| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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Rejection
Q. I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
A. 17 November 2013: Thank you also for your comment. Yes rejection by family or after an altercation in a relationship is a whole different story and much harder to shake off. I hope things are looking up for you soon.
FA... (read in full...)
It's only since we've been apart that I've realized I love her
Q. Hi Everyone!!!! I really need help. I broke up with my girlfriend 2 months ago after a 3 year relationship. Throughout these 3 years I don't think I was ever in love with her. Although I always told her I was. Although I had never been...
A. 4 November 2013: Thanks for the follow up. My advice based on what you have said is to others is a similar situation. Before you decide to break up because you don't want to chance a LDR, talk to your partner first. Explain everything, there may be options you ... (read in full...)
I'm 33 and need to make up my mind on whether to have a baby or not?
Q. Hey! I've just turned 33 and I have a good life. I own my house, have great permanent job, I'm married to the love of my life and have no financial worries. So, it's smooth sailing. Thing is, I'm getting old and I must make up my mind whether to ...
A. 4 November 2013: 33 is a good time to think about that. Your Doctor may tell you you have a few more years to decide. We had our children at a younger age, but that was in an earlier time. Like you at the time we stopped having children I felt that it was at ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend says I am asking him to chose between me and knowledge!
Q. I just told my boyfriend it bothers me that he is constantly either on his computer, his iPad (which I bought him) or watching TV. And his answer was that he's like that because he's constantly seeking knowledge and that I'm basically asking him to ...
A. 4 November 2013: I have spent quite a bit of thought on this question. I'm not going to answer it the way the other aunts have. Their answers are correct. He has created a straw man argument to distract you from the real issue, and no it is not a valid argument. ... (read in full...)
He says he's confused about whether he wants to be in a relationship
Q. Ok, so I have this best friend, we were friends for about a year and then we became really close friends for about another year. Then we started dating and we really liked each other. We were going out for like 4 months.. then he went a bit cold and ...
A. 4 November 2013: Doing the math on this: Best friends 1 year + really close friends 1 year + dating 4 months + some other time in your current situation - your maximum age of 15 years and 11 months means that this all started when you were barely 13 or younger. Now ... (read in full...)
It's only since we've been apart that I've realized I love her
Q. Hi Everyone!!!! I really need help. I broke up with my girlfriend 2 months ago after a 3 year relationship. Throughout these 3 years I don't think I was ever in love with her. Although I always told her I was. Although I had never been...
A. 1 November 2013: Whenever I hear or read "I was in a relationship for x years but I realized I never loved her/him" I become very suspicious. The human mind is a very devious creature, it will do anything to protect it's ego. Whatever it does it want's to be ... (read in full...)
Is this marriage bad enough to justify my leaving?
Q. Long story, but here goes. I am a 21 year old Indian woman who had an arranged marriage to the (34-y/o)man of my dreams. Or so I thought. To give some background,I am an attractive woman who was very used to getting lots of male attention. Some...
A. 1 November 2013: Would it be OK to leave without telling him?
What I see here is a pattern of escalating violence. The rules change when the relationship is abusive.
Here is how I prioritize when I see abuse. First the safety of the children. Second the physical... (read in full...)
What should I do about a guy I met online? He didn't reply to a text but had time to log in to dating site.
Q. Please need some advice! I have been going out with a guy I met online. He told me he only had one other girl friend in his life ( hes 37). He was quiet and seemed lovely. Well it's been 4 dates. As we have great chemistry he has spent the...
A. 30 October 2013: Apparently he has some trouble understanding the term "Committed Monogamous Relationship". When he agreed to it he was really saying, I agree to be monogamous, until something else comes along. While I don't agree with counting texts, I would ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend said "I love you" so quickly! How long does it take for them to know they're in love?
Q. I'm 18 years old. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months. He told me he loved me for the first time very early in our relationship (2 weeks) and it kinda freaked me out how early he said that. For a while I just wouldn't say it back ...
A. 30 October 2013: I give up.
I am glad that it worked out for me.
To Cindy: May I return the song lyric that this brings to me.
I think I'll break off with my girlfriend
Her antics are queer, I'll admit
Each time I say, "Darling, I love you"
She tells me t... (read in full...)
