| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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Even after 3 years together it would be my first choice to go home to my own bed without my B/f. Does this mean things are not right with us and deep down I know?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been having problems because I never want to stay at his house, but I don't know why I don't... I love him a lot, although we have had lots of problems along the way mainly because I feel like I'm last on his priority list a ...
A. 30 December 2012: O K,
Yes indeed I do think that the leaving you out of the blue is Causing a trust issue with you. The parent factor is also likely part of the problem. I believe there is also some awkwardness when you don't come home. You may even feel obl... (read in full...)
Even after 3 years together it would be my first choice to go home to my own bed without my B/f. Does this mean things are not right with us and deep down I know?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been having problems because I never want to stay at his house, but I don't know why I don't... I love him a lot, although we have had lots of problems along the way mainly because I feel like I'm last on his priority list a ...
A. 29 December 2012: Well it is about time you started to analyze your relationship. I'll be glad to add my insight to it. Just be aware that I have to make some guesses. 3 years in and you still keep separate houses. He is frustrated. Generally when a girl keeps ... (read in full...)
He won't talk to me and now I can't eat or sleep and all I do is cry
Q. Dear cupid, I need help.. i feel like im losing my mind. I cant eat, sleep, or go ten minutes without balling... about 8 months ago i met a guy. And we dated and just a few days later he left. He said it was because he was insuccure... but this...
A. 29 December 2012: Oh my Sam,
You sound like a heroine in a Victorian romance. Proving your undying love by laying sink in bed for months. All because of a word he said. I'm sure the image is all very attractive to you , but, it doesn't work that way in real lif... (read in full...)
Should I be worried that my crush might like this other girl?
Q. this guy I like and this girl are really close. they joke and kidd and talk with each other alot. there is quite a slight age gap but he has had a crush on someone a little older before. Sometimes if I see them both online it's like they talk back ...
A. 29 December 2012: You ask, "Should I be worried he likes her more than he likes me?"
Actually you should accept it. It looks as if you have been stalking him pretty regularly and have a pretty good idea of what is going on. So he didn't choose you. That's p... (read in full...)
Am I enabling my 17 year old son on how to be a responsible young man?
Q. Dear Cupid, I want your opinion on this .Well my mom has fallen sick and I have to work because I have a 17 year old son at home and he watches my mom while I work so when I get paid I shower him with money and clothes and shoes. I would like to ...
A. 29 December 2012: So, he doesn't have a job. He works at home. What he does at home is necessary. You reward him for doing it.
At that point it all sounds o k. When you say you shower him with money clothes and shoes it sounds a bit fishy. Or more like spo... (read in full...)
I want somebody to love.
Q. I feel like I will never be able to be successful with women. The only girls I have ever been good at flirting with are ones I am not actually attracted to deeply. I'm a virgin at 19 and am going through medicine. I had an ex who I was with for 2 ...
A. 27 December 2012: Stop shaving, stop asking women what is attractive, start reading Theartofmanliness.com
I don't even dare ask what kind of car you drive.
Promiscuity is not attractive.
You are manly enough, you just are projecting the wrong image because ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend slept at her ex boyfriend's house on Christmas and didn't tell me. What am I supposed to think?
Q. I don't know why my girlfriend would sleep at her ex boyfriend place on Christmas and didn't tell me. She says that him and her are now friends and she's not text me that much either, probably either she's busy or having a wonderful time with him, ...
A. 27 December 2012: It's not a break, it's a Broken. Eyes is right it's already over.
FA... (read in full...)
My g/f is always accusing me of cheating and now I find her on dating sites. She tells me to go back to my exs! What do I do?
Q. My girlfriend has been aggressively telling me that i cheat on her. She has been accusing me for months and brings up my sexual history with my ex. I have now found out that she has been on date match sites trying to meet men and saying she is ...
A. 27 December 2012: "What do i do about it?"
The same thing you should do about any abusive relationship.
Protect the children.
Protect yourself.
Get out of the relationship.
Seek professional help.
in that order.
FA... (read in full...)
Is it OK to date the daughter of family friends?
