| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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My girlfriend wont help clean house!
Q. I need some tips on encouraging my girlfriend be a little more helpful around the house. We have been together 3 years and have lived together in an apartment for the past year. I will be the first to admit that I am not crazy about cleaning, but I ...
A. 13 February 2014: This is a pretty typical problem. You bring people together from divergent backgrounds and you start mixing traditions and habits. Sooner or later one person's habit is going to bother another. Trust me she is as annoyed at you for pestering her ... (read in full...)
He has made me feel so undervalued in my role as a wife!
Q. Hello, I have a question that I have been having a hard time with. My husband and I have been married for 13 years together for 17. His mother recently passed away he was in Florida to be at her side for 1 week I took care of our kids. He returne...
A. 12 February 2014: Your plea is to help you understand. First I need to check my facts. You have been together 17 years and married 12. I'm assuming you are a little older than your profile indicates but that you still married somewhat young. I'm also assuming an ... (read in full...)
Is it normal for female friends to tease their male friends with their breasts?
Q. Is it normal for female friends to tease their male friends with their breasts? Since I met them in college, my two female friends tend to mess with me. They know I can be a bit, what's the word...embarrassed when I see their cleavage or something. ...
A. 11 February 2014: Hmmm,
That's a bit beyond my experience. In other words I would find that as weird as you do. Especially the level to which they take it. (my understanding is they flashed you in public) and that they do it together.
I just want to play the... (read in full...)
Why am I a Runaway Girlfriend?
Q. I'm in a situation and i'm unsure what to do, my fear has set in and I can feel myself ruining it and I'm doing things I shouldn't be. I'm scared that I don't know if I should end it.. I've been dating this guy for about a month, it's gotten seri...
A. 10 February 2014: OK I'm going to give you the Dad advice. The Old people have seen this before and don't worry it's more normal than you think.
So you are in a record breaking relationship, You have been dating the same guy for 10 weeks. Steady for the last 2. ... (read in full...)
Finally stood up to my mother after years of her belittling, but am worried I went too far!
Q. My mom is very controlling..and today, I finally stood up for myself. But i don't know if i took things too far. Over the years, she has constantly harassed me about my weight (always calling me fat, despite me being 5'9 and 160 lbs, and work ou...
A. 10 February 2014: I was in a hurry when I wrote that this morning (yesterday morning). As a clarification, I'm suggesting that you put a defensive distance between you and your mother. Not an impossible distance, but an inconvenient distance. Not only will it ... (read in full...)
Finally stood up to my mother after years of her belittling, but am worried I went too far!
Q. My mom is very controlling..and today, I finally stood up for myself. But i don't know if i took things too far. Over the years, she has constantly harassed me about my weight (always calling me fat, despite me being 5'9 and 160 lbs, and work ou...
A. 9 February 2014: move yourself a minimum of 250 miles in any direction.
FA... (read in full...)
Was I wrong to give him an ultimatum during a fight over our one-year anniversary?
Q. I've been dating my boyfriend one year and five months - exclusive for a year. At about 9 months, I asked him about the "next step" and he said he cannot even talk about it until its a year and not to "pressure him". So i let it go - until now. L...
A. 9 February 2014: When you issue an ultimatum / deadline you had better be ready to enforce it. You made that decision in the heat of battle. That was probably not the best time to throw that out. On the other hand your frustration has built over months.
He issu... (read in full...)
43 with no children of my own. I'd like to have a child with my gay friend
Q. I am 43 and childless. I would love to have a child but the odds are stacked against me. I would love to have a child for a gay friend. My best friend is gay and I'd love to be able to broach the subject with him but I don't know how I should bro...
A. 4 February 2014: Don't be to quick to paint me. A person in their 40's is looking to make a 20 year commitment. She is also looking to get a single man to make a similar commitment. The commitment to the child will affect his ability to have other committed ... (read in full...)
