| Latest articles: How to avoid being used financially
This question has 13 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
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30 October 2010: I have tried to keep my relationship problems away from this site as I do not want my advice to be assosiated to my own questions. However I have now learned an important lesson that I want to share with the rest of you, in the hopes that you will ...
What I've learned from my family.
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 June 2010: In order for aunts and question askers to see who they are getting advice from, I will continue to write some more about me, and where I come from. The things that I draw on when giving advice, what type of experience I have in life. This arti...
How one person changed my life
This question has 12 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
8 June 2010: I've been an aunt on this site now for quite a while, at first I started as an anonymous, until I finally took the step to make an account and dare to be identified somewhat. As I've gotten to know a few people on here, albeit still strangers ...
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Either I pretend I enjoyed sex when I didn't or he accuses me of being loose
Q. Hi, I'm 18 and was a virgin before meeting my boyfriend. Because I was a virgin, I was hesitant to have sex with him and when we finally did, I felt nothing,besides the initial pain even though he couldn't stop telling me how much he enjoyed ...
A. 1 August 2012: Great!! I'm happy to hear that some measures can be taken and work, even when the situation seems hopeless. ... (read in full...)
I want to lose my virginity before I turn 22 in a month's time, but I do not want my first time to be horrible.
Q. Growing up I was taught to respect women, and to never use them. As I finally turned twenty one last year I realized something very sad, that I'm the last of a kind. The 21st century dating world is very different from what I was taught to live in. ...
A. 14 July 2012: You're in a loop alright, but self imposed.
"I a virgin who want to date women who have there own criteria for men."
That's all nice and dandy. No problems there.
"I do not fall into that criteria, is everyone following me?"
No, so... (read in full...)
I want to lose my virginity before I turn 22 in a month's time, but I do not want my first time to be horrible.
Q. Growing up I was taught to respect women, and to never use them. As I finally turned twenty one last year I realized something very sad, that I'm the last of a kind. The 21st century dating world is very different from what I was taught to live in. ...
A. 14 July 2012: When a woman puts on paper her ideal man she doesn't mention his height. Actually, physical attributes come long down on the list. I know, I've played this game hundreds of times with my friends. When we were children we always listed up physical ... (read in full...)
I want to lose my virginity before I turn 22 in a month's time, but I do not want my first time to be horrible.
Q. Growing up I was taught to respect women, and to never use them. As I finally turned twenty one last year I realized something very sad, that I'm the last of a kind. The 21st century dating world is very different from what I was taught to live in. ...
A. 13 July 2012: There's always a choice. But if you are very picky about what sort of girlfriend you want then you'll have to wait longer, that's really all there is to it.
What type of woman do you want then? Maybe we should start there instead, and then you... (read in full...)
I want to lose my virginity before I turn 22 in a month's time, but I do not want my first time to be horrible.
Q. Growing up I was taught to respect women, and to never use them. As I finally turned twenty one last year I realized something very sad, that I'm the last of a kind. The 21st century dating world is very different from what I was taught to live in. ...
A. 12 July 2012: You're stereotyping a lot, and none of it is based on experience. Just imagination. Women, tons of them, do want men like you. You are just telling yourself that they don't, because it suits your idea of the world right now. But what this tells me ... (read in full...)
I want to lose my virginity before I turn 22 in a month's time, but I do not want my first time to be horrible.
Q. Growing up I was taught to respect women, and to never use them. As I finally turned twenty one last year I realized something very sad, that I'm the last of a kind. The 21st century dating world is very different from what I was taught to live in. ...
A. 11 July 2012: You're not the last of your kind. And you're not the only 21/22 year old virgin in the world either.
Being a gentleman, as you call yourself, why do you have the need to lose your virginity before next month? Did someone put you up to a dare?
... (read in full...)
When does sex feel great?
Q. I have slept with 5 people, all except for one were one night stands. During my long term relationship I don’t ever remember thinking sex was amazing, my ex was selfish towards his needs. Now that I have been single for 2 and a half years, I have ...