Q. is it ok to date a family friends daughter? my parents, her parents and my step mom where all friends growing up. My dad "got" them in the devorce. We lived togeather for a short time while my dad looked for some where to live. Then I hadn't seen ...
A. 23 December 2012: Well it worked out ok for me. Of course, I was much younger (13) and the families weren't so close. And, back then sex wasn't expected by the third date. I just wanted to put in a positive viewpoint.
On the other hand. I don't see anything... (read in full...)
She wants to fool around, so she broke up with me! What does that mean?
Q. Hi I am 17 and my girlfriend is 14 and we are both in high school. She is my first girlfriend and I am her first boyfriend. She recently broke up with me, although we still talk and act like bf/gf because she doesn't want a serious relationship yet. ...
A. 20 December 2012: Fall out pawn,
I see this is one of those new modern breakups where you still love each other and still act like Bf/gf, but you have no commitment.
Let me explain what that means to her and you. She gets to keep the status of having a cool se... (read in full...)
My ex-girlfriend owes me money, but is pregnant with another man. What do I do?
Q. I apologize in advance if this is lengthy. I'm 22 years old. I dated a girl for three years who is the same age. We lived together for the majority of that time, however the last eight months of the relationship was very rocky. Sex was a rarity...
A. 20 December 2012: My first thought was what kind of "Man" has his ex pay his rent for more than a month. You should be in your own place by now. Then I read more thoroughly. She wants you to care for her pets, and she hasn't moved her stuff out?
Here is the manl... (read in full...)
My fiance left me for my sister whom he got pregnant. How do I stop this from ruining Christmas?
Q. I'm 25, and have a son who's 5 years old. My fiance (he's 28) left me only a few days ago for one of my three older sisters (32, 35 and 37, he left me for the 32-year-old one) and I feel low. We were planning to get married next year in March an...
A. 18 December 2012: Lets start with a partial answer. Child support and Visitation have to do with the fathers relationship with his children. Both should be encouraged. They should not be used as weapons of retaliation by either partner. in this area think of the ... (read in full...)
He's secretly masturbating when we're in bed and he thinks I'm asleep!
Q. I really don't know where to start - my boyfriend and I have been together a little more than ten years we've been through a lot together and we also have two beautiful children together, anyways about three years ago i started some medication that ...
A. 18 December 2012: Three years without any good sex and he has developed a sexual problem. No big surprise there. You took several months to heal from the effects of the drug. Sadly he is not healing as fast. Not only that he has trouble handling his guilt over ... (read in full...)
Does anyone else here feel small because they don't look as glamourous as pornstars or glamour models?
Q. Does anyone else here feel small because they don't look as glamourous as pornstars or glamour models? I feel like I'm helpless, my ex made me feel like this. We were on about glamour modelling, he said something like do you think you could be one, ...
A. 18 December 2012: I feel small because I am. I know many beautiful people of all ages. They are not models or movie stars or sports players. They are just average people. In fact most of the people you will meet are just average people. That is the definition of ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has outbursts of anger but says he's only expressing himself. These episodes make me uncomfortable!
Q. So I asked a question about my boyfriend a couple of days ago. We're on holiday and he was telling me my top was see-through. We got over that and had a really nice day, sightseeing and enjoying our time together. Then yesterday he wanted to go and ...
A. 17 December 2012: I disagree this post is full of red flags. I see abusive controlling behavior.
I agree he is misbehaving. I agree there is communication break down. But I think the numbness has a dangerous cause.
FA... (read in full...)
Should I leave my husband or not? I don't know how he will survive if I leave him....
Q. I have to make a decision regarding leaving my husband. We have been together 18 years and have no children. Life prior to marrying was magical. I could not fault him in the least but on returning from our honeymoon he became grumpy and sulle...
A. 17 December 2012: He's useless,
Buy a game system and you can replace him with a useless 20 something who will want sex.
I suppose that is cold and cynical of me to say that. I do hate to see men in general falling to this state.
If you leave him what will ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend's best guy friend has asked her to be his date to an event, I don't want her to to but I don't want to upset her by saying she cant go either!
