A
female
age
30-35,
*oogalove
writes:Hi, I'm 18 and was a virgin before meeting my boyfriend.Because I was a virgin, I was hesitant to have sex with him and when we finally did, I felt nothing,besides the initial pain even though he couldn't stop telling me how much he enjoyed it.I've noticed from chats with friends and other "average" guys who state 5" as average, that he's really small, but when I tried to say so, he started on the whole "u cheating, u've becum loose" tip!It was really frustrating because I hadn't cheated and he could say that about me, while I've kept quiet about his inability to even satisfy me once!It hurts, but I love him and he is great except in bed which is why I fake orgasms and agree it was great, when it never is for me!I don't know wat to do 'coz I love him and he starts ths "loose" thing when I try talk about it!I don't want to go through life without experiencing an orgasm, but I don't see how I ever will when he feels like a finger and lasts about 2min and doesn't want any more rounds thereafter! PLEASE HELP!!!
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (1 August 2012):
 Great!! I'm happy to hear that some measures can be taken and work, even when the situation seems hopeless.
A
female
reader, boogalove +, writes (31 July 2012):
boogalove is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanx to everyone who posted, it helped. Since talking to him didn't help, I left this for him to see on purpose & we finally talked!!! Happy to say, things are looking up!...figuratively & literally
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A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (11 July 2012):
Small penises can be satisfactory. It really isn't about size. However, he sounds like a selfish lover! And THAT is the problem, he is selfish in bed. He can't satisfy you because he isn't trying to satisfy you. He's only looking to satisfy himself.
Someone being selfish in bed doesn't mean they are selfish in other areas. He can be a great boyfriend, and yet be selfish when it comes to sex.
Unfortunately there isn't a cure for selfishness, or any quick fixes. I've had men with average or bigger penises who were also CRAP to have in the sack, and who couldn't make me feel any pleasure at all. Because they were selfish lovers. And then I've had smaller, who were amazing lovers. The size isn't the issue here. But, his size COULD be something that makes him feel uneasy, and makes him have these complexities about sex. Such as him not wanting to talk about it. And then insulting you so that you wont try to talk about it again. It's a sensitive topic for him, and his size might very well be the reason for why he's so sensitive about it.
Press the matter. Make him talk about it. Either that or continue in the relationship and have crappy sex. But the only way to "fix" this is to communicate and talk and GIVE to each other.
How about him bringing you to an orgasm, and making it all about your pleasure a few times before you try to have intercourse again? But, the ORGASM is YOUR responsibility. If you want to experience one you need to bring yourself to one. There's not much of a chance that your boyfriend will get you there if you don't even know how to get yourself there.
And who cares what he thinks you should and shouldn't. Its your body. Masturbate. Tell him he can eiher join you or not, that's his choice, but you have the choice to masturbate if you want.
Or you can just masturbate and not tell him, but I'm convinced that openess in a relationship is crucial.
Tell him bluntly "Darling, the sex sucks. I want to enjoy it. Here's what we need to do:.." And then list up some suggestions you've come up with. Do not mention his size. His size is irrelevant, and it's time he opens his eyes to this.
If nothing works.. then maybe you should leave him. Sex isn't everything in a relationship, but it IS important. I couldn't be in a relationship where the sex was bad. Really, I couldn't. I tried, I was in a relationship with a selfish lover once. Hated it. I wont ever do that again, it just isn't worth it.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (10 July 2012):
 He's got some serious sexual issues.
1. he doesn't give you oral because he thinks it makes him less of a man. He thinks wrong.
2. he wont' discuss your sex life with you and it directly affects him.
3. he is telling YOU what YOU can and cannot do with your body. he can choose not to masturbate all he wants but he won't bring you to orgasm and then forbids you to masturbate?
if that was the man I was with I'd not be with him to be honest.
My partner has a small penis. I have had many partners some with very a large penis and I've been pregnant twice.
I can surely feel my man inside me (we use rear entry position (doggy style).
I do not orgasm from our sexual play. The ONLY orgasms I have are the ones I give myself. BUT, my partner loves me, respects me, cares for me and about my sexual being. He loves to help me bring myself to orgasm. He's overly affectionate and very appreciative of my delight in giving him blow jobs... (so much more fun to do on a small guy!)
If we were not allowed to discuss sex
If I was not permitted to masturbate
If his reason for not going down on me was that it made him less of a man (vs the fact that he can't stomach it and he has tried) I'd not be staying with him.
Your bf is sexually very selfish, inexperienced and uneducated.
