A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Growing up I was taught to respect women, and to never use them. As I finally turned twenty one last year I realized something very sad, that I'm the last of a kind. The 21st century dating world is very different from what I was taught to live in. I've been pondering for sometime to just give in and join the fray. You see I'm a virgin, a very smart one at that, as one might say, "A Gentleman". I'm a very good looking man, so please do not confuse this question as a desperate young man angry at the world. I want to lose my virginity before I turn twenty two in a month, but I do not want my first time to be horrible. I've come here to seek advice on what is the best way in one month I can lose my virginity? I would advise real answers from males as to the best course of action I can take. Thank you for your time. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 July 2012):
 You're in a loop alright, but self imposed.
"I a virgin who want to date women who have there own criteria for men."
That's all nice and dandy. No problems there.
"I do not fall into that criteria, is everyone following me?"
No, sorry, I don't follow that. Are you following us? Women who YOU like might actually like you back. But so far you're too closed up to have been able to find someone you actually like yourself. Like you said, you haven't found the connection with anyone yet. And THAT is what is the problem here, not your height.
"This puts me in an infinite loop with those women."
In your mind it does. But you actually have no idea what criteria women world wide have. You're generalizing. You're pulling yourself out of the dating game because you are convinced women don't want you, without actually having checked with reality if this is true.
Do you follow me? Your height is NOT an issue. You think it is. But that's just and excuse you've given yourself to stay in your shell and not open up to new women. You're scared of rejection, and you are building up walls to make yourself feel safe. Such walls are "women are dramatic, women only want tall men, women don't want me". I call the BS card. I know for a fact that women date short men. Different sorts of women too, one who might even be your type.
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (14 July 2012):
 Then go get your sex and forget about all of us normal women out here. Sounds to me like you wanted someone to argue with and/or stroke your ego to just go do what you want anyway.
I don't know why someone would spend this much time online getting opinions if all he wanted to get laid anyway. GO GET LAID!
...............................
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (14 July 2012):
 One of the most attractive men I work with is a smalller guy. He's about 5'5". He's very cute and very intelligent, and he has a twinkle in his eye. He's a charmer. I met his wife a few years ago. She's beautiful and elegant, and a little bit taller than him. He's been a bit of a womaniser in past: not necessarily condoning that but mentioning it because he's clearly attractive to many people (not just his wife).
It's about attitude and confidence. OP, don't get stuck in a self fulfilling prophecy. There's a thing called Small Man Syndrome. Shorter men who are bitter and angry. Don't be one of them.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (14 July 2012):
 The quote that came to mind: ""I wouldn’t want to belong to any club that would have me as a member" --Groucho Marx.
There's your logic loop. :)
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (14 July 2012):
Ah, so you've handed every single woman who meets your criteria a written quiz and they, to a woman, every single one, to a woman, has said she would never in a million years date you because you are 5'5". Ah yes, of course. That's a perfect logic loop you are stuck in.
Sorry, you've thought yourself right into a corner. Good luck with that.
When you stop giving credence to that thought, you may have a chance. As it stands, your dislike of your own body will tank any chances at dating someone.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (14 July 2012):
 so you only want to date women who like tall guys.....
funny I dated a "little person" once... he was about 4 feet tall... we had fun...
you really do miss the point... your criteria is such that you need a woman who wants a self-hating man...
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question"You are definitely turning me off with your "poor me, all women are nuts, ignorant, drama-filled, and superficial" attitude", well my point was made thanks! :) I just said I want a certain type of woman and guess what those women happen to like tall guys. I'm afraid everyone is missing the point. It goes like this, I a virgin who want to date women who have there own criteria for men. I do not fall into that criteria, is everyone following me? This puts me in an infinite loop with those women.
...............................