Q. My girlfriend and I have been together for 7 months. She and I have a great life together, she is two years younger than me and still in high school. Her best friend is a guy that I know likes her but in 7 months he hasn't tried to steal her from ...
A. 17 December 2012: Jazz,
K C really nailed it when she said "If you want to be engaged to a teenager you are going to have to put up with this kind of thing I'm afraid!"
My analysis says she was pulling some BS cosmo test on you. Instead of the apologies I woul... (read in full...)
Anyone know this average?
Q. What is the average number of men a 26 yr old girl has slept with?...
A. 16 December 2012: @ Chigirl, I would think the Mode (the most popular number) would be most helpful.
Really the average number is no help in determining what is right for you. Sex forums like this are often asked what is "normal"? That is a question professi... (read in full...)
Is hair removal cream safe to use on the penis?
Q. Hey all! Just a quick question about hair removal. I have quite long hairs on the underside of the shaft of my penis. I read this was common in circumsized males when I first noticed them but I would prefer it if I could remove them. So i...
A. 16 December 2012: What I'm trying to figure out is why you would want short bristly hairs there.
But, seriously, there are hair removal creams made for the bikini area. They are gentler. Follow the directions. test on a small area first.
Personally I ... (read in full...)
Why is he talking to me again?
Q. i was really good friends with this guy for 2 years. But then he got a girlfriend, and then stopped talking to me. They broke up really soon, but we still didn’t talk. Now, after a year, he’s commenting/liking my statuses and messaging me on fb ...
A. 14 December 2012: I tend to bristle whenever someone says "this is very male behavior", but on reflection Em is right this is male behavior. We think one box at a time. When he was in the relationship his box was full and he didn't think about you. When that ended ... (read in full...)
Why am I so sad, instead of being mad at the way my married ex pressured me?
Q. I am in a really difficult situation. I have been in love with a man for 18 years. When I met him he was separated from his wife and I was newly divorced. We were together 4 years and then he returned to his wife and children. I was hurt but I ...
A. 13 December 2012: Happiness is the result of living your life in accordance to your beliefs. In your words, what your morals dictate, or what is not just wrong.
You can't feel happy in your current relationship because your heart belongs to the other one. Yo... (read in full...)
Now I'm being punished for what goes on in her mind only!
Q. For the past two years or so, my girlfriends insecurity has got worse and worse. I am constantly told who I am looking at, who I find attractive and told I am flirting with everyone she believes I find attractive. I have put up with a lot. I now ...
A. 13 December 2012: 17 answers the first day, wow. As you can see this is not that unusual of a situation.
After reading everything I found something missing that might be worth your consideration. Aside from projection, this jealous, mistrusting behavior... (read in full...)
Why did he end it? I am confused!
Q. Hi everyone, I have been feeling incredibly confused and feel that I need some advice before I can let this go.. Im 29 and the guy in question is 26.. we dated for only 3 weeks. He is quite an introvert and definitely not the player type. The...
A. 11 December 2012: You are right. This is a fragile male ego, that was unmanned. He is running away.
Can you get him back without becoming a stalker? It appears that you have already tried every reasonable approach.
Quite frankly, he needs a success and yo... (read in full...)
I caught my wife exchanging explicit pictures on her cell phone, is divorce imminent?
Q. I caught my wife exchanging explicit pictures on her cell phone she says she has no attraction to this man it was purely an emotional connection I don't know if I will ever be able to trust her again children are involved is divorce imminent?...
A. 11 December 2012: I see, She says it was an emotional affair as opposed to a physical affair.
But the EA was within days of becoming a PA. And you caught her.
So is divorce imminent? Do you want it to be? Is she willing to return with full purpose? Marria... (read in full...)
Why do men prefer light skinned girls?
Q. Most people say I'm really pretty and I have no trouble getting the Guy I want. But I'm Spanish and Mexican American, though my skin color is brown but not dark brown. I always hear guys mention they prefer light skinned girls. Is there anything ...
A. 11 December 2012: Why is it that Women prefer tall men? Why are short men automatically classed as shifty and untrustworthy. Check any dating site, men must be at least 5'8" tall to be acceptable. What can I do to be taller?
