| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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I've got to live with my ex for another 4 months and she's seeing other guys already! How do I deal with this?
Q. I'm 26 my ex is 21. (go figure I'd have relationship issues right?) Alright, so my now ex-girlfriend and I were together for 2 years. A few weeks ago I noticed a change in her behavior, she was shielding her phone. So I looked through it when she ...
A. 13 November 2012: two bits of advice,
Move out whatever it takes.
Don't adopt the characteristics that you despise in her, Being Shallow, cheating, Treating members of the opposite sex as objects or back up plans.
I know you are angry and feel that you ... (read in full...)
Did I do the right thing by walking away when my fiance was staring at a woman? He didn't try to find me.
Q. My fiance stares a lot at women in front of me. I've talked to him about it, but to no avail. His staring can get blatant, up and down looks, looking at their rear. No matter where we go, he looks or tries to sneak a peek in. I see it all even if ...
A. 13 November 2012: After 12 good answers there is still something to be said.
Back when I was in the ministry we had a saying, "if you don't look once you're not a man, If you look again you're not a minister". My wife informed me when we were engaged that I would ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend's mom criticizes my natural/healthy lifestyle. Should I stand my ground? If so, how do I do it respectfully and graciously?
Q. Hello, Please excuse me in advance for the length of this message. I am in a 4 year relationship. I am 24 and my boyfriend is 29. We currently live separately, each with our parents. We plan to move in together as soon as I finish university t...
A. 8 November 2012: I have 2 points to address here. I had a work mate who took the afternoon off to sleep every time he had a headache, because he wouldn't take an evil aspirin. Very annoying to the rest of us who did his work. My grandmother lived into her 90's ... (read in full...)
Is blood really thicker than water and after you get married should family came before your spouse?
Q. Hi,am getting married soon and my mother in law had a child last year who is 1 now and she is pregnant again. she is in her mid 40's i get it its her choice and the second time i think it was a mistake.I feel like not having kids at the moment ...
A. 5 November 2012: You are borrowing trouble. Does your fiance's mother ask you to babysit now? Why would marriage change that? You are worried about something that may never happen, and you have no evidence that it might.
Now having said that, your fiance i... (read in full...)
B/f broke up because of my good looks and what his friend said??
Q. Hi everyone, It took me two days to even talk about this,cause I'm unable to wrap around what happened to me.. My boyfriend of 2 years dumped me yesterday for a reason sooo silly and immatur'ish' if I can say.. When he first met me,he was very...
A. 2 November 2012: What do I think you should do?
- Verify with your sister. If it is true, tell her how much her interfering has hurt you. Let her know you don't appreciate her meddling.
- I see that you have answered my question from my first reply. No... (read in full...)
If your 15 year old daughter had a boyfriend, how would you react?
Q. Okay, so i am 15, and i want to tell my mom about my boyfriend. If your daughter came to you and told you this, how would you react? How would you want to be told?...
A. 31 October 2012: Hi again,
Good Job on talking to your parents. I have to admit that I have been overly excited when my kids have a romantic partner. They tell me I tease but mostly I'm curious and want to know more. Yes, it will calm down. Yes a smarter ... (read in full...)
When do you know it's the right time to break up?
Q. When do you know when to break up? Me and my boyfriend have been together about 6 months, which might not sound very long, but its by far my most serious and long term relationship. Most of the time I'm so happy with him, but sometimes I feel like ...
A. 31 October 2012: I know that things are different in the UK, compared to the US, so if you are willing to listen to a more conservative reply, here is my opinion.
I agree with k c100 that you are acting too immature. Too immature for the relationship, but not ... (read in full...)
B/f broke up because of my good looks and what his friend said??
Q. Hi everyone, It took me two days to even talk about this,cause I'm unable to wrap around what happened to me.. My boyfriend of 2 years dumped me yesterday for a reason sooo silly and immatur'ish' if I can say.. When he first met me,he was very...
A. 31 October 2012: So he is Shy, or insecure. Or, he believes his friends more than he believes in you. And he has separated from you in a bad way. He might be lying. But knowing all of that you still want to fix it.