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (14 July 2012):
While I don't want to be offensive, this is getting more pathetic by the minute. I'm 5'9" and have gone out with men my height or shorter. It's made absolutely no difference. I've changed my mind on this whole issue. I now think you should go out, get laid, and have a meaningless experience just to do the deed. I'm not sure you will ever get a good woman like the rest of us have tried describing because your self-esteem and attitude sucks. Your attitude towards women in general sucks, and is completely judegemental, so I can now understand why you would want an escort or prostitute. She won't have to get to know what an indecent judgemental creep you really are. If you ever do decide to have a real relationship with a real women, I would suggest dropping all of the female stereotypes. You are definitely turning me off with your "poor me, all women are nuts, ignorant, drama-filled, and superficial" attitude. Maybe the problem is that you get all of your ideas from tv, music, and movies when you should be getting them from real life and real women.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (14 July 2012):
When a woman puts on paper her ideal man she doesn't mention his height. Actually, physical attributes come long down on the list. I know, I've played this game hundreds of times with my friends. When we were children we always listed up physical aspects such as blue eyes or brown hair, or work profession etc. But as we got older those things got further down the list as you start to realize what matters: a good sense of humor, chemistry, respect and gentleness etc.
It IS all in your head. So maybe one girl brought up your height. Well, maybe she was a tall girl. Even if she wasn't, she was only ONE girl. There are millions of girls in the world, and you meet dozens every day. There are several short women, and in comparison to those short ones you're tall.
But what happens, mentally, is that when we ourselves focus on something we THINK, OR NOTICE by far better, similar things in others. Say if I want a dog. Suddenly I will see plenty of dogs around me. I'll be very aware of all the dogs. Or say I want a baby. Suddenly I will see lots of babies around me, and I'll think "everyone has a baby but me!". It's because I'm mentally set on babies. If I was single and dying to have a boyfriend I'd only see couples around me. If I was in a relationship and wanted to be single, I'd see loads of single girls around all having fun that I am missing out on.
So it IS all in your head. You are focusing on yourself being short. The result is that all around you you see tall men with women, and you fail to see any short men with women. You also excessively will focus on small aspects of what a person says or does, often taking it out of context, and analyzing it to fit into your perspective of things. Example, maybe the woman you were on a date with said something about your height that could have been understood as a complement. But if you are negative about your own height you would have seen her compliment as criticism regardless. It's all in your perspective of things. But everything people say can be interpreted in at least two different ways, one positive and one negative.
I've been in a relationship with a man who was shorter than me, and HE was the one who had an issue with it. Not me. I actually think many women are worried that a short man don't want to date THEM, as they will be "too tall" and that it'll make the man uncomfortable. It's takes a certain level of confidence to be able to walk next to a tall woman, and plenty of women feel awkward if they date a shorter man because THEY feel they are too tall. My ex didn't want me to wear high heels for example, even though I love high heels. He was the one with the problem, not me. If he was man enough he'd not care, and there wouldn't be an issue.
Maybe the girl who mentioned your height was aiming at asking you if you'd be comfortable dating her, if she was taller than you. For the future I think you'd be better off if you always interpret these questions in the opposite way from what you did. If a woman asks about your height, you can start by reassuring her that you know it is personality that matters, and communication, and connection. And that even if a woman is taller than you it will not change anything, that you will still find an attraction towards her, and that you'd still want to date her. Flip it around like that. Don't make it about YOU being short. Take any such question as a question about the question-asker: they are the insecure ones who aren't certain if they are what you are looking for. They ask, because they aren't certain if you are going to accept them being tall (it is important that you don't make an issue out of their height like my ex did).
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (14 July 2012):
No they don't always choose the taller ones. I know several couples where this is not the case. One of my good friends is 5'6" and he married a woman who is 5'9" (she's fit and college educated too). They have 2 kids. They choose the confident ones. There are lots of women who are shorter than 5'5", if you can't handle being with a girl who is taller than you are.
Granted, being shorter isn't a big bonus in the dating arena, but then, very few people are bestowed with physical perfection. Most of us have to make do with what we get. Women get their own sets of physical disappointments, like disproportionately wide hips on a small frame. Or their facial features don't qualify as beautiful. Some women feel inadequate because they have small breasts and the culture seems to be mad for huge breasts.
These less than perfect physical specimens meet and fall in love... it happens every day.
A woman who is 4'11" would be happy to date a man who is 6" taller than she is. Hell, as I know perfectly well, there are women who are 5'8" and taller who would date a shorter man because he's a great guy. You're only finding the negatives because that's all you are prepared to see. Sorry for you for that. It's a pity.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIts not in my head its the truth. Women do not want short guys because they always choose the taller ones. When I was on one of my dates they brought up my height, not me. I try to keep comments about my height to a minimum because you really do notice after awhile. If a woman was to put on paper her ideal man , I'm sure his height would be well above 5'8. My type is simple, and I would say a woman who mirrors me like, staying fit, has a job, goes to college and knows where she is going in life.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 July 2012):
You are right where you thought yourself to... when you change your assumptions and open yourself to other possibilities, that's when you will see a shift in your perception.
