| Latest articles: Gifts
No replies yet... 4 April 2018: This article is prompted by a question about take out soup. The OP felt slighted by her Boyfriend's offering. The subject is deeply symbolic, and crucial to a major love language and an important emotional need. The "Is the size of the take out ...
An old Uncle muses
No replies yet... 30 March 2017: My style of posting has been going through some changes and I thought I should share what's going on and why these changes. I'm rapidly moving into empty nest. I have 2 Daughters still living at home and they are both looking for their on place. ...
10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the cur10 ways a guy can get himself kicked to the curbb
This question has 1 answer by a reader of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
29 August 2014: Cindy wrote an excellent article:http://www.dearcupid.org/question/ten-best-ways-for-a-woman-to-be.html I felt that the article needed a counterpoint for the guys. I've sure read about a lot of guys mistakes and while I'm sure I will miss some, he...
Rejection
This question has 3 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
21 October 2013: I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
Wanted: Unattached Male
This question has 7 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
22 October 2010: I stumbled onto a news article online that has got me thinking. It was so much like a question here on "Dear Cupid". The author had just been through a breakup and was Writing advice based on her experience. She entitled the article something ...
Confessions of an Agony Uncle
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
13 April 2009: On the 4th of November 2008 I signed up for a name and posted my first answer on this site. It was some quiet advice on career choices. Last night I posted my 100th. Just a bit of general advice on sex. In between I've gotten my ire up about ...
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Broke up with bf... do men actually have feelings?
Q. Okay, I broke up with my boyfriend, of 3 years, a few days ago. I changed all numbers and blocked/deleted him from everything and went NC to the best of my ability. We broke up like this 10 months ago and after 3 weeks he found a way back in and we ...
A. 10 December 2013: I don't think there is any rule you can apply to this to help you understand his reactions. I think it varies by person and from one incident to another.
If I was in his situation I would have started the grieving process 10 months ago when you ... (read in full...)
Foster mother made rude comments to my wife about me, and I'm concerned about my foster brother. Should I say something?
Q. My foster mother, who I lived with for 6 years, tried to badmouth me to my new wife while I ran an errand with my little foster brother(he still lives with her). I am dumbfounded. See, I was a good kid, as in the only things she can say about me was ...
A. 5 December 2013: Something rots in Denmark.
You have been told by a qualified professional that there was no abuse to worry about. Then now you are being told to leave him until he finds his inner strength. I've got alarm bells going off all over here. #1 we do n... (read in full...)
What does it take to attract a woman beyond friendship?
Q. I am seriously confused by this. No matter what I do, how hard or little I try, how direct or subtle I am about my intentions, women only seem to want to be “just friends” with me. At this point I’m pretty sure I’ve heard it all. “You’re such a ...
A. 5 December 2013: I think you have tried everything. I can't seem to pin down any particular thing that should be causing your lack of success. Many of your friends see this the same. That is a very good indicator.
I'm really starting to come to the conc... (read in full...)
What does it take to attract a woman beyond friendship?
Q. I am seriously confused by this. No matter what I do, how hard or little I try, how direct or subtle I am about my intentions, women only seem to want to be “just friends” with me. At this point I’m pretty sure I’ve heard it all. “You’re such a ...
A. 4 December 2013: Hi OP,
I broke tradition and directed my comments last time to the other aunts.
First I suggested that you man up. Looking at your list of hobbies I think you are ok in that department. It doesn't get better than wood working welding and ... (read in full...)
Need ideas to spice up sex life after 30 years of marriage.
Q. I been married 30 years. Whats something we can do in bed that will turn on my wife. she's not into anything kinky. Its as if she's lost interest? I need a women view....
A. 4 December 2013: A woman's view will probably be less helpful than you think. You will likely get a lot of advice to help around the house more and to be more romantic. While indeed this is what they want they will not respond sexually to romance at this stage. ... (read in full...)
What does it take to attract a woman beyond friendship?
Q. I am seriously confused by this. No matter what I do, how hard or little I try, how direct or subtle I am about my intentions, women only seem to want to be “just friends” with me. At this point I’m pretty sure I’ve heard it all. “You’re such a ...
A. 4 December 2013: What we have here aunts is a guy who is genuinely looking for a real relationship. Not a quick roll in the hay. Not a no strings attached physical substitution. Because he is a nice guy, the girls he is meeting are feeling no sexual tension. ... (read in full...)
