| Latest articles: How to avoid being used financially
This question has 13 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
30 October 2010: I have tried to keep my relationship problems away from this site as I do not want my advice to be assosiated to my own questions. However I have now learned an important lesson that I want to share with the rest of you, in the hopes that you will ...
What I've learned from my family.
This question has 4 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
14 June 2010: In order for aunts and question askers to see who they are getting advice from, I will continue to write some more about me, and where I come from. The things that I draw on when giving advice, what type of experience I have in life. This arti...
How one person changed my life
This question has 12 answers by readers of DearCupid.ORG.
Newest answer was posted
8 June 2010: I've been an aunt on this site now for quite a while, at first I started as an anonymous, until I finally took the step to make an account and dare to be identified somewhat. As I've gotten to know a few people on here, albeit still strangers ...
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He left to do drugs while I was making him dinner. Am I wrong for being mad?
Q. Okay so today I was hanging out with my boyfriend like normal, (we usually hang everyday) and hes a sweet heart. I really like him and maybe love him. But see the thing is he smokes weed, I don't really care about that but while I was making him ...
A. 2 August 2012: I have to ask, have you seen what drugs do to people? No? Well I have. It screws up peoples brains. Weed isn't innocent either. Sure, you can have one try at it in your life and it wont hurt you. That's weed, it's mild that way. But you get addicted ... (read in full...)
He left to do drugs while I was making him dinner. Am I wrong for being mad?
Q. Okay so today I was hanging out with my boyfriend like normal, (we usually hang everyday) and hes a sweet heart. I really like him and maybe love him. But see the thing is he smokes weed, I don't really care about that but while I was making him ...
A. 2 August 2012: You don't really care that the boyfriend, who you say you care for and perhaps even love, is smoking weed and frying his brain cells away? Really? It's one thing to accept it, but another to not mind at all. Your boyfriend is screwing up his head.. ... (read in full...)
Either I pretend I enjoyed sex when I didn't or he accuses me of being loose
Q. Hi, I'm 18 and was a virgin before meeting my boyfriend. Because I was a virgin, I was hesitant to have sex with him and when we finally did, I felt nothing,besides the initial pain even though he couldn't stop telling me how much he enjoyed ...
A. 1 August 2012: Great!! I'm happy to hear that some measures can be taken and work, even when the situation seems hopeless. ... (read in full...)
Do I continue seeing this new guy or wait for who I believe to be my soulmate?
Q. My best friend and me are falling in love with each other, he said he is in love with me. Hopelessly I've waited on him for months. But little things make everything unclear and makes me unsure. Like him kissing and flirting with other girls ...
A. 31 July 2012: How can he say he is in love with you and then kiss other girls in front of you? That's not clueless, that's just cruel! Tell him it hurts you!
And no, if he can't stick to his words and make action out of it, then it is all just words and he i... (read in full...)
Is it normal to ejaculate very fast for the first time?
Q. I ejaculated very fast the other day when I was getting a handjob done by my girlfriend.(within 30 secs). I was extremely disappointed and kinda embarrased. It was the first time a girl touched my penis, but is that normal? What can i do hold it in ...
A. 31 July 2012: Normal! When a guy gets extremely excited it tends to go one of two ways. Either he comes super fast, or he doesn't come at all. It's a new feeling, a new experience. Once you get more used to it you'll be able to control it like normal. But for ... (read in full...)
How should a man treat a women, now a days?
Q. How should a man treat a women now a days, anyways? We se so many shows and have so many social pressures, both on men and women, but mostly on women. Also though i think it's difficult to get to know someone, becuase of that persons past, with ...
A. 31 July 2012: Flowers and love songs are for when you are already in a relationship. Not for when you want to meet a girl. You got to use your logic on this one. You're not getting to know a girl by sending her flowers. If you want to get to know her you need to ... (read in full...)
Dad will disinherit me if I marry my guy. Is my Dad just being paranoid about my Fiance? Or does he have a point?
Q. Hi! Last night I told my estranged father I'm getting married in the Fall. He threw a fit and said if I do he will disinherit me and we won't talk anymore. When I asked him why he said that if we got divorced I'd have to support him financially ...
A. 31 July 2012: Your dad does have a point. But so do you. You always run a risk of divorce with ANY guy you choose to marry. You need to use your own judgement when choosing a husband though. You know your fiancee best, not your father. But be critical, don't be ... (read in full...)
