A
male
age
26-29,
*ivingWithBadDecisions
writes:Hi, I'm 16 and I wrote this: http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-dont-know-my-feelings-for-her-how.html because I thought I had feelings for this girl I know. I mean I still think I do but this could easily get confusing and too complex so I'll bulletpoint it to put it in it's simplest form.• I've known a girl called "Keira" (nearly 18) for about 4 months now but if I only add up the hours we've actually spent around each other it would be about 30 hours.• She's really cool and caring and I just think she's awesome. She's been through A LOT (understatement), so she doesn't trust people easily. I knew that and, even though she hasn't told me much about what's happened to her, I can tell that she has very good reasons to be cautious with people.• after about a month (so about 12 hours I think) I told her I love her. She said we don't know each other properly and only know what we see at work, which I guess is true but I never really noticed.• for about a week I was messaging her on Facebook calling her babe, asking her if she can see us together some time soon, telling her I wanna build my future and have her as a big part of it. She asked me not to call her babe (but it's a habit of mine) and asked me to stop talking about all of that because she felt unable to say any of it back because she couldn't trust me yet and didn't know me well enough to say if she saw a potential future for us.• I ended up not talking to her over half term even though she'd said if I'm in her area (I had a solicitor meeting there) I forgot because I got distracted and involved with "Sara".• Sara is my girlfriend. I didn't plan on it happening but one day we were faking going out to get revenge on my ex-best mate (Sara's ex-boyfriend) for screwing us both over then the next day we just decided to be official for real.• It was awkward seeing Keira again because I'd ignored her that whole two weeks and not even told her I wasn't going to be meeting up with her (I'd asked her about it before she brought it up). I guess that was stupid because she was making an effort to get to know me and I'd suddenly dropped it because Sara was there and ready for a relationship.• Keira and I had a talk during our work break and I kept saying sorry and asking why she was bothered if she didn't like me like that and she said that she was a bit pissed off that after everything I said, I moved on to someone else in a day and she said that if she had fallen for what I'd said (which I think I meant and maybe still mean) and developed feelings, she'd have lost all trust in me and if I'm honest, I hadn't thought about that.• I should probably mention that we had a few work projects to do together (learn them separately and just do it together at work) so she learnt it and I left it last minute and knew a couple of words, so she was disappointed to say the least because now she has to do the public speaking on her own. I guess that didn't help my case with her.I haven't seen Keira since (2 weeks) but the last time I saw her (when I said sorry many times) she said that it wasn't about saying sorry countless times but it was about the fact I hadn't stopped saying all of it and she felt let down that I'd known she doesn't trust people easily but then found it so easy to ignore how she may feel and suddenly jump into a relationship with someone else and ignore her even as a friend (which I'd asked for us to be now).I know she doesn't like me in that way because she sees the logic in relationships and doesn't fall for people fast, which we talked about. I guess I pushed it all on her quite a bit even when she asked me not to, then I guess I was a bit of a dick for ignoring her completely just because I'd decided to get into a quick relationship with someone else. I told Keira I don't care if Sara knows how I think I feel about her (Keira) and she just said she doesn't want anything to do with it. She says we are too different to be a couple and we value different things but I don't really see that as a major thing.How badly have I messed up whatever friendship/relationship I can have with her? Why does she feel this way? What do I do now regarding Keira? I want to get back on good terms despite everything that's happened. Will she be able to just forget it quite quickly?
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice  +, writes (8 May 2013):
 Wow I read this on Monday and wasn't sure how to answer it. I was very surprised to see it on the unanswered page today.
Dear Living,
Here is my take on the whole situation. You got mixed up in some serious teen drama. But, it is still just Teen Drama. We expect mistakes like this at your age. Nothing you have done is long term hurtful.
Your mistakes. #1 pretend relationship for revenge. Revenge is unhealthy. Pretending never works. Now you are in a rebound relationship, that has an unstable foundation.
#2 Wearing your heart on your sleeve with Keira. She wasn't ready for that and you should have know it, but, you are young so you get a pass. Keira even gave you a pass.
#3 Keira's mistake. As understandable and excusable as her mistake is it has led you to the place you are. She told you that she was not interested in you in that way, and then quickly decided she was, and didn't tell you.
So how badly have you messed up your relationship, and possibility of relationship with Keira? Keira sees you as immature and flighty. Since that is pretty much true of all boys your age that is only a minor strike against you. Future possibilities have mostly to do with you maturing. The number one way you can show maturity is to be trustworthy. In other words when you say you will do something you do it. That will build trust, trust is what your friendship needs.
Also she will be watching to see how you treat Sara. So be on your toes.
FA
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