My boyfriend said "I love you" so quickly! How long does it take for them to know they're in love?
Q. I'm 18 years old. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months. He told me he loved me for the first time very early in our relationship (2 weeks) and it kinda freaked me out how early he said that. For a while I just wouldn't say it back ...
A. 30 October 2013: I'm not sure why I keep coming back to this.
The question is not whether or not I am a pleaser. The question is is this guy genuine.
He has proven by his actions over the course of 6 months that not only is he in love, he is also faithful... (read in full...)
My boyfriend said "I love you" so quickly! How long does it take for them to know they're in love?
Q. I'm 18 years old. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months. He told me he loved me for the first time very early in our relationship (2 weeks) and it kinda freaked me out how early he said that. For a while I just wouldn't say it back ...
A. 30 October 2013: Over the time that I have been involved in relationship advice I have seen many definitions of love. The definition I have chosen for my self is when another persons happiness is more important than your own then it is love. Trust and knowledge ... (read in full...)
Do some women like being someones bit on the side?
Q. Do some women like being a man's bit on the side? the reason why I ask this is because I have noticed this girl at work in this situation. She is single but she has started seeing this guy whose in a long term relationship living with his girl ...
A. 30 October 2013: Alias,
Perhaps this will shed some light. Some girls like to compete. The more of an attachment the man has the more they are proving how attractive they are to pull him away from it.
I know it seems twisted but it happens a lot.
I'm somew... (read in full...)
My boyfriend said "I love you" so quickly! How long does it take for them to know they're in love?
Q. I'm 18 years old. My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months. He told me he loved me for the first time very early in our relationship (2 weeks) and it kinda freaked me out how early he said that. For a while I just wouldn't say it back ...
A. 30 October 2013: Nice story.
To answer your questions:
When do guys know they are in love? There is no schedule it's different every time. When the emotions are right they just are.
Why did he say "I love you" so early? Your guy is a straight shooter he b... (read in full...)
Is this marriage bad enough to justify my leaving?
Q. Long story, but here goes. I am a 21 year old Indian woman who had an arranged marriage to the (34-y/o)man of my dreams. Or so I thought. To give some background,I am an attractive woman who was very used to getting lots of male attention. Some...
A. 29 October 2013: This is a dangerous situation. The only advice you should get at this point is to protect yourself. There are a lot of other issues here but first you need to stay alive. Leave and secure your safety first.
FA... (read in full...)
I'm becoming less attracted to my girlfriend though I love her. What's the solution?
Q. I am a 23 years old guy, and I've been dating my girlfriend for a few months now. I've been alone for 5 years before I met her, and anything before her wasn't very serious, so I may as well say this is my first real relationship. She is 5 years ol...
A. 29 October 2013: O. K.
Now we are finally getting to the problem. I should apologize for going off the handle at you, I'm sorry that I didn't understand fully, but I an happy that you keep writing back to straighten me out.
So to summarize, a few months ago y... (read in full...)
Has he stopped finding me sexually atrractive? What can I do to improve things in the bedroom?
Q. Im 22 and my boyfriends 23 we have been together for four years when we first got together we were having sex all the time but now its like he doesn't want to have sex with me ive tried sexy outfits and he just turns around and says what the point ...
A. 29 October 2013: It is typical of women to think that they are not attractive when this kind of situation develops. There could be many other reasons. Stress, distraction, porn, infidelity or just plain low sex drive. The situation is that you are past the ... (read in full...)
Am I a total pervert for being turned on by the idea of a cute boy masturbating to a picture of me?
Q. Not long ago I had an embarrassing moment at my school where I was wearing a thin black spaghetti strap top with just a thin camisole underneath but no bra when someone conveniently decided to snap a picture and thanks to the flash you could totally ...
A. 29 October 2013: Aside from the obvious legal problems here, it is a harmless fantasy. Everyone hopes that they are attractive. Everyone likes evidence that someone they are attracted to is attracted to them. You would probably feel differently if you thought a ... (read in full...)
Can you have a serious relationship with a man 7-8 years younger than yourself?
Q. What if a man is younger by 7-8 years than the woman , can they give each other a secure relationship? Specially if they purpose it to marry not just time pass . How do a woman know he is really serious to marry inspite of age gap and not taking her ...