A. 11 July 2012: It is still possible to keep one of the guys who approach you for casual sex, and keep him on a more steady basis. That way you'll get to know him sexually, and can have enjoyable sex, while you're still looking for someone more suitable to be in a ... (read in full...)
Either I pretend I enjoyed sex when I didn't or he accuses me of being loose
Q. Hi, I'm 18 and was a virgin before meeting my boyfriend. Because I was a virgin, I was hesitant to have sex with him and when we finally did, I felt nothing,besides the initial pain even though he couldn't stop telling me how much he enjoyed ...
A. 11 July 2012: Small penises can be satisfactory. It really isn't about size. However, he sounds like a selfish lover! And THAT is the problem, he is selfish in bed. He can't satisfy you because he isn't trying to satisfy you. He's only looking to satisfy himself. ... (read in full...)
What are some of your ideas/experiences with having sex outdoors?
Q. Me and my boyfriend are in a extremely happy relationship. We have been together for 5 years and I am planning to spend the rest of my life with him (cheesy I know!) We have had sex before however we want to know places outside were we could do it. ...
A. 11 July 2012: Oh yeah, on the beach. Me and an ex one time went out on the beach to one of the banks that were further out. We sat down, me on his lap facing him, and it was fun. Except for sand in inconvenient places.
But if you are in wooded areas, or near ... (read in full...)
What are some of your ideas/experiences with having sex outdoors?
Q. Me and my boyfriend are in a extremely happy relationship. We have been together for 5 years and I am planning to spend the rest of my life with him (cheesy I know!) We have had sex before however we want to know places outside were we could do it. ...
A. 10 July 2012: One word: mosquitoes.
Beware of those. Or get a good bug spray.
Have sex in the car? Public bathrooms? Behind a bush? At a concert where there is a dense crowd? ... (read in full...)
If things are going great in a relationship, what is a reasonable amount of time to expect a marriage proposal?
Q. If things are going great in a relationship, what is a reasonable amount of time to expect a marriage proposal? We are both in mid thirties, been together going on 2 years. When is it time to walk away in search of finding someone who will wanna get ...
A. 10 July 2012: This is actually something you should have asked early in the relationship: are you interested in marriage? Do you see yourself getting married one day?
Some people just don't want to marry.. ever. No matter how great the relationship is. Marriage... (read in full...)
How do you stand the pain of separation in an LDR?
Q. So my boyfriend is going to the east coast to finish up his schooling and I'm staying on the west coast because he's a school year older than I am. We are going to do the long distance thing for sure. But I'm just wondering, how do you stand the ...
A. 10 July 2012: Long distance.. well, you have to make sure you talk often. Call or text each day. Maybe you don't need it EACH day, you'll see when you get there. But when I was long distance I wanted an e-mail, a text or a call each day. Just to know he's alive, ... (read in full...)
How can I get her to give my blowjobs again?
Q. Dear Cupid... I am 26 years old and I have been with my girlfriend or should I now say "fiancée" for almost 2 years and a half now. I can remember back when we started "hanging out", there was so much passion (to say the least) in the bedroom. ...
A. 9 July 2012: "any guy can agree that a woman who likes to give head is a woman you would wanna marry!"
Wish that was true. I love giving head. Yet so far and counting I've only got one marriage proposal. Go figure, I guess blowjobs isn't the sales trick yo... (read in full...)
It makes me mad they weren't interested before I lost weight!
Q. I have lost alot weight over the past few months and have really changed my look and how I dress. One of my motivations in losing weight was that I was hoping to meet someone, and sure enough now I have started to get a bit of attention from guy...
A. 9 July 2012: They don't "only" like you now that you have lost weight. If body and looks was all they wanted I am thinking they are stupid guys who could go elsewhere to get a hot body. If these guys have something up in the top then I am thinking they liked you ... (read in full...)
