A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok… so there is a girl i really like and would really like to date at my school, but she seems uninterested. We have been good friends for about 2 years now and i would like to move out of the "friend zone" as many people call it. Im a tall ginger and she is a short asian. What can i do?[Mod note: The original title written by the poster was this: "Ginger Problems", the mod elected to add a bit extra to make the question clearer at first glance.]
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2012): Well firstly, if your physical differences bothered her (If that's what you were driving at in your post), she wouldn't even be friends with you.
Secondly, HOW good is your friendship? Because two people get along as friends doesn't mean they will be any good in a relationship, and that's how good friendships get destroyed.
Thirdly, have you noticed any change in her behaviour towards you? Anything to suggest that her feelings maybe changing towards you?
Because lastly, you can't just drop the bombshell without even so much as a hint she wants or doesn't want anything more than friendship with you.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 July 2012):
 Without knowing how good friends you are (please be more specific in an update), this is my general advice:
Try to make eye contact with her. When she looks at you, smile just a little. Then look away. Don't do this every day, but do it for some weeks, or until she starts to smile back. This is called flirting. Friends don't do this, so if you start to flirt you will naturally move out of the friend zone.
It might be that she still will not be interested though, and moving out of the friend zone can cost you your friendship with her. But you can flirt like this for a bit, and then move it to the next level, and check her response. If she responds well to it then continue. If she continues to be uninterested, then there are two options: a) either she doesn't understand flirting and you need to be upfront and just ask her out, or b) abort mission and just stay friends.
Google ways to flirt, or search our archives, and you might find more subtle flirting techniques. Note: if you catch her staring at you and then suddenly looking away when you notice she is staring, that means she likes you.
Another subtle way to flirt is to sit next to her, be physically close somehow, and NOT look at her and not talk to her. Being close gives her a chance to.. well, feel what it's like to have you close. It gives her a chance to look at you, feel your presence and smell you (the scent is actually crucial, scent alone can attract a woman or make her repulsed).
If she looks as she might be welcoming your advances, you should start to ask her friends if she's interested in anyone. Don't feel discouraged if they say she is. The point of asking is to drop hints, this is a part of flirting. You ask her friends, and her friends will then start to think "hmm, maybe he asked because HE is interested in her". Then if they think you are a good fit the friends might even start to try and make you a couple, which will give you good back-up. Anoher alternative is that her friends then tell her "You know, he asked me this and that and I think maybe he's interested in you". This is a good thing, if you've noticed a positive response to you flirting with her earlier. Because this will make her think about you in different terms. She'll now consider you as boyfriend material, she'll now think of you as someone she could date. Making her consider you is half he job.
Then after all of this there are still ways to flirt, casually and subtle, and get closer. But you can also just directly ask her after some time has passed by.
None of this should take more than a month or two.
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