But, seriously, Way back when I w... (read in full...)
Is my ex still interested and want me back?
Q. I broke things off with my boyfriend because I just wanted to some space and time to heal (I had a rough year/stress). And he said that if should I be ready for a relationship, I can look him up. I finally texted him after a month of not texting, ...
A. 11 December 2012: Correction only he knows how he feels now. No one knows how he will feel in a month.
From the complete text of your conversation with him he appears to be willing to pick up right where you left off. He is encouraging further contact.
More... (read in full...)
My girlfriend wants space so she can find out if she is happy
Q. I am 22 years old,I have been dating my girlfriend for 6 months now.last night she told me that she isn't sure if she can be happy and I deserve someone who is 100% committed to me.she said she wants to take a 2 week break so she can hopefully find ...
A. 6 December 2012: Jeff,
Due to your young age and inexperience you are misunderstanding the message she is sending.
I'm not happy. It's not you it's me. These are code words for "you don't excite me any more".
Given her history, what is most likely happ... (read in full...)
My 16 year old son is in love with a woman who is 24 years older than him!
Q. My 16 year old son is in love with a woman 24 years older than hisself, he met her when he was in a Subway with friends, he's told me theyve been secretly dating for over a month now and that the relationships not based on sex but proper love. She's ...
A. 3 December 2012: Why does he feel the need for affection from a woman who is the age of his mother? I think he needs some counseling.
FA... (read in full...)
Why are married men attracted to me?
Q. Well I am going to start off saying this I don't understand why married men seem to be attracted to me I don't flirt with them under no circumstances they seem to aim my way.I am not the one to break no ones home up I don't believe in doing this ...
A. 30 November 2012: Yes, aunty em, it is the same here.
To answer the question directly. He is attracted because you are available. You are trying to let him know that you are not available to him. Legal action would certainly send that message. It may also mak... (read in full...)
Our relationship is falling apart since he moved away, is it even worth trying anymore?
Q. My boyfriend went away for college to play baseball and our relationship is falling apart, is it even worth the heart ache to continue trying? We dated for 2 years in high school, then all of a sudden he broke up with me the summer before we...
A. 30 November 2012: Hi Cindy,
I on the other hand have no trouble blaming him. Young inexperienced abusers who show a pattern are as dangerous as old experienced abusers who exhibit a pattern of abuse.
Let me lay out the pattern so our OP will see it and know... (read in full...)
With holding of sex
Q. why is it when my girlfiend with holds sex its okay but when i do she gets mad about it?...
A. 25 November 2012: not everyone,
The direct answer to your question is:
Because she has the power and you do not.
Also it is also o k for guys not to be "in the mood".
FA... (read in full...)
I'm interested in my neighbor. Do I make a move and risk compromising our friendship?
Q. Hello everyone! So my problem is pretty straightforward - I need help approaching a guy. Usually, this wouldn't be so difficult for me, but the circumstances are a little stickier than anything I've ever had to deal with. Basically, I'm...
A. 19 November 2012: My advice would be for you to have a solid idea of what your long term goals are. Allow some flexibility in your planning, because life happens. Remember to enjoy today, don't put off happiness, to some uncertain future.
And, last but not leas... (read in full...)
What to do when someone likes you and is attracted to you (and you are to them) but they don't completely understand you?
Q. I've been dating this guy for about a month now and we like each other and he's made it quite clear he's attracted to me (and I am to him but I've made it less clear). Part of me would like to develop the relantionship into romantic direction but he ...
A. 19 November 2012: Thank you for the follow up,
I want to say this in the nicest most politically correct way possible.
When it comes to the topic of trans-sexuality, same sex attraction, gender dysphoria, or transvestism, which although I know they are all dif... (read in full...)
Is it possible to talk to a girl every day but not have feelings for her?
Q. For a few months now I have been building these feelings for a friend of mine. It started with an evening in the summer, where nothing happened, but I just started thinking of him in this way. Weirdly we started texting and talking a lot on Facebook ...