Can you tell someone has had anal sex by looking at their bottom?
Q. Hey there everyone! So... I was in a 5-yr-relationship with this guy and we used to have a quite a lot of anal sex. I didn't really like it, but he loved it so I tried to make him happy. Since we broke up I decided I'd never do anal just to make ...
A. 31 July 2012: No. Just take a look at your own butt-hole in the mirror and see if it looks normal.
If you can hold in poop then your anal muscles are still functioning and your hole will look normal as well. ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is snooping on me via google!
Q. not sure what to do here, but my gf had found out about an abortion approx 4-5 years ago in a previous relationship she got upset at me because its something important i failed to tell jer, she said she wasnt checking up on me, but googled my n...
A. 31 July 2012: The abortion was not important information that she "should" have known about. There are certain things it'd be nice to inform your girlfriend about, such as whether or not you have a job, or are an alcoholic, or have an STI. But this wasn't one of ... (read in full...)
I'm tired of being the guy that every girl falls back on after their relationships don't work out
Q. Hi there everyone! I'm the guy that every girl falls back on after their relationships don't work out, or when something upsets them. I'm only talked to when it's convenient for others. One specific case has been bothering me lately however.....
A. 31 July 2012: I think you might have given her the impression that you want more than friendship. And that's why she stopped replying.
Imagine if she was a dude. Would you be this upset about a guy friend not messaging you back? Or would you just shrug an... (read in full...)
Is it a good idea to go through with this relationship?
Q. I am an american women dating a turkish guy. We have been talking off and on for the past two years. He comes to virginia beach, virginia every summer on a work visa. We were introdued through texting by my brother which is good friends with my ...
A. 31 July 2012: I think you should go about this as you would go about any other relationship. His nationality doesn't necessarily have to play any part in it. I think you should ask him about the cultural differences though, and get a good look into what he would ... (read in full...)
We were good friends, then we tried to date, now we're back to friends again and I don't want things to be awkward.
Q. so me and this guy were good friends. we saw each other since about april but were never official. we fell out quite a bit and had a couple of big arguments so he basically said he thinks we should only be friends so it doesn't ruin our friendship ...
A. 31 July 2012: Friendship.. I think unfortunately the friendship is lost. At least for a while, you need to get some space between you. Right now neither of you are sure how to interact. You said you both wanted more. But you're both scared because you had these ... (read in full...)
We broke up, and now he want his gifts back.
Q. hi guys 3 months ago i broke up with my boyfriend who was really bad to me,we are now exs. i wrote in about him a while ago and i got some really nice advice to just leave him,so i did that and everything has been okay but i havent been able to get ...
A. 31 July 2012: If they are photoes of him as a child then I think you should give them back. You should not keep pictures of him around when you want to get over him.
Not all people can be trusted, even the ones we love the most. But it looks bad on him when... (read in full...)
Why do girls flirt with other guys and ignore the one they have the crush on?
Q. Well i have noticed this recently, it's not only happened to me but to others. Well i noticed that when a girl likes a guy she does everything to ignore him and get away from him, even when the guy just passes her and says hello, the girl doesnt ...
A. 31 July 2012: Uh, well, guys do this to just so you know. Especially teenage boys and girls, or shy/lacking confidence boys and girls who haven't learned how to socialize/flirt.
Not ALL do this. But some do, I know. When I tell other people how to flirt, o... (read in full...)
My twin sister and I are dating twin brothers. Is that weird?
Q. We are identical twins and the guys we are with (4 months) are identical twins and we only just found out because we hadn't met each other's boyfriends before and I'm not sure what we all think of it. It's a bit strange. What should we do?...
A. 30 July 2012: What should you do? Well you need to laugh about it and have a good sense of humour. People will comment I am sure, and you'll get a bit more attention if you go out on double dates. Double attention, haha. See? Prepare yourselves for lame jokes ... (read in full...)
My girlfriend is snooping on me via google!
Q. not sure what to do here, but my gf had found out about an abortion approx 4-5 years ago in a previous relationship she got upset at me because its something important i failed to tell jer, she said she wasnt checking up on me, but googled my n...
A. 30 July 2012: Googling someone isn't snooping. It's information that is public. I've googled close to everyone I know. I have a particularly amusing time googling my father. He has a very unique name too, so all the hits are about him, and everywhere he's been ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend tells me now that she never liked doing sexual things and only did them to make me happy!