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A
female
reader, boogalove +, writes (10 July 2012):
boogalove is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI would love nothing more than to communicate all this to him, but he closes up & starts accusing me every time I try, meaning I never get the chance to tell him anything relating to our sex life! I really love him & he is such a great guy in all aspects except this. Its almost as if he believes he knows it all & my trying 2 tell him or show him anything is wrong! He doesn't mustarbate & believes I shudnt either, so I can't really make him part of it when I pleasure myself & he won't perform oral on me, saying it makes him less of. a man, but enjoys it from me.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 July 2012):
1. Stop faking orgasms. IF you can bring yourself to orgasm, that’s great… and involve him in it if needed. Most women do not orgasm from penetration. I do not. My partner is on the small side of average and it works for us.. we have a limited repertoire of positions that work well for us and stick to them. I look to our intercourse as a way to connect emotionally not become satisfied sexually…. Our sexual satisfaction comes in other ways… mostly oral… does your partner perform oral sex for you? If no why not? Your sexual satisfaction is not tied to his penis in any way shape or form… trust me on this.
2. IF he’s a lousy lover and not meeting your physical needs, are you willing to live like this? If not you need to teach him how to please you… if he’s unwilling to try then you may want to consider leaving….
For me, personally, at my advanced age, I’m happy having cuddles and kisses and love and seeking my orgasms on my own… but then I have only had had a man be able to bring me to orgasm on a regular basis once and then only with oral…. NEVER from penetration.
A vagina btw is a muscle that is collapsed on itself when not in use… so if he says you are loose he’s full of it… he’s just saying this to make himself feel better. A man that accuses you of cheating to make himself feel better is a lousy man.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (10 July 2012):
 Well, you haven't told him what pleases you sexually, so what makes you think his ex-girlfriend would have taught him too? Young women are notorious for thinking that their male partners will "just get it", and are often disappointed when they don't, yet they will resist communicating their desires for only God knows what reason.He cannot read your mind. If you want to be sexually satisfied, you need to teach him. It's YOUR responsibility to do that for EVERY partner you will -ever- have, because no two women are exactly alike in what they enjoy sexually. Get used to the idea that you need to be sexually mature and honest in your open communication about your wants, because if you continue to resist talking to him, you'll continue to be unsatisfied.
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A
female
reader, boogalove +, writes (9 July 2012):
boogalove is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI did not tell him his penis is small, infact i always only get as far as "uhm my luv, its not that I diddnt enjoy it, its just that..." & never get to actually talking with him further as he shows he does not want to talk about it. I've heard that's why his ex broke up with him & at 22, shouldn't he atleast know how to satisfy a girl? I luv him & wouldn't break up with him just because he can't satisfy me, but I keep wondering what I'm missing out on, only pleasuring myself...
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2012): You should gently discuss this with him. Maybe indeed he doesn't know about the importance of the clitoris. His comment of you being loose is ridiculous, but might stem from lack of self confidence, so don't be too hard on him and try to help him with that. You shouldn't ever tell him his penis is small! That would really be a mistake on your side, you must understand that a man's penis is a very sensitive issue for him! Try to make him feel good about himself, and if indeed his penis proofs too small to give you orgasms, consider the option of touching/oral sex, as this can be very pleasing as well. Assess what is the overall importance of sex to you. If indeed you cannot find pleasure in vaginal sex and you are troubles by it, and your love for him can't overcome this, do tell him honestly about this in the most gentle way possible.
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A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (9 July 2012):
Most women can only reach orgasm through direct stimulation of their clitoris. Since penis-in-vagina intercourse does not stimulate the clitoris because of it's position outside of the vagina, it's extremely common for women to get almost no sexual pleasure from intercourse. Most women need to either get oral sex (focusing on stimulating the clitoris) or masturbate while having intercourse.
Because your partner is new to sex and young, he is not aware of the existence, location and function of your clitoris, and does not know how to please women sexually. Porn largely neglects clitoral stimulation and real female orgasms, and many men mature sexually not even realizing how important the clitoris is to female sexual pleasure.
If you masturbate, and can bring yourself to orgasm, I strongly suggest you talk to him and let him know that intercourse is highly unlikely to be a source of sexual pleasure for you. Teach him about your clitoris, and how important clitoral stimulation is to your orgasm.
Since the clitoris is located externally, the size of a man's penis has little to nothing to do with female sexual pleasure. Please explain this to him, so that his ego can recover.
You are responsible for teaching him how to please you. He cannot read your mind and he won't "just get it".
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (9 July 2012):
 It's normal to not enjoy sex when you just started having it. It's not productive to feel defeated that the sex you have now is that you will have for the rest of your life. Hope you learned the lesson never to tell a man he's small. Even though it is an innocent fact, unchangeable fact, for some men it could mess up their self esteem as if their manliness depend on the size of their tools. You need to experience orgasm yourself and communicate how he should move to stimulate that spot. You can have him give you oral or fingering. You can't expect him to know what to do since he's still young and inexperienced. Please don't fake orgasms. It does not solve anything. Sex should be about love and you have to feel chemistry towards each other. Love should come first before orgasms. Orgasms by itself would not improve a relationship if the basic foundations of trust, attraction and connection are not there.
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