A
female
age
30-35,
*nonymouse16
writes:Do you ever truly get over your first love? It has been almost four years and I have been in a relationship for a while, but I still catch my self remininscing of the past. We were together for 2 years. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymouse16 +, writes (17 August 2013):
anonymouse16 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all the feedback I am surely not wanting this person in my life ever again. It end well over three years ago, and I am fine with that. I just miss the dynamics, thats a good word. I am in another relationship, I just find myself missing aspects of my last one. Maybe that's an indicator I shouuld not be in it if I am not happy.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2013): Yes. But I held a candle for my first love for 10 years.The thing that broke it for me was realising exactly why we broke up in the first place. That came from going on a holiday with her 10 years after we broke up. After that the spell was gone and I feel next to nothing.She is selfish, uncaring, and dishonest.I knew all these things before yet I chose not to believe them.
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A
female
reader, MsSadie +, writes (13 August 2013):
 It depends. When the "first love" happened, for example, and the circumstances of the breakup could factor in to how you feel about the relationship presently.
If your first love happened when you were more mature (say 18+), the relationship lasted a while, and the breakup happened for reasons beyond your control (like moving apart, literally or with life goals), then I can see always remembering that first love fondly and wistfully.
I'll tell you that I'm over my first love. He was an abusive a**hole, and the only thing I feel when I look back on that relationship is shame for loving him in the first place. So, yes, many of us totally are over our first loves.
May I also suggest that it could be the dynamics of the relationship that you miss rather than the person himself? This seems to be the case quite often.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (13 August 2013):
 Get over the break up? Or forget the first love? Of course you can recover from a break up. I don't forget old friends, even if I don't see them anymore, so I wouldn't forget the first love, but under no circumstances do I want that first love back in my life.
Thinking about the past isn't harmful, unless it's intrusive and uncontrollable and you believe it's leading you toward depression. There's a saying I like: "If depressed, you're living in the past. If anxious, you're living in the future. If at peace, you're living in the present. - Lao Tzu
Are you having trouble distinguishing between reminiscing and convalescing?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 August 2013):
 I don't know what this "first love" means. And that should tell you something about this being a constructed concept. There's no such term in Norwegian. It's something made up that is being over-rated and glorified, me thinks. You're not thinking of your "first love", you're thinking of some guy you were with for two years.
Sure, I think about my exes too sometimes, but that's really all there is to it. If you want to know if I think about my first ever boyfriend? I don't think of him at all, we were together 3 weeks. My next one? Together 4 months, I barely knew him, barely cared. Third? Oh well him I got engaged too, and he broke my heart completely, but I think about him once every 5th year. Fourth? Think about him more often, and all the things I did wrong that I never want to do again. Fifth? Hardly ever.
Which one of there are my "first love"?
Maybe the guy I was in love with for close to two years when I was 14-16, but who barely knew my name?
Conclusion: If you had an ex you cared about, sure you think about him sometimes. But that has nothing to do with him being your "first love" or whatever that means.
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male
reader, TrancedRhythmEar  +, writes (13 August 2013):
 I whack it to the thought of her once in a while but not coz I miss her but because she had a hot body lol time is a good healer!
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (13 August 2013):
 Yes. My first love was when I was 15, I was head over heels for him and we were each others 'firsts' for everything. It was hard to get over him, and of course it is natural to think back to when you were together - but I'd never want him back plus I'm now engaged and excited to be planning a future with my fiance.
A quick thought every now and then about an ex is normal, when you are with someone for a long time you share a lot together so you cant just erase them from your mind. But if you find yourself constantly thinking about that ex and obessing over them, wanting to be back with them etc then you have a bigger problem and shouldnt be in a new relationship while you are trying to get over the last one.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2013): I haven't forgotten my first love, 27 years ago, and my second, 23 years ago.
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