Seriously considering having an affair.
Q. I'll get straight to the point. I am very seriously considering having an affair. My husband has turned into a complete dead fish in the bedroom. He used to be very excited about me, he used to love to touch me, kiss me, lick me, sleep with me. He ...
A. 9 July 2012: I hope your sex life improves and stays good. Make sure your husband fully understands the importance of this. ... (read in full...)
Should I take them to court over this and see my daughter if she's mine
Q. Well I'm a young father 17 years old (please don't judge) recently my baby's mom and I had a very bad break up. Things were said on both sides that shouldn't have been, but now she is keeping my child away from me. I was not allowed on the Birth ...
A. 9 July 2012: Take it to court. Get your custody rights. And get your name on that birth certificate. Get the child tested to see if it is yours. Do it all. This is your child (I think it is yours), and THE MOST important person in your life. Make sure you fight ... (read in full...)
Did showing and explaining sex safety precautions really reassure her or just add more pressure?
Q. So I was just wondering if y'all though I did the right thing. Me and my gal have been getting closer and closer every time we are together. We do not have sex but we do fool around a bit, she lets me go farther with her than she lets herself go ...
A. 9 July 2012: I think it was a good thing. I also think she'll ease up eventually. My last boyfriend was a virgin when I started dating him, and he was also veeery scared of me getting pregnant. He was so worried there was a point where he seriously had to ... (read in full...)
I told her about my past and it's affecting our relationship.
Q. I told my girlfriend about me having sex in the past and it really seems to have affected us but i keep telling her i cant change my past but she doesnt seem to be changing how angry she is at me. shes also saying that its not going to affect us and ...
A. 9 July 2012: Why did you tell her about how you had sex in the past? No current partner wants to hear about that, and it can be very hurtful information.
You can't change the past, no one can. But you shouldn't have told her, because things would have bee... (read in full...)
Despite making myself very clear he insists on pursuing me
Q. Hi everyone, I am in a bit of a difficult situation so if anyone has any advice or comments, it would be greatly appreciated! Just last year I moved back to my home town to attend college, and I got in touch with an old childhood friend. He and I...
A. 9 July 2012: "That makes me VERY uncomfortable, but he still continues."
Sure he does, because you STILL continue to LOVE having him as a friend.
End the friendship. It's one sided. He doesn't want you as a friend. Move on. You're selfish when you insist ... (read in full...)
Why do couples brag about their relationship?
Q. I have a question that is more general: how do you relate to couples that, you know, are so fond of each other that they can't stop bickering, and saying "I love you" every 30 seconds, making in-jokes that no one understands, and going on about how ...
A. 9 July 2012: Ignore them. Stop hanging out with them. It's really annoying and bothersome when people do that. It's also very childish. ... (read in full...)
How can I get over this and enjoy sex with my boyfriend again?
Q. I've been happily with my boyfriend for almost 3 years now, he's sweet, funny, and cares about me more than anything. I would never do anything to betray or hurt him. But a little while ago, I received an invite by an old friend to hang out. I've ...
A. 9 July 2012: Maybe you still feel guilty because your boyfriend so graciously "forgave" you. There's nothing to forgive. If you get hit by a car, do you apologize to the person who drove "Sorry I was in your way. I broke my legs, but you got a small scratch in ... (read in full...)
I posted an ad for no strings attached sex but now I've changed my mind
Q. I went on craigslist for a NSA encounter...but now I want to back out of it. The guy has my email address (my real one) so I worried he may find me... is this silly? I do have a FB account obviouly under my own name. He wants to meet up this wee...
A. 9 July 2012: Tell him you changed your mind and aren't interested.
Anyone can "find you" if they wanted to. You're not living in isolation. Just be cautious of back alleys like you normally have to be, I don't think this should be an extra reason to worry ab... (read in full...)
When does sex feel great?