Women didn't put you where you are. You did. When you get that, embrace it, and own it, you'll be on the path to happier personal interactions.
Right now, you are stuck. And it's not because you are short. I know quite a few short men with taller girlfriends. Their height didn't keep them from meeting and dating and ultimately marrying a wonderful woman.... they didn't think "I'm short, they don't like me." You apparently want to blame your height for lack of success in attracting your type, whatever that may be, but that isn't the case. It's your attitude that is keeping you from making a romantic connection. Sorry.
I have a book which may help you in understanding how women and men communicate. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/You_Just_Don't_Understand
Some may tell you to go a head and hire a prostitute to lose your virginity, the theory being that she will know what to do and how to guide you so it's not a 'horrible' experience. The problem is that you will have no way of knowing if that woman was coerced into prostitution, trafficked or otherwise is trapped by drugs or debt or an abusive relationship. You may be hiring someone who is victimized. As you said earlier, that would go counter to your upbringing to never 'use' a woman.
So logically, the best way for you to proceed is to ignore the number of years you have lived (which is only a measure of time, not a measure of your worth or maturity, after all) and tackle the issues keeping you from entering into a fulfilling relationship with a woman.
If you lead with a negative, "I'm short and she won't like me," you have lost before you have even opened your mouth to say hello.
So it's fairly obvious to us all that your best option is to fix the negative perceptions you have going on inside your head and then you'll be in a position to enjoy a fulfilling romantic and sexual relationship with a woman.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 July 2012):
Based on your last update I can see that the problem is in your head. Usually when we can’t connect to folks it is because we are putting up walls that we don’t even realize.
5’5’ is a perfect height for a tiny girl… at 5’2” I find my 5’6” fiancé fits JUST RIGHT
Women are NOT men with vaginas… women have hormonal issues that make them moody… it is a FACT OF LIFE… I think that once you accept yourself for who you are and what you are and stop making excuses (they don’t want me because I’m short) that life will get easier for you.
Being comfortable in your own skin is critical to meeting and mating with others. To be comfortable in your own skin you may need some therapy… this is not to say you are damaged or crazy… we all need help and guidance along the way.
Admitting you need some therapy is a good thing.. Shows maturity.
“I would like to lose my virginity memorably and have it be special but it doesn't look like I have a choice.”
Well we always have choices. You are just making the choice to do the “woe is me” version of this.
How about you focus NOT on losing your virginity but rather on enriching your life with a partner? How about you stop TRYING to meet someone and lose your virginity and rather you focus on making more friends and giving women who are NOT YOUR TYPE a chance.
BTW you say you have a type… do you? What is your type?
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (13 July 2012):
There's always a choice. But if you are very picky about what sort of girlfriend you want then you'll have to wait longer, that's really all there is to it.
What type of woman do you want then? Maybe we should start there instead, and then you can evaluate whether the criteria you've set are necessities or just nice bonuses.
Finding someone you have chemistry with is actually NOT as difficult as people think. The part that is difficult is opening up yourself and allowing people to see who you are. Many people hold back, and are scared of opening up to strangers. That sound natural, and it feels natural, which is why so many people stay closed up. But, you wont get anywhere with that attitude. If you're interested in dating and meeting women you need to open up and risk rejection, but still put yourself out there and let them see into the very core of who you are. If you open up, then they open up (well, they certainly wont open up if you don't, thats for sure), and when both people are open with each other.. connections are made. And that connection can be made with almost anyone.
And there is another aspect you should keep in mind. Without previous experience in the girlfriend department, you can't really be dead sure what it is you are looking for. Maybe you think you want a quiet and calm girl. But then you later on discover you need someone with burning passion. Maybe you think you want someone who has a good education. But then later on you discover that a person education doesn't make them better girlfriend material.
Maybe you think you are attracted to boobs, but find yourself attracted to a woman's hands, once you've gotten a closer experience. Things like that.
