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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: Hi, i've been with my boyfriend for almost two yrs, we get on really well all of the time. Accept that i don't think i trust him. We met in the internet, i knew that he spoke to a lot of girls who were just, friends, i accepted that. I asked him if anything had happened with any of these girls and he said no. I knew he was lying, so asked his sister, one of the girls was married and he'd had relationship with, her quite a long one. He has since admitted to this. He also used to meet up with with a couple of the others on hotels and things. about a year ago i looked in his phone, he had loads of porno style pictures of girls, which were from before he met, but why did he need to keep them? we almost split up over this as he did apprecite me going through his phone, i understand that. i still don't know if he's deleted them. Now i think i'm going mad! i can't stop looking for things on his computer! i do't whether its because i'm insecure or because he lied to me about so much! i just don't think i'm going to get over this! Help!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2007): Hi there - men are so confusing! Trust is the one thing that you need in any relationship - You need to explain to him how you feel - and tell him that unless he is willing to commit to you 100% you can not be in this relationship. You dont need to be with somebody who makes you feel this uneasy - my boyf was in contact with somebody he had met on the net when i met him - thay never had a physical relationship but shared photos and were close - i discovered the photos and texts - he had told me she was a good friend - i put my foot down and told him i would not accept this i still ask to see his phone and he very rarely is in contact just friendly texts - and most deff has nothing to do with her with photos or anything - you need to stand up for yourself and give HIM the ultimatum - tell him you want to see his phone images and computer - if he has nothing to hide he wont mind.You are a great person and do not need to be treated like this - after two years he should be commiting to you fully - not still holding onto past flings. Computer dating can be addictive - its them or you honey xxxxx
A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (10 January 2007):
 Hi dear,
I'm afraid the basic foundation in any succesful relationship which is trust is already broken. You now have little faith in him and i'm afraid that wont be easy to get back.It would be hard for anyone really to trust him so i'm not blaming u in anyway.
What i would do if i was in your situation is take a step back from the relationship and observe him. Use the space to analyse him and the situation and know what to do. Quite frankly,i wouldnt be really involved in a relationship with someone i cant trust.
Take care now.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (10 January 2007):
 I don't think you will get over it with this guy - I think you pair are incompatible. Any long term relationship is based on trust and you don't have any...and it sounds like you have just cause to doubt him. You met on the internet, it was always a risk. Some people are just addicted to meeting other people on the net - it is an easy medium for deception and cheating unfortunately. I am not saying he is cheating on you at the moment as that is for you to decide. However, you clearly are unhappy and feeling anxious about the whole scenerio. You can decide to stay with him or walk away...being single isn't as miserable as being with someone who makes you feel this way.
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