A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So my boyfriend is going to the east coast to finish up his schooling and I'm staying on the west coast because he's a school year older than I am. We are going to do the long distance thing for sure. But I'm just wondering, how do you stand the pain of separation? I will be super busy in the fall with two jobs, school, and volunteer work, but I'm afraid even that won't be enough!! What has and has not worked for some of you in the past? What's currently working for your situation now? If it makes a difference I'm 18 and he's 20. Thanks 3
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you one and all for the quick responses! Y'all have given me a lot of great advice and I'll definitely have to discuss with my bf about a communication system that could work for us. Will keep you updated, cross your fingers for us :)
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 July 2012):
 LDRs SUCK. It can be done short term.
You have a lot going against you for this to work
1. You are both young and at a point in your life where many new experiences and people will be coloring what you do.
2. The distance is very great and because of this the expense of seeing each other rises and as young people in school disposable income is limited.
There are many things LDRs need. Since this is supposedly a temporary LDR (will he be gone 1 year or 4 years for schooling?) then there are things you can do..
1. Check out the website and support group: http://www.lovingfromadistance.com/ there are many people there in LDRs that can give you support and advice
2. Remember that the goal of the LDR is to be forever in the same place eventually so keep the long term goal in mind. Visits during the time apart are also very important… You should schedule them for as often as possible although with college and 3000 miles it won’t be as often as you would like. You can’t however NOT see each other so start saving your pennies… maybe meeting somewhere in the middle every 3 months or so would work better than trying to fly from one coast to the other… find some cheap city to fly into, rent a hotel room for the weekend and spend time together doing things in that city….
3. Honesty is critical about everything, including attraction to other people (which may happen even if you are in love, your committed not dead) which I think is way harder for younger folks in an LDR than older folks who are LDR or couples that are not long distance
4. Trust is crucial (and the problem comes in with folks at your age and in your situation where meeting new people and doing new things will impact on your knowing what is going on in each other’s lives) To be honest, I have RARELY seen an LDR work long term when at least one of the parties is in college… it’s just a time of so much change….
5. Communication is very important. You both have to decide how often you NEED to have contact and what’s acceptable for contact. For some a phone call is needed. I needed daily phone calls when we were LDR… In fact we were very spoiled only being 2 hours apart with no school to interfere with taking time off work… we saw each other 3-4 nights a week most weeks once we were committed. But we talked daily. Our routine was different than yours… part of your problem will be the time difference. In our case we had our morning wake up call (I would call him at a specified time to say good morning and make sure he was awake)…. We would email during the day as needed… if a call was needed we made it… then sometimes we would talk for hours on the phone at night but most nights I would call him when I got into bed (I go to bed earlier than he does) and have my “bedtime tuck in phone call”. Now that we live together we still often do morning wake up calls (I am at work before he has to get up most days) and he tucks me into bed and kisses me goodnight before going back to his games.
We have a couple who we are friends with and they have the same age gap and distance gap we do… They see each other 3 weeks out of every month and have a nightly skype date at 9 pm… just voice not video… and I’ve been there for their dates and I talk to him too… they are continuing the LDR for three more years and have been dating 3 years and are getting married September 15 (and will continue to be LDR for two more years until he retires and can move to be with her full time)….
Best of luck to you OP!
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (10 July 2012):
It can work, but going through two of them myself, I can tell you odds are against it, esp at that age. I live in NYC, and had one in San Francisco, and one in Miami. Each lasted about 8 months. The upside is whenever you see that person, everything is like "new" again. It also cool going out in a new city. The down side is you're there for maybe 2% of the time, and the travel can get expensive if you dont have the means. If you can see where Im going, its great at the beginning, but it gets old fast, and the convenience of the guy/girl next door starts to outweigh the expense and hassle of plane trips every month or two.
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (10 July 2012):
 It is very hard, but it can work if both of you want it to. Make sure you try to schedule at least one or two times to visit in the fall. Sometimes this cannot be done, but you can try. Make sure you plan to see one another around holidays...hopefully he will plan to come home then. Text, email, and call every chance you get. Send care packages if you have time. Skype if you both have computers. Make sure if there is a problem that you discuss it openly and honestly. Sometimes when people are in an LDR, they will hide things from the other person. It is always better to know, than to be in the dark. It is also better to know if one person wants to break up because than someone is not hoping and waiting on the other end. It will just be different for awhile but not impossible.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 July 2012):
 Long distance.. well, you have to make sure you talk often. Call or text each day. Maybe you don't need it EACH day, you'll see when you get there. But when I was long distance I wanted an e-mail, a text or a call each day. Just to know he's alive, because if I didn't hear from him I'd not know what was up. I didn't know anyone where he lived, we lived in two different countries.
Planning helps. Planning what to do when you see each other next. Talk about what you did that day. Or just send cute texts. Have long conversations over skype (for free). There are several online games, or even small games within chat programs, that you can play together. This is a good idea so that you still do different things together, even when apart.
Me and my now ex used the games on skype, msn and yahoo (there's several different ones). We could also webcam chat, and we'd have a few beers together just talking. Now, you and your guy can't drink (underage right?), but you can for example have dinner together. Or just have a candy-munching party together. You can send each other pictures of your day. I loved that part, when he would take pictures of every day things, and we'd talk while looking through the pictures. He'd sort of take me "sightseeing" through his day.
You can also do other online gaming, there's several virtual reality chat-rooms out there on the web. You can visit those for a 3D chat with your own avatars. Or, you can sign up for an MMORPG if that's your style. It's actually a lot of fun.
And then, if you want to go the extra mile, you can send each other hand written letters in the mail. Or send each other gifts in the mail. Maybe send each other scarves that you have used and that smell of you. Or if you are at the mall and you see something you think he'd like, buy it for him and ship it to him. Don't make the distance into more of a problem than it is, there are still tons of things you can do with each other and for each other.
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