So, figure out what your core necessities are in a girlfriend, then actively look for her, flirt, take women out on dates... And the if they have some qualities that are less nice don't care about it. People aren't perfect. And you don't know, you might end up loving that quality of theirs later on. If the rest of the core qualities are there... then it shouldn't matter if they have some things about them that aren't "perfect". Don't be picky.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to be exclusive with someone but I haven't managed to find a woman to connect with. Either we don't have the same interest or they are just boring. Females friends bring unnecessary drama and can be at times moody. Sometimes I have found them to get agitated real easily. Yes like I said ,I'm looking for a girlfriend and have been for years but there aren't any that are girlfriend material. I don't go to clubs looking for a girlfriend, I just go to relax. I'm not scared of anything but I have a type I want. And the etc, is like go visit big cities, beaches. Fyi the reason dating sites didn't work out is because I'm 5'5 and a lot of females wanted taller guys. I would like to lose my virginity memorably and have it be special but it doesn't look like I have a choice.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 July 2012):
Had you thought you would lose your virginity when you got married or were you simply waiting to be in a committed relationship with a woman? If you are going out on dates, have you ever wanted to have an exclusive relationship with a woman?
Having sex with a loving partner isn't disrespecting or using that partner. It's a shared experience of expressing physical love and desire for one another.
That being said, you said you wanted the quickest way to lose your virginity in a month. What is it you think would be 'horrible' in a no-strings sexual encounter with a girl in the clubs you go to? Are you fearful of something?
It seems to me that a better way of ensuring you don't have a 'horrible' experience (you really do have to define that a bit better) is to enter into a relationship with someone and proceed from kissing to manual and oral explorations, and finally intercourse. It's likely to be a bit awkward the first time, especially if she is a virgin too, but that doesn't make it 'horrible.' Things don't have to be perfect for them to be wonderful, if you see the distinction.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYes I have gone on dates, have a social life. No I do not have female friends because from past experiences they are trouble. I just have a close friend of guys whom I go out and do stuff with.(Clubbing, gym, etc.) I have waited for a long time, and every year that passes I tell myself the next year will be my year and still I have nothing to show for. I've gone as far as dating websites but to no avail. The only thing I can see myself doing at this point is just becoming like every other guy. It seems to be working for them.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (12 July 2012):
Have you actually gone out on dates with women? Do you have an active social life? Do you have friends who are girls, as well as the usual set of guy friends?
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (12 July 2012):
You're stereotyping a lot, and none of it is based on experience. Just imagination. Women, tons of them, do want men like you. You are just telling yourself that they don't, because it suits your idea of the world right now. But what this tells me is that you haven't been dating much. Women adore an old school gentleman, and far from all women are "liberated" sexually. For most part we're still just as withdrawn as before, barely daring to masturbate, and most women don't even know how to bring themselves to an orgasm.
The world hasn't really changed all that much. And even among the "liberated" women you still find tons of old school women. The more "modern" women might want to be seduced by an alpha male and have quick sex and all. But there are still several who need to be wooed.
I think you need to see the difference between seduction and wooing. Seduction = players and modern men. Wooing = old school, and it still works like magic. But you can't be old school and then try to seduce. Don't go against who you are.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 July 2012):
Thank you iamHereToHelpYou… very nice explanation and one I agree with…
I’ve always been supportive of teens in long term healthy relationships being sexual with each other (with parental knowledge and the proper precautions) and I was the one who initiated taking my then stepdaughter to the doctor to get her on Birth Control Pills before she was actually sexually active. Human nature is Human nature… and we have the skills and technology to prevent unwanted pregnancy or disease… Let’s NOT bury our heads in the sand about teen sexuality. Let’s guide them to be as mature as possible about it.
To the OP, You make assumptions about being the last of a generation… I have many younger friends right now who are busy birthing babies… (married committed couples)…. I know how their children are being raised…. The only thing that’s really changed since I was born… is that we are more OPEN and HONEST about things that have been going on for centuries. I believe that the problem is that most young people do not get that some things are better left private. There was a time that pregnant women did not go out in public once they started to show because that would indicate they had sex…. I’m glad we’ve moved on from that repressed time. I think that the problem is that kids NEED to do things to shock their parents.