O K. First thing you have to do is recon... (read in full...)
If your 15 year old daughter had a boyfriend, how would you react?
Q. Okay, so i am 15, and i want to tell my mom about my boyfriend. If your daughter came to you and told you this, how would you react? How would you want to be told?...
A. 30 October 2012: Thank you for finally explaining, at least in part, what you mean when you say "boyfriend." I have a few follow up clarifications. Do you mean an exclusive relationship? That means that you two have agreed not to date, or hang out with any one ... (read in full...)
Do my husband and I give in to my MIL's demands? What can I do about this pressure? Should I call my MIL?
Q. Hi. I need your help. My mother in law complains that i dont call her enough. But i dont feel compelled to call her often because when i call she wll be finding fault with me all the time. Either i have not done this or that corectly. Recent...
A. 30 October 2012: It seems that you have nailed down the motives of your MIL ans his EX pretty well. On the other hand having the MIL on your side should be your goal. You should not have to pay her to support you. Call her on a regular schedule, but do not accept ... (read in full...)
The problem here is that we can't do certain positions when we make love. Would this problem be the result of the size of my penis? (4 inches)
Q. Ok so me and my gf are living a pretty good sex life.. even though I am young we are sexually active.. Ok so the problem here is that we can't do certain positions and I was wondering if it had anything to do with my penis size.. I am only 4 inches...
A. 30 October 2012: 2 things.
That position was not meant for depth, so it is not likely that she is looking for more length. So, relax she likes what you have. The rest is just skill and that takes practice.
#2 Aren't you a bit young to be trying every pos... (read in full...)
If your 15 year old daughter had a boyfriend, how would you react?
Q. Okay, so i am 15, and i want to tell my mom about my boyfriend. If your daughter came to you and told you this, how would you react? How would you want to be told?...
A. 30 October 2012: #1 Don't expect your mother to keep secrets from your dad. That would be unhealthy for their relationship.
#2 You haven't given us any good reason s why you shouldn't share this part of your life with both of your parents. The idea that you migh... (read in full...)
Vitamin supplements that could help improve my memory?
Q. Hey everyone, Just a heads up its not a relationship question,but they are so many wise people out here,so I thought I would reach out to you guys.. So I have a very very important and life changing exam in december,and I'm putting in a lot of work...
A. 29 October 2012: Stay away from caffeine and Guarana, as they are quick fixes and not a long term solution. I would suggest a B Complex vitamin supplement taken while you are preparing for the exam and thru the exam. Some people take ginkgo biloba, research is ... (read in full...)
If your 15 year old daughter had a boyfriend, how would you react?
Q. Okay, so i am 15, and i want to tell my mom about my boyfriend. If your daughter came to you and told you this, how would you react? How would you want to be told?...
A. 29 October 2012: I have started answering this question twice, but I keep getting busy and leaving it. Now there are many good and long answers and I hope what I have to say will add to them.
You main question seemed to be how to tell your mother about your boy... (read in full...)
How do I contain the jealousy I feel towards others?
Q. I really envy some of my cousins. One is a spoilt brat who gets everything she wants. My other cousins had kids before they got engaged and their parents always baby sit them. But If I had kids out wedlock my parents would call me nasty names. ...
A. 21 October 2012: Meccamega,
Why do you want to become the things you despise? The issue here is between you and your parents, not between you and your cousins.
Now is the time in your life when you need to solidify your core beliefs. Think hard about what ... (read in full...)
Why will not one tell me why he needs time alone? Is this about me refusing the naked picture of me? He says it's not about me. He's 19 and my parents don't know about him.
Q. I'm 15 and my bf is a 4 yrs older than me. My parents don't know anything abt him. We didn't talk abt sexual things for a long time after we started this. But one day he asked me why won't you talk about such things with me. Then we started to t...
A. 21 October 2012: Even worse then,
He wanted the picture, not you. Probably to sell.
FA... (read in full...)
She takes offence easily. I'm not sure if we're right for each other. Should I stay or leave?
Q. So i've been with my girlfriend for just over 3 years now but im not sure if i should stay with her or move on. We're both in our early 20's. She's the first real gf i've had and the only girl i've slept with. She really is a great person and...