43 with no children of my own. I'd like to have a child with my gay friend
Q. I am 43 and childless. I would love to have a child but the odds are stacked against me. I would love to have a child for a gay friend. My best friend is gay and I'd love to be able to broach the subject with him but I don't know how I should bro...
A. 3 February 2014: Let's try that again.
OK so he is single and you are single and you want to raise a child together with him. This sounds more like an open marriage. Or even possibly a marriage with out very much sex. This is less unusual than you may think. ... (read in full...)
43 with no children of my own. I'd like to have a child with my gay friend
Q. I am 43 and childless. I would love to have a child but the odds are stacked against me. I would love to have a child for a gay friend. My best friend is gay and I'd love to be able to broach the subject with him but I don't know how I should bro...
A. 3 February 2014: OK ... (read in full...)
Who means more to you - the person you loved first or the person you love today?
Q. So I'm just curious here. Who do YOU guys favor more? Do you have more thoughts, special feelings, or emotions towards your "first love" or towards someone who's your "new" love??! I find myself going back and forth between these two guys and there ...
A. 3 February 2014: Sarah, I can see where you would be confused at 2, when your count gets higher and your relationship gets older, the confusion fades away.
To be fair and answer your question, I still care about / worry about / many past loves. But the feel... (read in full...)
43 with no children of my own. I'd like to have a child with my gay friend
Q. I am 43 and childless. I would love to have a child but the odds are stacked against me. I would love to have a child for a gay friend. My best friend is gay and I'd love to be able to broach the subject with him but I don't know how I should bro...
A. 3 February 2014: How you bring it up has largely to do with exactly What it is you are wanting to do. I mean if it is, " I would love to have a child for a gay friend." Then the gay friend is the one who wants to have and raise a family. Then you would be acting ... (read in full...)
When is the time to stop lending money to a boyfriend?
Q. When is the time to stop lending money to a boyfriend? My bf and I have been together for 4 years, not living together. He pays maintenance for 2 children, I don't have kids. Over the past 3 years he has borrowed money almost every 2 to 3 months ...
A. 2 February 2014: The answer to your question is you stop when you can not afford it. I think you have just reached that point. My general rule is to never lend money to a friend that you can't afford to just give them. It's fine to call it a loan, but in your mind ... (read in full...)
Is there a correlation between a woman's breast size and her partner's use of porn?
Q. I've noticed that there seems to be a link between women with small chests and them saying their boyfriends watch porn and they don't like it. I want to know is there anyone who is big chested and has a boyfriend who uses porn? ...
A. 1 February 2014: I like the wording in your post it leads me to redefine the question, if you don't mind.
1) Are you small breasted and does your boyfriend watch porn?
2) Are you small breasted and does it bother you that your boyfriend watches porn?
3) Are yo... (read in full...)
Her training to fight makes me feel insecure.
Q. I'm in a fairly new relationship with a woman I adore. Our courtship lasted a bit long but we didn't want to get into a relationship just after a few weeks of admitting we liked each other. After a little over a year, we became happily official. T...
A. 23 January 2014: Yep I'm not overly impressed with MMA. I've never used those words to describe a person I trained with. I studied collegiate wrestling, which leaves me far behind many of you. In my opinion, as unstudied as it is, MMA focuses too much on ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend's mom wants him all to herself
Q. My boyfriend is a 38 year old never married bachelor. His mother is a fairly recent widow (of a year and a half,) and his sister is going through a divorce so she is a very recent single mom. They both seem to expect him to not only fulfill the male...
A. 22 January 2014: I thought about this one over the night and I woke up with this thought. At 38 he has lived with her as an adult for 16 to 20 years depending on his level of maturity. Many marriages don't last that long. You are fighting against a huge amount of ... (read in full...)
He put food on my plate, does that mean something?
Q. I have liked one of my guy friend for three years already. Whenever we played the game truth or dare at social events he would admit in truth that he liked someone. I decided to ask him one time who he liked..and he went completely silent on me. I ...