For example… when I was 9 years old my mother had my ears pierced (by a doctor as there was no going to the mall to have it done)…. At 16 I SCANDALOUSLY had second holes put in… My grandparents were HORRIFIED at the fact that I had two holes in my ears… and then my BROTHER pierced ONE ear… and all hell broke loose… My father at the time was a hiring official for the federal government.. he swore up and down that he would NEVER hire a man with an earring. The day he did he did the mea culpa thing… times change… Now there is a man that works in the Commissioner’s office with a NOSE ring. Granted he takes it out in the office .
If parents are not shocked by the twist, or Elvis the Pelvis or some long haired boys from Liverpool (because heck we used them to shock OUR parents) then kids need to escalate their behavior to shock their parents.. that’s why TV and music have gotten more and more outrageous… NOW I see kids going against all of this purity vows, short hair, etc… because it’s NOT what their parents expect. Again this is human nature. It’s the younger generations goal and job to shake up the older generation.
Females gained their sexual freedom LONG hefore you were born. It is called Birth Control Pills. This happened in the early 1960s. Before that time there were limited ways to prevent pregnancy and since men do not get pregnant, they can hide their sexual behavior..
Once women had a reliable means of preventing pregnancy all bets were off. The problem is that MEN still held us to a double standard… she’s good enough to sleep with but not good enough to marry. That whoring around behavior was perfectly acceptable for men… Read about say Benjamin Franklin… he was a notorious womanizer… even with a common law wife (who he abandoned in the Colonies to cavort in England and France with older women (read women who could NOT get pregnant any longer)…. Don’t think that current teens or youth have cornered the market on lewd sexual behavior.
The OLD social norms are not what you are battling… what you are battling is the demons in your head.
“men like me aren’t in demand anymore” Honey, “men like you” were never in demand. NO ONE wants someone who bases their worth or value on their sexual activity. What is valuable to PEOPLE in general are the following traits:
Honesty
Self-esteem
Confidence (I gotta tell you that a lousy lover with confidence beats a great lover with no self-esteem any day of the week)
Communication
Trust (I never did trust my last husband who had no self-esteem and needed the attentions of multiple women to feel good about himself whereas I trust my fiancé 100 percent)
Openness
The point is that when we go out and date we should NOT be determining who we date based on the criteria that they are a virgin or not. IN fact, that should not even be a topic of conversation until you are close enough to a woman to want to be intimate with her and by then, your winning charm and personality (which is way more important than anything) will overshadow your sexual status.
IF you are having conversations about your sexual status with casual dates then you are NOT one of a dying breed. IF you think it’s appropriate to broadcast that you are NOT a virgin early in a relationship that’s not gentlemanly or appropriate if you wish to be “old school”
I have to tell you, my current partner used escorts a lot before he met me. I’m not turned off. I’m not complaining. And I’m not leaving him because of it. I knew it before we got serious. I also don’t think it’s wrong as much as SAD… it makes me SAD for him that he was so socially insecure and inept that he felt it was his only option (because finding women to have casual sex with is difficult even in this day and age because MEN still want virgins because they have a double standard)
I have to say when a woman posts that she can’t deal with a man’s porn usage or the fact that he used escorts, I tell her to leave him and let him find a woman who can cope with his past sexual behavior and his porn usage. I’m not a hypocrite at all.
IF you want to use an escort to lose your virginity that’s your choice I am just pointing out that it may LIMIT your chances with other women at a later date as those women that can’t accept your escort visits will not be available to you for dating later on.
It’s a choice you have to make. And life is about choices. I just suggest from experience and reading here that the choice you want to make for the LONG HAUL is to remain a virgin till you meet the right girl…
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2012): You know I've seen some quite average blokes with really beautiful girlfriends & I've seen some quite average girls with really hansom boyfriends.
And it wasn't money keeping them together!
At the end of the day personality wins.
I've met some really hansom blokes but to sleep with them is another matter. I wouldn't insult myself.
Good Guys do win, don't put yourself down.
Try to re-phrase & re-think having encounters with women.
Talk of "Getting Laid" is a real turn off.
Most people want the "special" even if it is one night!
...............................
