A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:please help i want alot of opinions hopefully professional opinions, heres my question- i love dating plus size women over 300lbs but heres the thing, if a plus size woman wants to lose weight all the attraction is over and the relationship is dead but im not saying she has to gain to keep my attention just dont lose weight or those curves is it wrong for me to be this way? -plumpluver
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female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (14 June 2013):
I am a plus size woman (215 pounds but would like to lose 50) dont think it is wrong as we all have preferences when it comes to the opposite gender (or whichever gender we are attracted to)
as long as you dont try to tell the woman to gain weight (like you say, you dont) I dont see the problem here. its like me saying (for example) I like men who are muscular & that the attraction would lessen if my hypothetical boyfriend stopped taking care of himself.
I think the idea of feeders is wrong, but it sounds like you are not one of them & to a certain extent we cant help what type of person we are attracted to. I think its great that there are men out there like you who dont conform to society's idea of beauty & different ideas of what is attractive make the world more interesting. larger ladies need love too :)
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 June 2013): Nothing wrong with having a preference OP, as long as you never sneakily try to fatten up women or prevent one who is that big from losing weight to protect their health.
Other than that you're fine. Just always be honourable about dating and honest about what you like.
If the attraction is over walk away, but never try and keep a woman that unhealthy.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 June 2013):
 you prefer a particular body type.
I do not like skinny men at all. I prefer them thick... does not mean I have a fetish or I'm shallow. It's a preference... just like my husband prefers dark hair on women.
SMO= severely morbidly obese (a MEDICAL TERM)
Many men prefer women with some meat on their bones (perhaps not SMO women but still considered overweight or even obese which could be as little as 165 pounds at 5'2")
The problem may come in later on in life as a SMO women has more health issues such as heart disease, joint issues and perhaps fertility issues. Many times being SMO at 20-35 is not a concern for women but as we age it becomes more pressing. I was SMO as on and off as an adult (age 28 or more) and finally had gastric bypass to lose the weight for HEALTH reasons. I will NEVER go back to being SMO and now I watch it very carefully.
To be honest my last marriage broke up in part due to my massive weight loss and when my husband left me it was for a 400 pound woman... I get it... it's his preference.
What eventually will have to be of utmost importance to you and your life partner however is her health. I hope that should you find your SMO woman and love her, that later in life when the choice is lose weight or die or become crippled, that you will have learned to love the woman inside and can work past the weight loss that will be required to maintain a quality of life with the woman (not the body) you love.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 June 2013):
 It's not wrong, just very shallow. But as long as you're honest with the girl and she knows you don't like her for who she is, or love her for who she is... That it's all physical, and wont ever become anything else, then sure. Nothing wrong at all, as long as you're honest about it. It's the same as only wanting girls with big boobs and never liking her for her personality and if she changed you'd not be interested. But realize, you can't have a solid, long term relationship when it's only physical and shallow. You can't have a future with someone if you never accept them for who they are, thin or fat, and learn to love them for being themselves.
Yes, physical attraction is important, but to be a attracted to someones personality is actually a tad bit more important. Never the less, there needs to be both in order to have a happy, long term relationship.
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (13 June 2013):
 A person who is unhappy with their body is harder to get along with. If you love their form and they hate it, then you are at odds. Many women, not just obese women, are unhappy with some aspect of their body. That obsession can become a negative force that can kill attraction and relationships.
I worry that you are equating a certain level of weight with finding a person who is happy with their body. Think about that. I'm attracted to larger women because I have been in love with a few. The Form brings back pleasant memories. I also know attractive women who are not overweight. I think you could be more open about form. It would give you more chances of finding a compatible partner. On the other hand if it really is size that turns you on then you have to go with what you are.
FA
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A
female
reader, Got Issues  +, writes (13 June 2013):
 There's nothing wrong with it as such, but being attracted to someone only because she's obese is no less shallow than only being attracted to thin women, or women with big breasts. It's a fetish, and the "relationships" you're having are based on looks and nothing else, if her losing weight is enough to kill the relationship. Perhaps you just haven't met anyone you've been able to fall in love with yet, because you are too focused on the exterior.
I'm sure you know how dangerous obesity is. A lot of people like to call fat women "curvy", and while I agree that there are far more tactful ways to say that someone is overweight, calling someone who weighs 300 lbs curvy is irresponsible. Skinny girls get slated all the time, and we're always reading and hearing about how dangerous it is to be too thin, and how thin women are not "real" women, and how it's much more healthy and desirable to be curvy. Being obese is not healthy at all, so masking obesity as "curves" sends out a very mixed message. It tells women it's OK to reach or stay at an unhealthy weight because it is somehow more feminine. It is actually very sensible and responsible to lose weight if you are that big, and the best way to do so is with the support of the people who love you.
It's up to you if you want to continue like this, but you may not find lasting love if your only criterion for a woman is that she must be over 300 lbs. Most people don't want to be that big, but on the other hand, there is a large (sorry, had to stick a pun in there somewhere) BBW community of women who are genuinely happy with their bodies and don't want to change, and you may be lucky enough to find someone amongst them who you love for her personality as well as her body.
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