A
male
age
36-40,
*oberDark
writes:Dear Cupid...I am 26 years old and I have been with my girlfriend or should I now say "fiancée" for almost 2 years and a half now. I can remember back when we started "hanging out", there was so much passion (to say the least) in the bedroom.I would get anywhere from 1 to 4 (no joke) blowjobs in one night and it was GRRRREEEAAATTT!!! I am learning that I LOVE oral sex. Sure penetration is great and all but I love giving and receiving oral sex. It excites me a whole lot more.For the past year and a half I can count on one hand the ammount of BJ's I have gotten and they aren't anywhere close to the ones I was getting back in our starter days. My girfriend stopped giving me oral sex. For the past year both she and I have been off work for depression and anxiety related issues. I have been more than willing to try and understand that this can affect the sex life and all but... I really miss them fantastic BJ's!!! Without saying that this is why I am with this girl, any guy can agree that a woman who likes to give head is a woman you would wanna marry! Anyways... I feel like I have been patient and understanding. I've tried many times to talk to her about the issue and ask things like "Is it because you don't like it?", "Am I doing something wrong?", "Is it because I stopped giving you oral sex?", "Would you prefer I'd stop bothering you with this and find other ways (or other women) to satisfy this specific need?" (and NO, this did not start a huge fight, we can talk about it openly), etc. Every time we speak, she tells me I am doing nothing wrong, that the problem seems to come from her but that she doesn't even know what is going on and why all of a sudden she doesn't do it anymore. It's getting to the point where sex (penetration) isn't satisfying and in some cases even a turn off because it's not what I'm in dire need of.Please help!
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 July 2012):
 "any guy can agree that a woman who likes to give head is a woman you would wanna marry!"
Wish that was true. I love giving head. Yet so far and counting I've only got one marriage proposal. Go figure, I guess blowjobs isn't the sales trick you think it is.
Did you stop giving her oral sex? Why? You said you love to give it, but then in your questions you said that you had stopped giving.
Yes, I think that if you aren't going down on her that could probably be the reason why. I also think a lack of imagination on your behalf could be making this problem bigger. I'm not taking away any fault she may have. It takes two to tango, and a stale sex-life is a problem both people play a part in. But who said you have to settle with "boring old penetration"? Say no. Rub up against her instead. Go down on her. Masturbate in front of her. Buy Kama Sutra and try new positions. You're talking as if penetration is just the missionary position, and as if it's the same old same old. Try having sex in the shower. Or in the car. Or on the kitchen bench. It all offers new experiences and feelings and stimulation. Try sex in public. Try sex at your parents house.
Maybe she isn't inspired. You doing new things could help her get inspired. Maybe she's bored of the same old same old just as much as you are. But you tell me, why aren't you trying new things? I'm guessing her reasons are the same as yours.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (9 July 2012):
 "Is it because I stopped giving you oral sex?",
did you stop giving her oral sex?
why?
is it possible it's the same reason?
you both are unemployed and depressed... who wants to have sex then?
have you asked her "what can we do to get you to the point where you want to give me blow jobs again?"
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (9 July 2012):
 It is possible that the depression and lack of being a productive citizen outside of home is effecting her self-esteem in all areas of life. I would not be quick to judge her on this single issue. Depression is a huge issue and can take a toll on every aspect of your emotional and physical world. I am not sure what type of lifestyle you have, but getting out and being active might help her feel more positive if that is the case. Getting even a part-time job or volunteering might also help her feel better about herself to the point that she wants to do the things she used to...including oral sex. Depression pretty much makes you feel like everything is pointless...including giving you oral sex, so be easy on her until you figure out what is really happening here.
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