A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hi, im 17 and my boyfriend is 20, i love him so much. Yesterday he hit me and threatened to do alot more for no big reason. It wasn't hard but he still did it. He hurt me so much but i still have the power to forgive him. I sent him a message to call me yesterday because i was really upset, all he did was text me with I love you xx. Im scared i dont know what to do, and what he is capable of. I know he loves me and i love him so much, but things are going so wrong because i was living with him for a couple of days because i had problems at home and was scared to go back. I was always telling him ok i'm going home today but it never happened. I was in his way because he had alot to do, and i was stopping him. Maybe he just had enough of everything. Should i call him today if he doesn't or should i just wait? What should i do because I love him so much and can't imagine my life without him can you help me please? Sarah
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female
reader, dollparts  +, writes (21 February 2007):
 stop making excusses about him hiting you!!!!! dump him I think guys like that are coward pieces of shit! (I'm sorry but this one just really pisses me off)I know how this works because it happend to my mum and my sister they get a hold of you emotionaly and then they start doing this sorta of thing and trust me hes not going to get better YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!!!!! please message me
A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (20 February 2007):
 I think that any guy that hits on a girl is just a plain coward. After hitting you once he then threatens to do it again. Invaribly these things always run in a vicious circle, with you being hit, him saying sorry, then it happening all over again.
I would say get out while you can, and find someone that would never raise hand to you.
Good luck x
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A
female
reader, Girlie_girl!! +, writes (20 February 2007):
Hey, I m currently wok wih women suffereing d.v. i am not sayin that all cases are the same, but one thing is for certain- he is capable of hitting you. I am guessing because of ur age that you havent been togther that long- so i would ask you if he is capable of hitting you now, dont u think that it will become more severe over the years. also, u said that u are making excuses for him by saying that u were staying there and getting in his way but surely due to home problems shouldnt he have been more supportive? also do u rly want a future with this man- children with a man who's potentially violent. child abuse and d.v are linked! my advice to u is get out now- while ur young enough and strong enuough to move on. good luck x
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A
male
reader, goodbutnotgifted  +, writes (20 February 2007):
 he's 20 your 17, and he's violent, get out and get help. no one deserves to hurt you. Men are raised to believe women are fragile things, My father threw my pregnant mother across the room for getting pergnant again, with the thought in mind that she was fragile and weak. where will your story with this guy stop? and what will be the total damage when it's over? I don't think you should call him but maybe your dad and ask him what he would do if he could. Might give you an idea of what a man acts like when he cares about you, and your in trouble. he wouldn't be the one providing the trouble. You can do better than some abusive creep and you deserve to. leave this guy and forget him. beleive it or not you are not in love with him anyway your bent on turning him into something you can brag about but women get killed by their abusive spouses all the time, or they used too until we wised up and quit being so ingnorant about divorce. well I am rambling, but if you google domestic violence you will find all the evidence you need to make an informed decision. good luck
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (20 February 2007):
 There is one certain thing about domestic violence - once it happens, it will happen again...maybe not tomorrow but any relationship affected by violence needs treating and both the victim and perpetrator need professional assistance. You have to realise that if you accept the violence by 'forgiving' him then you are enabling that behaviour - it is like saying it is ok to hit me and other people when you are angry. At 17 you have your whole life ahead of you, but I appreciate that you may think you are madly in love with this guy. You have to take a step back and think calmly about this - how dare anyone assault you...you are worth more than that. Don't cling to him or chase him on the phone as you will just his feed his illness and domestic violence is an illness.
Your issues at home with your family are separate from your issues with your boyfriend. Go home and get support from your family - if it is really bad at home, seek professional assistance to get help with housing etc. There is never any reason to justify violence in a relationship - getting in someone's way is just not a reason. You cannot change things with this man unless he wants to change (and needs professional help for that). You cannot turn the clock back to a time when he didn't hit you but you can change your future by standing up for your right to feel safe and happy. Walk away from this guy.
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A
female
reader, luvme247 +, writes (20 February 2007):
 I don't think that you should call him. You shouldn't chase after a guy who hit you. I wouldn't go back to someone if I ever got hit. Even if it was only once, but I can't tell you what to do, it is your decision. It sounds like you are still going to go back to him, so I think that the best way to handle it would be to wait for him to call you & when he does, tell him that you need to talk about what happened & put your foot down. Tell him that you are not going to put up with that & that there is no reason EVER for him to lay his hands on you & if it ever happens again be strong enough to walk away & never look back. Remember that there are plenty of fish in the sea. You don't need to put up with someone like this. You deserve better.
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A
female
reader, luvme247 +, writes (20 February 2007):
I don't think that you should call him. You shouldn't chase after a guy who hit you. I wouldn't go back to someone if I ever got hit. Even if it was only once, but I can't tell you what to do, it is your decision. It sounds like you are still going to go back to him, so I think that the best way to handle it would be to wait for him to call you & when he does, tell him that you need to talk about what happened & put your foot down. Tell him that you are not going to put up with that & that there is no reason EVER for him to lay his hands on you & if it ever happens again be strong enough to walk away & never look back. Remember that there are plenty of fish in the sea. You don't need to put up with someone like this. You deserve better.
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (20 February 2007):
 I'm absolutely certain you believe that you can't live without him. Can I ask you something? Do you feel like he might have emotionally manipulated you previously in your relationship? Physical violence is never acceptable but your post makes you sound a little like a beaten wife who is used to being constantly put down and messed about. Getting back with him means putting yourself in danger again and I will not in good conscience advise you to put yourself in danger for the sake of what you feel is love but can't be if he doesn't feel it for you, which he obviously doesn't if he's willing to hit you.
CD
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