A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:For last few weeks I have been dreaming about my ex boyfriend and it's starting to upset me. I'm happily married and have been with my husband for 3 years. We got together about 3 months after my relationship with my ex ended. My ex was a complete idiot to me, and I still feel angry about it to this day. He blames every thing that went wrong in our relationship on me and his parents still stare and make little comments if I pass them or I see them in the shop.I fell pregnant with my ex's child and had a miscarriage before I knew. When I went to hospital with stomach pains, he refused to come with me because he said he was couldn't, he claimed he had to look after his brother which turned out to be a lie. Things hadn't been right for a while and that was the last straw. When I ended things shorttly after that he claimed he was depressed and it was all my fault sending me months of texts and emails blaming me and saying I wasn't supportive enough. We started to see each other again, as friend's but when his parents found out they banned it which really messed up my head. I sunk into depression myself, I'd just miscarried and had no one to talk to. My family lived miles away as I wasn't that close to them as I am now. Then I met my husband by chance, he knew a friend of mine so he was at a party I was. And straight away, I knew he was the end. We have been trying for a baby with no luck, and next month the child I would of had with my ex would of been three. I wondered if it's all related but it's really getting me down. I dont understand why after almost 4 years I'm dreaming about him. I don't speak to him or have contract with him in anyway. I wake up in a mood because of it and I can't talk to my husband because it doesn't sound great does it? is there a hidden message or I am just dreaming about anything?!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, eddie85  +, writes (12 July 2013):
 You have a lot going on here, but in short, just because you are married doesn't mean your sexual urges, recollections, and fantasies stop. Being attracted too and thinking of past lovers will creep up -- however, what you do about these thoughts will determine whether you succumb to them, or just happily enjoy them.
The fact that you are trying to have a baby and the fact that you nearly had a baby with your ex will certainly trigger past memories. You are going through a very emotional time: you are starting a family and the fact that you almost had one with your ex (despite him being a rotten boyfriend) won't stop the thoughts you've been having. Perhaps too you are unconsciously scared that your husband won't stick around once the baby does come around. I suspect also you may have not had a total closure with your ex as well; all of which will trigger these dreams.
Trust me, in time this will pass. Another month or two this will be a distant memory. Just be patient and know that you are with a man who wants to start a family with you and has committed his life to you.
Eddie
A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (11 July 2013):
 There are two things to consider here.
Most people misinterpret dreams about their ex as being a hidden desire to get back with the ex. Dreams about your ex are usually warnings that something about your current relationship reminds you of your ex relationship. Think about what that might be. It could just be trying for a baby.
Second. Hormone s can cause dreams that will make you feel angry or upset on waking. I have heard about this during pregnancies.
FA
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2013): I think you being aware your lost child (sorry for your loss) with your ex who would have been 3 now, is playing on your mind and it automatically is linked to all the memories and thoughts and unresolved issues with him, so your mind is processing it and you then dream about it, almost like filing the information away.Being happily married for 3 years with your husband does not erase your sad loss and the memories associated with it. Also, shutting it off or pretending sometimes that things don't exist only keeps it in hibernation until the day you feel safe, like now in your happily married state with a good man, to be able to deal with it. The good news is that you don't have any confused feelings, you are clear in that your ex was an "idiot" your words ;-) that makes things simpler, than if you still had unresolved feelings. His parents are behaving and acting up because they sided with their son, whether they knew all the facts or not, blood is thicker than water, so don't worry about what they do or say, you know what really happened, and what goes on behind closed doors only you know too.Your ex didn't care when you went to hospital to find out what was wrong, instead of being supportive he chose to lie about his whereabouts, which just adds weight to your having made the right decision to walk away.Him contacting you afterwards with texts and emails about how you were not supportive, that he was depressed, etc it goes both ways. You too needed support, especially then, and when his parents didn't allow you to fix things between you, you yourself got depressed so the whole situation was bad for everyone, and harder for everyone.It's great you met your husband, and don't worry about trying for that baby. Enjoy your marriage, and each other, and things will happen naturally in their own time.Did you ever go for counselling when you had the miscarriage and when you were depressed? If not, I would recommend it and I'm sure that would resolve the dreams that are making you wake up unhappy and moody and not being able to share it with your husband. Good LuckG's Girl
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