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Why do conversations with my friend always wind up being steered towards sex?

Tagged as: Friends, Sex, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 August 2013) 11 Answers - (Newest, 21 August 2013)
A female United StatesUnited States age 26-29, *LoveRita writes:

I really don't know what's going on with my friend. We're pretty close and I guess he's kind of like a brother to me. He might not see it that way, but I see it.

I met him almost a year ago. We've exchanged crushes and personal secrets, and there was even a point where I liked him (before we became closer friends), but I got over it because I realized I'm out of his league lol.

For the past few months, he's been talking about seducing me, screwing me, jokes about our sexual parts, and perverted stuff. Our conversation, no matter how innocent it was, he always steer the conversation into these topics. I'm like what stop this and trying to be like "nooo thank you calm down please." I think it's just... Weird? I know he's joking, but he's been doing this for half a year and we can never have a normal conversation. And it brought me to the point where I'm curious if he has feelings for me? Is he trying to hint me? i have no idea. Normally he's not perverted like this to other girls (from what I see).

If he likes me, great. If he doesn't, I could really careless. Just pointing it out there, but he's one of those really attractive, popular, and smart guys that my high school lacks.

Thank you for reading through this. I really appreciate your kindness in trying to help me or give advice and such.

View related questions: crush

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A male reader, dougbcoll United States +, writes (21 August 2013):

dougbcoll agony aunt "why would he be after me? he can get lots of booty other than mine." the conquest , the challenge, get what he wants and then off to another girl. that would be my answer from your description. i hope this helps and you take the advice you have been given.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2013):

He's a sleazy hornball... Listen to what everyone's saying about him, you're literally just another notch on his bed post... Cliche but true! For whatever reason he just wants to get you into bed- he couldn't be more transparent about it...

Don't make a mistake and degrade yourself, you're worth more than a number on his finger or a name in his player-pad... Lol! Like you said, eugh!

Take care ;) xx

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (20 August 2013):

chigirl agony aunt"He's really attractive and he can literally get any girl he wants."

Obviously not. Even though you find him attractive doesn't mean it's easy to get someone to sleep with him, he could be shy. Other girls could be shy. Looks he's been trying at it with you and it's been 6 months and no luck. What makes you think he has better luck with other girls, girls whom you even find to be more attractive than you?

Look, he doesn't care what you look like. He's going to hump the first and best. No offense, but like I said he's thinking with his "little head", and the little head isn't concerned about who's more popular or who's prettier.

Why you? He probably sees you as the person most likely to say yes. And/or he's talking like this to tons of other girls, don't be naive to think you're the only one. And do NOT mistake this for "love" or him actually liking you in a special way.

He just wants sex. It could be with you, it could be with someone else, he doesn't care. But if you want to be the one to pop his cherry then he's serving himself up on a silver plate, that's for sure.

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A male reader, Snigger United Kingdom +, writes (20 August 2013):

Snigger agony auntIf I were you, I would tell him to get lost. He obviously doesn't want you, he just wants sex. It's generally not too bad for a boy to be open, but this guy's thoughts seem to revolve around one topic only.

It's okay for a girl who needs sex as badly as him, but in your case I'd say, get rid of him. Maybe see him again in one or two years when his testosterone level has gone down a bit.

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A female reader, xLoveRita United States +, writes (20 August 2013):

xLoveRita is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thank you for all your responses. I really appreciate the help!

After reading all of the responses about him after me, I feel like that's not him? I don't understand. Why would he be after me? He can get lots of booty other than mine. He's really attractive and he can literally get any girl he wants. As for me, I guess you could say I'm average. I'm really plain if I'm compared with him.

Again, thank you so much for the help!

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (20 August 2013):

Honeypie agony auntI have to agree with Doug.

He doesn't HAVE to talk sex with you.

I get it that hormones are raging and YOU are someone he feels comfortable talking sex with (without judging him as a perv) and I DO think he hopes you want to have sex with him too - BUT and this is where YOU need to pay attention. IT DOESN'T mean he LOVES YOU or CARES for YOU in that way. It just means that he seems you as a WARM BODY and that if he keeps pushing you might give in.

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A female reader, chigirl Norway +, writes (20 August 2013):

chigirl agony auntHe's a teenage boy who thinks with his dick.

"I know he's joking, but he's been doing this for half a year and we can never have a normal conversation"

Uh, no, sorry. He's not joking. He wants to hump you. But that's how teenage boys work. Even my boyfriend who at 16 was too shy to even hug a girl was thinking about having sex.. constantly. Even when I tried to seduce him and he rejected me, he was thinking about sleeping with me. While I thought he was just a friend who didn't think of me in that way, he was imagining me getting undressed in his room and masturbating to the thought.

Funny the things you find out when you're older.

Your friend wants to hump you and he's NOT joking. If you gave him the green light he'd be all over your lady-parts.

"If he likes me, great."

Yeah, he sort of "likes" you. He likes you as a friend and then he wants to poke you with his boy-parts. But if he likes-likes you and wants to be your boyfriend? I doubt it. Maybe. But as for now, as you can see from the conversations, all he wants is sex.

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A female reader, TasteofIndia United States +, writes (20 August 2013):

TasteofIndia agony auntYeah, he definitely wants to get dirty with you. I'm not sure if he likes you in the romantic, I'll-wait-for-you-and-serenade-you-in-the-meantime kind of way... mostly it seems like he really wants to have sex with you, and because you're friends he might think that he's in the perfect zone to start up a FWB situation.

So, if you're looking for a good roll in the hay - this is the guy. If you're looking for a boyfriend, someone who really cares about you... well, this might not be the right one. Be careful because since you two are so close, he will know exactly what to say to you to make you think that he truly cares and loves you, and then after you sleep together, he might suddenly forget about all that and go back to being just your friend and keeping you on the back burner for when he gets horny again.

If you like him and want a boyfriend, speak up, start dating and wait for a good long while before having sex, so you can be sure that sex isn't all he's after.

If you just want friendship, then make sure he knows that no matter what dirty jokes he makes, it is NEVER GOING TO HAPPEN. Try not to egg him on or lead him on and tell him that he's like a brother to you - nothing more.

Good luck, sweet!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 August 2013):

In what way are you out of his league? If you get on well then 'leagues' should be nothing to do with it.

I think he may be trying to get a response out of you, and if you like him back you should hint it. If not, don't play with him and his feelings, don't involve yourself.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia +, writes (20 August 2013):

Aunty BimBim agony auntHis hormones are raging, his testosterone production has increased ten fold, and on his mind is sex, sex, sex.

Oh yeah, he has feelings for you, lots and lots of sexual feelings. However, sexual feelings are a lot different to emotional or romantic feelings, from your description of how he speaks to you he would like to bonk you 'til your brains fall our but there is nothing there to suggest he would like to kiss you senseless.

I'd let him know his speech is out of order, and if he doesn't stop stay away from him until those raging hormones settle down a tad.

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A male reader, dougbcoll United States +, writes (20 August 2013):

dougbcoll agony aunt you had better put the fire out with him,i mean with him talking sex and seducing you. he is being forward, and may get pushy. you better stop him in his tracks tell him to back off, slow down, cool it, stop the sexual talk.

he is leading toward sex direction with you. you better cool him in his tracks. if he likes you or not you better put the brakes on him. don't give yourself any regrets to look back on.

when a boy is being forward with a girl he is after one thing. he will tell the girl what she wants to hear to get it, or like he is talking sexual.

be careful. he does not have to talk sex to you.

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