A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My Husband got a Valentines Card from someone implying they are sleeping with him.Hi, I just want a little advice really. I have been with my husband for 9 years and we got married 5 months ago. Yesterday he got a Valentines card through the door which was open so i read it. It clearly implies that whoever this person is is sleeping with him. He straight away denied he was having an affair and i do believe him. We are "childhood sweethearts" we've only ever been with each other and both know that if either one cheats it will be over without a doubt. I actually believe it is our neighbour who we are having problems with (loud music and harrassment) trying to wind us up but I just have that tiny 0.01% niggling at me. What if he has cheated and i'm letting him get away with it? The card doesn't say anything personal about him and seems to have been written by two seperate people but i can't stop thinking - what if it's true - he's never given me any reason before not to trust him. Am i right to be suspicious or should i just ignore it as a viscious prank.
View related questions:
affair, neighbour Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2007): It's been nice reading your letter because it's SO different from all the other "he's cheating on me letters" on this website where people don't want to see it but the signs are there. For you, you had so look and look and still there were no signs! In the end, I believe this little prank has even strengthened your marriage, hasn't it? You consciously realize how much you love and trust each other.For the rest of us readers, it gives us something to aspire to! Thank you, ET
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (9 February 2007):
 It was lovely to read your reply! I could tell just from reading your letter that your husband is very loving and sincere and you just confirmed it when you said he called you from work to say he's still and work and will be home soon. He's thinking of you and putting YOU first, he's very in tune with you and just wants to reassure you and that's terrific!
You say all you have to do now is find out who it is. I say all you have to do is go out the back and set fire to the card together! Hey, maybe even your neighbour will see you! lol Burn it, don't have it in your house a moment longer. You only have elegant things in your home anyway and you certainly don't want break that habit by having that trash in it! ;o)
I wish you both every happiness together.
Eve
...............................
A
female
reader, Dawnie +, writes (8 February 2007):
 I think you should ignore this card. It certainly sounds as though someone is trying to cause problems between you and your husband. You have no reason to doubt him, so just put it to the back of your mind and let this person see that your marriage is worth much more.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2007): Someone put an open valentine card through your door?
OK, if that is what happened then clearly the person who did this intended you to read it and to cause trouble.
He is your childhood sweetheart? All those years and you are going to believe something like this so obviously a mean prank intended to cause a problem in your marriage?
What I would do is show them how very very wrong they are if they think that your marriage can be rocked by a stupid prank like that.
Stand by your man.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Thanks for everyone's kind words.
To Ask Eve - i asked myself your questions and that 0.01% has disappeared
I've never had cause to worry about where he was. He always phones to say he's on his way home, he's home at the same time every night. We talk every night about our day, we shower together most of the time - he insists! He never hides or switches off his phone and i regularly answer it for him, nothing about our sex life has changed and he rings me on his lunch break just to say hi!
When i read this back i definitely know i have nothing to worry about! Whoever this is - you've failed it hasn't worked ha ha to you!
Thank you to everyone who replied you have put my mind at rest and i can get back to enjoying my first year of marriage.
Now i just need to find out who sent it.....
Love & Hugs and thanks for your time and wisdom!
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi
Thanks for all your kind words. I feel so bad now - he's phoned me twice now to let me know he's still at work and i shouldn't worry he's out with another woman. I hate that now he thinks he has to prove to me over and over again that he isn't cheating - I DO BELIEVE HIM he has nothing to prove to me. Bless him. Whoever this is seems to be succeeding in causing a problem - FOR NOW. I will not let some small minded bored person ruin my relationship. I love this man with all my heart and i trust him with my life and my heart. i will show this person that we're bigger than that. Thank you all for putting my mind at rest!
Love & Hugs xxx
...............................
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (8 February 2007):
You know your husband better than anyone else love. The fact that there's nothing personal in it about him implies they don't know him very well. It may well be your neighbours trying to wind you up.
You need to ask yourself... has he been acting differently this past few weeks/months? Is he going out alone and coming back late at night? Has he ever had his phone switched off and you couldn't reach him? Do you still have regular sex together? Does he rush to shower immediately he comes home? Do you still both communicate freely? Is he still close to you and tells you things freely without you having to draw them out of him?
If you can answer these questions confidently then he isn't cheating and someone is trying to wind you up. Even down to the fact that the card was opened, indicates to me that you were meant to find it and read it.
There are a lot of very sad people in this world who have nothing better to do with their time. If you have always been able to trust your husband in the past and he says he's being honest with you then I would forget about it.
Eve
...............................
A
female
reader, melschatbox  +, writes (8 February 2007):
 Well, 50/50 it's a prank. You'll have to either trust him or this will be the point that everything he tells you .....you will doubt. I hate being in that doubtful spot....it can wear you out! So, if hubby truly seems sincere and the odds are in his favor of not CHEATING...then I say you should let this one slide. o;)
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 February 2007): Dr psych is right. Don't let this person 'wear' you down. Fight back with your own strength and resolve. Burn the card...get rid of that 0.01% niggling doubt and don't give it another thought. Get on with life. Someone plainly is trying to humiliate, hurt and diminish the strong connection you and your husband share...all for what? To satisfy their own feelings of entitlement-their own feelings of aggravation, for their own selfish, petty reasons. Perhaps this person has other motives, but the whole point is..it doesn't matter. The way you describe your relationship with your husband sounds sincere. If he's been you first and you two have been 'best friends' all thistime..then you support him. If you had come on here and said he did hurtful things to you and the trust had been shaken, in your past..., then I might've had a more cautionary message, for you. But this sounds like the work of a very deluded, unbalanced person. The only problem you don't know who it was..for certain. So all you can do..is ignore, ignore,ignore and don't allow your minds to cast doubts on the commitment and love you share with your husband. Never allow anyone or anything have that kind of power over you. Take care and I wish you both the best!
...............................
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (8 February 2007):
 i think it is a prank. If your husband was having an affair then it would seem an odd way for his mistress to let you know. Given your domestic circumstances, I would say your neighbour would be prime suspect and you have my sympathies (I have awful neighbours and we are moving to escape the hell). If you let this card dwell on your mind then effectively your neighbour (or whoever it is) will have won. I wouldn't discuss it but keep the card - if your neighbour problems escalate then it is good evidence of harrassment!
...............................
A
female
reader, stina +, writes (8 February 2007):
 Hi Anonymous,
Until you have further proof of your husband cheating, I would not let this worry you. It seems like the both of you have a very solid relationship by the way you wrote your post. Some people are just jerks. And you don't want to let their stupid behavior tear the two of you apart. Just make sure to be open with one another and communicate with each other. This will help to avoid any potential problems in the future.
I also suggest not letting your neighbor know that it was her. It may not have been, which would cause more problems (she'd probably deny it anyway). It if was her, then she really needs to find a hobby...besides trying to ruin others' marriages.
Take care.
...............................
|