A. 19 November 2012: Someone,
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/preferably-guys-opinions--friendship-between-guys-and.html
There is the site for that discussion about friendships between guys and girls. Start at the bottom and read upwards. You will see that mo... (read in full...)
Is it possible to talk to a girl every day but not have feelings for her?
Q. For a few months now I have been building these feelings for a friend of mine. It started with an evening in the summer, where nothing happened, but I just started thinking of him in this way. Weirdly we started texting and talking a lot on Facebook ...
A. 19 November 2012: Someone,
We had a very long discussion about this recently, and the result was, A guy in a friendly relationship is probably trying to get into a sexual relationship. If that is what you are interested in, give him a go ahead sign. Hold his hand... (read in full...)
Does evidence on his boxers mean he is cheating?
Q. I saw dry sperm stain on my hubby boxer amd he toil me when ever he urinates sperm comes out from his body. Am not happy because he has not make love to me for a long time and I feel he is cheating on me....
A. 19 November 2012: The simplest answer is most likely the true one.
He is not making love to you. You are not happy. Together that means there is a problem in your relationship. Whatever is leading to the evidence in his boxers, you two are disconne... (read in full...)
What to do when someone likes you and is attracted to you (and you are to them) but they don't completely understand you?
Q. I've been dating this guy for about a month now and we like each other and he's made it quite clear he's attracted to me (and I am to him but I've made it less clear). Part of me would like to develop the relantionship into romantic direction but he ...
A. 19 November 2012: To answer your question without going into any of the specifics that you are so carefully dancing around, You have a core belief, and you will not be able to be happy whilst you are living in opposition to that belief. He not only does not share ... (read in full...)
Her actions speak louder than her words but does she want to get back together?
Q. So my ex and I broke up about a month ago. It got pretty ugly and ended with name calling ect. I left her. We went a week without talking and she finally contacts me. She tells me she's over me and tthanks for making me a stronger person. Well a.few ...
A. 16 November 2012: Gusty,
I have to admit that I didn't finish reading it (it was too painful).
You are not getting the whole message. For some reason some girls think that sex is a casual activity, but love is real. Most guys on the other hand think that ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is selfish for not giving me longer foreplay
Q. I've complained to my boyfriend that he is a selfish lover for not giving me longer foreplay. I even stopped giving him sex because he only sucks my breasts for less than a min. He says that i am too demanding, but he wants me to grab his balls or ...
A. 16 November 2012: dprvedgrl,
I see that you have made no advances in your quest for sexual satisfaction. I also see you ignored my last advice. So here is a bit of advice for your selfish guy.
Stop trying to multitask. Concentrate on her orgasm until "la... (read in full...)
Is it better to lose your virginity to another virgin?
Q. I have a couple different questions here. 1. Do you think it is better to lose your virginity to another virgin, or to someone who knows what they are doing in the bedroom? Why do you think either way is better? 2. Is it creepy for a 22 year ...
A. 16 November 2012: To answer your questions:
It is creepy for a 22 year old guy to spend that kind of time building a relationship with a 17 year old girl.
It is best to lose your virginity to a person who you are in a committed long term relationship wit... (read in full...)
How do you deal with losing someone who made you genuinely happy when you did nothing to cause the distance?
Q. Thank u in advance for ur help. So i had a female friend who i have been getting along with since September. We would see and talk to one another at least twice a week. I had feelings for her but since it was a great connection i let it play itself ...
A. 13 November 2012: I would say that you have nailed down the problem pretty nicely.
You didn't do anything, and because you didn't do anything she is upset.
As for advice, live and learn.
FA... (read in full...)
I've got to live with my ex for another 4 months and she's seeing other guys already! How do I deal with this?
Q. I'm 26 my ex is 21. (go figure I'd have relationship issues right?) Alright, so my now ex-girlfriend and I were together for 2 years. A few weeks ago I noticed a change in her behavior, she was shielding her phone. So I looked through it when she ...
A. 13 November 2012: two bits of advice,
Move out whatever it takes.
Don't adopt the characteristics that you despise in her, Being Shallow, cheating, Treating members of the opposite sex as objects or back up plans.
I know you are angry and feel that you ... (read in full...)
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