A
male
age
30-35,
*tchn
writes:It's been a year and three months since my ex-girlfriend broke up with me, ending a two year relationship. It was a complete shock to me at the time(unexpected), especially since she started seeing another guy within the same week.When she ended it with me she told me that she wanted to be friends with me and that I could call her up any time to hang out.She did try her best to make sure I was feeling okay in the weeks after with a few checkups.I couldn't stand the thought of her being with this other guy, and felt really betrayed and I haven't spoken to her since.I was really feeling really depressed for the first twelve months where I she would be constantly on my mind. In the last two months, things started to get a lot better, and I had even begun hanging out with women again, but she still crosses my mind from time-to-time.We were really close friends before we started going out. I daresay even my best friend. What bothers me so much is that in all this time I haven't had a friend like her. I have a lot of friends/acquaintances but none I've ever been close to. She's one of the kindest people I have met.I always imagine how much happier I would be if I were to become friends with her again, but I also imagine how much she would have changed over the last year and possibly how much strain it would put her new relationship in if her bf found out that we were friends again.I'm not sure if I still have feelings for her, but the fact that she's with someone new doesn't hurt me nearly as much as it did a year ago.I have two conflicting decisions: I can talk to her and try to establish a friendship (which I imagine would make me happier). Or continue living my life imagining different ways this could turn out.What should I do, and more importantly HOW should I go about doing it?
View related questions:
best friend, broke up, depressed, ex girlfriend, my ex Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, mkateko  +, writes (27 June 2013):
 It is not possible to forget a person who have been in your life at some stage. So what I am saying is there is nothing wrong when she crosses you mind sometimes. You should understand that we people we are unique, so where ever you go, please do not expect that ladies you are hanging out with to threat you or behave to you the same way she was doing.Never try to compare her with anyone you meet in your life, cause your mind might get stucked on her while you might never get her back to be you friend anymore.You meet her here in life, you can still meet someone else who can make you happier. She decided to move on with her life, move on as well, what are you waiting for, there is nothing wrong with separation, it only means ''she was part of the story and the story is over'' let it go.Don't even tempt to be her friend, you might get the healed heart gets broken again. Stop trying to be her friend, let it go
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (27 June 2013):
 Ptchn,
What should you do? What you have been doing, grieving for the lost friend and relationship. Getting over it. Recovering from the loss and moving on.
You still love her and respect her, and that is O K. She has not had those feelings for you since before the breakup, and she is not likely to have them again. I think it is ok for you to have friendly feelings towards her but to arrange meetings or to share activities would be inappropriate at this stage.
Now for your real question; how to do this. Don't call or text, or initiate any meeting. If a chance encounter should occur, then you should greet her and smile and move on. no long conversation. All she needs to know is that you are now willing to speak to her and that will pass that message.
It shows some character on your part that you are able to forgive her after only a year. Having removed the hurt from your life is what is making you happier.
FA
...............................
|
