A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Okay,so recently I reconnented with a former best friend who stop talking to me because of her then boyfriend. Anyway we started back talking april 15th and we were dating that same day. We been together before she broke up with me Thursday, because she still loves her ex. Idk what to do I'm in love with even after everything she put me through I can't see myself being with no one but her . What do I do!?
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (31 May 2013):
 Thanks fro writing back. It's the only way we know that you have read us. I think there is something you have misunderstood. Probably because I didn't state it clearly. What you have to do now that you have sent the messages, is wait. You met her 7 weeks ago. You broke up a week ago. Now you need to wait, up to a year, at least 3 months. Given the length of your relationship that looks like a very long time. So are you up to that kind of waiting? Your last note makes me think you aren't.
Right now you are in a rebound situation. Essentially you have a strong connection to her, she was using you as a crutch to get over him. I also see from your last message that she is trying to reconnect with him. That can mean even more waiting. The good news is that the longer you wait, the more she gets over the ex, the less you are in a fragile rebound situation.
Waiting could achieve your goal. But! there is no guarantee. You have one bad thing going on that you need to understand. He treats her badly and she loves him. You treat he kindly and she dumps you. This is a common pattern. This is the Girls like bad boys syndrome. Many women will go from abusive relationship to abusive relationship. She may never settle with you. You may spend a lot of time waiting and watching her get hurt.
Now I'm not going to doubt the strength of your feelings. You have to decide your self. Can you wait that long? Can you watch her get hurt again? You have to be committed to provide her with a safe landing until she is ready to accept you.
FA
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (29 May 2013): I tried it all but she seems to really love her ex no matter how bad he treat her
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (27 May 2013):
Here is how I see it. You are in love. She is not ready.
There are two important things to think about. One is she didn't chose you as a boyfriend in the first place. Two she is in no condition to be in a relationship right now.
In order to get from where you are right now to where you want to be (in a relationship with her), you need to convince her of 2 things. First you are a better man than the ex was. You have to present yourself as strong and secure. Not as needy and clingy. Second you have to convince her that you are able to wait until she is over him. Once again the message is solid strength. If it works she will eventually see that your steadiness is more manly than the exes flash and excitement.
in short what you do is wait.
FA
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