Q. I have slept with 5 people, all except for one were one night stands. During my long term relationship I don’t ever remember thinking sex was amazing, my ex was selfish towards his needs. Now that I have been single for 2 and a half years, I have ...
A. 9 July 2012: Lose your inhibitions and I think you'll have a much better time at sex. You also need to STOP when you become dry or/and when it hurts. Sex should never hurt. Tell the man to stop if it is uncomfortable.
Have you ever brought yourself to clima... (read in full...)
Ginger problems: how do I get out of the 'friend zone' with her?
Q. Ok… so there is a girl i really like and would really like to date at my school, but she seems uninterested. We have been good friends for about 2 years now and i would like to move out of the "friend zone" as many people call it. Im a tall ginger ...
A. 9 July 2012: Without knowing how good friends you are (please be more specific in an update), this is my general advice:
Try to make eye contact with her. When she looks at you, smile just a little. Then look away. Don't do this every day, but do it for some... (read in full...)
I had a one-night=stand, he said he would call and didn't. How long should I wait before I delete him as a friend?
Q. So, I had an unplanned one night stand on Sunday. I normally never do one night stands. Only did it once before. I have heard so much from friends about guys being all nice and then never calling back and that has been my experience too last time, ...
A. 9 July 2012: HA! I knew it! Come Sunday and he sends the text. He's just slow.
If you want to take things slow you can take it slow with him. You don't have to have sex with him again if you don't feel like it. Just because you did it once already doesn't ... (read in full...)
My friend is engaged to a woman he's only dated for 6 months.
Q. I was really shocked the other day when one of my really good friends who I've known since childhood broke the news to me that he's currently engaged to his girlfriend. He only started dating his girlfriend 6 months ago and on top of that this is ...
A. 9 July 2012: You don't have more experience than him. You're the same age as him. You just have a DIFFERENT experience. Your experience is that after 4 years you may still not want to marry the woman. His experience is that some women you date for only 6 months ... (read in full...)
Besides condoms are there any other precautions we can take to avoid pregnancy?
Q. I have been dating my boyfriend for about 4 months now and I would really like to take my relationship to the next level and have sex with him. I am not on any form of birth control, we have a condom. but is that enough? I'm scared something...
A. 9 July 2012: Yes, get yourself on birth control. You can also have him pull out before he comes, when he also wears the condom! The pull out method is NOT a safe method, but it can increase your protection if you use it in addition to wearing the condom on. He ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend acts like my mum!
Q. anyones gf act like your mum? LOL strange question i know, but at times my gf does this, just wana know if anyone else out there experience same thing, and what is the meaning behind it etc, is it a bad or good thing? is it psychological for women ...
A. 9 July 2012: When boys were little they played with cars. Girls were given dolls.
So why do people think it is so weird that we act like mommies, when that's what we've been raised to do?
Find a girl who played with cars when she was little and who w... (read in full...)
Am I unreasonable that I don't want my son to lie in bed all day?
Q. At 2pm today I told my husband that he should go and tell my son that it was time to get up out of bed and he said "To Do What?" Am I unreasonable not to want him to lie in be all day? ...
A. 9 July 2012: If your son is still living at home then give him chores. Since he asked "to do what" it is obvious to me you need to give the boy something to do. So that next time he asks you'll have a list prepared. If he's not busy with school or work, then get ... (read in full...)
Can someone who previously used sexting live without it now?
Q. Hey, what do you think about the need for sexting? Me and my bf have been together 18 months, I know he sexted previous gfs and hook ups, even exchanging nude photos with one girl, but he doesn't do this with me :( He'll sometimes go as far as ...
A. 8 July 2012: There is no "need" for sexting. Sexting isn't an addiction. It's not a drug you get hooked on. Either he's sexting, or he isn't, but there is never any "need" to do it.
I think him not doing it with you just shows that he respects you and take... (read in full...)
Is it true that girls my age are more attracted to guys who know how to drive and own a car?