A. 29 October 2013: Happy Lucky,
The simple answer to your question is that at your age you are much more likely to find a secure long term relationship with a guy 3 years older than you. That is just statistics. There may be in your life a guy 7 years younger ... (read in full...)
I'm becoming less attracted to my girlfriend though I love her. What's the solution?
Q. I am a 23 years old guy, and I've been dating my girlfriend for a few months now. I've been alone for 5 years before I met her, and anything before her wasn't very serious, so I may as well say this is my first real relationship. She is 5 years ol...
A. 29 October 2013: Well call me misunderstanding but how did you get sexually involved with a girl you find unattractive?
I just don't understand. Are you attracted to her personality? And if you are that attracted to her personality, why is her appearance so impo... (read in full...)
I'm becoming less attracted to my girlfriend though I love her. What's the solution?
Q. I am a 23 years old guy, and I've been dating my girlfriend for a few months now. I've been alone for 5 years before I met her, and anything before her wasn't very serious, so I may as well say this is my first real relationship. She is 5 years ol...
A. 28 October 2013: I see this a little differently. The one thing I agree with is that a few months is nothing in a relationship.
Here are some possibilities:
You are having a successful relationship, and this makes you feel more confident. Because you feel... (read in full...)
When Will the Rose Colored Glasses Come Off?
Q. About 2 weeks ago I posted a question about my son cutting his friends and family out of his life because of a new gf. The verdict was just to give it time and he would come around. Now, here we are, with something that is even more perplexing ...
A. 28 October 2013: Early 20's hmmmm.
I was a bit younger than that when I met my soul mate (actually we never use that term) We were informally committed in much less than 2 months.
But, that really isn't your question. I'm not convinced that I know what your q... (read in full...)
Do abusers ever leave you alone?
Q. I recently just got out of an abusive relationship. My family and friends are fully aware of it and absolutely support my decision and want nothing to do with this man themselves. It has been a few weeks since the break up. I have him blocked on ...
A. 28 October 2013: Here is the answer to your question: ( a Professional could give you a better answer) Abuse is about power. He gets pleasure by controlling your life. Any way he can make you react is what he wants to do. So you locked him out of access to you, ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for guys to ask their girlfriend for gifts at the start of a relationship?
Q. Is this normal for a guy to ask his girl friend to buy him gifts at the very beginning of their relationship and telling her what to buy for him? If she says no to buy then he remarked her as money minded? And if she buys, he becomes very happy and ...
A. 27 October 2013: I have to say that is an interesting and unusual test. I know a bit of Indian culture, and while it is wildly different from my culture This behavior would still surprise me.
I can easily tell how materialistic (money minded) a woman is here by ... (read in full...)
Do men prefer feminine and delicate women? Please can someone explain from a male perspective?
Q. Strange question, I know, but I'm curious to hear from a man's perspective what it is about femininity and feminine women they find attractive. I don't understand it - unsurprisingly, since I'm a het. female - and I was just curious if feminine ...
A. 27 October 2013: Berries,
You live in the UK so you haven't met what I am about to describe to you. In the western US we have Cowgirls. Girls raised either on a working ranch or farm. Most of these girls are extremely competent. They can care for animals,... (read in full...)
Rejection
Q. I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
A. 26 October 2013: Thanks for the comment Nickole,
I agree that the math might not be reversible, but I now see Women as less likely to reject quickly. Girls choice opportunities were rare in the 80's. The social stigma of a Girl asking a guy out was stronger... (read in full...)
The spark is gone with my b/f, and there's this other guy ...
Q. I guess I will start by saying that I have a boyfriend for 2 years. We are in a very good terms with him and I care deeply for him and so does he. I guess it's love. My boyfriend and I have been on many adventures. I love him still, but I think I am ...
A. 25 October 2013: Of course the spark is gone, it always fades to boredom when you are having an affair.
FA... (read in full...)
Does FWB never lead to a relationship?
Q. If a man only wants friends with benefits, does that mean he will never want a relationship? I was wondering if it's possible for a man to change his mind and want a relationship with you?. I know a man who wanted friends with benefits with me...