Q. Well I'm mainly just wondering if I should be telling my girlfriend sorry? Or expressing my draining trust in her? The problem emerged quite recently when she told me that she didn't like talking about sex and that she wanted to wait longer for it. ...
A. 30 July 2012: "The very idea of making you happy is enough for her to enjoy doing something she actually doesn't like doing. She doesn't deserve to be criticized for that."
If only that had been true.. But she didn't like it! That's the entire point. Doing it... (read in full...)
My dad's family do not speak to their sister, they haven't for years! Is it too late to patch things up?
Q. So my dad and my two uncles (his brothers) have a feud with my aunt (their sister). This is the story (or as much of it that i know). When i was a baby (so about 15 years ago) my aunt kind of went off the deep end. She would call my dad and uncle...
A. 30 July 2012: I think things could change, but it's not up to you. This is between them, the siblings. If they want things to chance then things can change. But if they don't want to then things wont change.
I think it depends a lot on your aunt really. ... (read in full...)
Girlfriend tells me now that she never liked doing sexual things and only did them to make me happy!
Q. Well I'm mainly just wondering if I should be telling my girlfriend sorry? Or expressing my draining trust in her? The problem emerged quite recently when she told me that she didn't like talking about sex and that she wanted to wait longer for it. ...
A. 30 July 2012: I'd be worried. She obviously isn't comfortable with telling you the truth. How old is she? If she is your age I'd be worried. Being a grown up she should be able to express herself without doing things just to please you and then fake it.
I'd a... (read in full...)
My ex-girlfriend left me for another guy and I then trashed her place. Is there any hope for reconciliation?
Q. My ex-girlfriend and I dated for almost four years. We had an incredible bond, and shared a close life together. We also lived together, up until recently. Years ago, I left her for someone else, due to communication issues, but then we got back ...
A. 30 July 2012: You are right, what she did was not fair to you. She did put you as a second option, a fall back option. She went out and dated other guys. Maybe it was revenge, after all you met another woman while in a relationship with her. Who knows. But what ... (read in full...)
He's my first love. He took my virginity, and then cheated on me. Help?
Q. I’m very confused. Hurt. Scared. And i don't know what happened to my life. I need help. Summer of senior year I got a friend request from this boy that was going to one of the Universities I was going to. I left it there for like a month but when...
A. 30 July 2012: He was not a good boyfriend. This is the thing that is difficult to understand, but you understand it more as you grow older. I'm just beginning to understand it myself. If a man does something good, and then does something bad, you can't erase the ... (read in full...)
How often do married men masturbate without their wife knowing?
Q. How many Married guys masturbate ,Without the wife knowing and How much a day or week? ...
A. 30 July 2012: I wasn't aware a wife/husband needed notice? When did we get this law?
I'd say... everyone who masturbates keeps it private? The amount a person masturbates depends on the person. I definitely never "alerted" any of my boyfriends for when I went t... (read in full...)
I want to break up but he hasn't done anything wrong!
Q. I've been going out with a guy for a while now and I don't like him any more. (I think it's because I don't want a boyfriend right now but I'm not sure.) I want to break up with him but I don't know how because he hasn't done anything wrong. I can't ...
A. 30 July 2012: He doesn't have to do anything wrong for you to break up. I will tell you what you should say to him.
"You're a great guy, the problem is I don't feel anything other than friendship for you. I would love for us to be friends, but I realize ... (read in full...)
My ex-girlfriend left me for another guy and I then trashed her place. Is there any hope for reconciliation?
Q. My ex-girlfriend and I dated for almost four years. We had an incredible bond, and shared a close life together. We also lived together, up until recently. Years ago, I left her for someone else, due to communication issues, but then we got back ...
A. 29 July 2012: What does it have to take for the two of you to open your eyes to how dysfunctional this relationship of yours is? Things don't get better by casually dating other people. Things don't get better by trashing furniture, or by having lawyers included. ... (read in full...)
He's my first love. He took my virginity, and then cheated on me. Help?
Q. I’m very confused. Hurt. Scared. And i don't know what happened to my life. I need help. Summer of senior year I got a friend request from this boy that was going to one of the Universities I was going to. I left it there for like a month but when...
A. 29 July 2012: So what your beloved boyfriend did was rape you? And you think he should get away with it, so you accept his apologies? He stole from you something that was of highest value to you, and you just let him get away with it???
You should have told the... (read in full...)