Q. Recently I've felt pressured into learning to drive. Here in the UK you can learn at 17 and im currently 19. Quite a few of my friends can drive but I've never got round to learning, most of the places I go to in my spare time are local or I can ...
A. 8 July 2012: It's a bonus. If you and another guy are equal in the girls opinion, then him having his license, and you not, would be in the other guys favour. The girl would then probably go for him. But if you have other aspects that interest a girl she won't ... (read in full...)
How do I keep my boyfriend interested when I'm gone on holiday without him?
Q. I'm going on holiday in a couple of weeks. My relatively new boyfriend isn't going with me. It's for two weeks and I'm a little worried that he'll lose interest when I'm not around. We haven't actually been too sexual with one another yet and I'm ...
A. 8 July 2012: Trust issues from previous encounters with him? Could you please elaborate?
I think it's as simple as this: if he loses interest then he wasn't all that into you, and you can find better. If he's already given you reasons not to trust him, in ... (read in full...)
How could he leave and not say goodbye?
Q. I am so hurt and brokenhearted! A very special friend of mines moved out of state, I knew he was moving, but he told me he would take me to dinner before he left! Ok, he ended up leaving a day early. We didnt get a chance to go to dinner, I can ...
A. 8 July 2012: Maybe he didn't prioritize saying bye because he is thiunking about coming back to meet you and hang out properly soon? Maybe he wants to come back and spend some time with you, instead of just rushing an saying bye in a hurry?
I don't know why... (read in full...)
I lied about my real age online.
Q. I met a man online a year ago and we became friends ,he's 40 and im 58 but i never told him that.I never thought we would continue to talk so what did it matter.Well the unthinkable happened ,we fell in love ... he is single and so am i .He is the ...
A. 8 July 2012: Just tell him the truth. Then see what happens. If he gets mad and doesn't want to talk to you then it's just as well, because you wanted to end this anyway.
I think it'd be worse if you lied to him about why you need to break it off. I think he... (read in full...)
"Just stop looking blah blah" somebody please tell me how that works!
Q. I've heard this over and over again... That the reason I can't find a girlfriend is because I'm looking for one, and that as soon as I stop looking, I'll suddenly end up in a relationship. "Happens when you least expect it," "I found my partner when ...
A. 8 July 2012: I think it just means that you need to be cool about being single, or else you'll come off as desperate and needy. Go out for fun, not to hook up. Go out and meet new people because it is interesting, not because you desperately want a girlfriend. ... (read in full...)
Can someone please define what typifies a bi-sexual girl? I just don't know if I am bisexual
Q. Okay so I'm 20 years old and I'm in need of help in defining if bisexual, I've been thinking about this for a while now I'm in a 4year relationship with my bf, I've never been with a women in my life but, I get turned on mor by like women than men...
A. 8 July 2012: You got to decide if you want to be with your boyfriend or not. If he can't accept you for who you are, your sexuality included, then that's grounds to reconsider the relationship. You know the entire part about "love me for who I am"? Well he ... (read in full...)
Seriously considering having an affair.
Q. I'll get straight to the point. I am very seriously considering having an affair. My husband has turned into a complete dead fish in the bedroom. He used to be very excited about me, he used to love to touch me, kiss me, lick me, sleep with me. He ...
A. 7 July 2012: I think if you were in your 50-ties, and have been married to this man for 20 years, I'd support your desire to have an affair.
But, early 20-ties? You have been married a few years only, and already this is a problem? You are both young, h... (read in full...)
I have a question about birth control.
Q. Oh, someone please help me! Nobody has answered my question, not even Google. This is about birth control, I'm not sure if this is the right place to ask this question, but it's the only place I feel comfortable turning to. Okay so, I got ...
A. 7 July 2012: Oh, and I don't believe you have any "backed up" blood in you that is somehow blocked from releasing. If there is blood in you then that blood will come out by itself whether you are on the pill or not. The pill isn't a physical barrier that ... (read in full...)