A. 25 October 2013: Yes this is a confusing letter.
Here is my take as I understand it. A long time ago he wanted a FWB relationship. He was in a situation where he felt that was appropriate. Now he is in a different situation. Could he be interested in a real r... (read in full...)
A FWB and I think he is too involved. What do I do now?
Q. I recently started having sex with one of my friends but I feel like he might think of it as something more than I do, and I really can't bear the thought of hurting him. We were drunk the other week and we ended up having sex. It was weird...
A. 22 October 2013: What you really don't want to lose is your scratching post. You are perfectly willing to use his devotion to you to get what you need. On the other hand given time the odds are in his favor. He may be playing this for the big win. While you ... (read in full...)
My ex-bf's girlfriend walks around in her underwear around me and my boyfriend?
Q. So I need some advice on what to do. I'm going to try and keep this short. I met this guy, we'll call him joe. Met him, dated a month. When he kept pressuring me for sex I still said no, he got tired of waiting for me and broke up. Fast forward 2 ...
A. 22 October 2013: Wild Sweet Orange,
The answer to your question is in your post. You think it is really disrespectful. You have zero interest in Adam or Joe. So you will not be needing to steal attention from them by wearing revealing clothing. You have all... (read in full...)
I have some doubts about him as a longterm partner!
Q. My boyfriend asked me to marry him, and now I am torn. Idontknowif anyone else went through the same analyzing stage before getting married, but this is what I am doing right now, and question myself if this is real love and if few qualities that ...
A. 21 October 2013: Chiming is as "the other aunt".
I see much or what Desiree saw, especially you mothering him.
This is my second review of your post and I have something to add this time.
You said "Of course his good qualities outweigh, thats why I am... (read in full...)
Would a guy ever leave a woman if he really loved her?
Q. My ex boyfriend broke up with me and said.. "I'll always love you..You were an amazing girlfriend" What does this mean?? Would a guy ever leave a woman if he really loved her?...
A. 21 October 2013: You bet. I did it twice. Of course in both cases it was her idea. I'm not really sure if my experience applies. I think honey nailed it when she said sometimes it just doesn't work out.
If you want to feel that he didn't love you enough, ... (read in full...)
I got out of an abusive relationship. But now with my new guy my mother and brother hate him. How do I handle this?
Q. I got out of a toxic relationship not too long ago - we had been together for 5 years with two kids and he used to bash me up and threaten to kill me. Everyone knew the extent of how severe the abuse was. I have recently started seeing a guy who...
A. 19 October 2013: 1 You are not old enough. You haven't been out of the bad relationship long enough to trust yourself to make proper decisions yet. You have a poor track record of making good relationship decisions. And last but not least no one is ever so old ... (read in full...)
I value her as a friend, but ...
Q. Hi, I'm really not sure how to proceed with a girl I've been hanging out with who I am very attracted to. She basically has a boyfriend whom she got back together with at the same time I began seeing her. So initially I was set on dating her and we ...
A. 17 October 2013: "Any advice would be appreciated."
How about this one:
"To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man."
Read more at http://www.brainyquo... (read in full...)
The relationship is great -- except for his psycho ex
Q. I am very much in love with this man and we are engaged to be married in a year. He treats me wonderfully and we are best friends. The only issue is the mother of his child hates that we are together and has drawn a wedge between us. She is violent ...
A. 17 October 2013: You asked a lot of questions the telling question to me was this one, "I just wonder if our marriage could ever work or if it's doomed from the start." While there are no guarantee's in life, this one doesn't look doomed to me. It is very painful ... (read in full...)
Am I being insecure or should her lifestyle / attitude be a legitimate concern?
Q. My girlfriend and I (3 months together) got into a fight last week because she told me that if she goes out with her friends they would have a "contest" to see who could get the most numbers at a bar or club. I found this disrespectful and odd so I ...
A. 13 October 2013: Yes you should be concerned.
You two will need enough time together to build a relationship of trust. You cannot be expected to make a commitment to her until she has proven that she can be faithful. She has a lot of unhealthy habits to unlea... (read in full...)
Advice for a 7 year age gap relationship?
Q. Just a question: How do you feel about a relationship between a man who is 25, and a young woman who is 18? I am the 18 year old, by the way. I don't find anything awkward about it so far. We've been dating for two months, HE doesn't find any...
