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female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hi there, I have written before about nagging so much to my boyfriend that i pushed him away, we are trying to get things back to the way they were before but i still feel really down. I cant help thinking about the future! A few months ago my boyfriend told me he knew he wanted to be with me for the rest of his life and that he wanted to marry me, we're only eighteen but i felt the same. However after the rift we had recently things seem a bit different. We were talking the other night and it came about talking about the future and he said he wasnt sure whether or not he wanted to be with me in years to come, he doesnt know whether he will marry me. The thing is he wasnt breaking up with me or saying he didnt want to be together, but he said he didnt want to think about it, am i wrong in being pushy and wanting him to think about it? Do you think that our recent rift has maybe made him doubt it a bit but he probably does still feel like we will be together? Im worried because i WANT him to want to be with me, im scared because i want to be with him more than anything. Please help, i cant seem to sort things out in my head and dont know what this means! He loves me and says he wants to be with me for as long as we are happy, I need some guys' help on this as well. Thanks xxx Reply to this Question
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female
reader, dragonette  +, writes (10 January 2007):
 I think that at 18 most guys are too young to contemplate marriage, and neither should you. Give it a few years, be sure that you picked the right partner (this is gonna be for life, right?).
People change so much at your age, because you mature, and if the two of you can grow together it's great, if not, then at least you aren't stuck with a baby and a broken marriage.
And most important, you are together now, so enjoy every moment of it, because love never feels as sweet or as strong as when you're a teenager.
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (10 January 2007):
 You are both 18 and maybe you will spend the rest of your life with this man, perhaps not. What you have to think is that thank goodness he reported his doubts now. He has every right to have doubts - you are both still teenagers and it is a confusing age for sure! You both need to live a little before you even contemplate marriage - lots of early marriages fail because you will both be very different people in your 20s, 30s and so on. Try to work out why you need him to tell you he wants to marry you - it may reflect something about how you are feeling about yourself at the moment. Marriage will never solve problems in a relationship. I would try to take a more relaxed approach to things - date this guy, be nice to each other and see how things work out with making huge plans together.
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