Foster mother made rude comments to my wife about me, and I'm concerned about my foster brother. Should I say something?
Q. My foster mother, who I lived with for 6 years, tried to badmouth me to my new wife while I ran an errand with my little foster brother(he still lives with her). I am dumbfounded. See, I was a good kid, as in the only things she can say about me was ...
A. 3 December 2013: Thanks again, that really ties down the loose ends.
I applaud what you are doing with the brother. Somehow I didn't catch that he was adopted. that certainly complicates the issue. I too have seen some pretty ugly situations with abused chil... (read in full...)
What about AFTER an affair?
Q. How do you think men feel after having a long term affair on their partner? Do the feel regret? Do they even care? What if their current relationship was on the rocks and they were together "for the kids".... would there be less guilt? ...
A. 3 December 2013: That is a really big question for such a short question, and bits and parts of the answer are here.
It has les to do with men vs. women than you think. What I have seen says that male cheaters have much the same feelings as female cheaters. For ... (read in full...)
Foster mother made rude comments to my wife about me, and I'm concerned about my foster brother. Should I say something?
Q. My foster mother, who I lived with for 6 years, tried to badmouth me to my new wife while I ran an errand with my little foster brother(he still lives with her). I am dumbfounded. See, I was a good kid, as in the only things she can say about me was ...
A. 2 December 2013: Thanks for the followup, You are right, brother to brother sibling rivalry where they are always trying to be the best. Father son where the son feels unappreciated or undervalued, Yes I have seen all those. I see from what you are saying that ... (read in full...)
Would a guy think it's weird that I have no relationship experience?
Q. Hello all, my question is would a guy think it's weird that I have no experience? To clarify I am talking to a guy and I really like him and he has asked about my previous relationships but I have never been in a relationship before so I just say ...
A. 2 December 2013: I'm of the wrong age to answer this question, but I have some related answers that will be helpful for you to think about.
It is not so weird fort a person of your age to have never been in a relationship. These days men your age and younger are ... (read in full...)
Foster mother made rude comments to my wife about me, and I'm concerned about my foster brother. Should I say something?
Q. My foster mother, who I lived with for 6 years, tried to badmouth me to my new wife while I ran an errand with my little foster brother(he still lives with her). I am dumbfounded. See, I was a good kid, as in the only things she can say about me was ...
A. 1 December 2013: You have done the right things so far and your priorities seem to be correct. Your first duty is to protect the minor. In 11th grade he is probably old enough to be emancipated. If he filed a complaint he would probably be able to get that. If ... (read in full...)
Can a woman orgasm too hard?
Q. Can a woman orgasm too hard? I really want to push my girlfriend to the limit but I don't want to hurt her, if I kept stimulating her past her usual limit will it give her more pleasure (more orgasms) or is there only so far a woman can go? ...
A. 26 November 2013: Confused,
Your question is technical and medical on one level. On that level the answer is no. You are not going to physically damage her, with usual sexual stimulation. (disclaimer: this does not include inserting large objects, electrical stim... (read in full...)
I want to watch my wife give oral...
Q. Let me start by saying my relationship with my wife is AWESOME. Sure we have had some ups and downs, but overall it has been AWESOME. When we dated we were active like rabbits and it didn't really matter where we were, we would find a place to ...
A. 26 November 2013: Good advice all around. Yes a third party is always best as a fantasy, not as a reality. Yes there are marriages that can and do thrive with this kind of activity. They are much more rare than you will be led to believe. I'd like you to try a ... (read in full...)
Relationship lacks intimcy, fiance wont let me get close.
Q. Hi ladies and Gents, My fiance is 22 and i'm 26 in a couple of weeks. my relationship lacks intimacy, I am feeling frustrated and rejected by her. we have sex once a week, if that. the times between sex are becomming further and further ap...
A. 26 November 2013: "Any advice on what to do? I don't want to leave her because she is a lovely woman and treats me as well as i treat her,. . .what else can i do? am i missing a trick?"
One of the major difficulties in giving advice is that the person needing advi... (read in full...)
Fighting! Now I remind him of his ex.
Q. So my boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months now. Our way of handling stress is much different. I'm suprised we've lasted this long. He is hot headed to the point where he says and does the first thing on his mind. I am pretty quick ...
A. 24 November 2013: Sounds good OP, Thanks for the follow up!
FA... (read in full...)
Desperately craving attention and affection from my girlfriend. Is it her, or our circumstances?
