one minute, then blank disinterest?
Q. hello, I'd like help with something that I don't understand. this is for people who like understanding other people's behaviours. I've noticed it mostly from guys. I'll explain it with an example. there was a guy on a bus that I knew from school, ...
A. 7 January 2013: O K, xAx,
I'll take a stab at it. At least part of the problem is the way guys think. Guys thought processes are a lot like a waffle. Little boxes all lined up. When we are in a box it takes quite a bit to get us out of it. So when he saw y... (read in full...)
I was in a relationship when I met my (now) husband and cheated. Does this make the marriage doomed?
Q. Hi! When I was with my ex I cheated on him with my current husband (who was my "lover" for a short while before I left my bf to be with him). So, do you think my marriage is doomed because it started this way? I am so in love with my husband,...
A. 7 January 2013: Without throwing around any loaded labels. The Reason people say that a relationship that starts the way yours did is doomed, is because unfaithfulness tends to be habit forming.
Now you were unfaithful once. Does that make it a habit? Maybe ye... (read in full...)
Karma: people seem to get rewarded for bad behaviour, so is there any point in being a good person?
Q. Hi, I was wondering if anyone saw anything bad happen to bad people? I see a guy who cheated in the IQ test to get a job become the manager of a company. I see a woman who cheated on her husband living happily with her husband and kid. I see dislo...
A. 7 January 2013: Original poster,
Thanks for writing back. And thanks for an interesting question. There has been a lot of solid good advice here. I see that you are on the right track.
FA... (read in full...)
If I can sleep through my husband's nocturnal fondling could I not also sleep through a home invasion?
Q. I found out one morning my husband was rubbing my butt in the middle of the night to attempt to wake me but I was sound asleep through the whole rubbing ordeal. He told me the next morning but it worries me that if when he's working one night an...
A. 7 January 2013: Hey Kell,
Thanks for the replies. I'm sorry to say that in my case it's less of a fetish. My wife loves massage. She works hard and deserves more than she gets. So it's just my way of saying hey I'm willing if you are awake enough. And she ... (read in full...)
If I can sleep through my husband's nocturnal fondling could I not also sleep through a home invasion?
Q. I found out one morning my husband was rubbing my butt in the middle of the night to attempt to wake me but I was sound asleep through the whole rubbing ordeal. He told me the next morning but it worries me that if when he's working one night an...
A. 6 January 2013: I do this all the time. (Touch my wife while she is sleeping). Usually she sleeps right through it. I don't worry about her sleeping through a danger, because there is nothing I could do about it anyway, and besides I hate it when it wakes her up ... (read in full...)
Karma: people seem to get rewarded for bad behaviour, so is there any point in being a good person?
Q. Hi, I was wondering if anyone saw anything bad happen to bad people? I see a guy who cheated in the IQ test to get a job become the manager of a company. I see a woman who cheated on her husband living happily with her husband and kid. I see dislo...
A. 6 January 2013: Those are some sad stories. I want to reassure you that the way you are living is a more sure path to happiness. Part of the problem is that you are focused on vengeance. you want to see bad things happen to people. That is quite an ugly emotion ... (read in full...)
My mum dislikes my BF because of our past problems. How can I change her opinion of him?
Q. I started going out with one of my closest friends at the start of last year and I was so happy. I loved him so much. Unfortunatly, he left me after 9 months whilst I was on holiday. I was so devastated and it put me in a really bad place, and my m...
A. 6 January 2013: Parents are protective, that's what we do. Your parent's have seen you hurt and suffering and they don't have that warm hormonal rush to help them forget. Time and open honesty are the best ways to turn y9our mom's opinions of him. It also ... (read in full...)
Why do men cheat on their wives?
Q. Why do men cheat on their wives my sister is having an affair with a married man it has been going on for 4 years his wife is ill with fibromylagia and arthritis she also sufferes with severe depression. He keeps telling my sister that he is leaving ...
A. 30 December 2012: Cindy brings up an interesting point. Is a person involved in an affair "mentally incapacitated"? There is quite a bit of research that is saying cheating is like a drug addiction. This could be part of the answer you are seeking.
So Far your... (read in full...)
Even after 3 years together it would be my first choice to go home to my own bed without my B/f. Does this mean things are not right with us and deep down I know?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been having problems because I never want to stay at his house, but I don't know why I don't... I love him a lot, although we have had lots of problems along the way mainly because I feel like I'm last on his priority list a ...
A. 30 December 2012: O K,
Yes indeed I do think that the leaving you out of the blue is Causing a trust issue with you. The parent factor is also likely part of the problem. I believe there is also some awkwardness when you don't come home. You may even feel obl... (read in full...)
Even after 3 years together it would be my first choice to go home to my own bed without my B/f. Does this mean things are not right with us and deep down I know?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been having problems because I never want to stay at his house, but I don't know why I don't... I love him a lot, although we have had lots of problems along the way mainly because I feel like I'm last on his priority list a ...
A. 29 December 2012: Well it is about time you started to analyze your relationship. I'll be glad to add my insight to it. Just be aware that I have to make some guesses. 3 years in and you still keep separate houses. He is frustrated. Generally when a girl keeps ... (read in full...)
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