A. 20 October 2012: Simman,
Your question reads like a psychoanalysts dream. I see some serious problems in your relationship. The biggest is that you are not fulfilling each others needs. I'm not sure what her needs are But I have a guess. Your needs for affe... (read in full...)
Why will not one tell me why he needs time alone? Is this about me refusing the naked picture of me? He says it's not about me. He's 19 and my parents don't know about him.
Q. I'm 15 and my bf is a 4 yrs older than me. My parents don't know anything abt him. We didn't talk abt sexual things for a long time after we started this. But one day he asked me why won't you talk about such things with me. Then we started to t...
A. 20 October 2012: I can tell you a few things about him. They should help explain where he has gone and why.
1. He is not a virgin.
2. He prefers younger girls.
3. He wants to keep you separated from your parents so he cam be the authority figure in your l... (read in full...)
Married six weeks and now he has left me to live in another country? What can I do? No warning. No idea why.
Q. I've just got married, and been married for 6 weeks now. We haven't even had our honeymoon yet, it's been busy with work etc. Our wedding was lovely - cost about $25,000 - at HIS request, not mine, so I can't really be called a bridezilla for t...
A. 18 October 2012: So far everyone has asked for the missing information. There is no way we can answer your "Why". There isn't enough information to start eliminating some choices. I will tell you this, very few people can spend 25,000 of their own money on a ... (read in full...)
I have self esteem issues over this. How do I learn to cope with my fiance staring at women?
Q. We attended a job luncheon together and the field is dominated by women. Of course there was a blonde woman sitting not too far from us in a beautiful gray suit dress with her legs crossed and her chair was angled out from the table to hear the...
A. 18 October 2012: By your report of the first incident with the Blond, I can see that you have become very insecure and defensive. The first thing you did on entering the room was to spot the major rivals for his attention, then you watched him until he looked. I ... (read in full...)
How to stop my friend interfering in my relationship?
Q. My friend is starting to really tick me off! I've been with my boyfriend for two years, and though I wouldn't say I'm in love with him, I know I'm really crazy about him. He and I made a pact that we wouldn't just throw the "I Love You" around b...
A. 10 October 2012: As I have read and reread this there are a few points that keep sticking out. With whom do you have the stronger connections? Your boyfriend or your friend? Which will you give up to keep the other? It could come to that.
It seems you are unwi... (read in full...)
I'd like to pay my boyfriend back vacation money without causing offence. Any advice?
Q. I was invited on vacation with my boyfriend and his extended family a few months ago. Since we went during the spring break, it was more expensive than I could afford so he offered to pay (not loan) the balance, which was a little under 500$. He m...
A. 10 October 2012: Some people have a lot of trouble accepting gifts. And I thought at first this was your problem. I see now that it is more complicated, but basically the same problem. The Real Man Code says he can not ask your for money even as the return of his ... (read in full...)
She masturbates in a less usual way, crossing her legs. Which is better? Her way or sex with a partner?
Q. Hey all I appreciate any advice. I have been with my gf for 10 months I'm 21. So this is why I'm posting: Basically she masturbates using the method of crossing her leg and squeezing. She never masturbates with fingers. When I ask what she prefe...
A. 6 October 2012: Well Dylan to restate what I said before, long term it worked out ok for me.
I also don't think it could have been answered better than sageoldguy just said.
FA
PS 46 is a much bigger worry than 31. Not so much less skilled or attentive, mo... (read in full...)
How do you get approved for a sex change?
Q. I never felt as if I was a woman born in a male body however I have always wanted to be female. Can one get approved for a sex change operation based solely on the fact that one would rather be the other sex? ...
A. 5 October 2012: That is the great thing about being in the USA you can do anything you can afford.
FA... (read in full...)
I'm too shy to hold his hand or kiss him
Q. i have been going out with my boyfriend for a week, and i really want to kiss him and hold hands like a normal couple do. all of my friends try and push me into it, and then he swears at them and i don't know if he knows how i feel. i am not very ...