Q. Hi everyone, thank you for your thoughts, I really need your help... I've been with my girlfriend for 3 years. Incredible start to the relationship, it was exciting, such a buzz, never-ending sex, fun, we were students and we met up at the weeken...
A. 22 November 2013: Tough situation,
I want to give you some off the wall advice, she needs different advice and I'd rather not go into that right now.
You are making a mistake and you know what it is. Your needy craving possibly whining attitude is a huge tur... (read in full...)
Fighting! Now I remind him of his ex.
Q. So my boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months now. Our way of handling stress is much different. I'm suprised we've lasted this long. He is hot headed to the point where he says and does the first thing on his mind. I am pretty quick ...
A. 22 November 2013: He found your button that time. He is in the habit of attacking at any offense this time he just picked the wrong words. I'm sure that in some ways you did remind him of his ex, but not in all ways. He turned off the argument with you by going to ... (read in full...)
Trying to save my marriage. Husband calls me names for having had sexual partners before we met. Help!
Q. I have been married to my husband for 7 years and we have been together for 14. We have 4 children together. Recently, he has told me that he wants to leave me because I had sex with multiple people (a total of 6, including 2 one night stands) ...
A. 22 November 2013: So what do you do when a person starts being illogical? When there is a sudden change in behavior? Usually you look for a cause. First things I would look for are drugs, an affair and stress in that order. Something is causing this or it could ... (read in full...)
Has any female been in a relationship and later found out that your boyfriend or husband was gay?
Q. Has any female been in a relationship and later found out that your boyfriend or husband was gay? How can you tell if he is? I have a suspicion that my almost ex husband may be gay and I'm just curious if anyone else has been in this situation. ...
A. 21 November 2013: I can see why that vacation would arouse your suspicions it's almost the proof. The refractory time story about fluids building up is not a good description of the facts. I just read this on wiki: "According to some studies, 18-year-old males ... (read in full...)
My guy friend has put me in the friend zone, I need a slap back to reality!
Q. I am incredibly, incredibly in love with a boy who has been my close friend for about 4 years now. He is a terrible person, he only thinks i like him but continues to spend the night (sadly he only cuddles me) and other stuff any normal person would ...
A. 20 November 2013: I'm so confused. Is your age reflected correctly? 16-17? He spends the night, turns down offers of sex with a willing partner, asked you to move in with him, but does not feel strong emotions for you? If it weren't for your own strong statement ... (read in full...)
Has any female been in a relationship and later found out that your boyfriend or husband was gay?
Q. Has any female been in a relationship and later found out that your boyfriend or husband was gay? How can you tell if he is? I have a suspicion that my almost ex husband may be gay and I'm just curious if anyone else has been in this situation. ...
A. 20 November 2013: My aunt's first marriage was annulled due to that over 40 years ago. I suppose it still happens all the time, even though homosexuality is much more acceptable now.
The number one (and only) symptom of homosexuality is a sexual attraction to peop... (read in full...)
My mom doesn't approve of the man that I love
Q. Hi, I am marsha. I am 25 year old graduated last year. I love someone who is younger than me. WE were friends before. I know him past 3 year now. We got close like best friend the end of 3year. Then one fine day he asked me out .. not just dating b...
A. 19 November 2013: My Mother did not like one of my girlfriends. never did give me a reason. Just something put her off.
Your situation has 2 red flags that would give me pause. One he proposed before dating you. I'm a believer that good friends make good marr... (read in full...)
Rejection
Q. I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
A. 17 November 2013: Thank you also for your comment. Yes rejection by family or after an altercation in a relationship is a whole different story and much harder to shake off. I hope things are looking up for you soon.
FA... (read in full...)
We had an argument because he wanted sex and I wanted to sleep. Should I call him?
Q. i had a fall out with my new boyfriend the other day, he basically said to me, i don't understand how can you girls know a guy has a hard on and not do anything about it!... he was saying that because i slept at his and we had sex the night before...
A. 17 November 2013: He snores, his requests for sex are silly, your response to an argument is to walk out.
What should you do? Try someone else, you two are not compatible.
FA... (read in full...)
Don't want drama. Have not talked to FWB since condom broke. So how do I tell him I'm pregnant?
Q. Soo I feel really stupid here but I don't know what to do.... I was in this FWB things for a couple months we used condoms but had an incident when one broke and 9 weeks later here I am pregnant. Problem is I haven't talked to him since the condom b...