A. 22 January 2014: From time to time we get questions like this here. Usually there is a whole list of things over a years time. But, the question is always the same; "does he like me?" Well your answer is the same as well. Either he likes you and is incapable of ... (read in full...)
Her training to fight makes me feel insecure.
Q. I'm in a fairly new relationship with a woman I adore. Our courtship lasted a bit long but we didn't want to get into a relationship just after a few weeks of admitting we liked each other. After a little over a year, we became happily official. T...
A. 22 January 2014: I can't help but think that the responses would have been much different if a gentle non-violent woman had expressed uneasiness at her mans martial arts training.
I personally know a martial arts instructor so I understand that martial arts can ... (read in full...)
Would it be unreasonable to say to him that until we start having sex again I won't consider us to be in a romantic relationship?
Q. My boyfriend and I have not had sex for a while, even though we have had the opportunity. He has not initiated sex for well over six weeks and although I've tried to initiate it myself, it never turns into sex. Sometimes we do literally everything ...
A. 20 January 2014: An ultimatum is probably not the best way to handle this situation. 6 weeks is a very long time in a 6 month relationship. I find it very interesting that he claims that he is intimate with you. To me this indicates a difference of opinion on the ... (read in full...)
Hugs, needed? what if a person gets none?
Q. I have had a life with little affection, ( Not talking sex or romance!!) Have had tiny bit of that yrs ago. Am talking simple human affection, a hug a pat on the shoulder, etc we all need this as humans and while some people arent comfortable with...
A. 20 January 2014: I seem to be having trouble expressing the advice I think you need. I've had some experience in the last few weeks with people who needed what you need. Specifically Hugs.
One who is a woman in my church congregation who has recently become sing... (read in full...)
Do you say goodnight to each other or do you sometimes forget?
Q. My fiancé got upset that I didn't say goodnight to him. He wanted me to work on my project which I did late into the night. He was still up and in another area of the house when I decided I was really tired and I went to bed. He woke me up and s...
A. 15 January 2014: From the other side of the pillow.
Here I am talking away assuming that she is listening in the next room. I ask a question, no response. So I rephrase it, no response. So I go see if she is still there. Yes but she is totally checked out of t... (read in full...)
Why can't men treat a good woman right, be faithful and stop that wondering eye?
Q. I am a 49 year old woman married 25 years and two children. I married my high school sweetheart, who was a flirt... He cheated on me 17 years ago, and last year... I don't know about all the other years, but I have doubts. He will never admit that ...
A. 15 January 2014: Not every relationship will recover from infidelity. This post illustrates the reason very well. Our OP has found the affair, confronted the wayward spouse, Committed him to therapy, and is sure that the affair is over, but the healing is not ... (read in full...)
One of my husband's New Year's resolutions is to go a month without having sex?
Q. This seems a little ridiculous to me but here it goes. My husband decided on his new year resolution to quit drinking and smoking which I am proud of him for doing so. The third one is the one that is ridiculous to me. He wants to go a month with ...
A. 11 January 2014: I'm going to throw out another idea. Not to contradict the existing answers but just as a possibility.
Some people and some religions/cultures still persist in teaching that sex is inherently evil. I'm generally not one to put down a person's reli... (read in full...)
We absolutely have the money for a wedding but I'm not sure its a good investment!
Q. Dear Cupid, I have a wedding question. My fiance and I have waited almost three years to get engaged as I wanted to be able to afford the wedding I want as all little girls dream about their wedding. I am just not sure I can spend six thousand...
A. 11 January 2014: Congratulations you have saved up 6000 at your age. I'm impressed. A funny thing happens when you save. You start to really value the money that you have worked hard to earn. I am not at all surprised that you are starting to question what you ... (read in full...)
What would you consider cheating?
Q. I have a question for everyone. Would do you consider as cheating? I am divorced and single and have started dating again. I am talking to a new guy mostly texting and he is very interested in me but is uneasy about me talking to other guys he consi...