A. 4 October 2012: Sounds pretty normal for your age (assuming you are closer to 13 than 15). At that age kids are all talk. You boy is smart to back them down when thy try to live vicariously through you.
Here is why you feel the way you do. You like this guy... (read in full...)
Boyfriend wants a threesome and I don't think
Q. My boyfriend wants a threesome!! Mature answers pls? My boyfriend is 27 I'm 23 we've been together over 3 years. He keeps bringing up threesomes for years ( as he has never had one)and today over the phone (I'm overseas for 7 wks) he was talking a...
A. 4 October 2012: oops, I tho9ught you wanted mature answers, Then at the end you wanted mature answers from people who have done this. Well like you I don't think it's a good idea and have never done it. But I'm wondering if you will read my take on the question ... (read in full...)
I miss my little brother but can you understand why I felt I had to leave home? How can I get my health better? I feel my Mom expect too much of me.
Q. Well it’s kind of a weird question so I don’t know if I'll get much advice but I pray I do :) my mom recently adopted a baby boy over the summer. we brought him home from the hospital I even named him and have been raising him the past few months b...
A. 2 October 2012: So, you are a giver. It is a big part of your personality. It is a bit unusual for a youngest child. You are facing one of the common challenges of a giving lifestyle. That of being over used. It seems to me that you have a pretty good method ... (read in full...)
She masturbates in a less usual way, crossing her legs. Which is better? Her way or sex with a partner?
Q. Hey all I appreciate any advice. I have been with my gf for 10 months I'm 21. So this is why I'm posting: Basically she masturbates using the method of crossing her leg and squeezing. She never masturbates with fingers. When I ask what she prefe...
A. 2 October 2012: Yes Dylan Co,
I dated a girl like that. Married her in fact. Turns out she is one of the lucky women who can orgasm from penetrative sex. As far as utilizing it together, never happened. I don't think it affected the relationship adversel... (read in full...)
Silent 7 month relationship
Q. Me and my Gf been dating for 7 months and we use to talk all day in school and make out in shool. Thing is we never really communicated till the 2 month of us being together. Next semester of school now we in the 11th grade. She moved on the 2nd ...
A. 27 September 2012: It has been my experience that two teenagers in the same school who want to get together will find a way to do it in less than a week. You haven't seen her for 2 months.
The question isn't whether or not you SHOULD break up. The question... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has stopped talking to me since I got a job, am I too independent for him now?
Q. My friend and then boyfriend of many years doesn't talk to me anymore because I have a job now at first he would tell me I love you at the end of our conversations on the phone now he just doesn't answer the phone his mom lies and says honey he just ...
A. 27 September 2012: I think you are misreading him. I am making a few assumptions. First your relationship is long distance. Either it has changed to that with your new job, or it always has been. Second I'm guessing that your age is correct as posted and his is ... (read in full...)
What should I get my mum for her birthday?
Q. hey aunties, this isn't a relationship question but maybe some of you may help. my mum's birthday is coming up and I would like to give her something nice, but not so expensive. I got a job this year and it'll be the first time I'll be able to ...
A. 20 September 2012: I can tell you are putting a lot of thought into this. My Daughter when she was in your position bought me a chair. I guess she knows I spend too much time at the computer.
Instead of specific suggestions I'll give you some general gift giving a... (read in full...)
How should I approach my ex husband's new girlfriend about keeping in touch?
Q. i got married when i was 19 years old to a wonderful guy i was in love with since the age of 15.My husband is 7 years older than me. He is the most loving, caring person i have ever met who spoiled me like a princess. i'm separating now because ...
A. 20 September 2012: Considering your history, I think what you are proposing is not a good idea. He has left you because the open relationship hurt him and confused him. He wants now to have a close relationship with one person. He can not trust you to honor his new ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend keeps files on all his previous girlfriends
Q. My boyfriend keeps files on all his ex-girlfriends. Is this normal? He was on a dating site before he met me and he had files, manila folders, with print-outs of the women he dated and their correspondence back and forth through the computer. ...
A. 20 September 2012: Oh, I don't know where to go next.
There is always the temptation to back up my Hypothesis, but I think it is out there and more details would not be helpful.