A. 16 November 2013: Yes, the legal situation is interesting here. He is liable even if he tried to take precautions. You are not required to claim that liability. Some states will claim the liability if they get involved financially. It would be courteous to let ... (read in full...)
A beauty you fancy turned out to have had major plastic surgery done. Would it bother you?
Q. Right so this is a toughie. I'm hoping you guys can help me...cause I really need it!! I met a girl several weeks ago at a club. A real stunner. Beautiful green eyes, blonde hair, lovely figure, very high cheekbones, full lips. She was chatting...
A. 13 November 2013: My perspective may be as unique as yours. I do have a bit of experience to back it up. There was a girl in my high school class that was more of a friend than a love interest. She was popular and involved in all the right groups. One Saturday ... (read in full...)
Help me to help my teens
Q. This question is directed to teenagers 13-17. It has to do with romantic relationships and with relationships with your parents. Any help is appreciated. My son aged 15 met a wonderful girl this past summer. I really like her and hope that thi...
A. 13 November 2013: Yes I am reading all this. I can't undo what is done. There is little point in rehashing the email snoop point. I think that I understand better than you think I do. I am rapidly decreasing the pressure on these two from my side.
Honey I also... (read in full...)
Help me to help my teens
Q. This question is directed to teenagers 13-17. It has to do with romantic relationships and with relationships with your parents. Any help is appreciated. My son aged 15 met a wonderful girl this past summer. I really like her and hope that thi...
A. 12 November 2013: I just don't know what to say, Thank you everyone for your insight. Especially You Wish for going to your son with this. I have a lot of thinking to do. I'm gong to have to agree to disagree on the level of privacy that under 18's need. That ... (read in full...)
Help me to help my teens
Q. This question is directed to teenagers 13-17. It has to do with romantic relationships and with relationships with your parents. Any help is appreciated. My son aged 15 met a wonderful girl this past summer. I really like her and hope that thi...
A. 12 November 2013: Thanks for your reply. As a parent I do see things a little differently. What you call micromanaging and constant commenting I call a reasonable parental oversight. I'm trying to keep it at a reasonable level of privacy. For example I've opened ... (read in full...)
Defining Friends With Benefits?
Q. I always thought I knew what Friends With Benefits (FWB) meant. As I'm reading more of these questions/answers, I'm beginning to see how wrong I was and how it affected my relationships. I still have some ideas of what I think those things are but ...
A. 11 November 2013: Once again from a guy who is too old to have personal experience to back it up. Here is my (admittedly cynical) understanding of the FWB relationship.
FWB is the goal of the unattached Male 20 something. Sexual satisfaction without drama or resp... (read in full...)
Why can’t girls just say no when they don’t want to go out with you?
Q. I asked this girl out recently who I actually thought liked me back, given all the back and forth flirting, but as soon as I asked if she wanted to go out, she shrugged her shoulders and said, “I don’t know, I have to think about it, maybe later, ...
A. 11 November 2013: Well we could take it as a frustrated rant, or we could try to determine who has it worse. Or we could just accept that everyone talks in code.
The frustration behind this rant is not because she gave him a coded rejection, it is because she flir... (read in full...)
Caught him looking at porn after he said he would never do it again!
Q. Caught my husband months ago lurking into porn videos. Said would never do again. Swore promised. Said was stupidness curiosity and wrong but did it. Doesn't mean anything just says computer wass there one click lead into many videos. I believed ...
A. 11 November 2013: AngryWife,
This is not going to be popular advice here. I'm going to post it for you because you are in a critical position and you need to understand it.
Porn is an addiction. If he had quit smoking and you caught him sneaking one after work, yo... (read in full...)
Is this penis envy?
Q. I am not sure where to start. I guess I should be straightforward. I have been feeling real envious more so lately of the male anatomy, well, the penis. Yes penis envy probably. Anyway, whenever I masturbate I have to think of my partner getting ...
A. 11 November 2013: Hi Pindrop,
I can't really speak for other women as far as the envy. I know that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. Womb envy is not mentioned much though it exists. I guess guys are afraid of the homosexual label more... (read in full...)
I've been feeling really down and homesick after marriage and leaving home...what to do?
Q. I'm newly wed (5 mnths) and I've been feeling really homesick lately, to the point where I've been in tears just wishing for my mom. Part of this could be hormones from my pregnancy (also 5 months :]), but I don't really cry or feel sad about ...