I have a question about birth control.
Q. Oh, someone please help me! Nobody has answered my question, not even Google. This is about birth control, I'm not sure if this is the right place to ask this question, but it's the only place I feel comfortable turning to. Okay so, I got ...
A. 7 July 2012: You need to ask your doctor about these sort of questions! Your doctor can help give you a good answer and offer a solution that will work for you.
But for now, I think you should stick it out and do what your doctor said: take your pills an... (read in full...)
How can I leave someone who's too attached to let me go?
Q. Hello everyone, I have a small problem with a guy. We both like each other but we are a little bit long distance. I said since the start "I'm not interested in a relationship " he says he knows ad that he wot let me go and is even willing to leave...
A. 7 July 2012: Stop talking to him! You're the one who keeps the contact with this guy! If you want to "break it off" then that is something you DO, not something you SAY. Break it off. Who cares how he reacts. You've told him in several different ways now, he has ... (read in full...)
Can young people be faithful?
Q. I'm in a relationship with a 19 year old. Between us everything is good. However, many of my friends, most of my family, and even casual acquaintances who are aware of her age keep giving me warnings like: "Be careful, she's young, it's not likely ...
A. 7 July 2012: Your family, friends and other people are just trying to make your life sour. Of course a 19 year old can be faithful, they are just as likely to be faithful as any other person of any other age. They're just saying that because they don't want you ... (read in full...)
I feel like he is teasing me to see how much I can take.
Q. I'm in a long distance relationship with a guy of about 6 months. Recently, we had some issues with trust and ever since that happened, I feel like he is testing me to see how much I can take and if I will get jealous. He told me tonight I can't ...
A. 7 July 2012: Your "boyfriend" isn't your boyfriend. He doesn't want other girls to know he's taken, because he still wants to flirt with them and fool around. He doesn't want you to know who these girls are because: well, they're NOT "just friends". They are ... (read in full...)
After I tell a guy that my mom passed away, things go downhill. Why?
Q. My mum passed away a few years ago and although I feel I've come to terms with it and that my life has been able to move on for a couple of years now it seems to be giving me some issues. Whenever it inevitably come up with a guy and I have to ...
A. 7 July 2012: It's just that for most people it is a too heavy topic so early on.
But I doubt that this is really giving you a problem. More likely it is giving you a benefit: you get to week out the undesirables faster. ... (read in full...)
How do I explain our breakup without saying I'm gay?
Q. I just told my boyfriend of several years that I'm likely a lesbian. He is a great guy, honestly. He seemed to take it well - we broke it off but agreed to be friends. I still feel really guilty for doing it. I mean, I still love him as a pe...
A. 6 July 2012: Just shrug and say it didn't work out. The spark was gone. It wasn't there. No chemistry. Or that you just woke up one day and wanted a change. ... (read in full...)
Can someone please define what typifies a bi-sexual girl? I just don't know if I am bisexual
Q. Okay so I'm 20 years old and I'm in need of help in defining if bisexual, I've been thinking about this for a while now I'm in a 4year relationship with my bf, I've never been with a women in my life but, I get turned on mor by like women than men...
A. 6 July 2012: It's more simple than you think. Have you ever been in love? How many times have you been in love, and have you ever been in love with a woman?
Can you imagine having sex with a woman, and being in a relationship with one? Have you ever flirted ... (read in full...)
I had a one-night=stand, he said he would call and didn't. How long should I wait before I delete him as a friend?
Q. So, I had an unplanned one night stand on Sunday. I normally never do one night stands. Only did it once before. I have heard so much from friends about guys being all nice and then never calling back and that has been my experience too last time, ...
A. 6 July 2012: Simple. You write him a message on facebook asking about when you will meet up, as the week is close to ending, and he hasn't contacted you yet.
Don't over think this. He probably meant to call and meet up. He's just like most men out there: t... (read in full...)
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These are mutual friends, so *higirl has
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