I'm somewhat worried about the stalker / sociopath accusations. I agree that the d... (read in full...)
My boyfriend keeps files on all his previous girlfriends
Q. My boyfriend keeps files on all his ex-girlfriends. Is this normal? He was on a dating site before he met me and he had files, manila folders, with print-outs of the women he dated and their correspondence back and forth through the computer. ...
A. 19 September 2012: Yes, it could be a score card. I'm very confused about his shredding party. If my theory has any vitality, then he either has no more need of the Data, or he has a back up copy. If it is a trophy / score card then he is caught and feels guilty. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend keeps files on all his previous girlfriends
Q. My boyfriend keeps files on all his ex-girlfriends. Is this normal? He was on a dating site before he met me and he had files, manila folders, with print-outs of the women he dated and their correspondence back and forth through the computer. ...
A. 18 September 2012: I've known a guy who did that, sort of. He was much younger. So the information was much less personal. What you are dealing with here is a highly organized goal oriented person. That is not at all a bad thing. You just have never seen it ... (read in full...)
Is lack of physical attraction a valid reason to break up with someone?
Q. My boyfriend isn't attractive to me. I'm not implying that he's ugly or that other people might not find him good looking but I don't. He's a good person and treats me well and we're getting to that age where we're thinking about serious commitme...
A. 18 September 2012: Personally I believe you are mislabeling the problem. I always become suspicious when someone in a long term relationship says things like, "I was never really in love", or "I just settled" and in your case, "he isn't attractive to me". The ... (read in full...)
Can these online friends ever forgive me for making out I was someone else? I had good intentions but got out of my depth.
Q. well how do i start this. well im a girl and in this one chat room thing my friend(dont know her in real life) i had pretended i'm a boy and her friends and her think im a boy.(i decided to play a male role just because i wanted to see how it was ...
A. 17 September 2012: One quick follow up to your followup.
You said, "I want to keep to myself about because it gives me something that only I know and not my parents". That is not valid reasoning. You are trading something of value, your parents trust, for somethin... (read in full...)
Can these online friends ever forgive me for making out I was someone else? I had good intentions but got out of my depth.
Q. well how do i start this. well im a girl and in this one chat room thing my friend(dont know her in real life) i had pretended i'm a boy and her friends and her think im a boy.(i decided to play a male role just because i wanted to see how it was ...
A. 17 September 2012: I've held off on replying for quite a while now. I see that the question has changed.
You are young and curious. Your curiosity is not the problem, your using of others to satisfy your curiosity is what I was upset about.
In reality bo... (read in full...)
Can these online friends ever forgive me for making out I was someone else? I had good intentions but got out of my depth.
Q. well how do i start this. well im a girl and in this one chat room thing my friend(dont know her in real life) i had pretended i'm a boy and her friends and her think im a boy.(i decided to play a male role just because i wanted to see how it was ...
A. 16 September 2012: Her problems are beyond simple advice. The most important thing when dealing with parents who have serious problems is to know that the children are not at fault. As for self harm, she needs professional help. Good support from friends is ... (read in full...)
Can these online friends ever forgive me for making out I was someone else? I had good intentions but got out of my depth.
Q. well how do i start this. well im a girl and in this one chat room thing my friend(dont know her in real life) i had pretended i'm a boy and her friends and her think im a boy.(i decided to play a male role just because i wanted to see how it was ...
A. 16 September 2012: That's a lot of drama for a 13 year old. No wonder you are confused. You have received some good solid advice so far. I want to add some general advice.
You approached the chat room like it was a kind of game. You assumed a persona, created ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend wakes me up and wants sex, then falls back asleep. Does this mean he is cheating on me?
Q. For the past week or so my boyfriend of 2 years will wake up and then start kissing my neck telling me how much he wants sex.then he turns around and falls back asleep ..i don't understand why ....is it he is cheating on me and thinking i am that ...
A. 14 September 2012: Guys must just see the world differently. I wouldn't miss such an opportunity. I certainly wouldn't wait until morning to ask.
So from my point of view, great opportunity. From her point of view, he's cheating.
I hope I'm not making light... (read in full...)
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