I don't see myself as bisexual, and I don't want to have a relationship with a woman, I just want to have a sexual experience with a woman.
Q. I'm currently in a very happy, fairly long term relationship with a man, but I can't get the fantasy of sex with a woman out of my head. I dont see myself as bisexual, and I dont want to have a relationship with a woman, I just want to have a sexual ...
A. 29 July 2012: It's simple. If you're in a relationship you're in a relationship. Don't want to break up? Well then stick to the heterosexual life as you know it. Want a gay experience? Then leave the heterosexual relationship.
Don't know what to do? Carry on... (read in full...)
I had a period every month but dr. told me I'm 4 months pregnant! Has this happened to anyone else?
Q. Yesterday I went to my gynea and he told me I'm 4 months preg. Wat confuses me is that I've been having my periods every month and except for a growing stomach I'v had no symptom o reason to bliv m pregnant. My dr was puzzled too did sum ...
A. 29 July 2012: It happens. My mother got her period as well during pregnancy and didn't know she was pregnant until 5 months in. I've heard several other stories as well where this happens. ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend called me "boxy", I don't know what that means.
Q. This is going to sound very silly but I'm really puzzled! My boyfriend rang me when I was picking up something from a store today! I didn't have much reception so I said il call u back when I get home.. I rang him bk he didn't answer then about 10...
A. 29 July 2012: I don't know what it means, never heard it before. Maybe he just made up a word. Anyway, he sounds really childish if he wouldn't even tell you what he means. Sounds like he wanted to create drama, or maybe he was mad at you? ... (read in full...)
Should I have my first homosexual encounter with this woman?
Q. Hey everyone I am 23 years old,and I would say for the past 4 years I'v been bicuruious and I would really want to know how it is to be with a girl..I don't know if I can go all the way and have sex but I think just first base to see what I feel ...
A. 28 July 2012: It could potentially ruin your friendship. How good friends are you? If she's not your very best friend then I think your friendship can survive it. Friendships do survive this sort of thing if NO ONE falls in love. If all you want to do is try ... (read in full...)
I think my husband had gay sex with our dinner guest!
Q. I have a bigger problem than my last one now! I think my husband of 4 years is having a gay affair! Ive talked to him, but to no avail, we just end up arguing, let me start from the beginning, 3 weeks ago, he kept making excuses to go out, 2 weeks ...
A. 28 July 2012: I don't think you're being paranoid either. Maybe you should try to isolate your husband so you get a chance to talk to him in absolute privacy. For example, take him with you for a hike up a mountain, or go for a long walk, or take a weekend trip ... (read in full...)
I can't afford to pay every time we go out. What's the best way to let her know?
Q. Hi. So I asked someone out and we had dinner and I payed, which I was happy to do. I've asked her out again for a coffee and she said yes. The thing is I just can't afford to pay for her every time we go out. I don't know if she'll be expecting me ...
A. 28 July 2012: I don't think you should offer to pay the next few times if that's not something you want to keep doing. Women aren't mind readers any more than men are you know. If you continuously offer to pay then she will think you WANT to pay. Some men do feel ... (read in full...)
Love, virginity, scared. How do I deal with my fears about losing my virginity with my BF?
Q. So I'm a virgin a complete utter virgin, but I think I might be too childish or I am thinking too childish about sex. My body is telling me it wants to but my head is saying different. I'm not scared of having sex, I'm just scared of what my ...
A. 27 July 2012: I don't think you're ready either. If you're so concerned about things then you're not ready to do this. But getting ready isn't always about waiting and waiting and waiting. If you're making yourself nervous then it wont matter how long you wait, ... (read in full...)
Do other people have weird turn ons like mine?
Q. So yesterday, I decided to try something new and see what it would be like to whip myself and try masturbating afterwards and/or while doing so and see how it does for me.. turns out I kinda liked it. It's like it gave me a sort of rush that made it ...
A. 27 July 2012: It's not a weird turn on. Why do you think they sell whips at sex shops? Or haven't you ever seen a man slap a womans ass? I slap asses all the time, and I love it. It's great fun. It might not turn me on like it turns you on, but none the less. ... (read in full...)
My 17 year old brother wants to take responsibility for a child that isn't his
Q. My little brother is 17. About 3 weeks ago, he started dating a 16 year old who is 7 months pregnant. The baby's father left her when she told him. My brother has known the girl for about a year now and has told me that he intends to put his name on ...
