A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:As of only a month, I've been in a relationship with a guy who I've been good friends with for 5 years. Just now we are taking it to the next level and if we keep going at this rate, things might turn out very well.However, I have another male friend who doesn't seem to want to accept I'm now in a relationship. For two years he has tried to get me to go out with him on dates but I've never been attracted to him (at all...) so I do not go anywhere with him unless our entire group of friends goes out. If he approaches me while I'm alone, I feel very uncomfortable and awkward because I know he's still trying to purse a relationship with me. More and more, he's become "unsavory".In an attempt to get him to leave me alone after another one of his attempts to ask me out, I told him I was in a relationship with my now boyfriend. His expression changes and he acknowledges this. But a day later, he asked me if I "wanted to go out and eat so I can talk to you a bit, alone). It's like he totally disregards my relationship!Anyone have any advice? I don't want to end our friendship which would make group outings awkward but this is getting ridiculous! I'm becoming more and more uncomfortable with him...
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female
reader, llifton  +, writes (10 August 2013):
 yeah, that's annoying. you can only say the same thing so many times. give him another chance or two to get a grip, and if he persists, tell him you no longer can be around him until he can learn to treat you as JUST a friend. it doesn't have to be permanent. just until he learns to accept this. i think once you put your foot down, he'll realize you mean business.
A
female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (10 August 2013):
 Here's the deal. You've been really nice and spared his fee-fees for the sake of your friendship.
But this guy has it in his head that he won't rest until he's gotten laid--by you no less--and has PURPOSEFULLY ignored your polite requests for him to stop being a creeper.
Here's what you do. Tell him straight up..."I have been more than nice in the past every time I've told you that I'm not sexually or romantically attracted to you and never will be interested in sleeping with you or dating you. But you keep pushing my boundaries in a really disrespectful way, hoping that one day I'll just "give up" and let you "have me". That's not going to happen. EVER. I don't want to hang out with you alone, because you make me uncomfortable by coming on to me all the time. I am in a relationship now, and I won't tolerate you disrespecting my boundaries anymore. Now, if you really value my platonic friendship and REALLY want to be my REAL friend, you'll stop. But if you -ever- come onto me again, I will cut you out of my life because I deserve better than a person who won't take no for an answer. It's creepy, disrespectful and rude."
His response will be your goalpost for what you can expect from him. You've been nice, in the past, and it got you nowehere except Creepville. Now it's time to call up your inner goddess and stand up for yourself.
You DESERVE real friends that respect your boundaries. This man IS NOT YOUR FRIEND. It's time to have him shape up or ship out.
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A
female
reader, MsSadie +, writes (10 August 2013):
 I think you're going to just have to deal with the awkward group outings because ending the "friendship" is the only path I can really see taking here. This guy isn't your friend, and his blatant disregard for your admitted discomfort with his advances illuminates that fact.
Do you have any girl friends in this group? Have you talked to them about it? They're sure to be sympathetic and help make things less awkward when you tell this guy to beat it.
And how many people are in this group of friends. If it's more than four, I don't see why every group outing has to have this guy, you, and all the others there. Can't you guys split up every now and then?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2013):
I agree with wise owl, these matters are better sorted head on or they tend to get messy..
On the next group outing, I would say I needed a little word and tell him
that you do not wish to see him outside the group, that one to one like that is kept strictly to close girlfriends and your bf . That you hope the quick chat has clarified that part as you don't want any awkwardness within the group ..
Then say we better get back to the group. And leave it at that ..
Being direct yourself I would hope, will have a better effect and if that doesn't work then as wise owl stated then involve others until then try again .. Do it nicely but firmly ..
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 August 2013): Have you tried the direct approach?
Like telling him you absolutely do not have any interest in going out with him, or see any reason to be alone. Unless he acknowledges your relationship, you no longer wish to be in his company under any circumstances.
Stop dancing around the issue. Be a big girl, and handle your own problem. The damsel in distress act is pre-21st century.
If informing him directly does not get the point across; then you take the next step.
Inform your boyfriend that you are feeling uncomfortable about one of your male acquaintances; and alert the rest of your social circle you have been feeling a little uncomfortable about so and so. Tell them exactly why.
That should end it all, and everyone is aware. Including your new love-interest.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (9 August 2013):
 Maybe he didn't ask you out on a date, but to actually talk to you?
Or you could just tell him that you don't feel comfortable hanging out with male friends in private. It might sound old fashion, but in this case it's perfectly understandable that you'd want to bring a chaperon. This guy is likely to hump you any chance he gets!
But just tell him no thanks? Not interested? That you don't have anything to talk to him about?
If things become awkward then it is so because HE didn't give it a rest, not because you finally told him off.
Does your boyfriend know about this "friend"? I wouldn't continue to refer to him as a friend though, you should start calling him an acquaintance. He's not your friend. That would require a platonic relationship. This man is romantically interested in you, which means he's not a friend.
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