A. 7 January 2014: O K so you haven't committed to an exclusive relationship with either guy. Your texting mostly friend wants you to be exclusive. But, what is he offering in return? Half communication and clingyness. This is why you are hanging on to other ... (read in full...)
I can't help feeling something happened, but she says it didn't!
Q. I have been married for a little over 6 years. We have had our share of problems but nothing major then about 2 years ago we just stopped having sex . My wife claimed that she just wasn't in the mood, this went on for about a year and a half. I was ...
A. 7 January 2014: I'll have to agree with Wise. I was pretty naive. You new update points that out quite clearly. You could say you are paranoid because of the past but the present is giving you enough clues that the return is over. I'm always hopeful for ... (read in full...)
Why am I like this? Am I racist?
Q. I am nearly 19 and still never had a boyfriend. Or been kissed. It could just be because of my introverted personality, my pickiness (cause I like a good characteristics) or because of the whole 'waiting for the right guy' thing, but personally, I'm ...
A. 4 January 2014: So you think that subconsciously you are rejecting certain people just because of race, while consciously you are opposed to such a policy. First your conscious decisions say a lot more about you than your subconscious. Second you are picky and it ... (read in full...)
She told me how somebody 'could get her panties to drop!"
Q. Alrighty then, a little backstory on me. I'm 19 and I've never even had my first kiss, let alone a date. It's not lack of opportunity, just no one I've been interested in that the opportunity came up with. So, anyways I've known a girl for about 6 ...
A. 2 January 2014: It's just advice from a big sister. There is a small possibility that she wanted to scratch her itch, and was willing to use you, but more likely she got all the satisfaction she needed just by talking dirty.
BTW you are right most guys don't hear... (read in full...)
Why do girls seem to prefer, and date, the guys who are cocky, arrogant, stubborn jock types?
Q. Why oh why do girls prefer the cocky, arrogant, stubborn jock types? Is it because they assume their children together will be born with a lightning bolt in their hands? Girls have done pretty skewed ways of finding guys thinking that they are bett...
A. 24 December 2013: To answer the original question, not the stated question but the underlying question. I perceive that question to be: "why is she dating this kind of guy and not me?"
Girls like guys that are interesting. Nice can be interesting. But inte... (read in full...)
If men can't be trusted why do we even try?
Q. My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 months. I've been with many guys before him and I know this sounds dumb but nobody else gave me this feeling of satisfaction and love that I get from being with him. This relationship feels different from ...
A. 23 December 2013: Dear disturbed,
You ask, "Can somebody tell me something to prove me wrong?"
Sure lets get down to the facts and ignore the propaganda. I'm going to suffer for this post, so I hope you at least read all of it.
One of the statistics t... (read in full...)
I can't help feeling something happened, but she says it didn't!
Q. I have been married for a little over 6 years. We have had our share of problems but nothing major then about 2 years ago we just stopped having sex . My wife claimed that she just wasn't in the mood, this went on for about a year and a half. I was ...
A. 22 December 2013: An emotional affair is still an affair, but it is much less damaging than a physical affair. There is a better chance of recovery. Having said that, if she thinks that spending a lot of time and emotion on another person and lying about it is ... (read in full...)
I love my boyfriend but want to have sex with his sister!
Q. I am 25yrs girl who dating guys bt also like girls I do have a BF and his caring and lovely eccidentally he have also a sister who like girls too I love my BF and I also atractive to his sister one day me and her sister go out together and endup ...
A. 20 December 2013: Exactly how are you going to make that transition without him finding out everything? This is why you don't mess with close relatives or friends. You really have made quite a mess here and I don't see an easy way out. You may as well tell him as ... (read in full...)
I can't help feeling something happened, but she says it didn't!
Q. I have been married for a little over 6 years. We have had our share of problems but nothing major then about 2 years ago we just stopped having sex . My wife claimed that she just wasn't in the mood, this went on for about a year and a half. I was ...
A. 20 December 2013: You ask: "Do you think I am worrying about nothing?"
When did you start this investigation? When did you find the e-mail? Long enough ago that you have had time to find out who this person is and where he works and the schedule at that scho... (read in full...)