A. 27 July 2012: Look on the bright side! You'll become an aunt! Ask him to be godmother. Start going baby crazy with things you and the baby want. Adopt the entire concept. I'm fairly convinced that this is part of his "rebelling" actions as a teenager, an action ... (read in full...)
Love, virginity, scared. How do I deal with my fears about losing my virginity with my BF?
Q. So I'm a virgin a complete utter virgin, but I think I might be too childish or I am thinking too childish about sex. My body is telling me it wants to but my head is saying different. I'm not scared of having sex, I'm just scared of what my ...
A. 26 July 2012: Talk to your boyfriend about this. If you and him can't talk about sex then you/him and you/this relationship isn't ready.
If you talk about it and you are still worried or scared then wait.. that's the only advice I can give you. But by talking ... (read in full...)
My 17 year old brother wants to take responsibility for a child that isn't his
Q. My little brother is 17. About 3 weeks ago, he started dating a 16 year old who is 7 months pregnant. The baby's father left her when she told him. My brother has known the girl for about a year now and has told me that he intends to put his name on ...
A. 26 July 2012: Tell your mother and dad.
Other than that, if your brother doesn't have the street smarts to make it through this simple no brainer then too bad for him. It's not as if you can be there to protect him from everyone who might take advantag... (read in full...)
Is it okay to experiment with women to gain sexual experience even though I won't be dating them?
Q. Recently I was having a chat with a friend and the subject of my virginity came up. He ask why I still choose to keep it because girls our age aren't anymore. He got me thinking that when I do find a girlfriend that she would have slept with many ...
A. 26 July 2012: "There are a lot of women in that age group who haven't slept with guys", Yeah women who don't take care of themselves(obese, don't shower)."
You're generalizing and assuming way too much here. You're assuming that all pretty women get laid, an... (read in full...)
Does he deserve to be forgiven?
Q. Dear advisors, this is my situation. me and my ex bf were perfectly happy together and i loved him very much and i felt that he did too. at that point we had been going out for one year. he is 26 and i am 21 years old. and at that time we both went ...
A. 26 July 2012: Block him. Don't talk to him again, don't waste any more time or energy on him. The world is full of selfish people, but there are also people out there who are worth your time. Focus on those who are worth it. ... (read in full...)
Texting: What boundaries are acceptable?
Q. I was just curious what boundaries various people think is acceptable when it comes to texting, having a few issues in my relationship because of this at the moment. In my opinion when you get in bed together to watch tv etc phones should be left ...
A. 26 July 2012: I'm on your side in this. It is rude to sit and text another person when you're hanging in with someone else. It's just another way of saying "you're boring, so I'm going to start talking to someone else more interesting".
Some people really d... (read in full...)
Does he deserve to be forgiven?
Q. Dear advisors, this is my situation. me and my ex bf were perfectly happy together and i loved him very much and i felt that he did too. at that point we had been going out for one year. he is 26 and i am 21 years old. and at that time we both went ...
A. 26 July 2012: Cheating is a deal breaker. Forgive if you want, but end the relationship first. Then get tested to see if you have an STI now because of him. End the relationship. A "black out" is NEVER an excuse. He shouldn't have been drinking so much if this is ... (read in full...)
I can't afford to pay every time we go out. What's the best way to let her know?
Q. Hi. So I asked someone out and we had dinner and I payed, which I was happy to do. I've asked her out again for a coffee and she said yes. The thing is I just can't afford to pay for her every time we go out. I don't know if she'll be expecting me ...
A. 26 July 2012: If you've been paying all this time then she will expect you to pay again, no doubt. But just tell her beforehand that you'd like to go out again, and then before you order anything ask her if she wouldn't mind splitting the bill.
I have to ask t... (read in full...)
Either I pretend I enjoyed sex when I didn't or he accuses me of being loose
Q. Hi, I'm 18 and was a virgin before meeting my boyfriend. Because I was a virgin, I was hesitant to have sex with him and when we finally did, I felt nothing,besides the initial pain even though he couldn't stop telling me how much he enjoyed ...
A. 11 July 2012: Small penises can be satisfactory. It really isn't about size. However, he sounds like a selfish lover! And THAT is the problem, he is selfish in bed. He can't satisfy you because he isn't trying to satisfy you. He's only looking to satisfy himself. ... (read in full...)
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These are mutual friends, so *higirl has
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