A
male
reader, aresu  +, writes (12 July 2012):
 i agree with you, while for most people this does not sem like a real problem, it is obviously a problem for you, and is your situation, so i suggest to just do what will make YOU feel better, and if that mean to go and lose your virginity by any means necesary, then do it. nowadays is pretty easy, rampant one night stands, prostitutes, girls who will sleep with anyone (AKA sluts), so you have plenty of options.and everyone saying that someone down the line may have a problem with your decision, then is their problem, is not their business and it was before they came in the picture, or well, at least thats is what everyone is always saying. as you said it, when a man is complaining about the sexual past of a woman everyone quickly comes preaching about how the past doesnt matter and those kinds of BS. even tough i dont agree with such philosophy that is what most people say nowadays anyway, so if people are really as unbiased as they think they are then they should aply that to them too, not just when is good for them only.so yea i say go and do with your sexual life whatever you want, just like everyone is doing it. but you do have a big problem with the part that you dont want your first experience to be horrible, because normally for people their first sexual experience is not great, even les when is with someone you dont even have feelings. your best bet to avoid a horrible first time is to do it with either a very close female friend of yours that is willing to show your the ropes with patience and understanding, or a high class escort wich is their job to try and make it as pleasurable as they are able.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2012): You're saying you're a smart and good looking man who is also a virgin? What kind of women wouldn't want something so pure and precious as you? I believe if these aspects are correct, women would love to date a man like you, maybe you should put yourself out there more. What makes you so sure about "social norms", who cares what society thinks, what makes you so sure about women when you've never been in a serious enough relationship to have your virginity taken away from you? Virginity is a special thing and can be easily given away but never being able to take it back. C'mon for a man who's been taught to treat women respectfully, you sure don't have many standards when it comes to losing your virginity. Please reconsider.Other than that, if you choose to lose virginity asap I guess hiring someone to do the job would be best the way to go, maybe you could replace penetrating a woman with just oral sex and foreplay, it still feels good if it's done right and in some cultures you're technically still a virgin. Good luck.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2012): If women had any idea how difficult it really is for most average men to get laid, they would feel differently about men hiring prostitutes. I find that pretty much every woman on the planet underestimates how difficult it really is for all but the most attractive men.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2012): No I'm not a man either!Loosing your Virginity is something you will remember for the rest of your days.Experience that once in a life time feeling with someone special and believe me you won't forget it, in a good way!All the talk about the first time being horrible and messy ect wont happen if you are with the right person.Respect is a must in any relationship if its to be fulfilling, even if its a relationship that only lasts one night, it should be special.I would never pay for sex nor would I sleep with a man who has ever had to. That's just sad.
...............................
A
male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (11 July 2012):
 Really kid forget this waiting to be in love nonsense. Sex is fun. Just find a girl n get it over with ur first time will .not be great anyway n doin it with a stranger allows no pressure to perform no worries about looks or size.. if its ur time ur time. I disagree with other posters u should wait.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionLet me address the "being last of a kind" statement. When I said that I was referring to the last of a generation brought up under certain social standards. Everything has changed from when I was a kid because growing up Music was not so sexual nor was television. Everywhere you turn sex is in some form and females seem to stay with the current trend. Females have started to gain there sexual freedom and are now liberated from old norms. I have no problem with this but it does pose a problem for us males that are still caught up in old social norms. Men like me arent in demand anymore, so to be in demand one must change with the times. Women now want experience and at my age they do not want to date virgins. I do not get why if I chose to see an escort, how it would pose a problem for any future girlfriend because if I was a guy complaining about my girlfriends sexual past all of you would say the past should not matter. A bit hypocritical dont you think?
...............................
A
female
reader, Daisy_Daisy +, writes (11 July 2012):
I am not a man either but I'm still going to answer. I don't see what difference it makes whether you're 21, 22 or 29 when you lose your virginity. I really don't.
If you want to avoid it being 'horrible' then wait. Wait until you meet someone you care about.
Otherwise your options are a one night stand with a stranger or a prostitute. Both could be classified as 'horrible', especially if you're a gentleman with respect for women.
There's really no urgency here. Why not divert your attentions to dating instead and let it happen naturally?
...............................
A
female
reader, lOvex3Jenny  +, writes (11 July 2012):
 I agree with everyone within this post, you're decision to lose your VIRGINITY within a month is stupid and juvenile. Your virginity means a lot more then one cheap night with some hooker who you're never going to see again. You deserve someone who loves you endearingly, having that special spark with someone and losing your virginity in a manly and loving way. Don't just f*** a woman, you have to make love to her and cherish it.