Would you say it is rude to ask visitors to take their shoes off before entering your home?
Q. Would you say it is rude to ask visitors to take their shoes off before entering your home? I have a small wooden sign hanging up in my hallway saying "Please remove your shoes," and am wondering if this may appear rude. I wouldn't throw a tantrum ...
A. 19 December 2013: I see this often in the construction business. Owners of new homes often do this. I've never seen it as rude. I've often thought people are silly when they install white carpet, but not rude. Honey, I've never been offered slippers. That's a ... (read in full...)
Any sayings that make you feel better after a breakup?
Q. Hi, Has anyone got any good sayings that make you feel better and help forget, get over a relationship that is or hasn't worked out? For example, I saw a good one "If you are left wondering were you are stood, it's time to stop standing and sta...
A. 19 December 2013: The roller coaster ride we took is
Nearly at an end.
I bought my ticket with my tears,
That's all I'm gonna spend.
-Paul Simeon... (read in full...)
He's made a mess of things, what is the best thing for me to do?
Q. I started seeing my bf sept 2012 .in August 2013 I found him out in a lie about what he was doing due to tbis he confessed that in october 2012 he had been with this other woman on at least 4 occasions and had got her pregnant he wanted her to ...
A. 18 December 2013: Poppysky,
You are right in your thinking and you always have been. You should not have given him a chance. Some people can go on after deception and cheating and having sex outside of the relationship, but it is more rare than common. You are ... (read in full...)
Is this creepy or flattering?
Q. Hey, everyone. So, I'm having a problem with this guy that I just met. He's a very sweet guy, but sometimes the things he says are just plain overboard! I gave him my number and we started talking. But, he came right out and said that he liked me...
A. 16 December 2013: Kailey,
I'm going to give it to you straight. When you said "all he does is whine and complain", I knew that this was not the guy for you. I know that in your current vulnerable situation you want someone who is different from your ex, but this... (read in full...)
Help, how can I fulfill my sexual urges without losing my self respect?
Q. I don't know if you have heard of the relationship advice book 'the rules' but if you have you will understand when I say I'm a strict rules girl. I've been out of my healthy, good relationship for 5 months now, we split due to being busy building...
A. 16 December 2013: OK, so I went to amazon and looked it up. Well mostly I read the titles and the reviews. so I have half a clue as to what you are talking about.
So what you want after a weekend without sex is for someone to tell you that you can break your own ... (read in full...)
My husband is angry about my photoshoot even though he was there
Q. Hi everyone. My husband and I are having a difference of opinion and I wanted to get some objective views... so here I am. First of all, my husband (Dave) and I have been married a bit over two years but have known each other for about four years...
A. 13 December 2013: To me this is simply a case of improper preparation. You should be aware of everything I am about to suggest.
Wrong photographer, yes he was known and safe in that way, Your husband was not comfortable with him and only caved after some time. You... (read in full...)
I want some love and don't know how to get a boyfriend
Q. Okay so I'm a junior in high school, and I have NEVER had a boyfriend. A few guys have tried to approach me but I turn them down because they're man whores and just want to have sex. I hate seeing my friends with their boyfriend all lubby dubby etc. ...
A. 13 December 2013: Dear desperate,
I want to answer this in the most kind way and it is difficult. After several false starts I want to start out by saying that you are not alone there are many girls your age with similar experience. Nor is this your fault comp... (read in full...)
Broke up with bf... do men actually have feelings?
Q. Okay, I broke up with my boyfriend, of 3 years, a few days ago. I changed all numbers and blocked/deleted him from everything and went NC to the best of my ability. We broke up like this 10 months ago and after 3 weeks he found a way back in and we ...
A. 10 December 2013: I don't think there is any rule you can apply to this to help you understand his reactions. I think it varies by person and from one incident to another.
If I was in his situation I would have started the grieving process 10 months ago when you ... (read in full...)
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