A. 13 October 2013: This age gap is proper. You are over 18 and legal. As far as the maturity issue World wide men first marry at an age 3 years older than women from their same cultures. Your description of the relationship sounds almost perfect.
FA... (read in full...)
Why did he treat me so badly when all I ever did was love him? He treats his new girlfriend much better than he did me!
Q. I'm 20 years old.. I have only been with one man and that was from the age of 13... However over the years the man I was with for seven years didn't treat me very well... Put me down, took a lot of my money, cheated, broken my finger etc but he was ...
A. 13 October 2013: There is a reason for his change of behavior.It is insidious but you need to hear this before you fall into the same trap again. He is being all lovey to the new girl because she is new. If he was abusive from the start she would run from him. He ... (read in full...)
She says we don't have enough "quality time" together, even though we're living together
Q. Ok this is my first time writing on something like this, but I know my girlfriend has asked for online help before and said its really helpful so here I am. We have been together for around 5 years I think and we've just moved in together but eve...
A. 12 October 2013: I believe I have seen the other side of this question a time or three. Frequently I tell the girls to remember that they were interested in you because you did interesting things like playing music and having friends. So by asking you to eliminate ... (read in full...)
I denied a guy orgasm and now I feel bad. What should I Do?
Q. I am an 18 year old girl with an intense foot fetish. I am aroused by other girl's feet, but I'm not a lesbian, as in I still enjoy sex with males. I also get extremely turned on when someone licks the soles of my feet. So recently I was out with ...
A. 12 October 2013: So you were not ready for it to go that far, and you stopped, and he stopped as well. You feel guilty for sticking to what you felt comfortable with. I think you shouldn't. I keep trying to preach this line. Intimacy is intimacy is intimacy. ... (read in full...)
Date help needed: how do I ask a guy out via text?
Q. Hi. I really need help. I want to ask a guy out (via text, I am too shy to ask him out properly) and I want something cute to say. How can I ask him?...
A. 12 October 2013: Thanks for the followup. Congratulations on asking, it's not an easy thing to do. It is sad to think that you think that you are ugly. Many women have poor body image. (they think they are less beautiful than other people perceive them as. It is ... (read in full...)
We broke up because of facebook! Who's right?
Q. So a few days ago my girlfriend randomly starts acting cold and won't tell me what's wrong initially. She then spills the beans and tells me that she saw me on Facebook liking photos and statuses of girls that she knows I used to talk to. We ...
A. 11 October 2013: I'm going to be blunt here. She is right, the relationship is over. You crossed her line and she is exercising her right to dump you for hurting her. You are wrong, you can't get her back by getting a bunch of strangers to tell her that she ... (read in full...)
I'm afraid he won't accept me because of herpes
Q. I have herpes type 2. I get one bump, and thats it. Every now and again. Anyway, Im planning on going on a date with a man ive been talking to for 6 months, in a week. I know we are headed in a serious direction. He has a messed up past, being an ex ...
A. 9 October 2013: I think it is incredibly brave of you to pursue a relationship with someone with an addiction history. It shows that you have a strong belief in the ability of humans to change and improve themselves. There will always be some things you will have ... (read in full...)
What is the right age do you think, to settle down and have a family?
Q. When do you think people ussualy start thinking about settling down? My daughter is 27, her boyfriend will be 30 in a couple months. They both have good jobs, but live with 4 other roomates. its a big house in a very expensive city. I just vis...
A. 9 October 2013: Thanks for the follow up. I'm in your age range. My oldest Daughter is younger than yours. The area I live in has a lower average age of first marriage than most of the US. US Statistics from 2011 say 29 for men 27 for women. So you aren't ... (read in full...)
Date help needed: how do I ask a guy out via text?
Q. Hi. I really need help. I want to ask a guy out (via text, I am too shy to ask him out properly) and I want something cute to say. How can I ask him?...
A. 23 September 2013: So normally when I see a question like this I think, how do you ask? anyway but text would be my answer. Then I saw your age, and I read iAm's answer, now I'm thinking differently. If you are 15 nearly 16 and in the UK then you should pluck up ... (read in full...)
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