If you do decide to go the easy yet cheap route, think of the consequences, what if you gain an STD from this woman? Is it really worth it to risk you're healthy state with some woman you've never met? Think about your future, my first time was terrible and I regret it terribly, but you still have a chance to lose it to someone special. When you're older, you're going to think back to your first time and it'll just be a waste, you've waited this long, what's wrong with waiting a little longer for "the one"?
Please have more respect for yourself if you consider yourself such a "gentlemen". I hope you choose wisely :)
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (11 July 2012):
I am sorry to tell you this but you are far from the last of a kind. Nice that you have such a high opinion of yourself… that will stand you well over time.
Why do you want to lose your virginity before you turn 22? Why the self-imposed time frame?
IF you do not wait till you meet a special girl/woman you will not appreciate it.
Sex is not magic.
That being said… if you INSIST you must lose it before you are 22 AND you do not care that later on down the road it will affect your ability to find a woman that will love and respect you, AND you live in an area where escorts are legal… go that route…. BUT be prepared that later on some people (read women) you find attractive and datable may deem you off limits because you indulged in the use of an escort…
Oh question for you: Will you require your partner when you find one to be a virgin? Will you suffer retroactive jealousy? Why or why not…
Can you (or some one else) explain to me why virginity is seen as such an issue… either being a virgin is bad (for boys) or NOT being a virgin is bad (for girls)
WHY is your sexual behavior anyone’s business but your partners?
...............................
A
male
reader, Advice_man +, writes (11 July 2012):
 Why do you put so much pressure to your self and you must have sex before 22? What's the rush?
...............................
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (11 July 2012):
I am not a man, but I don't think with this question it really makes a difference. What is sad is that you are considering losing your virginity in a thoughtless and irresponsible way. I could better understand your feelings if you were 60 or something and had never had sex, but 21? Give me a break. You want to have to someday explain this to your future girlfriend or wife? "Yes honey, one day I went on a blog and asked for advice on how to best lost my virginity because I wanted to lose it before I turned 22." Do you know how lame and miserable that is going to sound? To let you in on a little secret, I was still a virgin at 21. I didn't lose it until I was 26...and then I wish I would have waited because I saw the guy twice for sex, it wasn't good, and then he went back to college and I never saw him again. What does the 21st century have to do with this? People have been wanting sex and having sex for thousands of years. You're nothing new. My suggestion is to wait and find someone you care about. Contrary to popular belief, most women secretly want a man who hasn't been with anyone else, so they don't have to measure up to anyone and they don't have to hear stories of the other women. Plus, they dont' have to worry about diseases. Best advice, masturbate until you find someone you care about.
...............................
A
female
reader, IamJess +, writes (11 July 2012):
 Why rush it if you don't want it to be horrible? Most people say their first times aren't their best experiences anyway, but you should want to share it with someone special not someone you just want to lose it with because you want to lose it not because you don't care about them.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2012): "I've come here to seek advice on what is the best way in one month I can lose my virginity? I would advise real answers from males as to the best course of action I can take."
There is no "best way" to lose your virginity in order to meet an arbitrary self-imposed deadline.
Agree with iAmHere, the best way to lose your virginity is to offer it to a special woman whom you love and respect.
Your parents raised you right, do not disrespect them by disrespecting women. NEVER compromise their and your high standards to "just give in and join the fray."
Never knew anyone who regretted waiting until the right time with the right person.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (11 July 2012):
You're not the last of your kind. And you're not the only 21/22 year old virgin in the world either.
Being a gentleman, as you call yourself, why do you have the need to lose your virginity before next month? Did someone put you up to a dare?
You said not to confuse you with a desperate virgin man. But you do sound desperate, I mean you've given yourself ONE months to do the deed. If you're not a desperate man then why the rush? Why the desperation to have it done before a month is up? Some sort of personal goal?
Well, aside from questioning your contradicting post, I will say that the "best" way to lose it within a month, given that you don't have a girlfriend, would be to just have a random hookup or one night stand. There really isn't more left to it. It's either that or a prostitute.
Find a girl when you're out clubbing and follow her home.
...............................
|