A. 9 November 2013: This is very normal, even more so when a woman moves far from her family. Is the only thing holding you back from spending more time with your family the fact that you haven't explicitly asked? Why are you avoiding having this discussion with him? ... (read in full...)
How do you feel about the woman proposing to the man?
Q. This question is for everyone: How do you feel about the woman proposing to the man?...
A. 9 November 2013: Interesting question. Technically it's only a matter of tradition. Many women get so wrapped up in the anticipation of the proposal, that they would feel cheated if they did it. Some even complain if the proposal isn't what they expected.
T... (read in full...)
Are there people who just don't like texting?
Q. Silly question but do some people just not like texting? I was/am seeing this boy. have been since end of july. When I see him hes lovely! We get on great, he shows me a lot of attention and clearly likes me and enjoys spending time with me. I'...
A. 8 November 2013: Texting is quite possibly the poorest method of communication ever devised by men. It rates right in there with jungle drums and smoke signals. It never ceases to amaze me how addicted to texting people get when it is such an unsatisfactory form ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is keeping track of our sex life online. What should I do?
Q. I saw on my boyfriends computer history a site to [site url removed per site guidelines]. Curious, I checked further and he has gone to the site several times. [Name removed] is an online site that keeps track of your sex life, the dates you had ...
A. 8 November 2013: I'm really wrapped up about this post. It is hijacked and probably abandoned by the original poster who probably would have been offended if she had opened her boyfriend's journal and read "Sex was great last night".
In light of what has been said... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is keeping track of our sex life online. What should I do?
Q. I saw on my boyfriends computer history a site to [site url removed per site guidelines]. Curious, I checked further and he has gone to the site several times. [Name removed] is an online site that keeps track of your sex life, the dates you had ...
A. 6 November 2013: Thanks for the follow up. I tend to agree with you that safety trumps privacy. There are two trust issues here. Trusting s person to stay out of your things. And trusting a person to not have something to hide.
Do you feel that his use of the ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is keeping track of our sex life online. What should I do?
Q. I saw on my boyfriends computer history a site to [site url removed per site guidelines]. Curious, I checked further and he has gone to the site several times. [Name removed] is an online site that keeps track of your sex life, the dates you had ...
A. 6 November 2013: Yep that's a creeper factor.
I have to say that I deal with life mathematically and scientifically and even statistically. I can see how the site could be a usable therapy tool. I took a look and on the front page it seems very secure. No soci... (read in full...)
It's only since we've been apart that I've realized I love her
Q. Hi Everyone!!!! I really need help. I broke up with my girlfriend 2 months ago after a 3 year relationship. Throughout these 3 years I don't think I was ever in love with her. Although I always told her I was. Although I had never been...
A. 4 November 2013: Thanks for the follow up. My advice based on what you have said is to others is a similar situation. Before you decide to break up because you don't want to chance a LDR, talk to your partner first. Explain everything, there may be options you ... (read in full...)
I'm 33 and need to make up my mind on whether to have a baby or not?
Q. Hey! I've just turned 33 and I have a good life. I own my house, have great permanent job, I'm married to the love of my life and have no financial worries. So, it's smooth sailing. Thing is, I'm getting old and I must make up my mind whether to ...
A. 4 November 2013: 33 is a good time to think about that. Your Doctor may tell you you have a few more years to decide. We had our children at a younger age, but that was in an earlier time. Like you at the time we stopped having children I felt that it was at ... (read in full...)
It's only since we've been apart that I've realized I love her
Q. Hi Everyone!!!! I really need help. I broke up with my girlfriend 2 months ago after a 3 year relationship. Throughout these 3 years I don't think I was ever in love with her. Although I always told her I was. Although I had never been...
A. 1 November 2013: Whenever I hear or read "I was in a relationship for x years but I realized I never loved her/him" I become very suspicious. The human mind is a very devious creature, it will do anything to protect it's ego. Whatever it does it want's to be ... (read in full...)
Rejection
Q. I just commented on a post by a guy who had a long history of rejection. The post tickled my memory all the way back to Junior High School (12 years of age). I was rejected a lot. I've got to say that out of the 15 or so girls in my class 10 ...
A. 26 October 2013: Thanks for the comment Nickole,
I agree that the math might not be reversible, but I now see Women as less likely to reject quickly. Girls choice opportunities were rare in the 80's. The social stigma of a Girl asking a guy out was stronger... (read in full...)
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